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@TheHyyyype https://t.co/ivO4F1mFF7[the 13th disciple steve] yeah i don’t sit on one side of a table. i’ll catch up with you next week, j-man @tasklikeyoumea1 this will all be brought up @pluckita no no it’s the right thing to do; waiting until he is gone to speak up about what an awful person he is,… https://t.co/E22HMHMwzkmicrochip implies microdip
Retweeted by taming fred savagepiers don’t listen to these replies my dude. i’m going to wait until you die to say how much you suck too https://t.co/dgRtiA5uHXwanna feel old? honey boo boo is in congress now https://t.co/78pnQ9Ss9O[ first day at the aquarium store ] him: do you have any sea anemones me: no but there’s a squirrel in the park i don’t like
Retweeted by taming fred savageand microchains and microwhipsnormalize promiscuous olive oilmicrochip implies microdipWhile I am actually immune to covid because I once ate a mozzarella stick that someone left on a table at a bar, I… https://t.co/BQ2GQdr9Cm
Retweeted by taming fred savageRestaurants close ➡️ Restaurants open for delivery and takeout ➡️ Restaurants offer outdoor dining ➡️ Restaurants o… https://t.co/FItO4iQiOO
Retweeted by taming fred savage[Medusa plucking a tiny snake out of her chin]
Retweeted by taming fred savage[staring up at the sky] ME: what does that cloud look like to you? 11YR OLD DAUGHTER: I’d say it’s a semi-transpa… https://t.co/RLliVnHiFE
Retweeted by taming fred savageI better think twice? buddy I dont even think once
Retweeted by taming fred savage @aotakeo i love this so much 😍😀 https://t.co/soIGOOysKx“I’m not like other girls”, she said, golden skin shimmering in the summer sun, and she wasn’t, she was a rotisseri… https://t.co/uHfb4MvdxX
Retweeted by taming fred savage*Pontius Pilate slowly unwraps a Klondike bar*
Retweeted by taming fred savageall snowmen are abominable. mockery . spit in gods face
Retweeted by taming fred savageWhy would anyone go big when they could go home.
Retweeted by taming fred savageI once flicked my hair so flawlessly that a man exploded.
Retweeted by taming fred savageNice try parking lot Stop sign.
Retweeted by taming fred savagemy dentist hates when i call him a face gynecologist
Retweeted by taming fred savageI'll just floss tomorrow
Retweeted by taming fred savageSea cucumbers imply the existence of land cucumbers
Retweeted by taming fred savage*takes out one earbud* "not guilty, your honor"
Retweeted by taming fred savageOEDIPUS: that’s not what my mom said last night
Retweeted by taming fred savage[me doing body positivity] I love my skin prison
Retweeted by taming fred savagesister in law asked me to get yellow onion from the store. lady it’s called a lemon
Retweeted by taming fred savage"All I ever wanted to do is make a difference." - Subtraction Man
Retweeted by taming fred savageher: is it true what they say about guys with big feet? clown at my 5th birthday party: me: mom stop
Retweeted by taming fred savagecat: *knocks items off shelf* catfish: *knocks items off shellfish*
Retweeted by taming fred savage @Ygrene [door locking noise]i do not profess to know the inner workings of lobsters but i am very confident they would rend us limb from limb i… https://t.co/0NWNKWrmpI
Retweeted by taming fred savage @TheHyyyype 5th element is so sickso help me god if biden pardons mr peanut for sucking so much ass @Browtweaten @50FirstTates @drivingmemadi @coolauntV @PleaseBeGneiss @itsnashflynn 🤘thanks adam!me: how much for the wireless mouse? pet store employee: that's a hamster
Retweeted by taming fred savage @bewgtweets @whatsJo @Ygrene @SirEviscerate @flashember @dorsalstream @dave_cactus @drankturpentine @NoTheOtherJohn… https://t.co/rlYE1j8rZI

Kalief Browder allegedly stole a backpack at 16, spent 3 yrs at Riker's Island without trial. Riley Williams stole… https://t.co/HP0Q8ak51M
Retweeted by taming fred savage[interview to be an undercover agent] Chief: Janine, can you send in the next applicant Janine: yes sir; next! [… https://t.co/k36ENVDLZQ
Retweeted by taming fred savage[in hell] Me: hey Stan, why’s it so hot Satan: [visibly fuming] again my name is- Me: I’m sweating like mad Stan… https://t.co/FCMaxH5xVx
Retweeted by taming fred savageme: ever hear of quasimodo him: doesn’t ring a bell me: man it’s all he do
