Sign in with Twitter

Username:

Confess your sins anonymously - will the internet absolve you? 👖 Sponsored by @hebtroco 🩳

195 Following   101,970 Followers   8,942 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/15/18


I use my wife's silicon based anal lube to keep my elderly parents wooden drawers easy to open on their antique furnitureGot a foot long from Subway on my dinner break. Ate it on the way back. Went for a shit. Also a foot long. One in, one out.Lived with an obnoxious flat mate who would loudly play Call of Duty until 4AM. Took great pleasure in sneaking out… https://t.co/KJFUhkYaxiIf being married has taught me anything, that for 30 years I was stacking the washing machine wrong, driving badly,… https://t.co/1nY3xmfHCRWorked on public transport and brought home stuff left behind. No valuables, just things that would be binned - cha… https://t.co/ROSHQ6uiscAdd your confession to the form: Maybe you did something unpleasant to Graham Norton? https://t.co/We2jXkDjwf >> Sponsored by @hebtrocoI have a pair of long-nosed electricians' pliers that sit on a hook in the shed. Every time I need them, I am compe… https://t.co/odVfZUoslPI've used Wikipedia since it launched in 2001 yet never donated a penny. Even when they beg for £2 I scroll past for my free content.At a primary school nativity I had to play accompaniment to 'Little Donkey' on the glockenspiel. I couldn't read mu… https://t.co/D8N93ue3osWhenever I cook super noodles for my kids I always eat half of the seasoning sachet before I make them. They never… https://t.co/PvxE6PyVegSince becoming single dad to twin girls I've done huge amounts of shoplifting. I go into a shop put things in the b… https://t.co/YIeaOn05rkWhen a recipe says to wilt spinach a handful at a time I just yeet the whole lot in at once and it always turns out fineHad anal on the first date with a tinder match. As soon as I went in I knew something was wrong & pulled out covere… https://t.co/3i5NWu7uXiWhenever I get the house to my self and I feel like knocking one out to pornhub on my laptop I use the bluetac from… https://t.co/gLP71UZ6DWMy wife gives amazing head and can almost deep throat. I'm so competitive that whenever I eat a banana I see how mu… https://t.co/4lutYCYTe6I hate my family with a passion. I'm actively trying to infect then all with Covid in the hopes it kills a few of them off.I chose to piss myself when I was 12 because I didn't want to wake up the girl I had a massive crush on. I'd have t… https://t.co/zFrlqiqmZB
1/17
2021
I'm 46yrs old and throughout lockdown all I've wanted to do is smoke some weed. It's been at least 15 years since I… https://t.co/vY5G7p66vsI work as a delivery driver for a major supermarket. Customers in the shop are so cunty that when I'm driving the v… https://t.co/I2PKutkDv8Up until the age of 17 I thought reindeers were mythical creatures.Our new bathroom doesn't have a mirror fitted yet so I shave using a hand held one in shower- I like to pretend I'm… https://t.co/bKr5XcM0YyI married my hot lover rather than my reliable fiancée. She was willing to forgive but I wasn't willing to lose fac… https://t.co/d8SJLSvgIqI'm a 26 year old female human and I really fancy Paddington Bear in the movies. His eyes are so dreamy.Add your confession to the form: Maybe you did something weird to Guy Siner? https://t.co/We2jXkDjwf >> Follow F… https://t.co/DtKUbIwsXUAt this time last year the pressures of work got to me and I was at the brink of commuting suicide. I'm watching It… https://t.co/vzhIOUx15FWhen I was 12 my older sister and her three sleepover friends thought a cruel demeaning prank was to hold me down a… https://t.co/jYkApLak53I filled in a retirement planning tool that tells you how much money you'll have when you retire. I am fucked, but probably so are you.I hit the break glass fire alarm for japes at the White Oaks leisure centre in Swanley when I was 7 or 8. It was a… https://t.co/SDCQAyteF9I despise my ex, for who he is and everything he's done. But my banking password is still our "safe" word, so that… https://t.co/5zdyGiWJozWhen I deposit money into my William Hill betting account it comes up on my bank statement as WHO - The wife quizze… https://t.co/eXvetJZXPTEvery time we go on family holidays abroad, I always put my stash of drugs in my Mum's handbag or coat pocket as we go through customsI found a glass vial necklace in my brothers room containing what I thought was cocaine so bumped a bit, turns out… https://t.co/j02thXXsOIOn one day of each week I like to drink a litre of beetroot juice. It makes my pee pink and my poo purple. It is th… https://t.co/M2Uhi7NI1xEvery time I buy a coffee from greggs I will take 4 sugars but will only use 1, I empty them into a jar at home. Not bought sugar for years.When I was a kid I made my little sister eat my snot and drink a cup full of piss or else "Santa wouldn't come this… https://t.co/NC0450oFpd
