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Your mum’s favourite.

601 Following   428 Followers   10,764 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/17/10

No, and then yes, and then no again. @drsfaizanahmad If I had covid pneumonia and someone started doing the robot at the end of my bed I think that might finish me off.Goodnight Ladies by Lou Reed.I think maybe The Planets, the BBC doc series from whenever. I’m not sure there’s ever been a TV show I’m truly wedded to.
I’m not sure. I think there may be dispute between what constitutes “dated” between the parties involved.Being very polite and then without provocation or warning becoming viciously unpleasant.To tell me the warranty on the washing machine has expired. I then claimed to be a laundrette.A taxi company. To end our relationship.Given that I’ll never receive 33 likes let’s just preempt the answer to that one as “clearly not”. @julcasagrande Peer reviewed.Punchline is, just can’t get the steiff. Set up is, having to close down my teddy bear shop. And I’m presenting it… @wordwhisperer @chedwardes @BorisJohnson @Telegraph @DCMS @DefundBBC Play Too Shy by KajagoogooEveryone, please remember:
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @atrupar @JonasPerez001 “Exxon, if you’re listening...”How it started. How it’s going. @MarianKeyes Briefly thought this was a Covid Star Wars reboot. @mandyekeroth I’m not sure it’s God that a lot these people are worshiping. @LorelaiLycan Cretaceous @jestershead @Boobalander George Gershwin @_Embo @Loudbasket @SnarkyElf Thanks for that. I’ll leave him to it and let him come out when he’s ready. @AteA1000chips I did wonder what those adaptil plug in things are like. Not heard of a thunder jacket before.As a former Home Secretary she knows this is bollocks. And as a former PM overseeing these ministers and this proce… adoptee Ted still occasionally showing anxiety at stuff. I’m getting better at reading when he needs reassuranc… @heartshapedoll 15 pints of Baileys please. And a pie.Trump again repeatedly brags about the military's "hydrosonic" missiles. He means "hypersonic." "Hydrosonic" is a b…
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @TheRealFlups Yeah, well.I wrote a cheque the other day and accidentally dated it 1990. I’m fine. @WinstonWeed @Al_toMyFriends @Channel4 Very untidy. @ItsAndyRyan “Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away” - Herman SomelvilleI ordered some size small gardening gloves a few weeks ago and only got around to opening the parcel today
Retweeted by dorisis2metresawayMonday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Saturday: Ian Sunday: Greg Its the Gregorian…
Retweeted by dorisis2metresawayWhat the hell is this? One of the poorest countries in the world is paying the US to get taken off the State Spons…
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @unleashthetea @realDonaldTrump Alright Annie Lennox. @PickardJE’s like politics designed by 12 year olds.
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @paulmacdonnell @rolandmcs Brilliant. @BrittJonesRadio Of prostate cancer? @WinstonWeed @Al_toMyFriends @Channel4 From hereon in. And before that. @WinstonWeed @Al_toMyFriends @Channel4 Got me there.Weird that Dr. Fauci has worked under 6 presidents and has never needed a security detail before
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @_salt_n_lime I fuck off regularly with no warning whatsoever.Not to brag but I can fuck off at a moment’s notice.
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @Kofie @BenignSyphilis Show some clemency. Hang me in private. @Al_toMyFriends @WinstonWeed @Channel4 It’s rubbish Alistair, let’s face up to it. @drinksmcgee Yes. Been dead 16 years. @WinstonWeed @Al_toMyFriends @Channel4 The point I’m making is not about the statistical risk of going to a Man Utd home game. @LukeJohnsonRCP Never turn down a deadly pandemic as an opportunity to profiteer.I like people. Not all of them obviously. But enough. Probably not you. Oh alright then. But not your kids. @BootsMcGoot Precarious office party. No Christmas works do. No secret Santa. @allaboutthemus4 You people and your actual lives. You make me sick. @allaboutthemus4 200 people like me more than you.Lest we forget (to commercially exploit dead soldiers). @Bebo_Bols02 The Cunt fish. @BootsMcGoot Risk it.So why do people follow me? Other than sexual magnetism and wanting their kids back. @springfall2008 @fitgeek_uk @Channel4 225 people. @Channel4 “97% of people get through it, so why are we living in fear?” Imagine if every time Old Trafford was fill…
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @OnlyOneTeeta I’ve heard similar stuff more and more recently, like a kind of biological trolling.Who wants to buy a broken barometer? No pressure.
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @RachelDelahaye Saoirse Ronan and Ellen Page (maybe not Flatliners) @HSJnews Who doesn’t love snacks.Favourite tweet I’ve ever done and destined to die cold and alone. @Channel4 Dyno Rod Stewart.Dyno Rod Stewart Hitchens is trending. It must be something important. @BrynleyHeaven @FinancialTimes Political access and influence? God knows. I worked for a small financial company wh… @PickardJE His best work was with Hooch.didn’t know much about Turner and looked him up and this particular painting blew my mind
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @robblundell It’s not just the hats we’ll take, we want the head as well. Not like that... @BrynleyHeaven @FinancialTimes That Midas touch.Chris Grayling appointed to Felixstowe. Three weeks later "grinding to a halt" pre-brexit. via @financialtimes
Retweeted by dorisis2metresaway @TheRealFlups Yes it is. @robblundell That’s all it is. A fancy hat. The tricks you elitists and so called experts play to make us subservie… @TheRealFlups Yes it is.I made this phone out of shampoo bottle. Draw on the buttons in felt tip. After that it’s just a matter of confidence.I got shown a plane cockpit. Didn’t know what the various controls and indicators were or what they did. I’m no foo… @paulmacdonnell @rolandmcs This. When the water pipes burst and the house starts to flood I don’t want some elitist… @rolandmcs I mean I like Rod Stewart, but not that much. @Channel4 “97% of people get through it, so why are we living in fear?” Imagine if every time Old Trafford was fill… is really effective. @atrupar Almost certainly has his pants round his ankles. @riverthistle Morning.Think I’m right in saying a whole bunch of MPs and associates posted variations of this “Canada deal - sod EU” twee… @EllaBeard11 So sorry. @climberjai How do you feel about parrots? @twlldun There are several millions don’t follow me, hence I brought forth despair and plague. @TheBluestStar Somewhere round the back end of the circle of life. @mrjamesob Murdoch entered the cathedral courts and drove out all who were praying there. He overturned the lecturn…
Overheard two nasal young men discussing zombie apocalypse. One said Shaun of the Dead and 28 Days Later were the t… @JeremyCliffe It depends whether you consider Brexit an ideological project, or as a whipped up bit of nationalist… @DaveKauffman7 @aldotcom Play Too Shy by Kajagoogoo @Moski1213 So sorry. @DaveKauffman7 @aldotcom I feel the same about being run over. @AndrewRosindell It is a competition. @grogee Cloverfield. The opening 10mins is excruciating.