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Writer. Feminist. Snack-enthusiast. I got hacked for writing about cinnamon rolls. Then I got a James Beard Award. She/Her.

578 Following   104,076 Followers   72,064 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/11/09


@Husky1987 Cute!And https://t.co/zWaU64JutzRunners-up https://t.co/S13dSPwQcAI know I should probably say like my husband or my career but it's pasta https://t.co/OV0L7be6Ja https://t.co/m8Xyn7HIR0If you’re judgmental of kids who aren’t just asking for modest things and expressing humility to Santa, screw you a… https://t.co/aT4QxQheu4
Retweeted by Geraldine @CorbeauSeattle Were you in the reserves?♥️♥️♥️😭 https://t.co/dLkMTGxWDuJerry, I love you but what https://t.co/HtDoY6YFht @L1lcamcam Is she up for being interviewed by a total dorkus?Just a reminder that these 3 women in their 70s/80s, who have been publicly scrutinized for decades for the way the… https://t.co/9oXzf6aJVv
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish I didn't read your entire question but name it FartToro, you're welcome @douglasmack Goddamn it. @douglasmack Look, I don't want to challah at you @douglasmack DOUGLAS HERSHEL MACK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU @ryeisenberg Clearly a post has to happen. @douglasmack DOUG.Four weeks ago Hunter Biden was a suspect in an international criminal enterprise and now all the Trump children need pardons.
Retweeted by Geraldine @callingcrow The first thing.Dang, a lot of you are surprised by this, I see I am going to have to blog about this after all. @culverculv @hellobeatrix It was on his Twitter, but Eater did a write of it, though it doesn't address his other c… https://t.co/I6hN3vj9ew @hellobeatrix Big old pile of racist trashThis year has been so crazy I haven't even had time to reflect on how Alton Brown is trash. @GraceLP Mazel!! @CorbeauSeattle Looking for emergency response? Like, distribution of aid and resources to civilians during an emer… https://t.co/60T0awaVl8
12/4
2020
@goninago Cool beans, thank you! @goninago Can I send you a DM? @mateoboomboom In part, yes! @nerdseyeview ♥️♥️♥️😘 @nerdseyeview I think probably not. But let's hold on that because they might know something?HELLO IS ANYONE HERE IN EMERGENCY SERVICES OR THE NATIONAL GUARD, I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW THINGS WORK AND NEED HELP (Yes, I'm shouting) @celeste_noelani ♥️💔 @RobOusbey @TheWho ROB. Your life is such a charming sitcom. @JoeHarper @kittenwithawhip No, neither. @kittenwithawhip This is just great. I have reynaud's, so honestly I can't get warm sometimes, but it's still really helpful.Despite all their rage He is still known as Elliot Page
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish https://t.co/YaoZLBFm8B @ClickToZoom Zilch! @savluvX Thank you, it's made of spiders"Our house has two couches, a loveseat, and seven arm chairs and I am sitting on an IKEA bench in the kitchen" leve… https://t.co/ruhMF3jvjo @ZackBornstein God bless Taylor Hicks for looking 45 at the tender age of 28 and then just hit pause there"If"? Motherfucker the election was over a month ago, your dude lost https://t.co/5p3QLdv9pZSome of y’all are geniuses https://t.co/Tuq7VsmVyC
Retweeted by GeraldineThis comment and its replies are making me so happy. https://t.co/6Xl1BDJb9H
Retweeted by Geraldine
12/3
2020
@DanaSchwartzzz Child, please, @randfish and I have been crushing for years, you didn't invent this @Nelba_MG I love you to pieces. @kittenwithawhip @joshgondelman Kat, what @edwardderuiter @mschlapp @RichardGrenell Also we lost the senate, that was super clever of us @mschlapp @RichardGrenell The beauty of us stealing the election from Trump is that we intentionally left so much e… https://t.co/6ZIcKSKOyL
Retweeted by GeraldineSomeone just released an album on Spotify called "OK Google Play Music" and I am basking in the evil brilliance of… https://t.co/1msxSdUHmOEvery time Georgia news conferences get around, people fawn over the official ASL interpreter for the state. A lot… https://t.co/jPVQCVrbbC
Retweeted by Geraldine @ZacharyCohn Under 18?I love when people point out shit that is literally in your bio like it's a "gotcha." Seriously well done, Columb… https://t.co/hmZQx940ICI'm not even mad about him selling pardons, it's honestly like the smartest business move he's done.Trump: Hunter Biden is a criminal! Look into it! He did business! With countries! Illegally! On computers! Also Tr… https://t.co/6qP4qoFltQI know the BUT WHAT IF OBAMA DID IT game is tired and fraught but could you imagine if on his way out of office Oba… https://t.co/AWmO6vK5mh
