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479 Following   228 Followers   3,582 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/29/08


It would only make sense for @sheetz to send me swag if there were Tennessee locations. I’m not bitter.
11/12
2019
@neiltyson Yes but not that kind of cup.True story. https://t.co/Nuj0eKCtxf
11/10
2019
Remember that time I stopped using @Dropboxhttps://t.co/AMTuLZyQxd @moment any word on my 11 pro max case?
11/8
2019
@UPSHelp Hahahahaha. You are the one delivering it. It’s been all over the world several times according to your tr… https://t.co/yrcSjMLt9Z @UPS why did you quit answering me? https://t.co/zBvBhifvIv
11/6
2019
@UPSHelp Look at how wrong you were just this morning! https://t.co/yYPTTrDwnISeriously @ups I am curious. How has this thing been to Hong Kong 3 times and Taiwan, Alaska and Kentucky twice eac… https://t.co/ILB9kFQvQz @UPSHelp I think you are just making stuff up.Clearly @UPS is insane. The adventure continues. https://t.co/gUHU5dGK5r @NPR Ewwwwww
11/5
2019
@UPSHelp 1Z6F489W6700217404I wonder if @ups can make any sense of this. https://t.co/c7Ak4kwIBF
11/4
2019
I haven’t eaten a hamburger in 32 years. I’m not gonna start now.
10/27
2019
@DelTaco how you gonna be out of fries?!?!
10/12
2019
@PeruvianHammer Shut up. Can’t watch til tomorrow.
10/11
2019
@neiltyson And if we mix all that together do we get anything?
10/9
2019
Seems like every decision is wwpd…
10/8
2019
Just watched a fella take a full 30 seconds to sit down. #carnival #notsobendy
10/6
2019
I want to know this too! But probably not for the same reason. https://t.co/mZf1uhPsFc
9/30
2019
Turning over a new twitter leaf.
9/28
2019
I’m just glad she didn’t stop at “stabbing.” https://t.co/zPMjpasjAQ
9/20
2019
And to help you visualize- she looks like Danny DeVito’s penguin. https://t.co/SSEXq4CrvM
9/17
2019
@StormTrackBrian @ChattanoogaZoo Cooling?
9/10
2019
Just ordered an @peakdesignltd everyday backpack 20l. Please let me love it.
9/1
2019
Ok WHAT?!?!? Is coming soon @nixplaycloud ?
8/28
2019
Ok. Trying to decide between the @peakdesignltd travel backpack and the @aer_sf travel pack 2. Which one? #idontknow
8/17
2019
@darrah_elaine @IKEA Sheeeeeeeesh
8/15
2019
@PeruvianHammer It’s matter-of-fact. I think it would be impossible to narrow down the perfect quote. @PeruvianHammer https://t.co/sv4Ff5yKoR @PeruvianHammer I just went to his grave!
7/28
2019
@Hertz 809734111, 558163395, 244384405
7/27
2019
A really old Viennese woman just laid down on some airport chairs a couple seats down and let one rip. Now I’m can’… https://t.co/9NNXlRNWlc
7/3
2019
They do not lend themselves to a charitable view of the area. https://t.co/tFFLlNFOKj
6/8
2019
I would venture to say that there are very few politicians who aren’t being reckless these days. #preservationoftheunion
5/30
2019
Why people gotta act like that?
5/29
2019
@IChristian3030 Probably 27 or so unless you inluce the fleece ones.
5/21
2019
@ivfshan @StormTrackBrian @CHAtheatrecentr I went with my girlfriend who lives in Canada.
5/12
2019
In either direction. https://t.co/JOJUuZl3h4
5/2
2019
One thing is clear here and that is no matter which side of the Barr hearing you fall on, you believe the governmen… https://t.co/9SFtiJ9AVU
5/1
2019
@_davidtucker_ My response is limited to current use, but “usable” may be a stretch even now.
4/24
2019
An innocent man is an open book.
4/22
2019
Maybe we shouldn’t let the toddlers be in charge.
4/19
2019
Wait outside a gym with some donuts. Take your pick. https://t.co/1DUOJovm7y
4/6
2019
@phatrey I’m a Leo and that’s why I gotta get to be a good person to be with the people that are going around and t… https://t.co/OD5GPrhEYFBuy. I should have said buy. Cheaper pony in the long run. https://t.co/3ge8aULjslAny politician who wants to watch the border wall being built…we should trick them into watching from the other sid… https://t.co/zGWwRYoxWk
4/5
2019
Twitter is very quiet for these few minutes.