1/16
2021
My wife thinks I'm more into football than I am, when she watches those bakeoff type shows about sewing and pottery… https://t.co/7g5XscyX5VMy piss smells of mushroom soup and I don't know what to doI'm in my late 30s now, with a pregnant wife and so don't get the chance to get stoned as much as in my younger day… https://t.co/QHLLghj9s2My wife can't 'commune' with me while there's washing up in the sink. I could leave it there for days. When I'm in… https://t.co/g3Oj1On6auWhen Mary Anne Hobbs says "You're locked on to BBC Radio 6" I turn the radio off until 1pm just to prove I am notThe birth of our first child was during covid restrictions and I've quite enjoyed not having people coming over unannounced to visit.Add your confession to the form: Maybe you did something horrible with a plate? https://t.co/We2jXkDjwf >> Follo… https://t.co/nLXxeP5PRIMessage from admin: someone you might not be aware but Fesshole has an older and less popular brother. The first ve… https://t.co/RONDXFfrQh
Retweeted by Fesshole 🙏 ⚫️I don't often wank about celebrities, but when I do, I have to engineer a plausible backstory for myself about how… https://t.co/RuDqZ9h5jpWas selling a house, there was a hole in the roof, leaked in to loft and on bedroom ceiling. Buyers sent a roofer r… https://t.co/NOwBEST3vEI will randomly beep my car horn whist sat in traffic. Then frantically look around so no one would suspect it's me who has just beeped.Recently found out that the time in 2004 when I turned down the offer to come back to my friends house with her fit… https://t.co/XZpm2UpKUyAt uni, I drunkenly tried to seduce the ticket man when I couldn't afford the ticket on the last train home. Litera… https://t.co/ibkd6CJYcqAs a teen in Wales in the 90's I tried to sabotage a live taping of Songs of Praise by pulling out random wires in the tech control room.I like to play Call of Duty online, I name my gun's after Coronation Street characters and have done for over 10 ye… https://t.co/SIangdul7jWhen I was a kid, I made a Lego submarine for some daddy long legs I captured one late autumn. However, upon it's m… https://t.co/EkfRIHieuBI know it's wrong but the 20p bag for life from the supermarket makes an excellent kitchen bin bag. The thin ones a… https://t.co/8Fi2Y1pnIaI pretty much always start the new toothpaste before the old one has run out. Just seems so desperate squeezing eve… https://t.co/rT6ZGZIuMBAround twice a month I book a room at the Travelodge down the road and just lie in bed eating pizza, burgers, choco… https://t.co/AEqB3Gv6LJ
1/15
2021
I record all my farts through the day on my phone and play them back when I feel depressed. The recording is over f… https://t.co/KZb7m1nLVWAn otolaryngologist once dug deep and removed the most spectacular chunk of wax from my ear; twice the size of anyt… https://t.co/HWrU5dOARIMy nose runs when I empty my knackers. The more I stamp on the toothpaste the worse it gets. Really annoying on a g… https://t.co/r4TAHbERrwOver the last few years I have eaten sticks of deodorant. I do it secretly while sitting on the toilet. No one know… https://t.co/GTRi9PTGHIMe and one of my friends filmed a homemade 20 minute long porn video just for fun, but I deleted it the next mornin… https://t.co/8jyZJ6EI9cTo encourage our resue pound puppy to pee outside, I took him to the corner of the yard and peed in the garden in f… https://t.co/bOMrO4WBEBAdd your confession to the form: Maybe you did something illegal with a camera? https://t.co/We2jXkDjwf BTW: Fol… https://t.co/2j73psTVIVI once caught a well known soap actress getting fingered in the isle of her local Blockbuster Video and had to kick… https://t.co/gnfeeBwqXE90% of my job is knowing the correct terms to Google.Once when I moved I pretend I was still a roofer when going to the pub after work, I would go home and get changed… https://t.co/FekcnYKzbjSince we've both been working from home I've overhead my wife on a number of calls managing a small team about real… https://t.co/F7MPvD6d0KIn Year 8 and 9 at school, I used to draw swastikas on school tables and books, laughing while I did. We had awful… https://t.co/n8Sd46Ai3lI find sending Christmas cards tedious in the extreme.I