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Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @EllaZee5 Dumb stuff I write โคต๏ธ

https://t.co/IVyEdpASgL Also on @HuffPostWomen @Cheezburger @reddit @tumblr @instagram Crowned twitter champ 2020 by @BigJDubz ๐Ÿ‘‘ NO DMsโŒ

3,752 Following   7,529 Followers   56,747 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/5/19


Look lady, if I learned from my mistakes, I wouldnt have anything to do.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Whatever, stupid new trend. Iโ€™ve been wearing dark circles under my eyes for years but you donโ€™t see me bragging about it.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Forget what it felt like to be awake. That tired feeling is now your awake feeling.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Read the tweet below this one in a pirates voice.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Had an intense session with my hair psychic, Melody, today. She says your great aunt whose name starts with eitheโ€ฆ https://t.co/ZvszAw8fzT
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘that drum solo from In the Air Tonight but it's my cat dramatically crashing about at 2am knocking shit over
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘E=MDแตแตƒ -Albert Highnstein
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Taking applications for a TC. Tell me in one tweet the best experience youโ€™ve had on Twitter and why it was interacting with me.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Thatsa biiiiiiiiiiiiig stretch https://t.co/cinkPwkLUD
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘The existence of a dumptruck ass implies the existence of a bulldozer ass, and by extension, a cement mixer ass
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Captain America couldn't get a promotion in 80 years?
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘I identify as he/him/better than you/cunt
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Thanks for telling us all that youโ€™re horny. Iโ€™m now gonna put my head through this fucking wall.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘2021 already the year of the reply guy holy fuck
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘some people are better at saying the f word thatโ€™s just the way it is
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘I guess all those โ€œ7 years of bad luckโ€ from incomplete chain letters really added up
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘You can't make every man happy. You're not a leather recliner.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Some days I think Iโ€™m a bad ass and then I remember how hot my water needs to be before Iโ€™ll get in the shower.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘I had to jump on the bandwagon. Sorry! https://t.co/CiI4di4yGO
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @anna_zatanna yes ๐Ÿ˜‚ https://t.co/rpjzD1bFj9This is important to remember: You know that voice in your head that points out all your flaws and reminds you of aโ€ฆ https://t.co/e8hxPcpob9
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @toomanycommas3 no! Get back out and own it ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ https://t.co/eeeVkWBTiDWINNERS ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ† @prufrockluvsong ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ† @EllaZee5 @pantless_papple @TheBoydP ๐Ÿ† @0000seapea808 @bylinetdโ€ฆ https://t.co/VH2uqMty4d
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @saturdaycontest @prufrockluvsong @pantless_papple @TheBoydP @0000seapea808 @bylinetd @ChristineComedy @ClassADudeโ€ฆ https://t.co/YCavq9JRfR @PopeAwesomeXIII @saturdaycontest as you should be, impeccable timing ๐Ÿ˜‚Almost as good as Murder She Wrote. That tweet tho. @PopeAwesomeXIII selected @EllaZee5's tweet. Hip hip hurray! https://t.co/TvFv5KteHb
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @damnfinetweet @PopeAwesomeXIII thank you! โค๏ธ @deemaeburns oh no! well it was good of you to forgive that ๐Ÿ˜‚ @cmdunn1972 It's medium really ๐Ÿ˜‚Welcome to Twitter! Weโ€™re all middle-aged and still really unhappy about adulting.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @anna_zatanna you could do a combover til he's really mad and just starts throwing razors around and losing it ๐Ÿ˜‚ https://t.co/fQNftu4oQk @LizerReal no bb sometimes it's https://t.co/9BMfCYNOlicarnivorous chefs be like "nice to meat you"
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘January is that guest you've tolerated and tried to make small talk with but suddenly you're bored and like omg pleโ€ฆ https://t.co/5F8sgad9VT
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘girl are you a meme because it's all ME ME with you
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @Jessekgoddard @Angel_150913 I wish I knew who that was but yes
1/24
2021
no this isn't about you, god you're self centredgirl are you a meme because it's all ME ME with youFrosted Flakes fortified with 11 essential vitamins and cocaine.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Donโ€™t use the word emote around men if you want to talk about showing emotions. They will hear they donโ€™t have emotions. I know this now.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Tomorrow isnโ€™t promised, post those screenshots now.. -just do it
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Wolf: *huffs and puffs* Pigs inside brick house: Teehee My dad getting ready to sneeze: Move! Pigs: *squeal in terror*
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘If absolutely nothing happens, are Canadians still sorry?
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘HR says Iโ€™m no longer allowed to answer the phone with โ€œfor fuck sake, what nowโ€
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘My dad must have some memory loss because heโ€™s forgotten what happened the last time he told my mom to โ€œrelaxโ€
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Not to be dramatic but... -me being absolutely dramatic in every way possible
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘You look like the kind of person who would wear sunglasses indoors for a โ€œcoolโ€ selfie.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Someone on Twitter recently tweeted that blocking folk stops your account growing..? It does not and who cares, itโ€ฆ https://t.co/eoEIoc5uLX
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Y'all be proud of me. I actually acted like a mature ass woman and told someone it wasn't going to work out insteadโ€ฆ https://t.co/RS7QEtkr7T
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Step 10 Step 9 Step 8 Step 7 Step 6 Step 5 Step 4 Step 3 Step 2 Step 1 How to climb a ladder in 10 steps.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘My shoulder is fucked up, so I'm running around with aT-Rex arm.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Yeah I love sports. I'm really in to boxing๐ŸฅŠ........ .....up my emotions and suppressing them until they all releaโ€ฆ https://t.co/8XPHi3gDJ4
