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your boyfriends weird awkward friend that you don’t like hanging out with. he/him

1,989 Following   12,564 Followers   26,499 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/28/09

I’m coming off the cross trainer and not immediately falling off so I guess that’s a good thing.
Honestly every time I look at it the more I find out I am deeply deeply fascinated by the whole affair.Someone got PAID for this. The cotton bolero jacket over latex! The shake and go wig! The fingerless maid French maid gloves!My therapist: Heidi Range from the Sugababes in the music video for Easy isn’t real, she can’t hurt you. Heidi Ra… @MikeyWooster @MrElliottJack @ShirleyPussy Wait, I’m not best man?
@ZoePaskett God damn these are all so much better than meI'm sure you're supposed to indulge in fantasy in this game but all i've done is make my house look the same as my… in June, dancing in the gay club and not catching on to the latest trend: Why is everyone bald??Isolation is going well a reference've always loved this shirt im thriiiiiiilled of obsessed with this lady in the middle who is not getting banged, she just keeps telling them they’re doing… porn is wild, I’m watching a guy bang his ‘step sister’ but it’s all underscored by a ukulele??I have so much TIMEBeing on sex-drive killing anxiety medication means that I haven’t jacked off the whole time I’ve been in quarantine.Concept: A nude but I’ve written ‘validation’ across it and the ‘o’ is my butthole.I don’t care that Animal Crossing is only a game and that it’s not really real, trying to chop down a tree and miss… @Branflakesj This is beautiful! The stitch is so crisp, I’m so impressed!!
@AdamJBJay ARE YOU @AdamJBJay Adam you really aren’t one to talkThe best thing about having young nieces is that I can find sweets anywhere in the house. Under the couch? Under my… @SpiceFestive @seculardracula @HaydenJJames I love a dressing gown @exeteralex Sigh @LolaFaglana @HeidiNCloset She’s MY winner @mfbenji @Hawthorne1988 @Hawthorne1988 Nobody is ever both apart from maybe @mfbenji @DaveyBlahBlah I’m both and it’s a curseBefore you like that tweet, think: Is he funny? Or is he just cute?I love you @HeidiNClosetI regret my entire time on twitter @DannyRavioli I 💃 dont 🧞‍♂️know🧜🏼 who 🕺🏼 that 🏃🏼‍♀️ is 💅 @BabeAtSea OK @AdamJBJay You’re a perve @Yarrticus Oh my god @stemcclellan96 Me when I leave quarantine @__Dor__ My god I am in love with GoudaIf anyone would like to know how I’m spending my evening: I have put a knife into a block of Gouda and I am eating…, I haven’t got out of my dressing gown all day. have NO choice but to stan. are complaining about how hard it is to work from home when you have kids around but have they tried working… @HClaytonWright This is now stuck in my head all day so thanks for thaaaaat
It did ok on Instagram and I need the attention leave me aloneBlergggggg I want to kill myself or do I want to cum. @hydeandgoseek @Wendyfer1 If I was dying I would tweet about it @Wendyfer1 You are a fool because it is the only thing keeping me goingHonestly I start playing Animal Crossing and you’ve all moved on I just want someone to come round for tea or cocai… iconic fashion moment @JamieLRutter And so cute whatI’m not a furry but this tweet is doing a good job at convincing me otherwise. 9 of isolation and my pee has never been clearer. I am so hydrated I am now 100% water. I am Poseidon, King of the Sea. @David_Chippa BothDepressed but cute
Diseased, nakes, burning candles. you want to be friends with me on Animal Crossing? Message me!HOLES!! the coronavirus going on... my 🌱🌷douche water... 🌷🌱 is finally flowing clear. Dolphins... are returning to… didn’t know how to find fossils so now my island is entirely holes.
@moby_dickhead I can cross stitch it for you, if you like. @MrElliottJack Are we talking about Animal Crossing or us now? @MrElliottJack I do not like him at all @MrElliottJack Yes because I have Tammy the power lesbian and KID CAT @MrElliottJack I restarted and now I have oranges and am much happierDoes Houseparty think I’m pregnant’m watching Mulan AND playing Animal Crossing AND drinking wine AND eating trifle and honestly could this day get any better???? @markmalade666 I have oranges and I don’t know if that’s good or not?? @MrElliottJack I don’t want pears I’m going to restart @MrElliottJack Pears? Is that a bad thing? I hate pears.I COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED FOR THE BEST DISNEY FILM EVER MADE my fucking god there’s a hamster playing a tambourine I’m gone what the fuck this is too cute fuck me fuck I can… @MrElliottJack Come round and visit meOh my god Animal Crossing is so full of decisions and choices??? WHERE DO I BUILD MY HOUSE???? @mixtwitch I love it. @mixtwitch What the fuck is a Tom NookAnimal Crossing arrives today and I’m very excited because I have NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I’M DOING WHAT DO I EVEN DO…
@JackDavidNash result in either feeling like the sun is rising and you are experiencing pure joy or they leave you feeling l… you could set up an alt account that would be appreciated by many of us in the community because there are some… @Philip_Ellis ... I feel you @MrElliottJack Hahahaha. I enjoyed it too. @MrElliottJack And? @BetterThanToday HOW @nicoleoftheisle I was drunk for most of itSo soft, so gentle, so sweet, so patient. You took me aside on one of the worst evenings of my life and were a glim… wish you had never left England. We would have been nightmares together, complete and utter nightmares.IVE ALREADY DONE YOU AQUAMARINE EYES.Bahahahahaha hahahahaha I really enjoyed a night out with you but you were genuinely one of the most irritating peo… I’m doing you first because I think you’re faaaaaaab. It’s so nice to see you finding yourself and taking steps… @williamstafford @BetterThanToday None of Tim’s were ‘you’re a slut get your cock out’ so none of them were about me.I lost track of the thread and I always have more opinions. @BetterThanToday No, all of your tweets were about people having their shit together @BetterThanToday It is rude that you haven’t done me yetI’m juuuuuust starting the Mandalorian episode ONE and I’m just wondering if Pedro Pacal gets his cock out in this one.Terrence McNally shaped how I think about being queer, how I see the world around me, how I approach art and where… @jpderboghossian *Shudder*I feel like you’re legitimately famous? Like not just someone who says things on twitter but someone who actually h… looooooved what you sent me the other day. A piece of ART. I hope you enjoy the book that I suggested!I thought you were kind of 🔥 but your latest tweets have shown me you’re... kind of dumb hahahahaha. Oh dear.