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UFA. @GENmag. Former lead singer of Deadspin. GQ alum. Author: The Hike, etc. MOTHERFUCKING CHOPPED CHAMPION https://t.co/6aaFOoDJxG…

399 Following   174,658 Followers   13,817 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/11/08


Thousands Of Drunk Revelers Dressed As Jesus Descend On Vatican For Annual ChristCon Pub Crawl… https://t.co/J2FZZyy7jB
Retweeted by Drew MagaryI know it's the bane of every 90s-era standup comic but fruitcake is good. The REAL problem is that it's shockingly… https://t.co/0Q98v4X7cYIt’s not even a “Hey do we need bread?” call. They’re just shooting the shit with Aunt Fran while they grope flour bagsPeople at the grocery store who talk on the phone the whole time they’re shopping are fucking insaneWho’s The Least Influential Person of the Decade?
Retweeted by Drew MagaryHey here’s an idea how about YOU fight for it for people, you clueless dickhead https://t.co/yBlj5Qa14Udoesn’t get any better!! https://t.co/SpavyLtpL6
Retweeted by Drew MagaryThe only Star Wars opinions I want to hear about are about how post-delimbing robot Darth Vader never lost a fight… https://t.co/MbFICpdRpH
Retweeted by Drew MagarySorted out that Ed Sheeran is Phil Collins if Phil Collins couldn’t sing https://t.co/PBJ90FlUGlI mean... guys like Bevin are all just flagrant fucking criminals now https://t.co/wtWSYLmSEkThe biggest dad move, at least before e-commerce, is waiting until Christmas Eve to shop but I blew past that Rubic… https://t.co/K7Sp3UHON9Rob Manfred is such a clown https://t.co/Rt4uyXj7bh
Retweeted by Drew MagaryI think I gotta go Christmas shopping, playing myself full-on Dad styleI hope Disney buys James Bond so he can finally be like “is that a thing?” And like “so that happened” and shit
Retweeted by Drew MagaryThink of these people as the opposite of TIME's Person of the Year. https://t.co/4nTAzlS2CN
Retweeted by Drew Magary @binaryanarchy He wasn’t using the force then! He was on the wagon!Actually I bet they really did do that take. I mean it’s pretty accurateNow tune into me on chapo when I explain the Jedi are actually neolibsLuke during all of Last Jedi: “Do you know what a bitch it is being THIS famous?” @drewmagary Discovered while trying to find a pic of my former Air Force father-in-law for my son’s Veterans Day sc… https://t.co/EcnNaNWRt9
Retweeted by Drew MagaryThe boy dunked his fries in plain egg nog and THAT seemed at least like a lesser Geneva Convention violationWell I did it. I tried putting Old Bay on my egg nog. There is regret. Regret and sadness. @drewmagary My mother once bought copies of this movie for me and all four of my siblings one Christmas, and then w… https://t.co/YvPxUrwQFv
Retweeted by Drew Magary @drewmagary I hope someone, anyone, takes up smoking.
Retweeted by Drew MagaryLuke Skywalker stands on a cliff, stabs a forcefish using a spear that’s a hundred feet long, and then they just cu… https://t.co/IlKosoVIi11/3 So now the new owners of Sports Illustrated have laid off the entire copy desk. Every last one of them. This is… https://t.co/jzelm4gZC8
Retweeted by Drew Magary @drewmagary that’s marriage story
Retweeted by Drew MagaryAlso if there’s just a straight hour of ships suddenly arriving from hyperspace I’m good with thatAll I want from the Rise of Skywalker is for it to have, as with every good Star Wars movie, a scene where a droid… https://t.co/XWcVBc1h0O
12/14
2019
I swear you can see the stage doors behind the set in this pile of ass movieAlso every Who in this thing looks like Mayor Pete.Watching the live action Grinh and god it’s horrible shit. I sit waiting in 15 minute intervals for them to just re… https://t.co/cLymzz3rKAComfy dad robes tho. No sexy robes. Not till I’m 70. @drewmagary The sandal of clothing
