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Vulpine. Lovely nightmare. Fleshy lump of stardust. Lover of words. Disgusting/beautiful/unsteady.

747 Following   1,451 Followers   36,392 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/21/09


Also “punched him as hard as he could” HOW DO YOU KNOW?! That is surely subjective? As hard as a regular man could?… https://t.co/WDpFfhjl0YThere’s a lot about this that is very funny but the most hilarious part is that a CHIROPRACTOR made a diagnosis. It… https://t.co/VlTcmf3t1oAnd because of that I don’t know whether to adore it or despise every last second.Spotify has been giving me a lot of Norman Fucking Rockwell! this week and it sounds like the songs I wrote when I… https://t.co/PHcUPf5eIX @TheRamblingElf I mean, he’s not wrong @PeteOlympian @theguyliner @BritishGQ I’d spent an hour saying “you brag but where will his kids live?” He’d repeat… https://t.co/bJoAmE1F6I @theguyliner @BritishGQ I once went on a date with a barrister who spent an hour bragging that he’d just had a man’… https://t.co/utxBNzW91X @jimsyjampots Ah I was OTT about T not being weaned until 6 months and being BLW, ended up starting about a week be… https://t.co/2ootoWqBOb @jimsyjampots Isssssss your baby touching food, never mind eating it? If yes: you’re weaning just fine.1. Imagine a business selling health supplements (milk thistle, gingko biloba, etc). 2. Now imagine I've described… https://t.co/tvcIfqLBHR
Retweeted by Smashleigh Bunnikins @benfrenchman @EthanTBale I’m sorry but there is to be no egg karaoke/earnest karaoke crossover. The bouncers WILL kick you out. @Philip_Ellis I recognised the outfit and the turret! You do look lovely <3 @Philip_Ellis Also congrats of course xx @Philip_Ellis 2 or 4 @daniel_barker You and me both, pal @daniel_barker Daniel you are too sensible for this website please log off @FrogCroakley I only married u for ur pulp sci fi m8, don’t let any of ur pals burn down dad’s factory and I’ll let… https://t.co/RugDN6bYdf @thebrainofchris If this is my legacy I’m absolutely fine with it @thebrainofchris Also, and I don’t want to make assumptions, but I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one to recog… https://t.co/sZtKbnq1Nx @thebrainofchris Shhhhh, this is the Dark MagicJust gave someone a really polite but cathartic beasting (via email). What a treat. @boringrambles This is very sweet but I very much do not feel like a beauty! <3 @Heel_princess 😭😭😭Injectibles aside, WHAT CAN THIS GRANDAD DO ABOUT HER EXPRESSIVE FOREHEAD WRINKLES?Also it’s not enormously voluminous (but doesn’t look like it was last washed Monday morning so that’s a win) https://t.co/opoHVQUiD8Oh no I bought the volumising dry shampoo “for a change” and the change is that my scalp feels full of goop and my… https://t.co/8lihH6RAeUThere would also be a room in which to read Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin in companionable silence and where… https://t.co/A9y2tz4aIX @Beardynoise Yes- VERY earnest Musical Theatre and emo karaoke - not very earnest everything else karaoke - some karaoke where you… https://t.co/UbWKm6sg8C
1/22
2020
@daniel_barker It’s perfect. Just perfect @daniel_barker Daniel I am breathless laughing at thisThis is absolute genius. https://t.co/LkVG57MpGg
Retweeted by Smashleigh Bunnikins @charliejburness Yep, totally thought I’d been card cloned or somethingI liked Marriage Story but imagine how much better it would have been if it hewed closer to Baumbach’s life and Ada… https://t.co/kCVWA9FJqi
Retweeted by Smashleigh Bunnikins @hello_titch Yeah the “balance” doesn’t include the overdraft amount now. Are you HSBC? @daniel_barker @thebrainofchris Nothing intelligent to contribute but yes, it gives me the same sense of unease. I… https://t.co/X6IetzimVN @PeteOlympian I am not even first aider @BootsMcGoot I did wonder why the son was like, a young and hot version of the dad and had put it down to excellent… https://t.co/GVsJOxO9LgI overheard the work kids talking about who out of them would be going for first aid training, and one of them simp… https://t.co/FFT4YeVUheI did not know that the Schitt’s Creek men were father and son. There we go. I have learned a thing. @Vitt2tsnoc YES! Could not understand the glee on here yesterday with that wrist grab picture. Get yourself 30 feet away at all times, girl. @ragbonehair Honestly I have never seen so many baaaaaaaad relationships in one WhatsApp group. @ragbonehair Yep yep “we are getting on well now and officially trying for another baby!” Cool cool that three week… https://t.co/ApEwa7fyRmVery distracted today, can you tell? I’ve done sweet FA all morning. And yet I have soooooo much to do SHUT UP YOU AREN’T MY DAD.Also the most irritating NCT mum is now “officially trying for another baby” after telling us all how much she was… https://t.co/sMnq98qHWZThere is a crane literally 30 metres away from where I am sitting how am I meant to work with the THRILL of seeing… https://t.co/5La5CCclr6 @GinBroguesHats @Philip_Ellis You...you got the cheat code? @mikkaila Thank you <3 @fancywookiee CatAshleigh 2020: lie down or get off my boobs