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tv writer | WA @thesimpsons | tru valley girl | a joy to have in class | why are you here in my journal !!!

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Joined Twitter 6/28/10

@AndyRichter remote! remote!white dude: wow , horrible .. I apologize on behalf of my gender that same white dude: if you haven’t read the comics then stfu dumb bitchmy passion is staying up late enough to require a second dinner
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@NotThatReba woah i thought teeth falling out was money worriesFrom old timey baseball to the Lyft remote – 25 years of remotes are now available @ #Conan25
Retweeted by danielle weisbergdepression: you are tired anxiety: and nervous! me: k tired I get but why nervous anxiety: idk bitch but you are !…
Retweeted by danielle weisbergfeelin a very deep connection to the attendant at my pit stop gas station who when I walked in was saying “I have n… about airplane creeps: I’m on a plane from a late-evening stopover from and was very tired and had a row to…
Retweeted by danielle weisbergSet It Up (2018) @astonishing_jo mine is The Girl which I am moderately ok withIt’s the 13th anniversary of the first HM episode to air
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@jjdanek where do I investthis is tonight at 8 on the network formerly known as fox !!! megan is my queen !!! camp and lunchables you are tired anxiety: and nervous! me: k tired I get but why nervous anxiety: idk bitch but you are !… @caithuls smooooke on the waterthe next episode is with my friend @jksaxer who rn is in Mean Girls on BROADWAY baby !!! it’s a good one !!! it’s a…
Retweeted by danielle weisbergdonation worker: why don’t you want these shoes? they look so new me: oh I was wearing them when I got into a mild… new passion is finding out which broadway stars are younger than me and then looking off into the distance for a long time
Retweeted by danielle weisbergcute how I thought adulthood would be like buying whatever I want and staying out all night when really it’s being…
Retweeted by danielle weisbergmy cabinet doors? spotless
I have to finish an outline and start on the script so I got my shit together and hunkered down and got straight to… @benmekler gonna have to check em out!The milk man, the paper boy, evening TV
Retweeted by danielle weisbergsent from the beautiful 76 on moraga off the 405rest stops along the LA freeways were built for distance not for timing and it was a short-sighted mistake 😘😘her: ah, a uti huh? *knowing glance* me: omg thank u 😍😍😍tbh very sweet of this urgent care physician assistant to assume my potential uti is from recent sex when it is hun…, shoulders, knees, and toes, knees and toes. head, shoulders, knees, and toes, knees and toes. eyes, and ears,… Walgreen’s that was closest to Epcot moved down the road about a mile to what used to be the Rite Aid. So the R…
Retweeted by danielle weisbergI’ve never gotten to go to the gym on Friday bc I work late and they close early but I always bring my clothes just…"That woman is immature. Let's give her a kid." -Florida
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my therapist is the best bc she reminds me i am not my anxiety, i am not alone in how i feel, and i need to do kegels @DancerOnFilm @kimskitchensink🎶 SOME PEOPLE WANT IT ALL / BUT I ᵈᵒⁿ’ᵗ WANT NOTHIN AT ALL 🎶my brand is that I was so focused on the captions not matching the dialogue that I missed what this trailer is abou… who was in the GATE program in elementary school has anxiety nowlisten up fellas, "being in therapy" is the new "being tall"
Retweeted by danielle weisbergmy first experience with heartbreak was when I found out some dude named drew seeley sang troy bolton’s songs in th…
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@CNN @DanaBashCNN cnn are u ok[dolphin taking scantron test] A B C D E 1. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 2. [▫️]…
Retweeted by danielle weisbergyes .. that’s right .. I am cool @meganamram can’t wait to do your as broadcast @DaniNye no @trueneek this was for uwait the first day of passover is on 4/20 this year ? more like puff-puff-passoverpurim is proof you should not cross the jewish people, because if you do, we will eat cookies shaped like your hat for eons to come
Retweeted by danielle weisbergsure sex is cool but have u ever just rubbed your eyes for like a really long time
Retweeted by danielle weisbergwhat did the skeliton say to the toilet “you will get nothing out of me i am all bones”
Retweeted by danielle weisbergwith the new disney takeover I am technically the first jewish disney princess @SarahThyre @mrtimlong yes :)
finally finished my NCAA bracket for abolishing the electoral college @mrtimlong same :)I luv being an adult :) almonds are a satisfying snack :) traffic is an excuse to try new podcasts :) walking is a…’t wait for all my problems to go away now that it is warm outside :)
Retweeted by danielle weisbergso far my 20s has been less “the time of my life” and more “a time of my life”🎶 the best part of waking up is realizing that yesterday you accidentally referred to someone multiple times by the… @annetdonahue “... do you have allergies” @zachheltzel 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻I Was Gonna Do Stuff When I Got Out of the Shower but I Got Out of the Shower and Felt Too Cozy to Do Stuff and Ins… @WendyMolyneux @UsMovie can’t wait to read the Wikipedia !!!!these appeared at the stroke of 9 pm .. should i be worried a dancer for 15+ years really scars you for life You’ll be in a club having fun & suddenly a song comes on…
Retweeted by danielle weisberg @meganamram eating romaine)still worried about romaine
Toy Story: toys have feelings !!! ah Toy Story 2: .. jessie’s montage ? Toy Story 3: incinerator ???? Toy Story 4:… = gender fluid
Retweeted by danielle weisbergfinding out you’re not invited to your friend’s wedding is the adult version of finding out you’re not invited to y… story 4 trailer release is a good time to revisit this torturous thought office culture is when your boss thanks you for something and your response is thank 𝑦𝑜𝑢
Retweeted by danielle weisberg @ElizabethBanks @nytimes more pls @mrjessebutts yep! I wrote songs and put them in as lyrics. in a real world sitch that’s how they’re shown in scrip… to announce that I have decided to become hot
Retweeted by danielle weisbergI had a rush of inspiration and immediately had to draw this
Retweeted by danielle weisbergMildly depressed, but in a very chill way
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Retweeted by danielle weisbergsmh grammar in this country has gone out the window... like ... “dad” and “mom” are only capitalized when they’re u…
wail watching is what I call catching my reflection during a crying bender @SarahThyre @ChrisCubas @AndyRichter you had!!!9am: im so tired 12pm: im so tired 3pm: im so tired 6pm: im so tired 9pm: [someone] why dont u just go to bed now? me: lol what like a loser
Retweeted by danielle weisbergI grew up broke enough that I thought Andes mints were super fancy.
Retweeted by danielle weisberg Rowling just walked into my apartment and told me to reexamine my sexuality ??
Retweeted by danielle weisberg @annetdonahue @newmetricmedia so excited for it and you!! extremely up my alley 💕people who don’t use oxford commas are too chaotic for me @annetdonahue @newmetricmedia A N N EI just realized this fjallraven backpack looks like plankton and I do not know what to do with that info so here Rowling just walked into my apartment and told me to reexamine my sexuality ??my brand is needing my therapist to like me while we work on me not needing everyone to like mewhen the therapy is extra good how much do you tip , like 25%?
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we really went from hand-lotion-every-few-hours season to hands-sunburnt-through-the-windshield-in-an-hour season i… hope whoever the next President is tweets slightly less often about Saturday Night Live
Retweeted by danielle weisbergReminder that @Twitter knows who the white supremacist accounts are and censors them in countries like Germany wher…
Retweeted by danielle weisbergI’m watching seals sunbathing and swimming and there is a group of young women next to me talking about how fat the… and dolphin party !malibu is a dolphin party rn you guysno one: me, always: