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Writer of books, TV (She-Hulk), and @noblebloodtales

1,170 Following   145,364 Followers   52,852 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/7/11

@thiseffingnerd they're weird! @thiseffingnerd lolnow this........ this is podracinglol no! Your Star Wars had some “inconsistencies”? So sad. Listen here motherfucker. I saw Episode 1-3 in theaters.…
Retweeted by Dana SchwartzPeople who think TLJ plot is “pointless” have clearly forgotten about the time Leia and Luke took a break from figh… @stuartseupaul Lol ok“The jokes in Last Jedi are too broad and silly!” says the men nostalgic for the gravitas of the fuzzy tree furbies… complaining that The Last Jedi “wasted too much time” are really out here ignoring the nonsense podrace that… I said no! @dantelfer You should probably realize that I have no life DanNothing more instantly unsettling than an Uber driver picking me up from an apartment and asking me if that’s where I live 😬"YOU DARE TO CALL ME A DWEEB!!?!?? ALLOW ME TO ARGUE BY WRITING BACK WITH ABSOLUTE DWEEBIEST SHIT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD"All of the people writing me incredibly detailed and elaborate emails about why I'm "wrong" about The Last Jedi don… @TorontoMPH @sepinwall he abandoned the world in ep 7
@anne_theriault @clairewillett omg @philorphilip This looks awesome!!! @JoeDator saw Mommy taking painful stock of her relationship with Santa Claus
Retweeted by Dana SchwartzI can stay friends with my exes as long as they never get over me and always love me the most of anyone they ever dateI wrote about the way Jared Kushner shamefully uses himself as a shield for Trump's anti-semitism back in 2016, dur… @white ok @danieljpowell ughhhhhhhhhhhThe Last Jedi is the best Star Wars movie since the original trilogy and I'm in a fight with anyone who disagrees.
Retweeted by Dana SchwartzEpisode 12: The Ice Queen Abandoned by her family, Anna Ivanovna grew to hate love. And when she became the unlike…
Retweeted by Dana Schwartz @schneebs It's less about the specific quotes and more about the attitude which just... ughRian Johnson had to make that movie with one hand tied behind his back and he delivered a VISUAL FEAST, you ungrateful dweebsThese kinds of "fans" are like abusive boyfriends who hit you but only because they love you so much dare a Star Wars movie actually want to ask new questions and expand the universeThe importance of the Jedi doesn’t come from midochlorians or this one single random lucky genetic family— it’s in… Jedi Luke Skywalker faced off an entire First Order army by HIMSELF, and the myth and legend of that mome… @pronounced_ing It was the first Star Wars movie that recognized the power of the jedis is the power of their MYTH!… @laurenduca I’ve never had it!!!!! @davidlsims The idea that the message of the Last Jedi, a movie that ends with young children mesmerized by the sto…
Retweeted by Dana Schwartz @moby_dickhead How dare a Star Wars movie ask new questionsThe middle section is THE HARDEST ONE. JJ left him with Han dead and Luke fucked off to an island— and Rian set up… for the people in the back is fucking bullshit. Throwing Rian Johnson under the bus to please some crazy fanboys when he made the most in… did no one tell me that eggnog was fucking DELICIOUS @hella_drella YES.Luke Kirby’s Lenny Bruce is like a jewish girl mating call @NatashaAtTSLL thank you!!!! @catsmovie @derekhaas @chrismcquarrie @rianjohnson Omg @catsmovie @derekhaas @chrismcquarrie @rianjohnson WHAT'S MINE WHAT'S MINEHot Priest walked so Lenny Bruce could run
Retweeted by Dana SchwartzI am Jewish. I am American. I am not, nor have I ever been, Israeli. Pretending that Judaism and Israel are synonym… I'm just going to say as a jew I always believed my nationality was American and this makes me very uncomfort…
@thomaslennon oh my god I love this @lzhrkns perfection @rianjohnson why did it call you out that way @neilhimself oh my goodness I have to go to London @neilhimself you're so wonderfulWay ahead of you heart this episode of @NobleBloodTales to be your companion to FROZEN 2 @dantelfer the martian is our best comedy @scottharves oh for sure, of courseThey came out too close to each other! They became conflated in my mind which wasn’t fair to Interstellar. Movies must exist in context!I don’t like that The Martian and Interstellar both had Jessica Chastain and a stranded in space Matt Damon! I foun… @megangailey ONE OF A FEW! VERY FESTIVE!New @NobleBloodTales alert!!! 👑🩸 first learned about this story reading @JenAshleyWright’s incredibly smart and funny book IT ENDED BADLY. Spoiler… story about an empress who decided to punish a nobleman by turning into a jester, then torturing him with a grote… @pmiscove swear to god if one of you finds Luke Kirby on raya you have to let me know IMMEDIATELYOh my god I just finished episode 5. @bdgrabinski @newbeverly I WAS THERE“I couldn’t fake it even if I wanted to.” I have a feeling he could ask his wife for some advice on that. @HilarieBurton You’d be the best pope!!!!
@MaxGenecov but he usually doesn't!!!! MAX! He loves the moon!!!!I am sorry to report I have googled "Tobias Menzies wife" twice in the past weekThe Crown is really upping my crush on Tobias Menzies to uncomfortable levels and I am NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT @mrtimlong but will it slap @DanaSchwartzzz Ugh don't you know Ghostbusters is a holy relic from our (?) childhoods that must be approached wit…
Retweeted by Dana Schwartz @TommyMarion10 no I just hadn't seen it yet! Was going in order of movies I've seenQUEEN AND SLIM dir. Melina Matsoukas IN A GOOD WAY dir. Sophie Lorain Great dir. Jennifer Kaytin Robinson is ghostbusters not a comedy this time?People get an idea of what "good film" is, and then continue rewarding movies that share the same feel/POV. @samjarob I made a thread earlier this morning!Unfortunately, major televised awards ARE still massively important for defining mainstream's metrics of what "good… @Camilliganaire It is!!! It's an incredible film and much deserved oscar.Films like HUSTLERS and LITTLE WOMEN and THE FAREWELL are unabashedly focused on the female experience. They're mov… mainstream culture has an incredibly limited idea of what "great" film looks like. If you're wondering what tha…'s not a coincidence that the only woman to win Best Director did so for The Hurt Locker—a gritty, incredibly mas… @DanaSchwartzzz Can I add Tigers Are Not Afraid by Issa López?
Retweeted by Dana Schwartz @Andrewdunson1 TOO MANY @themattmcd 2young2popeFandom was a mistake. #StarWars
Retweeted by Dana Schwartz year, I will be nominated for the golden globe for best screenplay by writing a movie with even more popes @SidesofBacon Oh I fucking loved Parasite, favorite movie of the year @Neo_Varma also 1917 isn't even out yet you moron @dantelfer can't imagine anything else I've got going on @DanaSchwartzzz The Hurt Locker is a great movie and Kathryn Bigelow is a great filmmaker, but it's not a coinciden…
Retweeted by Dana SchwartzAnd the idea of canonizing them reinforces that standard for what "Greatness" is, and the standard for which all ot… is why I made fun of white male authors in THE WHITE MAN'S GUIDE. It's not to say they're not great writers, b… you ever considered that, as a man, you’re biased in favor of a perspective from the male experience? And by t…