Retweeted by taming fred savage[taking the hippocratic oath] *stands up suddenly* sorry i can't do this, i can't promise to only eat marbles @KinksandGeeks perfectly normal stuff that no one needs to stoop down to a lower level to point out with demeaning words imo @2tacosandadrink she was a model years ago, did some nudes. and the anti-trump gang that wanted him out for being s… https://t.co/uAbHnRa6Cjdon't want to sleep on the ppl replying to it as if it is a normal thing to say https://t.co/sasubIJeHl @SamaraTheDeer its amazing how easily this just slipped out of him (whoever he is) @diskpix perhaps too far, too soonthe tolerant left https://t.co/RsxoBgPKzRmaybe this is too progressive for some but: teenage normal ninja turtles @TheHyyyype jesus fucking christME: *closes menu* WAITER: did you just call them brussell sports
Retweeted by taming fred savagehttps://t.co/tOFjKarlYM
Retweeted by taming fred savage[first day as a llama] tthis iis ggoing tto ttake ssome ggetting uused ttoMe: I'm telling you this place is haunted, I've seen ghosts in here! Roommate: Listen, I've lived here for 285 year… https://t.co/ET77IIqHcr
Retweeted by taming fred savagewhen my brain keeps making up fake scenarios to force me to picture how many ways things can go wrong call that hungry hungry hyposrepublicans in congress: we are tough, you are snowflakes 🤠 also republicans in congress: pwease howd my gun i can… https://t.co/TF6rK0fPZxImagine Optimus Prime transforming into a robot and going through an entire epic battle sequence only to then look… https://t.co/Y81OXsI84L
Retweeted by taming fred savage @mckrbsn jolly good effort https://t.co/3M8iGpOX2Q @justky1018 astounding, simply astounding, how fucking stupid ppl can be. i am so sorry, but you handled it well (b… https://t.co/KdgYknTW9R[Cartoon villain helpdesk] Helpdesk: hello what’s ur emergency Villain: I’m trying to get away with something He… https://t.co/6WuiH86OaB
Retweeted by taming fred savagehttps://t.co/KE642DNmwH
Retweeted by taming fred savage @woolhatwoman 🙂 thx!like mike is short for lichael michael
Retweeted by taming fred savage @Jake13758 ok 🤓 @TheFredGood thanks!I didn’t spend 4 years in medical school to be MISTER Steal-Your-Girl
Retweeted by taming fred savagecongress: support the troops congress 1/6/21: bring in the troops congress 1/7-1/20: sleep on the capitol stairs,… https://t.co/IHEnnWvvaDme: don’t take this wrong way but you smell like my wife bank teller: is that her stocking on your head
Retweeted by taming fred savage3 tries to get it right and i'll prob delete in a few minutes :)[ first day at the aquarium store ] him: do you have any sea anemones me: no but there’s a squirrel in the park i don’t like @sweetmomissa @TuSoonShakur ainge that the truthleftist men be like "it's time to hold joe biden accountable" but won't even hold their creep friends accountable
Retweeted by taming fred savage @daddydoubts @ShortSleeveSuit ok this kid has been a well documented nightmare, but god damn it if he didn't grow i… https://t.co/WUqcByalq5Me: what do you want to do when you grow up? 4yo: I want to drink beer.
Retweeted by taming fred savage @SexAtOxbridge @thelucylist lol 👍 @TuSoonShakur did you give him the Birdi am impervious to advertisement, immune entirely. broadcast your wares as loudly and as creatively as you can, fel… https://t.co/STIpfFVTOA @thelucylist :)me: ever hear of quasimodo him: doesn’t ring a bell me: man it’s all he dome: ever heard of the hunchback of notre dame him: doesn’t ring a bell me: oh no he definitely does

trump has done the mathematically impossible https://t.co/jjqXv4D4uh @sug_knight ☹️ @Home_Halfway souvenir by boygenius ... absolutely crushing https://t.co/wFYjwUzF7FThe Simpsons doesn't predict anything we just haven't fixed any of America's problems since 1989.
Retweeted by taming fred savagethis is the news now hope everyone's happy https://t.co/TLnSR7q4tF @CrockettForReal well it's pretty easy to press that button so @CrockettForReal i am angry i am only hearing about this nowthe fuckin what https://t.co/0rJp3f5wbY[first day as a grocery clerk] guy: hey is this sugar free me: no it costs money
Retweeted by taming fred savage @VoteMarsha who?becca: *fries beans* rebecca: *refries beans*
Retweeted by taming fred savagesurely, not ted cruz's texas! https://t.co/QkaVb6ewszjane: i'm going steady. 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 her: so everybody does that jane: yeah, but MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell s… https://t.co/6quYrQkSx6 @femaleredhead fuck lolso nice to see representation in the white house! my grandpa just looked at joe biden and said “is that me?” and i burst into tears
Retweeted by taming fred savagego ahead chip the vaccine, whatever. i'll just stand in the one place in my house i don't get cell service when i want to do evil deeds