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Jake Flores @feraljokes Hell's Bathroom NY

Comedian / @PodDamnAmerica / @MrCleoPod / YOKO at El Cortez 2nd Tuesdays / Homeland Security's Comics To Watch

1,570 Following   23,533 Followers   31,948 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/17/08


Has like everyone done this joke i can’t tell my brain is fried right nowKevin Hart is so short he had to step UP from hosting the OscarsThe only thing I apologize for is my jokes, bitch They're bad!!!! https://t.co/aBAOKANDJzim foing a show in bushwick on tuesday. https://t.co/zXEIHEl70Z
Retweeted by Jake FloresIn Japanese Folklore, the 'Tenjōname' is a spirit that comes out of the darkness on cold winter nights and licks yo… https://t.co/d6r1Xz043c
Retweeted by Jake Flores @jeremythunder https://t.co/jUfYwIJnp3⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 🤠   👁👁👁 👁 👁 👁 👇 👁👁 👇   👁 👁   👁  👁   👢 👢 howdy. i'm the sheriff of eye
Retweeted by Jake Flores @jeremythunder https://t.co/A0KfFEYMsr
12/10
2018
Stand up comedy is so clearly run by mentally ill people, every time I have ever texted someone to be like "I can't… https://t.co/WFUaBJIDHNFaye Valentine is all of usYeah it will probably be ehh but it doesn't erase the perfect source material its working off of. This is kind of h… https://t.co/jowki9mWsV @PissCastle You're going to get killed @PissCastle I'll pull you out if you get too weird @PissCastle This is literally the only good one. Just watch it and duck back out @VaporvaweJourno This is a good point tbh @KY_FriedComrade I don't really get mad about reboots and honestly can't wait to see what they do even if it sucks @Papapishu She's the first person to go viralSpike is Marc Maron, Jet is a guy that you work with that reads Chomsky but is ultimately a nihilist, Ed is a Twitt… https://t.co/QDyF6dnTycFaye Valentine is the most millennial character in Cowboy Bebop. Becoming a freelance bounty hunter to outrun an as… https://t.co/E91gYiyjiR @cevichepapi 😢Might fuck around and watch one of the really depressing cowboy bebopsYou've heard of elf on the shelf but how about staring at a wall while all the serotonin in your body drips out of the side of your headnew smash has harambe and the kid that fell into the cage but no waluigi wow ok https://t.co/1p7w86IPPS
Retweeted by Jake FloresKrassenstein 3D and its a video game where you fight the buff Robert MuellersLmao this fuckin minion got raptured https://t.co/IMziPlr1JL @yusefroach @GILockwood @raminnazer @thedanielwebb Yusef your episode was good it me very sad @FishermanRdr2 Fuck! This is true!I actually won something!!!! Suck my dick!!!!! https://t.co/moJsFjXrjwLmao I'm at a white elephant and literally everyone brought drugshttps://t.co/eiGqXRCr8i
Retweeted by Jake FloresLook at this idiot https://t.co/38Qa6kZiusI think she just thinks I'm really into hanging out with her in bed these days. She is an idiotThe cat I live with is getting a lot out of this massive winter depression I'm experiencing
12/9
2018
Drank cold brew on an empty stomach am I going to die what is this feelingTrump is FINISHED this timeThis thread good lord https://t.co/oMrqJ1Xa3wWED 1/2: The Roast of History. Throughout history there have been many figures and movements deserving of mockery y… https://t.co/S6Cy8B0G1l
Retweeted by Jake FloresCan't believe a guy coughed up one of Melania's Christmas trees https://t.co/Ptra3IOp3k
Retweeted by Jake Flores
12/8
2018
*spitting my caviar out* https://t.co/3MnrtwG3P1 @CNNRGLDN Your diet worries meKevin Hart steps down as Oscars host, becomes even shorter
Retweeted by Jake FloresI will pour you a G+T that you can just drink with your mouth for 24 dollars you idiot https://t.co/7xecHvuFUjPuta Must Mean “Ally” in Spanish Because Mexican Dudes Keep Calling Me That https://t.co/SbqJb6DXpk
Retweeted by Jake Floresthere is only one person qualified to host the Oscars. it's no contest, really https://t.co/cWaRNBQ2hW
Retweeted by Jake FloresThe Oscars are traditionally hosted by the most famous man named OscarThere is so much beauty in the world https://t.co/MMe4YHbU5f @darrenrovell SHUT UP, NERD! #TitanUp
