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Senior Editor at Paste Magazine. @paste_comedy, @pastegames, theme parks, travel, tech, music, wrestling and more.

1,823 Following   4,518 Followers   69,201 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/2/08


@biggray yeah realized I had heard of him after looking him up. too bad he’s not a Dawgs fan.was having too good a time in Miami to hear about this Dina Hashem stuff and kinda wished it stayed that way. her j… https://t.co/Vt0oTMi963surprised by this new Veronica Mars season’s deep detour into Tennessee bullshit
7/24
2019
okay now that I'm done watering my parents' ducks (thanks @taylorcocke) I'd like to know how to return Twitter to t… https://t.co/ZjbbMlVSJH @taylorcocke oh shit thanks!oh hey that actor everybody dislikes now smooched a dinosaur last night at a theme park https://t.co/FpZUn2ntSNhey: remind me to water my parents' ducks todayHe’s not fuckin fit for it. It’s plainly obvious. He’s not up to the role of ‘complete cunt dishing out policies’.… https://t.co/WkEthD9jZD
Retweeted by Garrett Martin @pscottrussell https://t.co/j40wfno8RClast time I saw Jimmy Hart was at an airport bar in VegasRaw is going to be three hours of people not letting Cena leave the ring
7/23
2019
@emersondameron you've clearly never had sex with me then! @SarraSedghi 90% Kyles nah there were at least three Dylans on teams thougha coworker just told me a 90 second video was "very long"after Disney and Mr. Rogers Tom Hanks will continue playing the great pillars of American children's entertainment… https://t.co/NjMXcroDsc @davidbix is it the same writer? if not could see a staffer there who was unhappy with the puff piece pitching something more accurate.my biggest regret was not trying the free Mountain Dew Amp Game Fuel, for journalistic purposesI wrote this about Call of Duty World League's finals in Miami over the weekend. https://t.co/3qz3FCT4fJ
7/22
2019
can now add “esports tournament” to the list of public places where I have fallen asleepMiami’s like pre-Ray Lewis Atlanta: shit just never closesthis bartender is giving off extreme Jane Lynch energy @velocciraptor @_anthonynash MCU Wong is so much better @_anthonynash @velocciraptor Ditko/Lee’s Strange is one of the four absolute must-reads from ‘60s Marvel @velocciraptor because Doctor Strange is awesome and a top five Marvel character“so the Blade intro means Doctor Strange 3 could be about the Montesi Formula,” he tweets from a packed Miami nightclubJon Moxley is a working class hero and they should do a storyline where Zack Sabre Jr. politicizes him.
Retweeted by Garrett Martinheartily endorse this place https://t.co/ivPTElnGmOMiami loves its Bloc Party. heard Silent Alarm at a few different bars now. @Toddmartens final test of how much comic book nonsense mainstream movie fans can accept: characters coming back from the dead @slashfilm so 2021 is when the wheels finally come off
7/21
2019
@kennybloggins winnerwhat does the e in esports stand for again.@CGSaw is right: this is the first thing you see after you die https://t.co/85a02oPdze @thebstardsback glad it was them and not Uniteddisappointed the Hacienda map in this Call of Duty game isn’t set at the nightclubI apologize for whatever terrible music my alcoholism helps finance tonight https://t.co/C8FJzvHPjCthere are other good Belle and Sebastian records but they would be exactly as important as they are today if the on… https://t.co/P3qeIIio1OMiami is going to be under water soon because of how much people sweat here @newartillery I now want to release a new edit of The Shining that is exactly the same except for “Lump” playing at the endam now at a different bar and everything about it feels like it could be a century old except for “Lump” by the Pre… https://t.co/dLD8z8Azfhif your bar isn’t dark as night and playing the South Pacific soundtrack you messed up @maggieserota takes out grebo in the sequel @Brock_toon it’s been a decade, how do you know @Brock_toon Your mistake was not getting the wedgesI heard this bar is cool, so why are they playing 311
7/20
2019
working on a plan to kidnap my two favorite Instagram dogs and then breed them togetherit’s easy to confuse Call of Duty maps and the names of CoD esports players https://t.co/L1GfVME8Tnthe Thing's working class Jewish radicalism > Mister Fantastic's bourgeois WASP liberalism send tweet https://t.co/GKxD0W2rxs
Retweeted by Garrett Martin
7/19
2019
