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comedian (@theshowisgreat) writer (@nbcthegoodplace @newwarriors @latelateshow etc) i donate $2 per tweet bc this place is bad. he/him

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Joined Twitter 7/6/08

started reading a great book and decided i am going to go “Into The Wild.” okay, goodbye! @CambriaDenim yes that’s the joke @EmilyBrehob these are not mine and my roommate has been making popcorn for years but okayroommate ordered three karen-style popcorn jars @madeleinecholia (you’re already hot i will continue to have this fight) @madeleinecholia 🙄
Don't use Grubhub. Don't use Seamless. Don't use Yelp. Pick up the phone. Call your favorite restaurant. Support…
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @jonnysun @travismcelroy you’re gonna miss out on the big pizza i am bringing to share with everyone!!!!!!im losing my mind. there is no way you're going to be able to predict what this ad is trying to sell you finally,…
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbeThis commercial took quite a turn! Listen for my hint as to where!
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbehi hello! tonight i am going to be joining these lovely folks in streaming some jackbox games for @cincyshakes. won… @sydneyrachel okja!!! @HrishiHirway @YoYo_Ma @CiaoSamin oh my goodness
@MaggieMaeFish @yayforzig got a long straw snaking into my pants too! but not as a sexual innuendo! (this time) @msdanifernandez @yayforzig you're on your phone right now!!!! just use the damn phone!!!!!!!!! @yayforzig @MaggieMaeFish catch me pulling up right next to you, my pants just absolutely soaking with the loose ja… @rachelmillman fun thing is, i am pretty sure they will not allow you to bring outside drinks into the theater. so this sign is a lie @imteddybless healthy snack! give anything to “Take A Smoothie To The Movie!” right now...To catch u up to speed, had a good breakfast and then the torture started... Sent from my iPad
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @CaseyMalone Casey this tweet was about M*A*S*Hevery so often everyone on here will be watching one tv show that “hurts because it’s so relatable” and then i will… @JillKrajewski :) thank you jill, this was very nice!.@electrolemon shares his quarantine thoughts.
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @staceyoristano he wouldn’t respond to Oristano, I tried!! (HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! 🥳) @McKelvie @GraceSpelman absolutely a top tier lad @GraceSpelman Grandpa Clooney Pencils @BrotiGupta @DylanGelula happy birthday Dylan!!!!!! gonna send you a Venmo request for $5 @GraceSpelman hmmm. i can do this @MatthewKBegbie classic Clooney prank!!!! @Sir5000 i know!! but... he’s just not a “pig.” pig’s gotta be smaller @Onyx6181 his name was “Hashbrown” at the time but he is not a “Hashbrown” and i didn’t wanna say it so i did a bra… friend just pointed out that today is george clooney’s birthday, which i did not know, and it is an insane coinci… @madeleinecholia @madeleinecholia i think deep down i always knew... you used to say “good tweet” and i would think “there’s no way...” @madeleinecholia the truth comes out... @kinda_cool @LizMaupin lmao this is adorable @GraceSpelman fuck i didn't screenshot it but i did almost cry laughing watching you talking to one of the greatest… @GraceSpelman @GraceSpelman
finally got around to reading all these tabs i've had open and holy shit– michael jackson died?? @BrotiGupta @jenboseph i have said multiple times “ahh i don’t really watch much tv, i’m watching a lot of movies”… @merrittk every suggestion people have given me has made me go “okay but if i do that how do i finish the fucking work”a bonus part 3
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @TrondyNewman @rejectedjokes @dianasilvers13 @FunnyAsianDude @LisaKudrow @Fred_Willard @Jessica_StClair now by @electrolemon and we're still going! watch at #MayDetoursBeWithYou
