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Derek Aalerud @DALaserShow Washington, DC

Displaced New Englander with an affinity for bourbon, standup comedy, and the DH Rule. Public Servant. Retweets are not endorsements.

470 Following   156 Followers   4,492 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/30/11

It's the Subway Olympics.
Retweeted by Derek AalerudGonna start every work meeting by suggesting the absence of a quorum.The mental health toll on everyone touched by what happened here in D.C. on January 6 is incalculable. Even more so…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudScenes outside Union Station this morning.
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I cannot stress just how much I don't want to watch any film/TV that take place within the context of the COVID pandemic.Kind of rude for it to already be August.We’ve now hit hour ten since the Senate gaveled in - still waiting for legislative text. Our thanks to the floor s…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudRays catching an ultimate break there from the umpireWanna go back to the time in my life when I didn't have to worry about putting my retainers in for the evening.As most games this year have beenThis Red Sox game is bananas*When text has not been introduced yet.When debate goes late.
WHAT. @WooSox This Sale guy might be going places"I'm scared to death of anything sweet except my ice cream late at night. Gotta have that." -Eck
Retweeted by Derek AalerudThe Senate will come to order
Retweeted by Derek AalerudThinking about striking out Manny Machado to win the World Series 😆
Retweeted by Derek AalerudCan't stop thinking about the fact that 'It's Still Rock and Roll to Me' was Billy Joel's response to the punk music scene.Current Mood."My daughter, my son ask me: 'What is going to happen? Where are we going to sleep?'" With no action from Congress…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudI had to get a new phone and I asked the guy at the Verizon store if I’d lose my progress on Dr. Mario World and he…
Retweeted by Derek Aalerud @smclaughlin9 There's no way the Sabres set themselves up for the Bruins twice in 6 months, right?
Ladies and gentlemen... the weekend. (Subject to the call of the chair) The family of @CapitolPolice Officer Howie Liebengood has issued a statement thanking @RepWexton,…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudDavid Krejci announces he's leaving Bruins to return to Czech Republic.
Retweeted by Derek AalerudPublic health officials seem to be in a no-win situation between providing data and safety recommendations while ha… realized that uninsured people have very lowest vax rate of any adult demographic, per @KHNews. Lines up w/ ot…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudI learned that the big rocks in the National Zoo's beaver habitat are chunks of granite donated by the Metro from w…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudA Tornado Watch has been issued for Anne Arundel, Baltimore, Caroline, Carroll, Cecil, Frederick, Harford, Howard,…
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Multiculturalism is not going away despite how many tantrums people want to have.Sen. Rubio may want to read up a little on our boy Herodotus. to show the full scope because it’s a tight space and there are a bunch of people, but it’s about a hundred st…
Retweeted by Derek Aalerud*chef’s kiss*
Retweeted by Derek AalerudSix months ago, a D.C. 20-something was watching the Capitol attack unfold on TV. Outside her window, MAGA fans who…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudA Dunkin’ Munchkin is a perfect food for when you aren’t actually hungry but would still like to be eating a donut.
Retweeted by Derek AalerudThursday July 29 DC Vaccination Snapshot >> Percent of residents fully vaccinated, ages 12 and up 62.3% - Washingt…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudSo now CDC is recommending u finish yr novel by end of summer
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The Bruins' defense:
Retweeted by Derek AalerudI wish there were a way to hit refresh on the Senate floor itself. #Infrastructure #WaitingForTheVote #WhoKnowsWhen #"Soon"
Retweeted by Derek Aalerudcan not believe ed markey got to meet @johnlegend
Retweeted by Derek AalerudAnd the corollary is that without aggregation of anonymous medical information, we quite literally would not be abl… O T A F U N D I N G B I L LHow to drive appropriations nerds crazy in one Reddit comment. was me trying my hardest to avoid all of the Capitol Hill news today and yesterday.HBO's Hacks is supremely entertaining. Not at all what I expected and Jean Smart is a national treasure.???
Retweeted by Derek Aalerud @Toucherandrich Save your sanity and mute that dude.Can't say I've ever seen something like this in a DOJ court document before.
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Every apartment I ever lived in in my 20s. @Curious_Kurz @DishCity I've seen a lot of fries and these are a first! Will be trying these ASAPVery excited to see that Lenny Clarke has a role in the upcoming Halloween Kills movie. I haven't looked at the re… painful as it was to listen to, today’s hearing is the first time I feel like we *might* make it through this da…
