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Momager. Avid podcast listener. Professional napper. Pokemon trainer. Mudblood.

580 Following   645 Followers   54,286 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/5/09

True nevaeh is a place on htrae
Guess it’s time to find a new job for real 😒Our severance pay for being furloughed is a fucking JOKE. They take the average hours you worked monthly for the la… really need to learn to forgive myself and move on from things. Why is it so hard?
I don’t wanna hype ya, but you a lucky mf if my mean ass like ya.
Once the picture less profiles with old white lady names come to haunt your tweets about Trump you know you’ve made it @JordanBeckman’m gonna delete every semblance of a dating app and just accept that I am one of the few who are better off alone doing my own thing.Men are trash ✌🏼Kirstie alley tweeting about parents and dope while she’s a whole ass Scientologist 😂
I, too, want someone to climb all over me like a jungle gym. @mistachrish Smoked too much need a snack and some water lolLaying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, high as can be, blaring “Just Like A Pill” by P!nk. I know this is some…
As did a lot of prisoners for marijuana related “crimes”. And there hasn’t been enough of an outcry about that. So… my @theestallion voice- Real white girl shit!
Hey, @elonmusk. We heard you like rockets...
Retweeted by MaikeruFuck this little house on the prairie bitch in his eyes, peace in his smileI run through things so quick. I’ll be 115% into a hobby/game/book series for 2 weeks then I’ll be sick of it and l…
Fucking Cardi B is only 28!? @TESOnline @TroyMaxcy Hahahaha yes love this response @TESOnline is there a deadline for getting your free items from the crown store for participating in the antiquaria…
That’s a whole ass husband right there @OozaruMatrix Would be awesomeMy dad just answered the phone in public on speaker phone and I scolded him like he was my preteen child 😂
This is it lol my favorite tweet of all time @JordanBeckman Hahaha all that brujeria I guess
how you gonna say you don’t wanna be perceived but ur still being 🤣
Retweeted by Maikeru @JordanBeckman Hahaha frozen gluten free lobster Mac and cheeseI want to go to Trader Joe’s but I’m like lowkey too backwoods for it. What do I get?? Lady bug seasoning? Hamster…
Retweeted by MaikeruOkay people keep telling me I’m “handsome” and “cute” but if I’m so cute and still single is it my personality yall… missed half a conversation some friends were having and jumped back in to hear “oh yeah I got the edging done, no…
When he don’t text you all day 🥺
Retweeted by MaikeruThe one I’m wasting time with isn’t listed lol discussion and I wanna see how everyone feels: am I weird for walking down two hallways and up some stairs in… train ride really has me ready to go on a longer trip somewhere 😂 who’s tryna go?
How do people listen to this man talk and not get a headache? The repetition and trying to make things sound so goo…’s already put on more of a performance than some of the other girls. Serving white haired comb over realness! why I thought Megyn Kelly was one of those blonde hoes from the viewOkay now Im bored and can’t sleep 😭 everyone else is passed out I’m just laying in my little train cubby room like you believe there are people out there who don’t enjoy getting a massage? @JordanBeckman But, like every other fine cuisine that lets you down after it’s inside you, we keep coming back for more!These bedrooms on the train are legit. 2 little beds, a table, room for your luggage and you can lock this shit dow…
It’s all fun and games until you’re 6’ 2” trying to lay completely flat basically anywhereWest Glacier, Montana Morning from Montana!Me just the other day opening my browser with onlyfans AND pornhub as frequently visited tabs
@mwhelchel7 I’ll text ya! @mwhelchel7 Oh don’t you worry your pretty little head! Every ounce of daylight im gonna be trying to get some good ones!I understand wearing a mask to cover your nose and mouth during a pandemic. But what would one carry to cover up a… well I’m taking a train all the way across the country and starting in about 15 minutes so get ready for live…, Whataburger and In-N-Out and Five Guys don’t have SHIIIIIIIT on Dicks Diner in Seattle.
@elijahshortaay This is why you’re my favorite lol. I originally thought “Netflix” but I like “Naruto” wayyyy better lolIjwtcwyapwyhwwwn 😊
Retweeted by MaikeruThis is jack black on a fake account asking for himself air. And the rust on your door. I never needed anything more.
Don’t ever forget this- everyone hot is irritating.
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Use the taijin when I’m eatin a mango 🥭Oh shit it's October, time to post some scary images
Retweeted by MaikeruI promise this happens to me I’m putting you to sleep 💁🏻‍♂️’m stressed send me some surprises in my DMs 🤣Well everyone wish me luck on finding another temporary job. Who knows when I’ll be back on an airplane for work now. 🙄October is the best month. No contest.WHY IN HIGH SCHOOL MFS WAS SNEAKING INTO LUNCH PERIODS LIKE IT WAS THE CLUB 🥴🤣
Retweeted by MaikeruHow can ANY adult NOT have respect for Alex Trebek
A Bipartisan government is NOT how we come together and take care of each other and thrive as a whole.When someone is cute af and then they start talking about politics and ruin the conversation. get on this debate stage with a flamethrower and save us all please
damn it’s gonna starve to death
Retweeted by MaikeruI would very much like to spend a lot of my money on tattoos.
Retweeted by Maikeru @mwhelchel7 Shit ask them to hire me lmaoGrass pokemon in spring
Retweeted by MaikeruY’all need to stop looking for dick at the gym and go into a GameStop and get you one of those nerdy gamers with one of monster dicks
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WHY is it always bitches with the LEAST lip tryna give some
Um, yes, excuse me but, why are clavicles kind of attractive? @brainsbroke Hahaha Tokyo 2. Dublin 3. Prague 4. Edinburgh 5. Kyoto
@Wezzels Hahaha idk if I’d make enough!at this point in my week, orgasms are the only thing keeping me sane. 😅
Retweeted by MaikeruWell Laid here with my phone in my hand for 20 minutes and still not asleep Guess I better go smoke againThe best part about disassociating is all of that doesn’t mean anything most of the time 😊No job, my new car I STILL can’t get plates for (been 3 months), had to reschedule training because of COVID AGAIN… when we were all just mad because she killed Dumbledore? The good ole days.Anybody who gets the chance should probably just go ahead and spit in J.K. Rowling’s facePlayed a lot of Spellbreak tonight. Enjoying it. It’s like Fortnite, but fun.Is calling them “sugar parents” the PC way to say it? Should I just say sugar daddies and mommas? Will they care either way?So what I gotta do to get this ps5 AND this Xbox? Where the sugar parents at? @badboychadhoy I feel less lonely with you all here! Lol
Retweeted by Maikeruwhich is it today 🤔
Retweeted by Maikeru @badboychadhoy
Well I’m sure Trump knows all about what plastic surgery looks like thanks to his wife. he hasn’t washed his pillows in ten years you should probably make sure he washes his ass 🤢🤮 tryna simplify life’s complexities but couldn’t even simplify fractions in schoolEVERYTHING exists on a spectrum. There is no one side or the other to ANYTHING. The world, and humans especially, a…
Crazy my future husband is out there somewhere probably making a late night snack for the munchies just like I am. Isnt life crazy?
Coding MySpace at 14 was easy, making my phones aesthetic look amazing at 26 has me fucked up
Retweeted by MaikeruI took a page out of @JordanBeckman “be extra” book and have two costumes for one Halloween party and I feel powerful as fuck.