because if they did I want to see photos of the audience for that paneldid they premiere this Cats trailer at the San Diego Comic Conhttps://t.co/yTRKtCFxmQwhy are some of the cats naked and some of them wear pants and hats and coats and stuff @ckunzelman https://t.co/bLrI0HMQCu @TheBlackNerd the one guy in Can who’s still alive and LizzoRob Riggle autocorrects as Rob Ruffle https://t.co/NwV8qqJWBb @jonahray somebody should write a satire of that Our Band Could Be Your Life book @BRMacDonald3 probably today but his name isn't connected to Epstein. Blair is. and Blair was super well known in t… https://t.co/HonrLXEUYT @BRMacDonald3 apparently Tony BlairHey! My team here at Blizzard is hiring an editor! Do you love writing & videogames? Better yet, writing ABOUT vide… https://t.co/6hYLV7ogkr
Retweeted by Garrett Martinmy youtube recommendations are almost nothing but star wars-hating star wars nerds alternately complaining about ga… https://t.co/ExWO0k8S92took a few days but it look like this solid gold tweet has finally caught on! #HighwayToHeaven https://t.co/mHIupyuCozmy dog LOVES David Spade's blanketsall these midwest and northeast towns freaking about alligators would never be able to cut it in Florida, where eve… https://t.co/IabtkWa3iADavid Spade makes the softest blankets https://t.co/9RLk4y8JsL
7/18
2019
digging this playlist of songs from Los Espookys https://t.co/MNdwuAf7nvGhostbusters will be joining Stranger Things at Universal's Halloween Horror Nights this year https://t.co/uZNhcDk4Bx @Kevin_Church season 3 is happening on NBC's upcoming streaming serviceFrom this week's episode, watch @JAdomian perform a next level comedian-only "impression chain" where he goes from… https://t.co/Up2K4otgQ8
Retweeted by Garrett Martinthat is some good news about A.P. Bio, there. real good show. @basic_charnel yeah! the "challenge" is supposed to be undertaken alone at night on headphones in a scary location… https://t.co/oOW32Eg1ve @BboyMaestro https://t.co/jDhB71DACgthe entire Paste office just failed the Frankie Teardrop Challengehere's a good piece by @babe_emoji, one of our interns, about The Things We Lost in the Flood and how it muddies it… https://t.co/s8DpZSQ4rRexcited for the Ghost Busters maze at Universal's Halloween Horror Nights https://t.co/nXfCjeqEnv @tholzerman Hogan. hated him as a kid. hated him in WCW. hated him in the NWO. @nosplendorr I'm so old I still think of the Max as the Engine Room @nosplendorr this sounds awesome. next time you're in Atlanta lemme know. or if you wanna do a show in Athens some… https://t.co/tuoyRppb0x @nosplendorr whoa. here's a Deep Purple cover a band I'm in did a while back. https://t.co/vKWazO57v3 @nosplendorr what band are you in @loislane79 @MrSalPerez @thefilmgoer @AmyTVGal to get the special antique license plate in Georgia a car has to be… https://t.co/1WXJPOnZBt @thefilmgoer @MrSalPerez @loislane79 @AmyTVGal yeah, and my snark about the quality of season 3 was unrelated to my… https://t.co/gEqf7HRrmB @thefilmgoer @AmyTVGal yeah we're old! @thefilmgoer @AmyTVGal oh absolutely. especially when you get to the third season. maybe it was just how 2004 looke… https://t.co/YypVmWnB58 @thefilmgoer @AmyTVGal it's a good show Matt
7/17
2019
I have made a Super Mario 2 https://t.co/IYJO1sRGbu
Retweeted by Garrett Martin @dialacina huhI know I am guilty of this too but you don't need to say "[Game] is a game whose story is..." when you can just say "[Game's] story is" @apunkbird @taylorcocke hmm the standard ending works much better on the Gin Blossoms' original version--the faster… https://t.co/bFtDmKgMBlThe last 40 seconds of "Hey Jealousy" are unnecessary. should just end with the last chorus ringing out instead of… https://t.co/HS78DvabGw @winnersusedrugs go Gener @tholzerman have you listened to the new albums by Hash Redactor and the Gotobeds? @bokista it’s still fun without the toys and way more convenient. still glad knowing I’ve got all that mess in a closet somewhere though. @ztiworoh next time it’s on sale buy the full package on Steam. still fun without the toys and lots of content that’ll be new to you.also this game didn't get enough respect for letting you have Darth Vader hang out with Scrooge McDuck and a Dapper… https://t.co/DBWjOTsEUb(yes I had a Skyscrapers poster on my wall when I was 12)Sid with a live mic is one of maybe three things that could get me to watch Raw again https://t.co/mqG1ofpjYf
7/16
2019
@manymanywords they're probably all libertarian toodon't let this guy near your girlfriends, especially if you're Spider-man https://t.co/nWMhzYZd8A @JimVorel you might be surprised at how many random '90s movies had pinball tie-ins. Stargate, The Shadow, Johnny M… https://t.co/UmQzXAF82O @blurstoftimes you play as the flippers that hit the ball. the goal would be to progress through the local to the r… https://t.co/GJjbxTOwF9
7/15
2019

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