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I am Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah. Singer, reluctant political junkie, foodie, mother of twins, former blogger, compulsive heating engineer. she/her

2,153 Following   6,218 Followers   19,871 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/3/07

Something is wrong with our Democracy when ONE man who received 1.3M votes in the small state of Kentucky wields mo…
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@Howsito Professional Chess Player This won’t end well.Got really excited for a minute when I thought I got an email from Carnifex, but it was only from Carfax. Now I ha…*finds self searching for Kurt Cobain cardigan for daughter for Christmas* 🤷🏻‍♀️
If you’re not doing anything right now, go listen to John Paul Jones’ bass line in “Immigrant Song”. I’ll wait. @JohnPaulJonesJPMcRib is short for “My Chemical Rib”
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahIsn’t pre-pardoning just admitting wrong doing in advance?Sad or proud?
My son sent this to me yesterday and it is STILL making me laugh. There might be something wrong with me. @WendiAarons Mine is Billie Eilish. Kind of hard on my metal image, but “You Should See Me in a Crown” rocks. @WendiAarons I actually had to go listen to it. Interesting pull. @ambernoelle I’m that second kind. @trishwise Right?I don’t know what keeps you guys up at night, but this scares the bejesus out of me. and out of the DMV in 8 minutes. It is a Christmas miracle. The COVID times @VirginiaDMV is doing something right.
So what is the deal with Bruce Springsteen? Do you have to be from New Jersey? It is like I can hear him speaking…
Maybe 8 minutes into the first episode of Ted Lasso - is it just “Major League” with a twist?
@alisonbolen Second Hand NewsHer: Is this the muppets? Me: No. It is just Fleetwood Mac.Wait, Parler asks for your driver’s license or passport number? 😂😂😂 #Freedom I guess? Wow.
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahTrump lost, and he’s still fundraising. What is this called?
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahWhile listening to podcasts about foreign policy, it can be tricky to properly skip the ads because I can’t tell if… @lauriewrites That‘a what I thought too!1) I think you should reward all of them. 2) You are the winner. have heard “Up your nose with a rubber hose” two different times today in two totally different contexts from peo… friends! I’m not around this week cuz I’m out and about trying make sure everyone in my community ends up with…
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahThis might be a weird thing to say, but Patty Hearst has really nice teeth.
stopped dead in my tracks to take this photo. Have waited my whole life for this.
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarah @lauriewrites SAME!
@velocibadgerGRL @BFlynnP I see some social Darwinism in their near future. @ambernoelle Yes. Also you can play with it and score points for being an engaged parent. @lauriewrites Also, now I want an owl.I'd love to know why we elect people who are philosophically opposed to governing. Like, I wouldn't hire a plumber who was opposed to pipes.
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@rockandrollmama 🙋‍♀️Been asked for 2 accomplishments I'm proud of this year. Submitting "Did not die. Did not murder."
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarah @kristysf @Ish I’m same as you, 2007. @NapaValleyChick We are. We’re dropping a lot of the traditional sides because we usually host like 20 people, but… looking for the cat. *He must be in tech theater with Claudia.* Distance learning is making my thoughts weird. @SugarJones @ResourcefulMom I joined in 2007. @SugarJones 🍻Fox News and Facebook did to our parents what they said video games would do to us.
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarah @jonniker If you send him down here I can take a picture of him in a basement IN VIRGINIA. @russbengtson @Patrixmyth I wish I could like this picture more than once.I have just been informed that the Trump campaign has filed a lawsuit against me as an elector for the state of Nev…
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahMy student loans will never be forgiven. Not after what they've done.
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahMe: Oh, we were just talking about Sid. Him: All you people ever talk about it the cat. He is like The Fonz of thi…
Twitterverse! RT this link far and wide! This fund splits donations between @ReverendWarnock & @Ossoff & key BIPO…
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahTrump is 100% going to join Cameo.
