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Elly Shaw @ellyshawcomedy Paris, France

Comedian / Data Engineer / Heartbreaker

446 Following   404 Followers   12,602 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/7/09


@IlaydaArden I want you to get all the kitchen gadgets you deserve Ilayda PLEASE
11/27
2020
@_SarahBrownie Keep rocking it gurl 🤘Confidently splashing my face with cold water to close my pores after washing my face because of the hold Sabrina's… https://t.co/pm7zxIv4xX
11/25
2020
Do you love me please listen to or watch this podcast https://t.co/J9V6qBC4hq
11/24
2020
Recommend 💕 https://t.co/khjd6TO8aA @IlaydaArden Omg amazing, inspirational!!! @IlaydaArden Make the merveilleux baby xx
11/23
2020
Supermarkets argue over who has to take the racists since @sainsburys don’t have them anymore 😂😂🛒🏪 https://t.co/KXdNKaihCN
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
11/22
2020
For me it seems pretty unambitious to only switch three princesses
11/21
2020
@DannyWalshIsOK Wait you're not allowed?! The school polices the packed lunches?! That's mad. I just mean my mum sa… https://t.co/vqdwhs5WpNJust remembered not being allowed crisps in my packed lunches at school and feel retrospectively angry about it again
11/20
2020
Manifesting this McDonalds I’m eating to go straight to my ass
Retweeted by Elly ShawThis was so much fun, please have a listen! I used my prettiest headshot specially 😇 https://t.co/f04Dpxucim
11/18
2020
sorry i unpacked all my trauma do you still want to kiss
Retweeted by Elly ShawI had a gender repeal party
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
11/16
2020
Shower sex is weird because it's like okay but I actually have tasks to do
11/15
2020
Time once again to share one of the funniest moments ever in British television history https://t.co/mPIIUBONeT
Retweeted by Elly Shaw“you’re so funny” thanks i did not have sex in high school
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
11/14
2020
And yet, here we are. #malecomediansonfacebook https://t.co/rGwFAXL6Pn
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
11/13
2020
@LoloThom ://///// not the sameOn the contrary, I would be impressed if you were Brad Pitt and/or had a car @DomCarterAgain Haha, I hated that. Pretending to be an ostrich was my highlight thoEleanor in Bognor https://t.co/YDzT9M7oxT
11/12
2020
Today on The Reason I Am Crying https://t.co/V8gVJP6H6kYeah this is really one of those untranslatable Chinese phrases 😔The best try I can think of is "You were borne fro… https://t.co/TMyWOibQAv
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
11/11
2020
Who is threatening me https://t.co/X3qU0WniHTLittle known fact: Hodor is actually short for 'Hold the door' which is actually Northern for 'Stop it I'm already crying so much'
11/10
2020
Just got upset because I remembered about Hodor never forgetIt's not a vibe until it's a vibe do you know what I mean
11/9
2020
Well, we did it. We are the worst country now
Retweeted by Elly ShawI can’t believe Emily is in Paris for this.
Retweeted by Elly ShawI blame X Factor for all my fear of being over 25
Retweeted by Elly ShawFondly looking back on when I was seeing a guy and I called my ass fat and he thought I meant this negatively and s… https://t.co/zT7s9SKHJH
11/7
2020
Needing everyone in the world to fancy me is actually my love languageWhen Hermine’s son tells her he’s proud of her https://t.co/ai9AFQQb9N
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
11/6
2020
@AtilaLee 😨😨😨😨😨😨!! @AtilaLee Isn't New York quite democrat though?? @veganluke Yes that seems horrible and unnecessary from them! @veganluke Sorry Luke, that sounds really mean :( Keep doing it, you enjoy it, don't let them discourage you!! XSorry you just caught me mid quicheTook my mum to Wagamama for lunch. This was her reaction. 😂😭 https://t.co/EsDBFw41t7
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
11/5
2020
@joyhaharvey @veganluke Do I need to have seen My Girl 1??Already wept a bit at Hermine's son saying he was proud of her earlier today on GBBO, can anyone recommend somethin… https://t.co/Enymf9t01X @LucyElizaFoster HahahhaI'm fit, I'm flirty, I've got double F's, and a lifetime of friendship experience. Please hang out with meStill one of the best election interviews https://t.co/qQdzKEwSRR
Retweeted by Elly ShawIt's a big question, people who claim to be friends with me https://t.co/8dyY5mDIWDYou guys, we don't even live there
11/4
2020
Something that won’t get enough attention in a winter lockdown: women will not have the freedom to follow encourage… https://t.co/ONuEAFOQT8
