Sign in with Twitter


If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them... maybe you can hire The A-Team.

3,052 Following   17,585 Followers   53,826 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/25/12

Sometimes you have to bow to the absurd.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹I’m I-take-ibuprofen-with-my-morning-vitamins years old.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹I want someone who will stand by my bed and fan me while feeding me grapes. No weirdos.When you say you're not a violent person but that one lazy coworker is making you rethink that
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹It is possible to be nice to people on Twitter. Just start by being nice.No no Leave the high heels on...
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹I'll just put a song on to help me concentrate on work *air drums for entire song*
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Funyuns are just vegetarian fried calamari
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Awwww you have RBF? Do me a favor, lemme me know when you get to my resting cunt face level. *boop
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @CallumTripp
@KeefLynch Carlin 1972 "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits…
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Lie awake with me and talk amongst the flames
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹One day you may look your age, but I hope you never start to act your age.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @negativestraw 🤢 @DEDonovan1 A snowflake Ewok huh? @kliggerCanada @IanLogan3 😂😂😂😂 @lgrfrymug Really? No way!!!!! Ewoks midget Wookiee’s?Tiffany: What? Me: I’ve lost my job, I’m struggling to make ends meet, scared to leave my house because of a ...… @EddieP03115008 @maxi_tea @BananaBrucey @Crazy_ButCute2 @MoreUniqueOne @TheWinegasm @youjustroll @InsideOutAlice @SweatyGardener @Ty06505740Ty @SvnSxty @Tobi_Is_Fab @CrockettForReal @Marlebean @ADHDeanASL @GroovyTasia @adamgreattweet @thearibradford @SvnSxty @ADHDeanASL @Tobi_Is_Fab @CrockettForReal @Marlebean @GroovyTasia @adamgreattweet @thearibradford @SchattenIm @heyitsJudeD @NuaVeKRecords I think maybe the time? I only talk to people I really want to spend the time with. @goofyAFRIch @FeralFerrell'm the missing piece to your puzzle. Too bad the piece fell on the floor, the dog ate it, then puked it up under the China cabinet.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹If I see a taco truck, I’m jaywalking. To hell with the crosswalks!
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹I hope this e-mail finds Waldo.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @ItsMeHelenMary love Sophia Loren! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be like her.I see your commitment to being a dumb bitch remains strong and true, sir.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @Darlainky 😂😂😂My husband sending mixed signals like, insisting we reduce our online shopping, but also buying and installing a bi…
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹It's a demi-ookmeee squeek!!! ~ galactic gender party, probably
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @lgrfrymug 💀💀💀If someone tells you leggings aren’t real pants, stop talking to them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹If you hurt me You’ll never know If you broke me I’d never tell If I love you You’ll have no doubt
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Thankfully it wasn’t a hamster! 😳😳 Birthday to Edgar Allan Poe! Fun Fact: the term "poetry" comes from EAP's bad driving & his passengers' need…
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @Drew_DiMuzio @noneofyours99 me out: a smartphone that is really smart! It can only text - no dialing. @wild_nurse @SteveGordo39 😊 blushing 😊 @GerardoFehr6 @MLem0013 @3333padj oh my God that drives me nuts! I just had another idea....give me a second to tweet! You inspired! Thank you ❤️❤️❤️ @SantosPreciado4 And I can see why! 😍😍 @noneofyours99 pressure cooker: My cover's been blown!
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @filmswithcora 😂😂😂💀💀💀Him: I’m just here to spread joy Joy: Better buy me another drink bb
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @BerrymoreBlue 😂😂😂😂I've seen dicks and I've seen taints I've seen saggy boobs That I thought would never end I've seen holes at times…
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Give me a reason to need a safe word
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Insane? I prefer quirky! ~me to my therapistIf you don’t like insane then I’m probably not the woman for you
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @thehubrispanda be afraid to start over. Why miss another chance for you to prove just how much of a screw up you really are.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @80sjams DefinitelySomeone just scrolled your tl and thought ‘You’re definitely insane, but I’d probably still fuck you.’
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Of course I go to therapy, aromatherapy. Because I’m nothing basic
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @noneofyours99 💀💀💀Butt-holemate Someone that interacts with you and all of a sudden you have to poop
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @gingerbrigade1 I would not run - more like jaysaunter...In order to avoid a jaywalking ticket I’ve taken to jayrunning.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹I hate calling people who are sick to let them know I care about them and that I hope they feel better. Who am I… @SteveGordo39 @michael_snadden @AdvilBhargava No Treble... @upforthesneer me crazy, but I think some of you might enjoy being offended.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹I don’t know how to NOT take some people’s reactions to disappointment personally.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Which body type do you prefer? @Bobbert66Robbie @DetailSatan saw a really fat guy throw a fit at taco bell cuz they no longer sell mexican was me
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹If I really like a woman, I’ll stop texting other women while I’m banging her.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹my mom bought me three pairs of kitchen tongs yesterday. i explained i already have two and it's totally cool if s…
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹...because you try to understand me, most people don’t give a shit
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹Mom: You made your lie in it! Kiddo: But I thought we make our beds, when we're getting up? Mom:
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹I fast, from people.
Retweeted by Hamster 101🐹 @navymig @RobGord11196320 Yup sounds about right! @DetailSatan @Mrnarwhal93 @douglasgorden @EyeInTheSky49 @The556Menace 😂😂 @RickBigdaddy66 @ChiChiGreenblat @saylahachey @MariasWestSide @CraftyNSparkly @arose4uxoxo @mistrustme1 @RickBigdaddy66 @SweetBlueNote @JohnRMoffitt @EyeInTheSky49 @Trouverlaperle @BROCKHARDNUCK @JimH1923 @LordOfFuckery