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahMidnight phone call. A family friend is in ICU fighting for his life after meeting up with an asymptomatic carrier…
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahSame @DrBrianMay, and I’ve lived here my whole life. Mom is getting old person crazy. She went outside and yelled at a squirrel this morning. Me: FIRST of all,…
@metalia Well now I need to check my washer. @leeleykeel This makes total sense to me. One time I cried about a cheese at The French Laundry.Asking “ok but did they have other health problems?” when someone dies from covid has the same energy as “ok but what was she wearing?”
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarah @metalia I looked mine up. My dryer plays “The Trout” by Schubert when a load is dry. My old dryer always reminded… random things that are not sad that have caused me to burst into tears: 1) A children’s choir singing in La… DID ALL OF MY LAUNDRY THIS WEEKEND!
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarah @SandraEMartin I haven’t either, but in my defense I’m not allowed over the border.Also, anyone who wants to wear a dress should be able to do it and be left the hell alone.Guys. If you are Harry Styles you can wear whatever the hell you want. I’m a 47 year old metal head and even I like his music @JakeInRealLife Just show my tweet to your boss. Totally legit. @JakeInRealLife The day @SHAQ announced he was going to the Lakers I cried all afternoon. (I’m old.) @JakeInRealLife Yes.A bunch of guys who want to force you to have your rapist's baby can't stand the tyranny of Arby's dining room being closed for three weeks.
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahPeople give @AOC a hard time, but my teenagers in VA know who she is, talk about her and admire her. I don’t think… @travisakers A steam roomI know what I want for Christmas. @lauriewrites It was really for you anyway. ❤️ @realDonaldTrump No. No, you didn’t. @realmellors You really have your own style. @infinite_scream Right?Sometimes I think if I had Bon Jovi’s teeth I would be famous too. (I mean like a smile as nice as his, not like,… @JenniWilson7 @everywhereist Whenever my son comes home from playing D&D my husband asks him if he won. Cracks me up every time.Same. Brilliant. @monlemagre @everywhereist I read this tweet yesterday and I came back to read it again today because it made me laugh SO HARD.My new favorite thing about this family is that all four of us agree that The Riverbottom Nightmare Band should have won the talent show.
@cedfunches Yes @Lemmonex Win. It is a win. @hswo @djwillKNAC @PaulGargano @frankiefronts @EyellusionLive Hahahahaha! NEVER! @hswo @djwillKNAC @PaulGargano @frankiefronts @EyellusionLive Layering? Harmonies? Crazy over production? Great song writing? @hswo @djwillKNAC @PaulGargano @frankiefronts @EyellusionLive I don’t know!2020: Suddenly a huge Boston fan. What the hell? @djwillKNAC @PaulGargano @frankiefronts @EyellusionLive @thesmartmama This kind? @AnniemuMary @PetrickSara My favorite thing about winter is no mosquitoes. @hayden1222 Also, don’t they remember that time a 75 year old reindeer carcass thawed out in Siberia and everybody GOT ANTHRAX? @jaboukie @bbqbobs New Jersey?I was 47 years old the first time I saw a persimmon. Now, how do we eat these? Do you cook with them? Eat them like an apple? @JenO_Eh Same. I also tend to yell things like “Dude! Get out of the road!” @arnebya Not yet.I just opened the sliding door and said “Cut it out.” to a woodpecker. The transformation is complete. I am my mot…
@everywhereist When I was pregnant with The Goon Squad, the first time he felt the girl kick he said “I WILL BUY YOU A PONY!” to my belly.
We’re all Stormy Daniels now just waiting for him to finish so we can go to sleep
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarah @CanadianDadBlog That and Ragnarock are my favorite Avengers movies (probably also the first Avengers).The colors mean things??? @Patrixmyth That is also accurate.There have been more Trump aides who’ve tested positive for coronavirus since the election than documented cases of voter fraud
Retweeted by GoonSquadSarahI am not at all kidding when I say that I think Michael Keaton is brilliant in “Spider-Man: Homecoming”.