tell people that I have donated to a local food bank instead. This is a lie.Whenever anyone asks what I do for a living I say I work in 'online retail' . I actually sell drugs on the darknet so it's kind of trueWhen I get mashed potato for tea I still like to use my fork to "plough the field" into nice furrows. I've been doing this 40 yearsAs a teenager I invented a dice game to help me decide which girl in my class to think about during my next wank. D… https://t.co/q4pjq3TVtYI'm a raging pirate and enjoy running a server just to share movies and TV shows. I take particular satisfaction in… https://t.co/95GBbEPch9My wife doesn't understand how I'm not losing weight. I get high and eat butter with a spoon after she's gone to bed.
1/14
2021
I used to regularly get up in the middle of the night and eat my housemates food, he angrily confronted me about it… https://t.co/hx2mueOmx5If a vehicle with commercial signage cuts me up, pulls out in front of me, or otherwise pisses me off, I look them… https://t.co/OsCD8I09SAI took a batch of cakes into work thinking I'd cheer everyone up and share. Within half an hour they had all got on… https://t.co/5M3ELBSsGmAs a 5th grader I faked a belly ache to get out of a maths test. I then followed through faking symptoms until even… https://t.co/ebxAdECnBQI used to work for an ISP. In my first month on the job I accidentally redirected all incoming emails for every sin… https://t.co/dTtxrGZ8klI always cut my son's pizzas into 8 pieces, then before I give it them, I eat a slice from each pizza, they've never noticed,Add your confession to the form: Maybe you did something illegal with a nec pc-100? https://t.co/We2jXkDjwf BTW: Sponsored by @hebtrocoI used to WFH 1 day a week as an informal agreement between me & my boss. I was just about to ask to increase it to… https://t.co/spb2MBdd9LI once poured a beer in a friends washing machine where you would usually put the comfort. He told me that his mrs… https://t.co/kypfzqCLFhI once let my 3 year old try some of my spicy bbq dip & to put it lightly he didn't like it. Since then I've told h… https://t.co/oHOKJnWUbNI've recently started going for a poo without the accompaniment of a phone or book. Just pooing, whilst looking int… https://t.co/3E4WsEqiLyIn my social circle i'm known as the "tea guy". I have a huge collection of exotic teas, friends always buy me new… https://t.co/MFtJh0y61IDuring lockdown I've been burying my post-wank jizzy tissues in the compost heap, which I've then used on the allot… https://t.co/u8oHl2IEz1Did you know it takes @robmanuel absolutely ages to read all the confessions and choose what to publish? 42,000 sub… https://t.co/Et5a0hP9A2
Retweeted by Fesshole 🙏 ⚫️I've just noticed that the muscles on my right forearm and tangibly larger than those on my left. Never noticed tha… https://t.co/Mu1BteSvmbSo many women complain of men with small dicks, I would do anything to be with a guy with a small appendage, I'm on… https://t.co/Cs2mXdOxtKMy workplace refused to shut during the first lockdown, so I faked the NHS text on my phone in order to stay home.… https://t.co/Ic5uOsHqDOI sometimes put blobs of my girlfriend's conditioner in my beard so it looks like I've just sucked a guy off. I'm 100% straight.Back in 2000, Pulp played a secret gig at the Highbury Garage. My girlfriend and I hadn't seen each other in months… https://t.co/gR9YuvJidv
1/13
2021
Recently, I told my husband and kid to keep out of the bedroom because I was doing a "secret Christmas project". Fo… https://t.co/NOqt7iBdXzI can't walk past a Timpson without saying it in the voice of Montgomery J Burns.Periodically over the last 20 years I've put my mates phone number in our local free ad paper from an iPhone for £2… https://t.co/sBCGMVCFIuI was chipping away at the ice in my freezer when the knife I was using pierced a pipe. A jet of white powder spray… https://t.co/dAxdRHOymuComing home after a week abroad with the kids, I noticed that I'd left one of the rings on the gas hob burning for… https://t.co/zX2UB2oKKGMe and my girlfriend are supposed to be moving in together in to a new flat in Feb. I really don't want to so I kee… https://t.co/toAiUCETbGAdd your confession to the form: Maybe you did something nasty with a sim card? https://t.co/We2jXkDjwf BTW: Fol… https://t.co/MH8KyzgcdPI always talk to Alexa using the voice of Boycie from only fools and horses. Fuck knows why.I worked at a Wetherspoon pub in the run-up to the Brexit referendum. Whenever the customer magazine was delivered,… https://t.co/cFuRkFzSGw
1/12
2021

0