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Opinionated bloviator, but w/ a certain insouciant charm. Pearls before swine.

1,722 Following   2,117 Followers   47,085 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/18/17

@Whatevah_Amy @bo_lexi She wants that sub sandwich in his pocket @highmay29 #blessings @CanadianBeave13 @AScottishScott This is basically me at the sink after the kids have “eaten” @tsm560 “and so we beat on...” @TheCensoredRock Either a moron or the craftiest reverse psychology move evah I’ll go with moronAm I shadowbanned or just unpopular: A memoir
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @mistrustme1 smart @MarieAllOverAg1
@SouthernSassy5 Poor Ted McGinley @noneofyours99 @DownFrontArtist I’m sure I missed the brief window @KMDgoBlue 😳🤪😂 @SweetAsMoscato exactly @KMDgoBlue @LL_Yankees @MarieAllOverAg1 Similar lol @KMDgoBlue @KMDgoBlue 🤨Make them just strong enough to move from our property and no more —grocery bag makers
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @susan_oconnell @SGrammarGoddess @TimesUp77 @babadookspinoza @IshyMaria You’re dancing around a very interesting an… @TheWinegasm @Mhmm_ok_sure @MorphineDreamzz 😳🤔 @damn_elle 🤨🙄 @PleaseBeGneiss sensitive guy tweeter: You’re not Rumi. Cut the crap @M_I_K_E_68 same @1MeLrO @M_I_K_E_68 Did the car hit her? @boundbirdieblue “Row well and live, 41” @ms_shaleelee but u did tho 😐😂 @ms_shaleelee 😳
@jenniferlee_75 @twittablowzz @DomNoyes It’s already too late for that anyways - they’re in the playoffs - Pats aren’t @jenniferlee_75 @patchfarmstead 🎶 wherever he laid his hat was his home 🎶 @jenniferlee_75 @Lazor2828 KudosSometimes you need a sign Sometimes you are the sign
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @Whatevah_Amy @FeralFerrell @1ychromosome That was a popular one back in the dayWould be a shame if this video of leftists destroying DC during Trump’s 2017 inauguration went viral
Retweeted by Doctor FacepalmOK Veruca @MarieAllOverAg1 @_Jizzabelle Does twitter count? @Bob_Janke @patnspankme But Y @highmay29 @wordsmithlegend clearly lol @justky1018 Yes @rustygunters @kissmyassho79 The nut sack was probably fairly smooth back then eh @permanentpenis Politics @sarin5x_x @ZuluMediaCell BTW Is that website “hot chicks with douchebags” still a thing? @boundbirdieblue 🎁😘 @_Jizzabelle Who’s been talking @thexybeatht Trying to decide if your avi has a nose or not @Chloestylo 🤔 @lemonmartinis Yes
@snarkybitch24 Nobody likes a braggart @phdmamaC @TheBoydP FWIW I started getting AARP mail in my 30s and Silver Singles crap in my 40s @dr_cheeky There is some merit to thatI was asked the other day about what I thought my best attributes were and I couldn’t think of any. Hoping it’s a… @bo_lexi That actually doesn’t sound inviting. I must be getting so old 💁‍♂️ @lolumOKUR @highmay29 Blasphemy @MarieLoerzel Incredibly impressive @Abby47769896 Cor blimey @steve_scooby @HellsHarlot402 @VV14x @DLollocks I have the Betty Won’t version @VV14x The Bloody Stump by Ivan Bitchakockoff aaaand send @AlaskanCourtney I’ve lived too long @JPLFR80 Classical @ChiChiGreenblat A spouse? @Bob_Janke there are like two kids of “then and now” photos: Which are you?
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @contradiction70 Soooo ... sameI have seen neither one second of Tiger King nor of Schitt’s Creek 🤷🏼‍♂️ @heatherbob45 🤔Intimacy in all its greatest forms requires vulnerability
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @cdcoy7 I had always wondered what had happened to Bernie of Room 222 😃 @ChristineComedy 😂😂😂 see my avi @LisaNickelson4 @ColoradoCatie Agree @RedFlagMagnet @JustBlondie68 Seriously @TrueDee @_Jizzabelle I’m so ashamed @TRHLofficial UGH I just got them shots last week 😑 @snarkybitch24 Twister I mean @snarkybitch24 Tornado @Karolina__kween @_Jizzabelle 😑 @serenehavoc badass preppie @R_2_PEE_2 @krisv_723 😑 @Sprinkles1969 I thought the sprinkling might be something else 😳 @rustygunters @sheann828 wow. Smh.Has anyone told people that drop every single one of their tweets, no matter how mediocre, into a drop room that they don’t have to? @Bob_Janke See my aviwhy do marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what the powerpuff girls did in 11 minutes
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @kelllicopter @TheWifeYouLove And in more entertaining fashion @jamie2181 @MorphineDreamzz @illuminateddino @BeckQuerels 🤢 @Sprinkles1969 I’m relieved, actuallySame
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm
Apparently there are like two kids of “then and now” photos: Which are you?Twitter is a procrastinator’s best frenemy.
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @dr_cheeky You lost a little baby fat but otherwise identical 😉 @FeralFerrell Me too - for a reasonIt’s a def giveaway @hunbothered @dirtlife0 @CanadianBeave13 @BrandonK00 Never heard of it 🤔 @emily_tweets See my avi @JocMaxedOut @MarieAllOverAg1 😴Remember the good old days when you could go out in public and it didn't look like you are in the movie "Contagion" at all?
Retweeted by Doctor Facepalm @twinkologian @manicpixedreem bEcAuSe hE’S wHiTe aNd MaLe