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eve peyser @evepeyser Brooklyn, NY

• writer + so on • https://t.co/76VF92JDja

1,884 Following   78,444 Followers   50,308 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/25/14


@TMZ bryce dallas howard. easy. give me more of a challenge next time.
3/22
2019
@HayesBrown never thought i'd be slightly horny for "human embodiment of methadone" but here i amthe pete davidson aesthetic amazes me https://t.co/SMWsSjRdjFThis is the best name and job description in all of tv writing history. https://t.co/Yb1D5w6fId
Retweeted by eve peyserbtw BuzzFeed was wayyyy ahead of you all on the egg game https://t.co/ERa3dxEkns
3/20
2019
you're telling me that humans figured out to make computers so small we can carry them around in our pockets but th… https://t.co/RlkXb8LWZf
3/19
2019
Another reason I should be cancelled—the only lollipop I like is a butterscotch dum dum
3/16
2019
@Olivianuzzi @asmenext https://t.co/FBJzB0srAcIslamophobia is normalized every single day. All the time. So many people in my own life (former friends) have need… https://t.co/6NCtF0Ck29
Retweeted by eve peyser
3/15
2019
Staffers on Viceland’s new nightly show “Vice Live” briefly walked out last week. Employees on the show, who are wo… https://t.co/KXKRWLSI50
Retweeted by eve peyser🚨 👇 👇 🚨 https://t.co/BjxPVcvPEJ
Retweeted by eve peyserVICE management refuses to provide safe rides home for employees on the new VICE LIVE show despite a petition signe… https://t.co/Y5rwPqPBgl
Retweeted by eve peysermy favorite little thing from the college admissions scandal is that all of Olivia Jade's YouTube vids are watermar… https://t.co/MuLTIUPETT @clairemcnear aehdjfeirdjfgnveijrkdfmx https://t.co/Raisl1soaFgod i love all the accents tom hardy can do, all the big choices that man decides to make @HKesvani @broderick god I need so many more movies with tom hardy doing that eyyyy-new-yawk accent @TaylorLorenz I'm not sorry at all
3/14
2019
Ex-wife of $273,000,000 lottery winner does not want him back: 'I have morals' https://t.co/xqSA521zFZ https://t.co/N1vIkCkzQ7
Retweeted by eve peyser
3/11
2019
@NicholasGazin !!! amazing @SafyHallanFarah !!! so excitingthis is what a true ally looks like https://t.co/er3dIJ5cjHIlhan is so wise!!! https://t.co/BYYj2S3npI @Mottel um yes plz @talesofasadgirl yes"has the seltzer market ever been so crowded?" she wondered to herself
3/8
2019
remember when I wrote this? :) https://t.co/BHyzRLTMyQgiving up shitting for lent @dominicholden @BuzzFeedBen guys can u please save me one? i'm a COLLECTOR. thanks!!!
3/6
2019
Tamera Mowry thinks Tia’s breast milk tastes like a ‘vanilla latte’ https://t.co/jkHpxvodGl https://t.co/P9ipqbhKN3
Retweeted by eve peyser
3/5
2019
@PatrickMillsaps i think you're projecting!i will never get over the fact that rich people legit pay a dentist $50k to remove their teeth and replace them with porcelainhow does getting veneers change the way you kiss? i feel like pete's veneers have changed the way he talks too! https://t.co/Cv9SldT6H1a very tongue-heavy make-out sesh, which has me thinking.... https://t.co/MVNe7Qynog
3/4
2019
Good time for a reminder that EDGE OF TOMORROW is one of the best action movies of at least the last five years https://t.co/WXYeKd1ZVL
Retweeted by eve peyser @TheSamhita IT WAS ONLY A KISS HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS IT WAS ONLY A KISS (IT WAS ONLY A KISS) @andylassner amazing!! congrats @bariweiss @TheView !!!!!!!!!
3/1
2019
perpetually annoyed by the fact that nyc has had literally 109 mayors and 0 of them have been women
Retweeted by eve peyseri played myself with this tweet bc when I went to go get my bagel this morning THEY WERE OUT OF LOX!! never tweet!!
2/28
2019
@NicholasGazin yes it's good! tender!the biggest difference between working for tv vs working for a website: on tv, they say "we need creative" instead of "we need content" @rachel_pick i'll save u a bite if u want! @rachel_pick "williamsburg lox special" @rachel_pick s 2nd and bedford!!the $5 lox bagel at the bodega by my office has changed my life for the better. FIVE DOLLARS!!!! FOR A GOOD LOX BAG… https://t.co/joVkbyKVT0Weird that all ads for Billions don’t include the pull-quote: “UM, IT’S ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.” - Your Friends Who Have Showtime