https://t.co/CVexUPt9SV @Philip_Ellis It really is. Disgusting behaviour @PeteOlympian I will have a go at getting some but I’m not holding out much hope tbh @PeteOlympian When are they on sale? I’d like to go but will need to make sure someone can have T @PeteOlympian I don’t know if those things are related? Maybe. HSBC new APR% isn’t until March @CharlTaylorPage Wait does that mean they text you every day? @PeteOlympian Apparently not, just some FCA regulation changes apparently @CharlTaylorPage MR HSBC WE ALL AGREED YOU WOULD LEND ME MONEY EVERY MONTH ON THE TACIT UNDERSTANDING I WOULD PAY Y… https://t.co/RSLLCz8M1b @AvaFoxfort Ugh, I knew my APR was going up next month but this is not making anything easier! I fully just freaked… https://t.co/mqjN6x7c5V @sebpatrick They’ve gone from being a codependent toxic friendship to that one mate you always buy drinks and dinne… https://t.co/UegO7RCWeyMy bank have suddenly decided to start texting me about being in my ARRANGED overdraft and honestly what are you DO… https://t.co/yAVQ4vmf20
1/21
2020
@thestorybeast https://t.co/hEjTZ1b6oP this one :) we learnt the basics in a baby sensory class ages ago and just k… https://t.co/d2BlT5CuLz @davidsunlee Oh my GOD @MothTwiceborn Oh YOUYou know, I wouldn’t even object to this turning up on the Musical Theatre daily mix it cultivates for me. It is a… https://t.co/IK5YrhIIJsOh cool Spotify, let’s see what’s on this daily mix, nice, emo...pop punk...I’m sorry WHAT THE FUCK, SPOTIFY? ARE Y… https://t.co/W3CHojZ7dk @FrogCroakley I mean, they took their sweet fucking time, too @ZiziFothSi Thank you <3 @dangusset ENVY @girlonthenet There is a) a child and b) it was a lot of Christmas treat paraphernalia! @girlonthenet It was a biiiiiiit sickly but that might be because I was already quite full @ragbonehair It was legit great @Wangleberry It was my second fave course @dangusset It’s a lot of fun but took a surprising amount of planning, not least because of the need for platesAnyway. There’s no real lesson or point to this. It was just a very fun way to spend an afternoon and I thought you… https://t.co/Frr3apJz0nThe desserts were paired with cherry good juice (a firm favourite available in your non chilled juice aisle) and ch… https://t.co/YHEmZtmQKmDESSERT TWO “Trio of Eg” (Creme egg, creme egg ice cream, an egg fashioned out of salted caramel chocolate spread… https://t.co/YemLNYMhuXDESSERT ONE “Let’s Hear It For Tinned Pears” (A pastry boat containing a brûléed pear and vanilla ice cream, ser… https://t.co/VlTWrvEzwaPRE DESSERT (Whipped cream concealing a blob of cherry jam and a little more of the yuzu juice. This is a direct p… https://t.co/oMO98X1eUCSECOND MAIN COURSE Deconstructed Whopper (I took the whopper apart, added cheese, gherkins, chopped up the tomato… https://t.co/lmPkwgmn0AFIRST MAIN COURSE Cod ~ Tartare ~ pea purée (Yes it is a fish finger sandwich with a minted pea purée and some t… https://t.co/WwVhhS6tC6PALATE CLEANSER Cucumber ~ Mint (with a bit more of that yuzu juice) https://t.co/ODCbWB1WWoTHIRD STARTER Crab ~ Apple (Crab sticks and julienne apple mixed with yuzu juice on romaine lettuce) Paired with… https://t.co/rL0xgtD7tHSECOND STARTER Chilli cheese ~ Radish (BK chilli cheese bites on a pile of grated radish, served on an onion ring… https://t.co/PoR4wzqgEzFIRST STARTER Ham ~ chutney (A slice of ham with a pickled onion monster munch crumb and some pineapple chutney)… https://t.co/k9UkEHmwPWBAR SNACKS/AMUSE BOUCHE Pizza ~ Taco ~ Reseeded apple (It is a tortilla with cheese and pepperami, a Dorito with… https://t.co/RPRFuPnbjMSo, I crafted a tasting menu (with a drinks flight) out of food we already had in our cupboards and one trip to a B… https://t.co/l9rHvy7hj1I think you can see where this is going, but I want to add an enormous caveat of: THIS IS NOT “I COULD DO THIS AT H… https://t.co/m8f4vLlNZrDuring the evening, we started to think about the theatre of the thing, and the tasting menus we had enjoyed in the… https://t.co/MOZHbA61BCWould you like to see a silly and fun thread of something @FrogCroakley and I did recently? So. My favourite thing… https://t.co/ARhblgJbw2The frustrating thing about this is that I am spectacle-less today and was looking forward to a whole video call of… https://t.co/2Rv2CKREqR @Brainmage Oh how odd! @Brainmage Did you get catfished?! I’ve not been catfished in years! Didn’t realise it was still a thing! @PeteOlympian Yeah it’s the one band I get all “well where were YOU in 2003 when I was waiting in the cold all day… https://t.co/G7vITbx33P @PeteOlympian Tbh the announcement I was expecting was headlining download @PeteOlympian That is my hope, too. That and them deciding that Bescot Stadium would be a sensible stop off between… https://t.co/5r9idi5T7V @PeteOlympian Milton Keynes though. @PeteOlympian Uuuuggh @PeteOlympian Hmmmmmmm I wonder if there’s more than just one random one in Milton Keynes? @PeteOlympian No?Oh no. Oh no. I left my (locked) work laptop in the front room. With the baby. I didn’t think that she’d touched it… https://t.co/1HY6WHhC4M
1/20
2020

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