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Jake Flores @feraljokes Hell's Bathroom NY

@PodDamnAmerica / YOKO at El Cortez 2nd Tuesdays / Homeland Security's Comics To Watch

1,676 Following   26,106 Followers   33,623 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/17/08

Lmao one of the kids fell and bonked his head and the dad is holding a beer up to the kids headWait never mind I figured this one out. You guys bring your kids to the bar and I go do coke at chuck e cheese. I'm actually into thisAttention craft breweries of America: I am so grateful that so many of you choose to host stand up comedy shows, an… you bring kids to a bar that's fucked up. People are all horny and doing cocaine and shit in here. Also its like 10 pm what the hell
Retweeted by Jake FloresMillennial Retard is actually the name of my old Observer column @ceofBaes Downtown ishI think I'm downtown. I'm near thirdspace and gracies and shit @w4est It took like an hour but I did it!!! @feraljokes Hi Jake - The stereotype that shitty comedians run the world is a vile centuries old anti-semitic trope…
Retweeted by Jake Flores
They're not even hiding this shit anymore huh this the jeff dunham puppet Mab is the ramen hair gun girl of liberalsStatement:
Retweeted by Jake FloresThese are so fucking funny you read in high school paired up with podcasts normies listen to on the subway
Retweeted by Jake FloresThe rapid shift in liberals from Ilhan "She gets the Hi-Job Done" Omar to giving into racist attacks against her is…
Retweeted by Jake FloresSubsy no!!!!!! @mrrileymcgrath Apparently it works on me @DxGGEAUX Louis CKYIt’s twitter, not a dick. Don’t take it so hard
Retweeted by Jake FloresI'm still laughing about "here are some gepettos for your Pinocchios 👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻" God damn why is AOC good at jokesRIP “astrology is dumb but harmless”
Retweeted by Jake Flores @AOC Why is someone who makes costumes ordering pizzaI am eating at Mel's diner, filming location of the late 70s sitcom "Alice," origin of the phrase "kiss my grits" a… destroys hecklers expectationsValentines day 2019: someone heckled me so hard we ended up making outJoe
Retweeted by Jake FloresRead the replies for some insane people who love...the Waltons for some reason?
Retweeted by Jake Flores @feraljokes This is the most petty thing I've ever done to spite a conservative pundit
Retweeted by Jake FloresHey @dailydot etc I'm glad y'all are writing about me and we're in the wild west here rules wise but my venmo is… @StreetFightWCRS This speaks to me
Retweeted by Jake FloresThis guy @KellerMusician is playing pretty sick acoustic solo stuff with like a drum machine and beat box shit going on and its pretty sickAbout to go on stage here. These people will probably not be around for it!
Retweeted by Jake FloresI'm playing a gay bar on valentine's day. Lot going on here @yusefroach Three tonight!I stopped watching the Simpsons a long time ago and stopped listening to WTF a while ago and I will absolutely list… have this amazing ability to love AOC without admitting that they vehemently argued against everything in… @chick_in_kiev That's honestly the hardest part of the game @MormonRoadblock I'm doing a reddit ama soon and I look forward to having 300 cumboys ask me the same questionGritty is gonna get Me Tooed you get paid for being in a million articles like this at some point Sometime today. Jeff Bezos is having his version of angry sex.
Retweeted by Jake FloresOne factor that concerned Amazon executives was how activists in New York City broadened their attacks from the spe…
Retweeted by Jake FloresLmao Mishka's house has the triforce on it hell yeah in this house we throw bombs at gorons go watch this dude play… at this Joy Division ass window who in Phoenix Denver or LA can give me a tattoo of a ratCanceling plans on valentine's day? No wonder your wife left you is a little essay about: • the essential components of good Medicare for All • what Medicare for All isn't •…
Retweeted by Jake FloresYes, I’m making a Valentine’s day dinner for my fiancé, but I’m doing it while listening to Cum Town.
Retweeted by Jake FloresEvery once in a while one of these premises pops into my head and boy oh boy would I love to review this Bruce Spri… used to write this series of satire things called A Millennial Reviews where I'd review TV shows as this idiot mi…
Sending this one out to my big emo president hit me up about Phoenix tonight I can't find the DM but here it is!!!!Tonight I will be unveiling my revolutionary new comedy character Penis AnsariDo they think this is Marc Maron
Retweeted by Jake FloresAnd they’re SPECTACULAR
Retweeted by Jake FloresWhite women rule someone doesn’t wanna go on a date with me I have a sitcom style break down and go “and by the way, they’r… thought this would be more obvious but the point of this picture is that this dumb ass van doesn’t fit in this parking spaceIs Colin Jost going to be okValentimes ❤️ day is fun and it’s nice to give cards and tell people you love them but idolizing catholic saints is…
Retweeted by Jake FloresBezos baby I had to get out of new york too, I get it man. My DMs are open if you need to talk well new york is full of blizzards and people that hate me so I'm gonna dick around in the desert out here… the shit out of me God, spit in my mouth hell yeah I'm so full of your light are at Mishka's home, where there's a place for everything and everything fits in its place @owningthewhigs She was going off about how much she loves red scareshe didn't even offer us a drink smh
Retweeted by Jake Floresi hope all my friends are canceled instead of die young. id be comforted knowing you're very cancelled and alive. i…
Retweeted by Jake FloresIf I were president I would give citizenship to aliens and Bigfoot
Retweeted by Jake FloresThe guy who sold @KamalaHarris weed must feel like the luckiest man on the planet. Every other person she saw with…
Retweeted by Jake Flores @fiveoclocon @MishkaShubaly Ah balls, we had to book it to Phoenix @fiveoclocon @MishkaShubaly Where's thatSpent a lot of time on this tour trying to pry some answers and some meaning out of the big fucked up country we're… @TotallyAllen Women have roasted the shit out of me for this @JonesSa @illegalpetestuc Good to hear @feraljokes @illegalpetestuc Illegal Pete's is good
Retweeted by Jake FloresAbout to get fed for free at @illegalpetestuc before the damn show. Why is this the only restaurant that understand… @RUMMSKiiiS I think they only have that at Nancy Pelosi's down home neoliberal bar and grill @HieronymusMcG @KaraCalavera @msbellows This is probably because you're not very smart#Tucson tonight! @borderlandsbrew (119 E Toole) 8 pm ONLY $5 to see @PaulyPeligroso @feraljokes
Retweeted by Jake FloresI was obsessed with Ryan Adams when I was 14. Who knew I actually had a chance.
Retweeted by Jake FloresHell yeah I'm in Teen Vogue man that shit's boring who caresThe deadI'm in fucking Tuscon and I have thead eyes of a long distance trucker now @DeadLecturer Noice!
@sciencebymail Shut up and play football!!!At this point, the feeling of dread and frustration I get from talking to deranged liberals who are voting against… @MamoudouNDiaye His mind is too strong they're gonna have to put him in the magneto jail @MamoudouNDiaye The mind of a brilliant artist @GoMikeJGo @DavidKlion I know. It's bad and he suck ass and is ironically making the opposite point he's trying to makeIf there's no ice then we are to assume that the late term abortion is a dry shake that probably includes frothing… would get so fucking blasted here everyone was pearl clutching over Ilhan’s Omar’s tweet, she’s been busy lighting Elliot Abrams’ ass up for be…
Retweeted by Jake FloresMax for 20 years: [supports every war and the GOP] Max a few months ago: I was wrong about everything, I’m good no…
Retweeted by Jake Flores @gnarmz420 You seem like you're having a normal one