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @msdanifernandez this is how i learn all my friends are big ol freaks!!! @dopesicktight whAT this is INSANE TEL HIM TO STOP @MelodyBurst i am. adds flavor @ed_ballart Ed don’t do this to me!!!! @CaseyMalone @filmsunstuck do not enable her casey!!! @filmsunstuck @trivialattire @VannaJanna why you keepin your pizzas secret... you doing pizza crimes... @filmsunstuck PHONE TIMER @LizMaupin some freakin nut... @vornietom gonna lose some friends in this quarantine... think it’s for the best thoughmy friend just told me when she cooks, she uses the microwave timer instead of her phone. what kind of psycho shit is that @Dangerkenny i have a lot of these, and am only getting more in quarantine! they all make me feel a little like i’m… @ericallenhatch 🎵 ah well you wanna rob a jeweler? lemme tell you it’s easy / just get a couple buddies and we’ll do a Rififi 🎵 @Alanna_June fool me thrice @_lizharvey ❤️ @MikeWTrapp i’ve been cooking every day! it makes me feel a little bit better for sure, but i always come back to f… @RFFunke oh i am also drinking. didn’t think i liked wine before but i am impressing myself by the rare at which i… have some good coping mechanisms for depression brought on by your self-worth being tied to an ability to cr…
connor and griffin are absolute psychopaths. but the chaotic good kind. i‘m going to be joining them in this livest… they say in England, april the 5th be with youu! Adejuyigbe Becomes 3rd Director to Depart Han Solo Film, Citing "Outrageous Expectations of Movie Length" and "Camera Too Heavy"
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbeokay, now i'm really worried about the han solo movie
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbethe line "we're gonna take it into overtime" on the space jam theme song might as well just be "the other team is just as good as us"
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @laurenlapkus @nicolebyer 'Laurcole Bykus' is a perfect Star Wars name. @faryl @TeenVogue this is a very stupid takeSame city. Same police force. Passing out masks to white folks not social distancing, while literally having thei…
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe“If you're not voting for Medicare for all at this point, do not f*cking talk to me! I will lose my mind on you. Do…
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @MikeJacovides @caitiedelaney we’re up to 20% @GraceSpelman the man stays busy!!! @caitiedelaney they’ve been in 10 movies together but Say Anything is the only one where they’re both credited with…
@calebsaysthings and her hair is still coiffed perfectly... something here stinks to high heaven (besides the 37th… @calebsaysthings she’s naked but she got her shoes on. was this richard’s request @shutupaida whoa i’ve been way outta the loop this tweet just fucked me uplearning tricks @wheelieduncan
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @GraceSpelman was he the one who gave my mom food poisoning when we went to see Abominable
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @jennyowenyoungs @jessabbott congratulations!!!nobody: parsley:
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @patrickhwillems @Da7e one time an old coworker said their baby was going to be born on Memorial Day and I said “ah… @meganbatoon let’s do it!!! we can make all sorts of ceramics. a pot. a tall pot. a small pot. a bowl maybe. some sort of medium sized potmy friend Kate sent me this photo of a lovely old man cleaning up the wizard... 🥺🥺
@LouisPeitzman imagine coming home from a long, grueling, day of dangerous work and all you wanna do is relax. but… shit. drake dropped his response to pusha's adidon track on power 106... he went for the THROAT. there's reall…
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @vornietom Joker Mode... activateour heroes!!! i love the cops 🥰 we must protect them. let’s put all of them in extra-super-quarantine when this is… @HannahEinbinder sometimes i think we have too laugh... to KEEP from crying... - Demi Ay’all kept tweeting about being horny and wanting to be murdered and now the old ass man in the sky is answering pr… is doo doo @Buncahn IS WAIVING THEIR REVENUE SHARE TODAY, I GOT MY LAST COUPLE RAP RECORDS ON THERE PLUS MY HARDCORE BAND FROM…
Retweeted by demi adejuyigbe @SamMarroy @robwhisman that video fo bloom is my favorite radiohead live performance! they were absolutely on one that day @Aaron__Burch @AmySilverberg @Palumbros the other $30 can go to a machine that tweets specifically at Danny @AmySilverberg @Palumbros i hope you spend that $70 on a machine that helps you tweet twice as much
@ella_kemp Also going to echo the people who’ve said What’s Up, Doc?- although, just your luck, it left Criterion Channel yesterday :(