3/24
2019
So we walked into the @sheetz that we came to in 2017 for the grand opening and they were all casual and played alo… https://t.co/rbHFhHrfSP
3/22
2019
You cannot run away from yourself. https://t.co/8XvPasoZLs“I want you to leave me alone. I have most of the use of my hands.” @MagnoliaAdelle
3/16
2019
Turd #turd
3/13
2019
@dlw667 @sheetz Smart kid. @sheetz I’ll be by a few in a couple of weeks! @sheetz Dang
3/7
2019
I’m going to hold my breath until they build a @sheetz in Tennessee. Starting now.
3/6
2019
@WeAreFarmers I sent all that info to @LibertyMutual - thanks though.That time @WeAreFarmers went up 1100 bucks on a 6 month policy without even talking to me… what the crap, farmers? #somebodyelsesendmeaquote
3/5
2019
Ever notice how people say “don’t judge me” in a really judge-y way?
3/2
2019
everyone in my house hates me https://t.co/4mcnS5gX0H
Retweeted by Neal Wilkinson
2/27
2019
Don’t know how windy it was that day @StormTrackBrian but it was definitely blowing and you couldn’t see far enough… https://t.co/0HUxwrejG5
2/26
2019
This! https://t.co/PNGkn6ZMie
2/21
2019
Predictable Ovulation was my band name in high school. https://t.co/sHvfEf2GtI
2/15
2019
Dear @google street view in the dark is less than helpful.
2/10
2019
@MagnoliaAdelle Be nice.
2/5
2019
Don’t need #sundayticket anymore if the @nfl refs can’t seem to see straight.
1/29
2019
TN shrugs just sitting over here all lonely #andhungry https://t.co/QWf7gFI0wy
1/25
2019
@hodgman A snowball
1/3
2018
Just in time to work all day. https://t.co/vMC5xq7QDx
12/17
2018
@CarnivalCruise I want to talk to someone. Who can I call?Debarkation was a disaster @CarnivalCruise - thanks for ruining a weeks worth of relaxation.
12/1
2018
@StormTrackBrian Was like 86 for me today. I honestly prefer the cold but I might be the only one.
11/29
2018
@IChristian3030 I dig “Dutchman”
11/5
2018
So will this evening’s local coverage interrupt the late game today @FOX_Chattanooga ?
11/4
2018
It would be nice if @DIRECTV would please stop calling me. Thanks!
11/3
2018
@PeruvianHammer Yes! Maybe next Wednesday?
10/24
2018
I’m not a racist but I miss @PeruvianHammer
10/22
2018
I’m probably not supposed to say this (and I’m not sure I know anyone named this) but I’m changing my major to Joan.
10/17
2018
That’s what you think. https://t.co/5FRQJhZx6k
10/5
2018
@jasonsdeli I’m in.
10/2
2018
But are there still artichokes on the salad bar? https://t.co/XhKtZVAkSH
10/1
2018
Try the tuna. https://t.co/khChs5bFmY
9/26
2018
@acltv @mirandalambert @PBS Nope.
9/18
2018
The commercials seem to play great and it’s barely raining but still no signal. Blurg. https://t.co/HWSTk7feC8
9/9
2018
This album…I don’t know what to say other than there will probably never be another record that can change the way… https://t.co/2yyl33KVTI
9/6
2018
I’m glad I’m not at burning man right now. I need to practice naked bike riding a lot more around here before I try… https://t.co/9GY7cZQfIB
9/1
2018
@vashikoo I was so impressed with these titles at the time, I emailed the title company.
8/28
2018
“He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help.” —Abraham Lincoln
8/26
2018
@AmericanaFest This logo is legit (and the tunes).I’m not sure our current crop of politicians get to argue points that are based on what they deem to be common sense.
8/25
2018
@NASA @Space_Station @VP @NASA_Johnson He is very white.
8/23
2018
@darrah_elaine She’s the only reason I voted in the primaries.
8/22
2018
@StormTrackBrian Actually mars is way bigger but *apparently* it’s a little red spec - unless you are in a space Tesla.Greetings @SenBobCorker - please tell me all this crazy will be over soon? Do what ya can, k? Thanks.
8/21
2018
@petersagal I bet that winged horse flew off with them.
8/20
2018
Absolutely not. I paid for a year and I’ve gotten about three times what I paid in value. Would rather they just di… https://t.co/OXWIovSKmkDear @MoviePass you suck now. That is all.
8/18
2018
No daytime movies available @MoviePass ? That’s dumb. You know those are the cheap ones?
8/3
2018

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