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not your lawyer. listen to me yap on @mic_dicta.

447 Following   14,727 Followers   16,056 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/10/11

Back at it again with the boys!!! And also one girl straws no masters @DariaButGay Omg dido has that one!!!This is the most Cancer Season shit ive ever seen in my life @LLW90210 That’s the proofing drawer .... @LLW90210 @eponawest @knifecoyote @spindlypete @amandamull @alyssakeiko @VoxPVoxD @AllenVentano @Bibliobabble 3rd b…
Growing my armpit hair out before the bar exam and calling it a playoff beard
Retweeted by hell woodsFeet: blistered Thighs: chafed Upper lip: sweaty Wow I love Chicago in the summerlot going on here @CONNORisSWEET ThanksThe bagel store lady told me the bagel store is BYOB bc I guess I look like someone she thought would like to know that @SquiersLaura Love you!!!!!this graphic is very funny
Retweeted by hell woods @eponawest Ty!!!!!! It dried politely that day @AllezLesBoulez @ldrinkh20 Adam sweatie its canon that I dont listen to mic dicta and never have @ldrinkh20 It's the only podcast I listen to and its perfectThe plan? Pilot a mini submarine built from spare rocket parts into an empty cave to prove that it theoretically co…
Retweeted by hell woods @BrandyLJensen Oh nnowhen I tell a friend she needs to stop picking guys who want intimacy without obligation
Retweeted by hell woods @sarahsolfails What lolThe toll to hang out in my house is that you have to tell me how good and pretty dido is about 40 times @CONNORisSWEET Proud of my two kingsShow me the lie @twolinepass George McPhee is not a smart man @MitchellCares Good morning then @nycsouthpaw I'm so sorryThat's right poop is the booger of the ass. Goodnighthey @antoni laguna beach art dealer lady on the new sacha baron cohen show is my personal hero @rrraygun YUCKMiller high lighter
@torqpenderloin #drowned @AllezLesBoulez @aud_bowler @n_suite1 When Audrey's in it I call it a stink tank @ryanaboyd Get em while they're hot @aud_bowler @n_suite1 Nate go inWelcome to college football sunday please show me the posts in the order that they were made COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this
Retweeted by hell woods @banebutwoke LmfaoTwitter, 2006: what if we made a microblogging website where people could connect with others all around the globe… you @jack for organizing my timeline exclusively by prioritizing my mutual follower’s horny faves on selfies… @CONNORisSWEET More like Nate BronzeI can’t deal with extra time because I really have to take a dump #FrancevsCroatia @ggooooddddoogg This is a Croatia slander free zoneHats off to the crew filming the France celebrations near the Eiffel Tower who have to use every camera angle in th…’ve received as many as two compliments on my hair tonight and I’m nigh unstoppableMore 👏 women 👏 war criminals 👏👏👏👏 i got double Ds (dehydration and depression)
Retweeted by hell woods @batmans_robyn @rorystrahanmauk YesssIn grand theft auto 9/11ing a building is a misdemeanor offense
@AllenVentano The reply guys have become scared of me which is good @tresdessert Would it smellI spend a lot of time thinking about what would happen if every single zit you had popped at one time. Would it hur… hearts 3 looks sick
Retweeted by hell woodsrory and christina are watching this and openly weeping at the beauty of two hearts merging and sacrificing your li…
Retweeted by hell woodsLmao how am I just seeing this for the first time today @floozyesq
Retweeted by hell woods @SteveDallas_Esq LMAOMe, extremely concerned: it’s not fair that all the anime bosses get POWERS and you don’t @rorystrahanmauk: that’s… battle music is too intense for a tag team mission with fuckin Donald DuckWatching my roommate play kingdom hearts and having a panic attack. Why is their hair so sharpBIG MOOD
Retweeted by hell woods @cocksailor Finally a real answer @isamuel @chrissyteigen Chrissy: listen my tweets are way better than Ian's @swearsayer Never come back to my house again @swearsayer Astrology podcast whenI only tweet for @chrissyteigen who has never followed me or faved any of my tweets. Maybe someday though @swearsayer Retrograde has been fuckin with me too solidarity sisMy tweets get worse when im sad, happy, or bored. They're bad all the time folks why do you follow me @victoriaxxviii The chromatics one is soooo good thoBetter than the original don’t at me @lexilafleur Get his ass lexiRetweet this cowardsI'm not a teen, but I am an ally of the teen community.
Retweeted by hell woodsI know there’s a lot of news but I’m rarely not thinking about this image and i wanted to share
Retweeted by hell woodsI can’t wait for one of my sisters to have a child so I can buy them a onesie that says like An AUNT Is Like My Mom… @ramsincanon @aud_bowler Friendship is wonderfulHappy birthday to my little wife @aud_bowler who I will be having a double wedding with when we get married to a co…