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Terry F @daemonic3 Omnipresent

I was named 2038 Person of the Year by TIME travel magazine

864 Following   50,928 Followers   18,055 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/4/09


@TheObscureGents @PleaseBeGneiss @Angibangie @Browtweaten congrats team!
11/9
2020
me: [buying $2 ice cream with $100 bill] is this enough? cnn: [mashing calculator] oh gosh it’s gonna be close
Retweeted by Terry Fme: looks like the republicans will challenge the vote count friend: in which state me: probably shock friend: i… https://t.co/30JflcNhVo
Retweeted by Terry F @awbw @DrakeGatsby compared to 4,999 it is
11/7
2020
I will eat 5,000 calories every day until Joe Biden is declared President starting today and also for the last several days
Retweeted by Terry Fme: looks like the republicans will challenge the vote count friend: in which state me: probably shock friend: i… https://t.co/30JflcNhVo @TheObscureGents @Angibangie oh fudge GOOD LUCK ANG!republicans: dems bribed voters with candy bars me: give me a break republicans : *eyes narrow* me: 🎶 give me a break
Retweeted by Terry Fjoe biden moving into the white house and looking for the half a sandwich he left in the break room four years ago
Retweeted by Terry FGuest: I brought a 3 bean salad for the potluck Me: we'll need way more than that!
Retweeted by Terry Fnick jonas: *appears* whoa, how did i get here joe jonas: *appears* where- where are we genie: [to me] you have one wish left
Retweeted by Terry Ftrump got i ate 3 mil more 3 sleeves votes of oreos than 201… https://t.co/fHrPi7X2IY
Retweeted by Terry F
11/6
2020
remember remember today @nkeller2016 @dinoman_j kevin jonas: *sheds a lonely tear* @dcbaok @dinoman_j ok this is temptinghttps://t.co/Ejxv1AHooy
Retweeted by Terry F @natelikesflowrs joe againnick jonas: *appears* whoa, how did i get here joe jonas: *appears* where- where are we genie: [to me] you have one wish leftwife: i've never had three O's in a row like that it feels amazing :) me: [angrily drawing another tic tac toe gri… https://t.co/Y7WmLMbDXoNevada is dragging this thing out like they’re getting paid by the hour
Retweeted by Terry F @ReticentTurnip rawrcannibalize cannibal eyesme: kid, i need to tell you a story about bush vs gore kid: you mean the 2000 election? me: election? [takes drag… https://t.co/eP2sUriTb5
Retweeted by Terry F
11/5
2020
@MNateShyamalan @TheObscureGents @Holy_Mowgli @prufrockluvsong holy crap we are not worthy! good game teamhttps://t.co/by3j5jYUJf https://t.co/mCTGT4E8lY
11/4
2020
rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let OkCupid decide
Retweeted by Terry FHoly shit they are literally giving away stickers for FREE all you have to do is go vote, I think somebody fucked u… https://t.co/SRX9sMIEZR
Retweeted by Terry Fgod saying goodnight to the dinosaurs https://t.co/qANQCa2lBj
Retweeted by Terry FPG-13: WARNING! contains excessive violence, blood, murders, deaths, and naughty language so ask mommy and daddy R: WARNING! pubes
Retweeted by Terry F @50FirstTates thanks, kidI’m not sure WHY I’ll be crying tomorrow, but I do know I’ll be crying
Retweeted by Terry F
11/3
2020
i DO NOT condone looting and rioting if the election is stolen, but realistically i do not see myself getting an air fryer any other way
Retweeted by Terry F @MNateShyamalan @TheObscureGents if its any consolation, one serving of me is 150% of your daily recommended allowance of riboflavin @Celestephase @dinoman_j there are many fine anxieties on both sides @humble_waffle thanks! i love a good slow burner @shayashi77 @dinoman_j its a very US centric pun with an old election and the MPAA ratings system...PG-13: WARNING! contains excessive violence, blood, murders, deaths, and naughty language so ask mommy and daddy R: WARNING! pubesme: *wakes up late for work* why am i so scattered me: *skips breakfast* i don’t get it me: *dehydrated* make i… https://t.co/7BxxHBKIdK
Retweeted by Terry Fhttps://t.co/noeFwOd3wl
Retweeted by Terry Fme: kid, i need to tell you a story about bush vs gore kid: you mean the 2000 election? me: election? [takes drag… https://t.co/eP2sUriTb5 @TheObscureGents @MNateShyamalan oh god nate is gonna eat me alive @jesephm *algorithm breaks*rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let OkCupid decide
11/2
2020
[1st day as a doctor] me: you have what's informally called "high cholesterol" patient: well what's it called for… https://t.co/V4e7ZF9yK6
Retweeted by Terry F
11/1
2020
waitress: may i help you? cannibal: [scanning kids menu] yes what's the child of the day
Retweeted by Terry F @dvmnyy thx ill use that on my 2nd day
10/31
2020
[restaurant] me: excuse me miss, all our food tastes like ass cannibal waitress: oh sorry, our chef got a little behind in your orders