Retweeted by Jake FloresNext Yoko show's booked. dec 11th!!!!!! https://t.co/EwTNbXICEZBeto it's cold outsideWhen you did coke last night but it's cool no one can tell https://t.co/89s0g0eT80I can't handle the existential weight of my Spotify year end thing. I know I'm going to die soon and have musical taste that reflects it @pushological @IHateNYT @AndyKindler @majorityfm Don't snitch then!!! @pushological @IHateNYT @AndyKindler @majorityfm Why does someone always have to NARC and tag the person
12/7
2018
I swear he just finished the last episode and started it over what is happeningMy roommate has somehow been watching The Haunting of Hill House for 2 straight months“Why are Tumblr and Facebook cracking down on sex so much? And why is Facebook in so over zealous about it? It’s al… https://t.co/mlNduw4z3F
Retweeted by Jake FloresPlease help this dude out. Nicest guy in the world. https://t.co/0bBC4I87EQIts so weird that this isn't even about Hillary or Trump anymore. At this point these people are just trying to kee… https://t.co/0fjRJ20PnPThis is journalism. It's not an "orchestrated attack," someone just disagrees with you. It's 2 years out from this… https://t.co/A0yWpW162YI really like Andy Kindler!!!! Easily my favorite thing about him is that he's not a coward and he doesnt let peop… https://t.co/qx1c0eBYgrLol wuh oh https://t.co/ammAoPob7vBaby it's Cold Outside is a song of Northern aggressionOmw to work! https://t.co/wdcQie3Wm7I am skeptical that the toothless kid from Stranger Things is really this passionate about fiber optic networkingI love to wake up and immediately be angry about it"don't mean to feed a fed horse bu-" *everyone starts beating the shit out of me*The same people that say “Fake it till you make it.” Say “Keep it Real” Let that sink in.........
Retweeted by Jake Floreshttps://t.co/qW9WHndnPP
Retweeted by Jake FloresThe year is 2020. Beto O'Rourke is president. Capitalism is still in decay. America is still the largest exporter o… https://t.co/TTf5OECNK1
Retweeted by Jake Flores
12/6
2018
This is maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen onlineLmao https://t.co/vxTZ0BDyzCI wish my parents would die so I could kill myself.
Retweeted by Jake Flores @arayyay @hulu Lmaodear @hulu no one ever wants to watch last man standing after black-ish
Retweeted by Jake FloresSomeone has brought it to my attention that if you leave or get kicked out of the Cellar they high road you by comp… https://t.co/eaCbxyfoyxWhy does it take famous people like 3 months to die @sasimons Are you telling me I can get a free dinner for walking out in the middle of Colin Quinn or something @JerryActually Lmao she is owning her cat so hardCOMEDY CELLAR: we should let the audience decide whether they want Louis to come back AUDIENCE: BOOOOOO COMEDY C… https://t.co/aBXXWPDvcxTHEORY: this is not a real human and does not understand human food https://t.co/QodopQ7CP8 @luisadieznuts @PodDamnAmerica 💀It's an intolerable obscenity that at the same time Bohemian Rhapsody is the #1 movie in the world the US is prepar… https://t.co/eHpij8Rhxk
Retweeted by Jake Flores @rachelmillman Great view!!! @JoshtheSandwich Because he’s living like one @rachelmillman Look I’m trying to get someone to pay for this bullshit @alex3nglish Hahahahahaai’m shocked r kelly doesn’t only sing in A minor
Retweeted by Jake Flores @JulieLeto @shaunking The president has literally never held office
12/5
2018
@shaunking run* not fun
Retweeted by Jake Flores @JulieLeto @shaunking That's a good thingDo you mean Mixology 101 in that this is like remedial bartending https://t.co/GqiDAJjcePhttps://t.co/AdQOcYdi3T
Retweeted by Jake Floresi want to become a master plumber so i can make shit rain on my enemies
Retweeted by Jake Flores' george bush master of porno '
Retweeted by Jake Flores @CrackerBarrel wher can i pickup merch ft. shitty beard guy who needs all sorts of wile e coyote shit to hunt the most pathetic animals ever
Retweeted by Jake FloresThis is an adult man in 2018 https://t.co/5BkgKcv0iM
Retweeted by Jake FloresHello I'm https://t.co/NSCX9PZqKFI for one am disgusted by this misogynistic attack on my feminist hero Beto O'Rourke https://t.co/J3bE3J6DzzYou’ve heard of Elf on the Shelf, now get ready for your dad walking out on his family
Retweeted by Jake FloresI spent all year trying to learn shit and I learned shit but now it's December and I'm tired of learning shit. Plea… https://t.co/CO3khOQKGp
12/4
2018

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