Retweeted by Drew MagaryThinking about becoming robe guyokay who would like to receive a terrible holiday (e-)letter full of confusion and untruths? I am doing and rankin… https://t.co/6aVUFUBk2I
Retweeted by Drew Magary @drewmagary I got stranded in Alachua, FL, because I went across the street to a Waffle House and missed the bus by… https://t.co/5tOukfQNSu
Retweeted by Drew MagaryFeaturing some of the best #longreads of 2019 by @tressiemcphd, @JaneMayerNYer, @Jayson_Greene, @drewmagary,… https://t.co/HVroGEtz20
Retweeted by Drew Magary🚨Penis Fish Alert! 🚨 https://t.co/4qgK0zyv2M
Retweeted by Drew MagarySpend your weekend with over two dozen of our most useless global citizens, won't you? https://t.co/ZE5DwbuFjBThis bit of Christmas cheer is even better if you imagine @drewmagary writing it in a Santa suit and hat but no bea… https://t.co/zWeHmxvZ2p
Retweeted by Drew MagaryThe Hot Gift of 2019 Is Money by @drewmagary in @forgemag https://t.co/veAb5WhWvJ
Retweeted by Drew Magary @thebstiles Oh yeah I pull that parenting move all the time. For, like, snacks as what not. I don’t tell my kids to… https://t.co/97vmBcY5O3He finds a new way to suck shit every day! Truly an astounding feat. You gotta go to Harvard to engineer such masterful routine fuckeryMayor Pete: Sort All Your Shit Out Yourselves, LosersThanks a lot shitball https://t.co/jfeefz9jRW @ByCommonConsent Yeah it was good!CHANTICO. I bet Howard Schultz spent more money testing that name than he did on running for PresidentThe only thing I ever really liked at Starbucks was the fancy hot chocolate they sold for like four months once and… https://t.co/LXdLtbTg0l @drewmagary Cruise excursion in Stockholm. Taking some pics away from bus. Guide asks group if everyone is back, ca… https://t.co/awbcTKquYT
Retweeted by Drew Magary @aliarikan @LexG_III @ZODIAC_MF Boy, I bet Marty can't wait to fit this appointment in his schedule. https://t.co/5GP7OuTmHC
Retweeted by Drew MagaryNever-ending defeat is preferable to U.S. leadership and invisible to everyone at home https://t.co/IOC8s8N7Qo
Retweeted by Drew Magary @drewmagary My old man was taking the auto train from Florida to Virginia and insisted he needed a slice before boa… https://t.co/4U1XZhSsRc
Retweeted by Drew Magary @OTlevel7 @Kyle_Evs @drewmagary I'm pretty sure it's protocol to check for kids before they lock up. I was at a bus… https://t.co/mEdqbK6N4p
Retweeted by Drew Magary @drewmagary My Greyhound driver did it to a woman traveling alone at 3 a.m. at a gas station/rest stop somewhere in… https://t.co/D8DLi8ujY4
Retweeted by Drew Magary @drewmagary Once in kindergarten I got left ON the bus. Didn't say a word as the driver parked the bus at his house… https://t.co/VhCPIEOwJO
Retweeted by Drew Magary @drewmagary Middle school band trip to Hershey Park. "Be back at the front of the park by 6 p.m. for the awards cer… https://t.co/epp5zHy1od
Retweeted by Drew Magary🚨Round 2 is closed!🚨 Now on to the semi-finals of our bracket to determine The Least Influential Person of the De… https://t.co/y6bfYAK1ls
Retweeted by Drew MagaryThe bus back to DC stopped for 15 minutes at a rest stop and the driver was like “if you’re not back here in 15 min… https://t.co/p34yA9RtzOI went to Maine to hear from the activists working to unseat Susan Collins—and maybe help flip the Senate. https://t.co/GBekbHpcNl
Retweeted by Drew MagaryExcited for the booth to act like they’re watching Frodo get on the boat to elf heaven https://t.co/uJ5rsh7oii @sullydish Combining Nationalism and Socialism....what could go wrong?
