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fun in real life, funnier on twitter, funniest in my head

308 Following   473 Followers   3,327 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/15/13


new low deleting twitter https://t.co/A0x1qnuxxZi just want someone to watch mr beast videos with
1/18
2021
im moving https://t.co/snYMGy3fDn
1/17
2021
same w shawn johnson. https://t.co/HuP1dWIADswhen robert frost said nothing gold can stay he was talking about morning skinny
1/16
2021
the pregnancy picture of bindi irwin with her husband is so cute dont talk to me about anything else this week. im overwhelmed with it.
1/15
2021
when the boys were FORCED to give me cards ❤️❤️❤️❤️>>>> https://t.co/cOr8zAZ8ti
1/14
2021
ive been smiling at this picture trying to figure out what i should do with it for five minutes. my new favorite im… https://t.co/Tv2BzObsg8
1/12
2021
@chlo_moneyy_ delete thiswhyd we all watch tiger king
1/6
2021
THIS. https://t.co/dFcOzNQmAF @ty_plassman listen just because u met me in my “i hate all men and will never get close to anyone ever again” phas… https://t.co/S04TiBa6xK @ty_plassman ive done it before i can do it again
1/4
2021
this is either going to age really well or be really embarassing https://t.co/E2uwCb2jUtim getting a boyfriend this year ive decided. @nyaarry it happened suddenly last night so if u have my voodoo doll stop talking around it.last month i got my tonsils out this month i have pink eye can someone alert my physical body that im not 6 years old
1/3
2021
Charcuterie is a lost art https://t.co/vSGTSw519h
Retweeted by fizzif i can change the skin tone of people emojis why cant i change the color of the butterfly emoji @Apple @maggiemartin604 im embarrased whyd i forget u saw him and follow mebeing in a pandemic sucks bc i saw cody ko’s doppelgänger and did not kiss him
1/2
2020
We have the technology why can’t we make Instagram pink
Retweeted by fizz
12/30
2020
@nataliesisler go sit in a corneri do not care what youre doing right now stop it and go watch soul
12/29
2020
i would 100% die for any of my friends but i will never text them back
Retweeted by fizza 15% decrease in fear from last year good work team https://t.co/bAaDTza5LE
12/28
2020
can someone make me famous for existing please
Retweeted by fizzfor context it has been one year and i spent 365 days contemplating how there is 20 people scared of me. collecting… https://t.co/5kfmabn3jYare you genuinely scared of mei love my mom but ill never forgive her for being voted best dressed in high school in the 80s but not keeping a si… https://t.co/yEjPukoiQd
12/27
2020
but what if i get married and then the guys like “babe i got us an inflatable to put outside of the house!” THEN WH… https://t.co/0I9cNrLMx0
12/26
2020
stop posting cute pics of u and ur bf on christmas until i have one tooWhoever keeps asking Santa for a handsome man with small hands please stop. I am so sick of waking up underneath so… https://t.co/B6yL0KmiTr
Retweeted by fizz
12/25
2020
the neat thing about my taste in men is if you remind me of any guy in new girl i am 100% attracted to you automaticallywait what https://t.co/jWk6sOeZr1i feel like i reference the “guess what im eatin... pOPCORN” vine and have to pull it up and explain what i just said at least once a month
12/24
2020
@slutsaxk if ur go to glee episode isnt grilled cheesus ur wrongi just saw a tiktok of a figure skater and hockey player dating and if theres not a hallmark movie like that within the next year i-
12/23
2020
girl idk i tried that last time https://t.co/6rPMtDo9Izyou can tell potato chips are healthy and natural when the bag is matte instead of glossy
Retweeted by fizz
12/22
2020
@SummerStaiger i have never heard of her but kfc is :///// idk bout it @samsherrrr you have so many good ideas but this is at least in the top 3. im in.
12/21
2020
@tyler_dillon22 a-are we about to kiss rn
12/20
2020
can everyone get the vaccine and start falling in love i want to go to weddings @slutsaxk am i proud or embarrassed that i didnt need the parentheses to tell me who that is @fizzeree You guys totally know Michelle Gephart would make this happen!!! You could pull up to the back door and s… https://t.co/ekizArNAhH
Retweeted by fizz @lilyyyyrose_ not having those and not talking to mrs abner every day are easily the two hardest parts of college, enjoy it now 😪 @mrs_longman you are incredible, tell me when and i am on my way @mrs_longman please responddoes anyone know if im allowed to go back to my high school for a mashed potato bowl id literally pay $15 for one… https://t.co/zYnWt7Rvtf @jesshckmn @houseandhens this is my favorite candy of all time and i never understand why people havent heard of them