Retweeted by Elly ShawMore Positivity Than is Strictly Necessary with AdrienneSad yoga studios are closing again just as I was perfecting the upside down queef 😔 @RealLeslieGold You can probably fit a jumpsuit more easily then! Or yes go full suit 😏 @HoneyBMcKenna @IlaydaArden So glad you could join me for the symposium girls. Both my buttocks and bosom get mista… https://t.co/rdEFEtGx3m @carolinemce_ Caroline https://t.co/ZvGRSunfDi @diaryofamaddie Now yer talking 👀 wow @carolinemce_ The IOW one?? I'll pluck up the courage one dayWhy does every other female comedian wear a jumpsuit? Do I need one? I think it will be difficult as I am so long. Tell me your secretsAnother day of not going viral on twitter. What do you people want from meBoners are the sincerest form of flatteryMy first cousin once removed's wife's sister is married to Sean Lock. I once made intense eye contact with him in t… https://t.co/P9XMCA7bdt
11/3
2020
When a guy replies to something I post with a joke I don't understand, and I have to ask him to explain, yes it's e… https://t.co/j45r0wPiN6
11/2
2020
the best thing about being smart and hot is understanding that knowledge is power but so is having huge tits
Retweeted by Elly ShawAdrienne lies back on her mat, cigarette dangling from her lips, pizza stains on her t-shirt. Benji the dog is shit… https://t.co/XLhYETsTvM
Retweeted by Elly ShawMe twerking whilst holding my maths degree aloft https://t.co/wvX9VCGNTt
11/1
2020
I hate it here and I'm not even there https://t.co/NMX1bACVBDI freaking love excel spreadsheets and even I hate this
Retweeted by Elly ShawGoing back into a full lockdown in England after Eat Out to Help Out, a media campaign to shame people back into of… https://t.co/oUVEJWMbH6
Retweeted by Elly Shawlockdown 2: 2 lock 2 down
Retweeted by Elly Shaw @IlaydaArden It can be like that when you're out of practice but you did really well getting up there! And now you'… https://t.co/oariLG64uB
10/31
2020
What have I been up to? Oh yeah just the usual - repeatedly browsing my own instagram profile through the eyes of my many crushes @IlaydaArden Good luck, you'll be amazing 🤗 xxx @sarahjh_94 @dmatthewscomedy My baby 😍😍😍 @_SarahBrownie Gotta have some big dick energy for such a main part 👏🏻 I always gave such pizazz to 'Narrator 3'Listen up sluts! Had such a great time chatting comedy/sobriety with @dmatthewscomedy on his brilliant podcast Stil… https://t.co/jJUYrGpoYy
10/30
2020
Wow the spirit of my stepdad really took him https://t.co/1l6LTbJLVV
10/29
2020
want to get my hair cut but scared they'll ask me how i am
Retweeted by Elly Shaw"I know women are tired of having to walk men through this" – For comedy to solve its sexism and sexual harassment… https://t.co/tv4xsv3hJ0
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
10/28
2020
I'm a Screech with Kelly rising
10/27
2020
@hanfairweather I don't have a high pain tolerance!! My womb just doesn't have the confidence to feel anythingDoctor: Your high levels of testosterone indicate you have polycystic ovary syndrome Me: Okay what I'm hearing is… https://t.co/k2C80Boase
10/24
2020
@alexbertanades Yeah not forever though 😉 @____BADWOLF____ So do so many people but I feel so afraid to take the leap 😔 @____BADWOLF____ Ter mer ick ?? 😶 @DannyWalshIsOK You have french pb intel?? @teganmarlow_ YES but it's further from my house, emotionally overwhelming, and also quite expensive but just slightly less expensive?! @teganmarlow_ Okay, I'll admit, I should not have gone to Franprix 😖We all laughed at Emily in Paris for shipping peanut butter all the way from America. But now I live in Paris and… https://t.co/SFpDTAoc4OEnfield Council https://t.co/912MnnOQEc
Retweeted by Elly ShawAre you kidding me is it actually pronounced 'choomerick'📍Enfield https://t.co/BCr0EKoT7k
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
10/23
2020
"Maths? So you're like really smart?" No I applied with an Elle Woods style video of me doing calculus in a bikini… https://t.co/xzXLZ6Xw3mWhen 🤦🏼‍♀️ isn't in my recently used emojis and I have to go and search for it it's like oh sorry have I been thriving this week??¿If you don't fancy me can you let me know so I can cross you off the list
10/22
2020
@____BADWOLF____ Clown school 😬literally me rn https://t.co/mMGOiyIGBH @sadia_azmats_ You're right, it will be better if the dramatic finale takes place in Paris @i_afool_ Did you just climb under Ilee instead of buying a wig?? I'm deceasedMoved to France four days ago and only now processing that nobody came to chase me down the platform at St. Pancras… https://t.co/xQ66q4fI3i
10/20
2020
i want this woman and her dog to kill me. https://t.co/GLvSLI1lwy
Retweeted by Elly Shaw
10/19
2020

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