Retweeted by eve peyser
2/27
2019
Letter of Recommendation: Singing "Shallow" in Adam Sandler voice @ejdickson @RollingStone !!! congrats ej!!!!
2/26
2019
today, like most days, I'm thinking about Ellen and Eric Trump's face morph https://t.co/fvcOcGyvss
2/22
2019
🎶 big bee's back, alright 🎶 https://t.co/TFQ20Wccct
2/21
2019
Heartbreaking: This Man Works For A Website https://t.co/yhS47RSRt4 https://t.co/qVnhCokEVT
Retweeted by eve peyserok I couldn't help myself, I had to donate to Bernie's campaign https://t.co/p83aPKWxeh
2/19
2019
@robynkanner ❤️
2/18
2019
@juliareinstein 🤙 @Scaachi ban wedges imoI'm glad that even the LA Times can acknowledge that In-N-Out's fries suck https://t.co/5dmoX026bz
2/12
2019
@bart_smith murder metired: binders full of women wired: woman pummels with binder https://t.co/w0Y6dwhd6NShane McAnally is quite the name https://t.co/bSkEpDQfpc
2/11
2019
@johnlevenstein wow https://t.co/M5yjsjwWF8nothing more satisfying than clicking this button after you unsubscribe https://t.co/vnkXeNS38cjust remembered I still have to do my taxes and now I'm a libertarian
Retweeted by eve peyser!yessss! gtfo amazon we don't need you or want you!! https://t.co/NdGZJWwywl @mannynotfound i mostly do pix/collages of myself, jimmy fallon, and chairman mao @mannynotfound i'll barter an eve peyser original drawing, 6 scratch off lotto tix, and a lock of hair @mannynotfound omg manny i want
2/8
2019
This was staggeringly good (though very tough to read). Make time for it if you haven't. https://t.co/Ae67WyMecf
Retweeted by eve peyser
2/7
2019
Russian Doll with @nlyonne on @netflix is the show you should be watching right now. It's an absolute delight. @UweBollocks too sweet!! @UweBollocks ok i recently tried this and i was surprised by how much they taste like donuts...still, there are better cereals
2/6
2019
@sandyhonig i extremely feel thisI make meme https://t.co/uKGkvSpKNz
Retweeted by eve peyser @andylassner @NBCGameOfGames I will 100% be watching!!Hillary should give a SOTU rebuttal after Bernie. @HarrisonWeber you did! @MrBFett follow me on instagram for more celeb plastic surgery thoughts!also FWIW I have no problem with plastic surgery, and I think Ari looks amazing, but I do wish celebs would be hone… https://t.co/flPv8vyOkb"you like my face? gee thanks, just bought it" https://t.co/meRLIyTJV2
2/5
2019
@joannarothkopf @LastWeekTonight omg congrats!!1️⃣7️⃣ https://t.co/eSV5HKVU9h
Retweeted by eve peyserUPDATE ON THE #BRINGBACKWAFFLECRISP SITUATION https://t.co/v3ThYmXcbe
2/4
2019
@KaleighRogers so sorry to hear this :( @nigelduara :(So very proud of @Olivianuzzi 💞 https://t.co/QbwwGCNWX8Terrible news at VICE today. But we're here for our affected coworkers. Solidarity in the good times and the bad. https://t.co/u5JGBhe6WE
Retweeted by eve peyserlayoff season makes my heart hurt <3took my man 3 minutes to draw the right conclusion https://t.co/duiNJth5VJ
Retweeted by eve peyser
2/1
2019
@Garytt if they discontinue Honey Oh's I will discontinue my lifeI'm doing my part to #BringBackWaffleCrisp https://t.co/8g4NKepz8j https://t.co/gXofUWdx72Can someone tell the daily mail that their “recreation” of Jeff Bezos’s texts makes it look like Jeff Bezos texted… https://t.co/YjWzVLw4jp
Retweeted by eve peyser.@DemSocialists gets a shout-out in today's @NYTimesWordplay !! https://t.co/LE8LOJK6OF
1/31
2019
Hi! I wrote a Sopranos/Sex and the City crossover episode. They aired at the same time and took place miles apart,… https://t.co/FICZStaIN7
Retweeted by eve peyser @elainaplott @TheAtlantic @calmad9 plz start writing special clues that only i can understand so i can beat elaina. thx!!! @elainaplott @TheAtlantic ugh i wanted to beat your time but i failed https://t.co/tBu0HeOflN @lizzieohreally @mbyhoff ^^^hey @postcereals #SaveWaffleCrisp https://t.co/iUZyhLEhj3extremely correct take https://t.co/gz8Xq3MLPz
1/30
2019
apologies for tweeting but i need @postcereals to reconsider their decision to discontinue waffle crisps, my favorite cereal !! @mcwm I watched too many TikToks like 6 months ago and have had the "why do good girls like bad guys" song stuck in my head ever since
1/29
2019
@katiedrumm @carlfranzen happy happy birthday carl!!!
1/28
2019

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