12/19
2020
@nyaarry he is literally my age but my heart wont let me move on ❤️literally everything nick jonas does is hot. i just watched an igtv of him making a cocktail and i had to get my inhaler.
12/18
2020
apples greatest creation was reacting to messages. WHAT would i do if i couldnt just ‘like’ a message??? text back????? 🤮🤮 absolutely not.
12/17
2020
@slutsaxk thought that was implied yes @taylormhk_ i am not but since you said this i will try to find you a recipe ❤️😌do i give off a dairy-free vibe? i know u didnt mean this as a compliment but im really flattered https://t.co/IKHc0tPijjthe SECOND i can function post tonsillectomy, i will be making hot chocolate bombs. thats all i have thought about… https://t.co/ULTbJzOhNv
12/15
2020
sorry guys i forgot to change my bitmoji out of her shorts, winter can start now
12/13
2020
why❤️ are the results❤️ 57% to 43% ❤️ i feel like this should not be close❤️someone from my hs just put an instagram poll up “do u sneeze with ur mask on or off” do we still not know what the masks are for i- @Ka_ni_ya @uofcincy these are so powerful i love uc showing off queensgetting ur tonsils out is all fun and games til the people in the park walk by and say goodmorning to u and u try t… https://t.co/pbKJcteAKu
12/12
2020
somebody drop kick my ass to new york city
Retweeted by fizz
12/9
2020
spotify wrapped but it tells me how many times i watched new girl this year
12/8
2020
I want hot chocolate and love
Retweeted by fizz
12/6
2020
if elise isnt hacking my phone to play sweet home alabama i dont want it https://t.co/OJpxEpb0nCi don’t think i’ll ever listen to music without jenna again
Retweeted by fizzhi elise @lilyyyyrose_ see why did this get blocked from everyones mind it was incredible
12/4
2020
everyone ignores when new girl and brooklyn nine nine overlapped for one episode i however think about it once a day to keep stable
12/3
2020
@slutsaxk ill be back next week so u better step upFUCK OFF U FUNNY BITCH https://t.co/I4U5zPZPof
Retweeted by fizz @slutsaxk sometimes i can still hear her voice ❤️i wish i could say the same 💔 https://t.co/tu0vnYL2V1its okay for your spotify wrapped 2020 not to be okayif anyone wants to get me a christmas gift i am a simple woman https://t.co/C6aHRCS2CE
12/2
2020
rats on gingerbread house. https://t.co/2pXtqMXBtWif you just looked out your window to watch me take literally 5 steps out of my apartment, slip on the ice, crawl o… https://t.co/3UDSYjmzb3 @ayefisher yeah imagine u go to check out on cyber monday and thats what u have to cope with
12/1
2020
18 + 29 equalling 47 is absolutely infuriating to me2020 is fine now https://t.co/zwpq9ox9b3
11/30
2020
@slutsaxk thank god @annaclaireeeeee i HATED this for u more than anything omgspent the whole pandemic feeling okay ab not attending any concerts bc my last one was the jonas brothers and that'… https://t.co/ZrVMH9e49N
11/29
2020
I have come to realize that absolutely every human on earth is from Ohio
Retweeted by fizzwhat is joe biden’s plan for joe burrow’s recovery
Retweeted by fizz
11/23
2020
Holy shit. If Rudolph has to wear a mask then according to the CDC it has to go over his nose which will make it h… https://t.co/JAg0JPqdej
Retweeted by fizzThanks for all the love. Can’t get rid of me that easy. See ya next year✊
Retweeted by fizzif anyone needs me - dont. https://t.co/y2Vp7EcjpF
11/22
2020
@ayefisher so what im hearing is i should start a podcast“we could cure all the worlds issues with the power of jojo siwa” - a real quote you will get listening to her talk… https://t.co/IgFxusc84a
Retweeted by fizzi should start a podcast so my friends can choose when to listen to me talk about nothingid do anything to go to another jonas brothers concert
11/13
2020
@slutsaxk thats impressive actually that im that high up for not being here ur right @slutsaxk i will do what it takes to make it to ring 1not being famous is so exhausting lately does anyone wanna go become famous w memeanwhile 7 year old jenna watching camp rock is wildly disappointed i dont have my shane grey yet https://t.co/Iu1fOq6o3Q
11/12
2020
i cant wait for when im old and david dobrik will be the main late night talk show host
11/10
2020

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