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Itโ€™s like some of you only research a subject for 30 seconds before forming an opinion on it
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘My husband just walked by and burped while I was on speakerphone with the IRS. I donโ€™t think I could love him anymore than I do right now.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘When I said white noise I wasnโ€™t talking about country rap but I guess that works too
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘The best text messages are those that contain a warning that they are going to stop by your house, that way you know not to answer the door.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘who called it a "tweet format" instead of "words with friends"?
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Who called them bean bags and not gravioli.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘I definitely wouldn't want to be tagged in a photo of a dead person's feet.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Anyone who said foodservice is 'unskilled labor' has to work the McDonald's drive thru tonight
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘her: you really should go to therapy. my brain: here a pea, therapy, everywhere a pea pea. me: yeah.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘My writing style was once described by a professor as "so much rococo twaddle." Take that, haters.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @PyJamieParty @TheBoydP absolutely not https://t.co/nnk0C0i6RI @SofaKingVinyl @thesammyhannah so cute! ๐Ÿ˜ oh me saying this about cats is in no way a mark on their characterProving the theory that nature abhors a vacuum, within 5 minutes my quiet empty room now has two cats, two kids, aaaaand a husband.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘might get a bumper sticker that says "Braking Bad" and start randomly slamming on my brakes for no reason
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘My wife is taking me to a bar where there is axe throwing... I always wondered how sheโ€™d make it look like an accident ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿช“๐Ÿ’€
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘i see we've already entered the "brands giving it a jolly good go" phase of the bernie meme
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘If I was planning a heist, I simply wouldn't hire the guy who always loses his temper and kills somebody
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘I'm getting cannibal and cannabis mixed up. Someone is smoking a fresh dead arm while someone's eating some weed
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘No I will not attend your Zoom orgy right now I have a Zoom wedding to attend to first
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘I do feel like Iโ€™m on dark mode but Iโ€™m not sure what that has to do with my phone.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Dead Man Valking ~Count Dracula on death row
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘For someone who says they don't like anal you sure are butthurt a lot.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Feminism has really come full circle seeing as how the hot take from inauguration day is "men should smile more."
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Boss: You're allowed two 15 minute breaks Me, unbound by the space-time continuum: Great, I'll go on vacation
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘yeah i remember the first time i tried stand up comedy https://t.co/TdNEt5VISE
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Of all the people, in all of Twitter, why do I get the special wackos?
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Secret to a successful marriage is to never let your spouse find out that youโ€™ve had a good nightโ€™s sleep
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Some days I feel like I'm doing a good job living on my own. Other days I leave the peanut butter in the fridge.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Yโ€™all ever put clothes in the dryer and find a dry sock on the floor and realize it didnโ€™t get washed but you throwโ€ฆ https://t.co/mL5CXu4M7I
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘BJโ€™s should be taught not learned.. ย of course I said it, you all should be use to my BS by now
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘[if Twitter ran 911 call centers] 911: what's your emergency? Her: my house is on fire and I'm trapped! 911: daโ€ฆ https://t.co/EwxnQQvfq7
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Her: help I've been robbed 911 dude: yea of getting that good D Her: no they literally stole everything 911: likโ€ฆ https://t.co/DYGNiORMIk
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Hey honey. Want to fold some clothes tonight?* *me sexting
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Friend: please, donโ€™t try to psychoanalyze me Me: oh, psychoanalysis takes years. Iโ€™m just fucking around inside your head.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘weekend twitter is like going to the dmv, there's lots of people but it's so boring.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘"I've been switching your coffee with decaf" "How dare you!" I said, with the kind of focused rage only possibleโ€ฆ https://t.co/XUTKCwsDZx
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Do you think basic girls suffer from hubris
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Every time I'm not in someone's friendship circle, I lay curses upon your ancestral homes. So the earth is pretty fucked, just to be clear.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Women: *being eaten by a shark Men: RELAX, you just need to CALM DOWN
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘This is a helpful diagram of how to hide from an evil baby https://t.co/twzXz5ymhc
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘You have until this sleeping pill kicks in to impress me.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘they said i shouldn't snort valium and tweet bit it s noo bug deel i cann hanble it
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @Social_Mime @damnfinetweet You're welcome, great tweet!Fancy that! I'm super excited! @EllaZee5 selected @Social_Mime's tweet. Ho. Lee. Shit. https://t.co/ywSEiRIE3W
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Eve wasn't going to eat the apple but Adam told her to calm down.
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘Good tweet or best ever? Significantly better than Ezra. @thisbrokeme named @EllaZee5's tweet the best of the day.โ€ฆ https://t.co/8thzvM6WTK
Retweeted by Ella Zee ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ‘‘ @damnfinetweet @thisbrokeme thanks so much! โค๏ธ @sweetmomissa ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ https://t.co/E8ZZ26ZwaP
1/23
2021

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