Retweeted by Terry F @TheObscureGents @Browtweaten @fro_vo @humanaaron heeyyyyy, it is an honor just to be necronominated!!! @kate_hil *me and the ghost leaning back to back with arms folded for movie cover art*me: [sweating more] dearest cholesterol,,[1st day as a doctor] me: you have what's informally called "high cholesterol" patient: well what's it called for… https://t.co/V4e7ZF9yK6 @lincnotfound who all is gonna be theremortician: *unzips bodybag to reveal my nude corpse* me: *sits up* be honest do i look fatevery good serial killer has a trophy for each kill. for tony the tiger he adds another "r" to his catchphrase. "th… https://t.co/pUhTxkys2O
Retweeted by Terry Fwaitress: may i help you? cannibal: [scanning kids menu] yes what's the child of the daypirates statisticians 🤝 R
Retweeted by Terry F @jrobski96 i'm sorry but have you tried ketchupwaiter: would you like some menus with our specials me: can you tell us what they are? waiter: they're laminated… https://t.co/Mq3KWRdBsQ
Retweeted by Terry Fme: [scrolling dating apps in bed] i can't get a date because i'm under 6 feet ghost haunting my bedroom: i can't… https://t.co/lWhg4LMc72
Retweeted by Terry F @SuperPrivateEye it is our doody @crocodilethumbs @tevetorbes ah yes, the book of records named after my favorite beer @crocodilethumbs [scanning brendan's timeline] yeah @humble_waffle i am not responsible for phone damageok so what y'all are sayin is: 🍅 🍅🍅 @DecafCialis @TheHyyyype you mean the sea horse thing[restaurant] me: excuse me miss, all our food tastes like ass cannibal waitress: oh sorry, our chef got a little behind in your orders @GregDeMatteo did you guys just hear a ghostme: [scrolling dating apps in bed] i can't get a date because i'm under 6 feet ghost haunting my bedroom: i can't… https://t.co/lWhg4LMc72
10/30
2020
@internetanja the simpsons did this first[calling optometrist] me: hello i'd like to get my eyes checked receptionist: sure, how about 1 tomorrow afternoo… https://t.co/GEqC50pvFc
Retweeted by Terry F @young_quintus and enough sriracha @young_quintus any menu is edible with enough effortme: why are you leaving me Barbar? Barbara: because after 11 years you can’t get my name right me: but I love you Brabra
Retweeted by Terry F[first day as a negotiator] me: ok
Retweeted by Terry FFRIEND: To get out of a ticket, just make the cop laugh. [later] COP: Do you know why I pulled you over? ME: Uh… https://t.co/SD9Ft92SeD
Retweeted by Terry F @untimelygamer what the what is thatwaiter: would you like some menus with our specials me: can you tell us what they are? waiter: they're laminated… https://t.co/Mq3KWRdBsQme: hello 911 operator: actually you’ve reached 116 me: ok can u tell 911 I’m dangling from a cliff
Retweeted by Terry F[calling optometrist] me: hello i'd like to get my eyes checked receptionist: sure, how about 1 tomorrow afternoo… https://t.co/GEqC50pvFcTIME: *heals all wounds* DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: *stabs me in the leg*
Retweeted by Terry F @TheObscureGents @mostlysharks @batkaren @SirEviscerate great battle! thanks allprofessor x: whats your mutant power me: i can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try [po… https://t.co/p1Z6gVSKz7
Retweeted by Terry F
10/29
2020
@PatsATweetin cerberoosen
10/28
2020
@TheObscureGents @batkaren good luck karen 😬 @TheObscureGents @Browtweaten @batkaren ok where is that hide replies buttonme: spirit haunting this house, please help us ouija board: W-H-A-T T-H-E F-U-C-K D-O Y-O-U W-A-N-T me: we need y… https://t.co/ZdwoUrIPnq
Retweeted by Terry Ffriend: i see make sure you drink 8 glasses of water before bed, is that for health or something? me: *trying to d… https://t.co/HgarFhMCeJ
Retweeted by Terry FBelle: *kisses beast* Beast: *turns back to human* Belle: oh Beast: what Belle: you’re still ugly Beast: ok bu… https://t.co/GTzugABQFe
Retweeted by Terry F*my witch mother handing me a mop*: you're grounded
Retweeted by Terry F
10/27
2020
@mikevoyt 0xD00D i don't want any 0xBEEF with you @Browtweaten yes @mikevoyt ok now i feel 0xBAD @Browtweaten and so is the other oneDAD: you still practicing your little witchcraft haha DAUGHTER: stop it dad or i'll hex you DAD: yeah ok DAUGHTE… https://t.co/p5aFuPoOjA
Retweeted by Terry Ffriend: i see make sure you drink 8 glasses of water before bed, is that for health or something? me: *trying to d… https://t.co/HgarFhMCeJ @JazzFordManson there isn't. removing curses involves magic @DNC_alt ssshhhh don't spoil it @teamalexistv @sbbaicker omg you called me stupid 😍 this is the happiest day of my lifeme: [whispering to my date at a STOMP concert when they first come out sweeping and stomping] thats STOMP
10/26
2020

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