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tittymotherfucker. writer for @funnyordie @clickhole @merryjane @thecut

1,296 Following   71,646 Followers   16,115 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/14/10

@mattdelia the caged doves outside your apartment lol @nicolebyer was probably muy cousin who also plays the sitarWho wouldn't take Kate's picture and make lots of money if she does the nude sunbathing thing. Come on Kate!
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @robdelaney if i ever started my own country the flag would be an image of my tites (nips blurred obv) @mattdelia 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 @Merman_Melville @AndyRichter i’m a lady in real life please guyswhen someone tries to kiss my hand after i’ve scratched my pussy @dearjhonletter it’s gonna be a whileevery time i find a highlighter my depression goes away for like 4 minutesmy breasts are very soft tonight. like two sleeping doves.All I remember about college is that everyone was saying the word dichotomy. The teachers, the students. I heard a janitor say it once.
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia
“Where the fuck AM I?” — Me, 24/7
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @alexisdeonda yo tambien’m the goddamn best stand up comic that has never done stand up
@chrismacho @driverminnie this is amazing
Retweeted by Tamara Yajiayou all heard of sunday depression but wait till you hear about saturday depressionhello guys
@kevinvmead @_Unl1sted_ intermittent second long farts maybe 8-10 of themi’m vaping weed at target nowi’m at ikeaThe end of the Mueller report is a flawless Sex & The City 3 script.
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @primawesome all i can say is they’re all circumcised except for one @BrianLynch 💭 @mattdelia it works out well for both @mattdelia i cry enough for the both of usWhy does every murder happen in towns with names like Wakeshashuai’m farting at the cheesecake factoryMy mom keeps a family tree so detailed that she even specifies which males in our family are circumcised and which aren’t @robdelaney truly depressed that your show is over. now all i do for entertainment is caress my husbands sac.happy birthday @pixelatedboat babaloo @cottoncandaddy no doubt lol
@davidcsaint @cottoncandaddy Guys im just an excellent writer of fiction @julesspeterson this is killing meeeeeeeUrgent : someone unplug my mom and then plug her back in
Retweeted by Tamara Yajianeed a sugar daddy for fiddler on the roof tickets
Retweeted by Tamara Yajiai feel like this really flew under the radar
Retweeted by Tamara Yajiabro should have sent me a hemoroid pic i wouldn’t have reported him @dashiell i made one with a different photo and she made me do it again lol @_ericcurtin let’s go together @mattdelia love umy mom drives a food truck and asked me to make a poster for a special she’s selling and so: 1- the photo she asked…‘m scared to see new movies. Because I know that if I hate them I’ll just get all sad about the state of cinema. B…
Retweeted by Tamara Yajiafuck yea you did
every time i excel at something i reward myself by eating a booger @daveanthony @Randazzoj this is all very precious @Randazzoj suck my hairy nipoples @Randazzoj lmfaoooooo @Randazzoj lol smegma cum laude @Randazzoj literally read the comments Joe like 18 people replied the same thing as you. lol @Mobute I jerked them all off and got a phdMy aunt just showed me this picture of two t-shirts my grandparents had custom made and I’m freaking out
Retweeted by Tamara Yajiafinding a job is hard regardless of what you study in college so i said fuck it and got a masters in comparative cum studies @ClickHole lol @mattdelia so you
@Kappa_Kappa 4 goddamn years on this goddmab site my god.Hard to post this but I feel a duty to other bereaved parents & siblings.
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @entrauge all of minehow THE FUCK is this picture not lasagna
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@Randazzoj well it’s true for me and that’s that @pixelatedboat something about this one is specially nauseating either that or i’m about to get my periodlegit embarrassed my coworkers will read this tweetu ever fart and literally think an egg came out? like where’d that egg go?my ass isnt very good, over all. my ass and the hole of my ass are boring to think about
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@1followernodad ahhahahahahhahahahahI call this outfit “A Good Pea Soup’s Got Ham In It”
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @1followernodad @totesnotdaria nona what day u free for lunch? @1followernodad @totesnotdaria she also doesn’t know i’m a millionaire @SharonHorgan @robdelaney was watching with my sister and when his ass came on she said “ew...actually kind of hot” full change of heart @totesnotdaria lmfao this wasn’t a jokeGood example of the type of jokes women make right before complaining they’re being paid less then men for their sh…
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @robdelaney @catastrophe_tv @mark_bonnar @michaelaWat @SharonHorgan @mumstrokesactor @davidalangrier @LaurenSocha’m devastated because i can’t remember who fingerbanged me for the first time
Just wrote a friend to tell him i was depressed and he said “i’m jerking off i’ll get back to you in 8 minutes”
@JonRyanisdead hell yea
Retweeted by Tamara YajiaWithin 24 hours. Action. Not thoughts and prayers
Retweeted by Tamara YajiaDo you ever open an Instagram story and think fuck you for forcing me to see that.
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @julesspeterson omg
@Randazzoj i am see my last tweet for proofaccidentally burnt my choad while dying my pubes green for saint patty’s day @magickpartner victoriatook shrooms to see cats the musical three days ago and i still feel like i’m shrooming @pixelatedboat my ass is heaven...checks outthere’s been a fart in the door of my ass since one pm @GMPaiella my new one is better
I love to feel good for 12 minutes per day
Retweeted by Tamara YajiaJournalism Win: ‘The Washington Post’ Announced That Everyone Is Born With 10,000 Pinocchios And Has To Remove Them…
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @slhirsch @funnyordie lmfaoTired: President Beto O'Rourke Wired: President Mickey Rourke
Retweeted by Tamara Yajia @flea333 my friend fucked one of the forks that danced to “be our guest” at a disney paradeSitting on the toilet with dairrhea, staring at my reflection in the mirror and repeating the affirmation, “I love…
Retweeted by Tamara YajiaTwitter announces plan to replace likes, retweets, replies, and tweets with a single big button labelled “GIVE ME DEPRESSION”
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@mattdelia facebook is down @AndyRichter University of the slippery sausageBen Harper titty fucked my cousin @_oz___ wobble tit @_oz___ wobble titWhen someone tells me that “people don’t change” i remind them that i used to shit my pants as a baby and now i shit them as an adultWhy would I shower today when I’m just gonna (probably) shower again tomorrow anyway. Or fuck it why bother showeri…
Retweeted by Tamara YajiaMy city college paid my mother for me to not apply