Retweeted by Derek Aalerud @jmlandefeld I was desperately trying to find that "There's Something About Mary" gif to reply back withFor context: Tom Brady's can legally drink. time you can trade the reigning Vezina Trophy winner for nothing, I guess you gotta do it
Retweeted by Derek AalerudHard to explain how I feel hearing these officers describe how they suffered to defend strangers hiding in the Capi…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudTo all of my friends and colleagues who work on the Hill: take time for yourselves today.Who read from the sacred book?!
asking if I have a hangover this morning is hipaa
Retweeted by Derek Aalerudjust gave an impassioned explanation of how and why drinking games are regional and it was like my 23-year-old spir…
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#EMGTwitter, do you want to work for the U.S. House of Representatives? Do you like planning and executing exercise…
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2021 to pick on this one piece, but it’s a good example of how Republican bad faith has become the background assump…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudThat's why they didn't pick any red wing players also.
Retweeted by Derek AalerudSeattle fans already booing Bettman. Good start, good start. This franchise just might make it
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Just worth noting that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy could have had a 9/11-style commission with equal sub…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudSo a few of us just learned that @RepMcGovern’s ringtone is “Sicko Mode”
Retweeted by Derek AalerudRepublicans could have named outside folks to the independent, bipartisan commission John Katko negotiated, with a…
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‘We are forewarned -- everything the scientists have been telling us will happen for 30 years now is happening -- b…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudWhen mom tells me to reapply the sunscreen but I want that extra crispy look. feel like we should probably democratize access to voting before we focus on democratizing access to space. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Retweeted by Derek AalerudThe mammoth cheese was engraved: "Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God." When Leland presented the cheese t…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudYou find out who your friends are. my wins whenever and however I can, nowadays.
Covid-19 is back at the Capitol 😷
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There needs to be some steep punishments for those advertising execs who purposefully put 'Hey G*ogle' in their commercials. @AllisonMY @maria_torres3 It'll be a W for the Padres since it was called after the 5th,I’m like a werewolf but for wanting to eat a whole pizza.
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The Fear Street Trilogy was very good and surpassed all my expectations.Tonight’s first pitch in New York has been delayed. Here’s a confusing picture to ponder while you wait.
Retweeted by Derek AalerudWatching the new Space Jam movie and yelling BANG in my best Mike Breen voice every time the Tune Squad weekend plans, summarized:
Retweeted by Derek AalerudThere's no pretentiousness, it knows exactly what it is and amps it up to 10. It was the Fast 5 of the monster mo…'ve watched A LOT of movies. Van Helsing might be the single most entertaining watch of all time.
@N8W0LF Feel like I would swap Georgetown and Navy Yard"What makes any 400 sq ft apartment worth $1575 a month?" @peachxallergy writes on renting in Boston. "They raise r…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudJoint Committee on Printing, Joint Economic Committee, Joint Committee on Taxation, Helsinki Commission
Retweeted by Derek Aalerud
Brooklyn 99, The Office, The Good Place, Parks and Rec the Yankees want to be out there open mouth kissing everyone, just get the vaccine first. resolution, budget reconciliation process, appropriations bills, debt limit debate.
Retweeted by Derek Aalerud @PreparednessJoe This is straight from the OJ Simpson playbook (literally). I hate it.In terms of immediate real-life stakes, this is the biggest story out there right now. Ignoring it doesn't make it…
Retweeted by Derek AalerudAlso, @SenatorLeahy and @SenShelby may take issue with this, @nytimes. I'm seeing a pattern here. 🤔 @JenniferShutt by continually referring to a budget resolution as a spending bill.Hey @nytimes, I'd imagine the @celtics may take issue with this. @Toucherandrich REALLY pulling for a Pitino during this segment.
@PreparednessJoe Listen, you guys get the &Pizza and the Dunkins, we get to have the fancy stuff. We BOTH win.Pain. at this chairpup with Team @RepSherrill. Charlie deserves all the headscratches 🐾
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