Sign in with Twitter


Writer. Feminist. Snack-enthusiast. I got hacked for writing about cinnamon rolls. Then I got a James Beard Award. She/Her.

578 Following   104,076 Followers   72,064 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/11/09

@Husky1987 Cute!And know I should probably say like my husband or my career but it's pasta you’re judgmental of kids who aren’t just asking for modest things and expressing humility to Santa, screw you a…
Retweeted by Geraldine @CorbeauSeattle Were you in the reserves?♥️♥️♥️😭, I love you but what @L1lcamcam Is she up for being interviewed by a total dorkus?Just a reminder that these 3 women in their 70s/80s, who have been publicly scrutinized for decades for the way the…
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish I didn't read your entire question but name it FartToro, you're welcome @douglasmack Goddamn it. @douglasmack Look, I don't want to challah at you @douglasmack DOUGLAS HERSHEL MACK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU @ryeisenberg Clearly a post has to happen. @douglasmack DOUG.Four weeks ago Hunter Biden was a suspect in an international criminal enterprise and now all the Trump children need pardons.
Retweeted by Geraldine @callingcrow The first thing.Dang, a lot of you are surprised by this, I see I am going to have to blog about this after all. @culverculv @hellobeatrix It was on his Twitter, but Eater did a write of it, though it doesn't address his other c… @hellobeatrix Big old pile of racist trashThis year has been so crazy I haven't even had time to reflect on how Alton Brown is trash. @GraceLP Mazel!! @CorbeauSeattle Looking for emergency response? Like, distribution of aid and resources to civilians during an emer…
@goninago Cool beans, thank you! @goninago Can I send you a DM? @mateoboomboom In part, yes! @nerdseyeview ♥️♥️♥️😘 @nerdseyeview I think probably not. But let's hold on that because they might know something?HELLO IS ANYONE HERE IN EMERGENCY SERVICES OR THE NATIONAL GUARD, I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW THINGS WORK AND NEED HELP (Yes, I'm shouting) @celeste_noelani ♥️💔 @RobOusbey @TheWho ROB. Your life is such a charming sitcom. @JoeHarper @kittenwithawhip No, neither. @kittenwithawhip This is just great. I have reynaud's, so honestly I can't get warm sometimes, but it's still really helpful.Despite all their rage He is still known as Elliot Page
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish @ClickToZoom Zilch! @savluvX Thank you, it's made of spiders"Our house has two couches, a loveseat, and seven arm chairs and I am sitting on an IKEA bench in the kitchen" leve… @ZackBornstein God bless Taylor Hicks for looking 45 at the tender age of 28 and then just hit pause there"If"? Motherfucker the election was over a month ago, your dude lost of y’all are geniuses
Retweeted by GeraldineThis comment and its replies are making me so happy.
Retweeted by Geraldine
@DanaSchwartzzz Child, please, @randfish and I have been crushing for years, you didn't invent this @Nelba_MG I love you to pieces. @kittenwithawhip @joshgondelman Kat, what @edwardderuiter @mschlapp @RichardGrenell Also we lost the senate, that was super clever of us @mschlapp @RichardGrenell The beauty of us stealing the election from Trump is that we intentionally left so much e…
Retweeted by GeraldineSomeone just released an album on Spotify called "OK Google Play Music" and I am basking in the evil brilliance of… time Georgia news conferences get around, people fawn over the official ASL interpreter for the state. A lot…
Retweeted by Geraldine @ZacharyCohn Under 18?I love when people point out shit that is literally in your bio like it's a "gotcha." Seriously well done, Columb…'m not even mad about him selling pardons, it's honestly like the smartest business move he's done.Trump: Hunter Biden is a criminal! Look into it! He did business! With countries! Illegally! On computers! Also Tr… know the BUT WHAT IF OBAMA DID IT game is tired and fraught but could you imagine if on his way out of office Oba…
Retweeted by GeraldineThe definition of conservatism remains the same: it doesn't matter until it happens to me.
Retweeted by GeraldinePoor Tiffany, not even included in the family crimesDamn, I guess Tiffany is on her own, honestly I think it would be hilarious if he grifted Giuliani.It's just confusing because Trump is going to pardon a bunch of terrible people who *didn't* give him money and we'… @gastrognome ♥️♥️♥️Is it bad that this no longer registers shock or anger for me at all, like not even a little bit, honestly all I ca…’s obvious that the only way for Trump supporters to show they stand behind the president is to boycott the Ga. S…
Retweeted by Geraldine @fittim70 Yay! @sam_aye_ahm TOO REALA recurring nightmare that's just Katie Porter with her whiteboard, showing you how much time you've spent watching Netflix trailersA 25-man orgy, in this economy?
Retweeted by Geraldine
My husband and my friend Andrew just made something really neat: a gift guide that doesn't suck, featuring cool, in… @gastrognome @celeste_noelani She's so good at script doctoring, it's unreal. @randfish (Also, I actually have the recipe for that cookie so I can make it at home) @randfish Fucker I made you cake tonightMad as this all is, I'm losing it over "too many to put here" because it's absolutely perfect.
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish (It was funfetti.) P.S. - your post is very good, and that pic of you and Andrew is 😍 @randfish Lubboooooo @randfish (I do love their red velvet, that part was correct) @randfish Pretty sure the Gottmans would be like, "Oh, y'all are fucked." @randfish You got my favorite cookie wrong, are we doomed as a couple? @randfish I have never had the dulce de leche cookie from Schmackary's, what are you talking about @celeste_noelani @dm_clover People are saying the thread is fake and I honestly don't care if it is, it's better th… your partner mocks, devalues, and destroys a fun thing you like or create, that’s not a red flag, it’s a klaxon.…
Retweeted by Geraldine @celeste_noelani I did *not* tell you to sign up for another class, I simply said that the advice you give me is so… @randfish Please, I'm fine, I had a book. @lisatozzi So much better!I appreciate bodegas, but this combination of items perhaps does not illustrate their appealthese are all things you can get at a store to convince my friends that they are as good and brilliant and beautiful as I know them to be is my cardio
As a Jew I always feel really left out during the scene in Die Hard where the dead guy's wearing this sweater so I…
Retweeted by GeraldineI have honestly thought about a Saw-like scenario where someone did this to me and I need to know if other people t… a writer means opening the document you absolutely goddamn geniused your way through yesterday and realizing…
Retweeted by GeraldineMaybe, just maybe, the government is trying to save your life, and not impinge on your imagined freedom to shop at…
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish @wilreynolds Dude. I won't interfere with what you two have.This looks fucking rad
Retweeted by GeraldineI can only speak for myself, but that's how you end up marrying someone with the last name "Fishkin." (It's fine.… @anylaurie16 Why does this make me so happy
@itsbday Oh heyyyy @LauraMLippman I mean, if I *had* to. Besides, Meryl is probably busy.
@SuzyWhitworth @kendrakayx keep responding to this tweet with movies that aren't the Muppets Take Manhattan, and that is incorrect. @Lynterp Yup!