Retweeted by Drew Magary“See gang, look what happens when you run on an anti-monster platform. Can’t win! We’ve gotta be real here now!”Yes Joe thank you for that trenchant analysis you fucking withered old prune https://t.co/hPAvFMu7HGJoke’s on the rest of us because Bloomberg’s actual 23 supporters will ironically adopt that joke dance as their ow… https://t.co/mlt9Oe2E2II love how revisionist sports people are. No one can ever admit they were wrong. They were just right in a differen… https://t.co/GNR5MyVMG3
Retweeted by Drew Magary"No one is hurt by money. Unless they’re being beaten with a sack of nickels." @drewmagary only speaks the truth. https://t.co/ypuuXFoMIV
Retweeted by Drew MagaryImpeachment should only be the beginning. "I want Trump and his supporters shamed into oblivion, and that’s the N… https://t.co/rVpW33lFUq
Retweeted by Drew Magary @JamesCurle Mine keep theirs too bright! Makes no damn sense(my kids reading in a pitch black room) ME: Don’t you want a light? THEM: No.Urban Meyer helps CSU with the hire, suggests his former OL coach, said coach gets hired, and then that coach hires… https://t.co/zPNmMlDSaF
Retweeted by Drew MagaryHello. I produce live digital shows for ESPN. My team is looking for a 2020 summer intern. Alert the youngs. https://t.co/pyMCLfjRzO
Retweeted by Drew Magary“Ask anyone who knows @stephenasmith if he’s like that in real life—and they get that question endlessly—and they’l… https://t.co/wwfpX1SKXu
Retweeted by Drew MagaryMerry Christmas! Also FUCK YOU PAY ME https://t.co/iBB2XgqoGYSaw a guy putting ketchup on a lox and cream cheese bagel what the fuck @drewmagary You can only fit 5 pigs at a time in a Brooklyn walk-up and the rent’s really expensive man.
Retweeted by Drew MagaryWell look still beats the LAST time I woke up in New York$9 for a side of bacon only in New York baybee
12/13
2019
i just want some fucking health care https://t.co/zKQhPT4q0J
Retweeted by Drew Magary @David_Cameron @Conservatives Take a flying fuck at the moon, you shiny-faced pig-fondler.
Retweeted by Drew MagaryDEMOCRATIC VOTERS: We need money to make our lives better SANDERS/WARREN: We'll take it from the bad guys VOTERS: N… https://t.co/Tin3YzyMO5
Retweeted by Drew Magary🚨The people have spoken!🚨 Round 1 of voting to crown the Least Influential Person of the Decade has wrapped, and w… https://t.co/3ND5ZmiYN9
Retweeted by Drew MagaryMaybe he lets him twist for just a few so he can be both benevolent AND petty. That’s a premium Snyder moveHow quickly does Snyder pay Portis’ bailCongratulations to the Justice Department on remembering some guys. https://t.co/tzxgSzp2vI
Retweeted by Drew MagaryHe’s grossly, obviously unqualified so his status as a serious contender is viscerally rage inducing, is my theory. https://t.co/fuehJoJsx8
Retweeted by Drew MagaryI’m eating soup for breakfast. that’s right baby, breakfast soup
Retweeted by Drew MagaryLeft my headphones in the wash but they still work. THE SOUND IS SO CLEAN AND FRESHAlso, this Susan Rice quote on Khashoggi is quite something: https://t.co/tZfECLNPdp https://t.co/iSMn6L3qTl
Retweeted by Drew MagaryHe said that phrase like five separate times when we talked! Unprompted! It was awesome. https://t.co/CLhGOhDyUO...and now those same dickhead NBA owners may potentially cut ALL their employees pay to help make up for the losse… https://t.co/AiNxRFjfesLast one: His Daryl Morey comment still annoys me. A bunch of billionaires do business with a dictatorship and look… https://t.co/ez8OQ7qJaQAlso, Stephen A. said you have to give people you hate credit when they do well. This, quite frankly, was my favori… https://t.co/Igf9qCebViAnd here's the time Stephen A. found out a player he was covering was in an open marriage. https://t.co/I1lDlsJ2pGThese are from the raw transcripts. Here is Stephen A. saying he was fired from his first job after calling out sex… https://t.co/BNMINGWIG9I know it seems impossible but we DID cut some goodies from yesterday's big Stephen A. story, so lemme run down a f… https://t.co/cSfWGqwYrHPaying my respects to Joe Pesci’s awesome wig in this Irishman in Conversation thing on Netflix. That rug means bus… https://t.co/D5Xhe4G7I8
Retweeted by Drew Magary @DanaWessel Well it is with THAT attitudeDon’t vote for the dude who looks like Barney from the Simpsons fucked Eddie MoneyBritons, of whom I am king: Please vote today. And vote for the good guys. Vote for... shit what was their name... Vote for Flavour
12/12
2019

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