Retweeted by GeraldineThe definition of conservatism remains the same: it doesn't matter until it happens to me. https://t.co/OgwarTavXT
Retweeted by GeraldinePoor Tiffany, not even included in the family crimesDamn, I guess Tiffany is on her own https://t.co/zz4qtMjn85Like, honestly I think it would be hilarious if he grifted Giuliani.It's just confusing because Trump is going to pardon a bunch of terrible people who *didn't* give him money and we'… https://t.co/7QkjZkOTWN @gastrognome ♥️♥️♥️Is it bad that this no longer registers shock or anger for me at all, like not even a little bit, honestly all I ca… https://t.co/Uwmf9ipw4TIt’s obvious that the only way for Trump supporters to show they stand behind the president is to boycott the Ga. S… https://t.co/Ui01gvjwhB
Retweeted by Geraldine @fittim70 Yay! @sam_aye_ahm TOO REALA recurring nightmare that's just Katie Porter with her whiteboard, showing you how much time you've spent watching Netflix trailersA 25-man orgy, in this economy? https://t.co/6ArCgjTaaw
Retweeted by Geraldine
12/2
2020
My husband and my friend Andrew just made something really neat: a gift guide that doesn't suck, featuring cool, in… https://t.co/cmzfVutX26 @gastrognome @celeste_noelani She's so good at script doctoring, it's unreal. @randfish (Also, I actually have the recipe for that cookie so I can make it at home) @randfish Fucker I made you cake tonightMad as this all is, I'm losing it over "too many to put here" because it's absolutely perfect. https://t.co/lXA9w1YfZt
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish (It was funfetti.) P.S. - your post is very good, and that pic of you and Andrew is 😍 @randfish Lubboooooo @randfish (I do love their red velvet, that part was correct) @randfish Pretty sure the Gottmans would be like, "Oh, y'all are fucked." @randfish You got my favorite cookie wrong, are we doomed as a couple? @randfish I have never had the dulce de leche cookie from Schmackary's, what are you talking about @celeste_noelani @dm_clover People are saying the thread is fake and I honestly don't care if it is, it's better th… https://t.co/30acq0fbemIf your partner mocks, devalues, and destroys a fun thing you like or create, that’s not a red flag, it’s a klaxon.… https://t.co/lZQQFy1iZ5
Retweeted by Geraldine @celeste_noelani I did *not* tell you to sign up for another class, I simply said that the advice you give me is so… https://t.co/DLRXxHH2fs @randfish Please, I'm fine, I had a book. @lisatozzi So much better!I appreciate bodegas, but this combination of items perhaps does not illustrate their appealthese are all things you can get at a store https://t.co/Pm8PXNLb1jTrying to convince my friends that they are as good and brilliant and beautiful as I know them to be is my cardio
12/1
2020
As a Jew I always feel really left out during the scene in Die Hard where the dead guy's wearing this sweater so I… https://t.co/tcSE2N4GFq
Retweeted by GeraldineI have honestly thought about a Saw-like scenario where someone did this to me and I need to know if other people t… https://t.co/9XlbV53MFaBeing a writer means opening the document you absolutely goddamn geniused your way through yesterday and realizing… https://t.co/n3dj0L8i9j
Retweeted by GeraldineMaybe, just maybe, the government is trying to save your life, and not impinge on your imagined freedom to shop at… https://t.co/9KRYZoNPOE
Retweeted by Geraldine @randfish @wilreynolds Dude. I won't interfere with what you two have.This looks fucking rad https://t.co/RlbeBNB6rn
Retweeted by GeraldineI can only speak for myself, but that's how you end up marrying someone with the last name "Fishkin." (It's fine.… https://t.co/cCO9V03yjD @anylaurie16 Why does this make me so happy
11/30
2020
@itsbday Oh heyyyy @LauraMLippman I mean, if I *had* to. Besides, Meryl is probably busy. https://t.co/bxQQXuLL0h
11/29
2020
@SuzyWhitworth https://t.co/9WIASdUdTD @kendrakayx https://t.co/OTDrW3G35NPeople keep responding to this tweet with movies that aren't the Muppets Take Manhattan, and that is incorrect. @Lynterp Yup!
11/28
2020

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