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dp @hellothisisdp Seattle, WA

hi friends, it me ✖️👄 ⛅️ 🎨 ✌🏻

1,231 Following   328 Followers   5,240 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/29/11


@priestessofcups i put dude on the counter yesterday because why not https://t.co/paP74GxcvL @moderndadpages @GotJbenny pad thai 😋
3/29
2020
damn all my coworkers got like home desks and office chairs and stuff. me? just lounging on the couchon mute just nodding along when co-workers suggest a good idea. i am contributing so muchBIG contender https://t.co/tcGuJdlIj7https://t.co/7gCyRGZpv0okay some more gems: https://t.co/TxzyEC7cKBso far i am considering "life is too hard. it’s too hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would like to be a cloud." (original… https://t.co/yLOxLU4R0jhi friends i need ur help. my sister has offered to make me a cross-stitch. she's rly good! i want to use a funny… https://t.co/bhigvWM9iObrb using a hammer to crush my $1200 iphone for revengebrb throwing my phone out a window in protestFUCK i accidentally deleted all my drafts from the past year don’t call don’t text
3/27
2020
big fan of commenting "good content" on content that i find to be... good @j0br01 @NickStopTalking that was the best part 😂 @lankywitch it’s everything i ever wanted ☺️🐢🎈
3/26
2020
@lankywitch happy turtle with balloons40% of my job is typing the same numbers into different boxesone of my coworkers always looks sweaty on zoom. whygood morning 🍃 🙂 it looks like they're wearing a fun hat. this is all. @erichwithach i genuinely enjoyed this content and i don’t know whytalking to me must be so boring. every day i’m just like “good clouds today” and that’s all i got
3/25
2020
telling my friend who’s getting me groceries to buy herself something as a treat makes me feel like https://t.co/eypf4EhQNVday 10 of quarantine: a dog in a passing car stuck its head out the window to bark at me and i barked back??
3/21
2020
i miss weed 🙂“i’m wildin!” i say to myself as i log off work an hour early and proceed to drink 1 beer @Love_bug1016 @mom_tho https://t.co/e9rNvalZ7U @DermotKennedy i've always wondered- what do these lines mean to you? who's the guy w the gun? One by one, we made… https://t.co/XD6Qsb5l2Xfit check featuring my dog ✌️ https://t.co/McFhXDWSy0oh man this sunshine is NICE ☀️me and me dad are sharing the dining room table working from home today. He's an aerospace engineer on a conference… https://t.co/sK9ru3G2rN
Retweeted by dp
3/20
2020
@pant_leg i really like this brand! @MavenThread they're super cute and reliable, i use mine almost daily and they… https://t.co/nzlp9N44BoI think about this EVERY day https://t.co/oNFQvVTtGI
Retweeted by dp
3/19
2020
Quarantine day 6. https://t.co/er652Oy3Ki
Retweeted by dpnew normal morning routine be like ✔️ brush teeth ✔️ do skincare routine ✔️ read global news about covid ✔️ cry… https://t.co/b3c5787j92my dog and i spend literally all night cuddling only to get up and sit right next to each other on the couch ☺️ @legallyines it was really good!! a lot of songs tho
3/18
2020
in other news i’m sad and tiktok makes me feel worse 🙃😥been lying on my couch in complete darkness watching stupid tiktok videos for the past hour and i swear my neighbor… https://t.co/ONZJieSrP8I ate an edible yesterday and got so high I ordered 26 kinds of pancakes from postmates, but I wrote in the deliver… https://t.co/u9cCl1Pyku
Retweeted by dp
3/17
2020
remote therapy ayyooo 🤙🏻WORK FROM HOME TIPS: Have a routine. Shower/dress like normal. Keep a dedicated workspace. Fill a briefcase with s… https://t.co/VCMDOikPiV
Retweeted by dptroubling https://t.co/DFqRDOiI44the human has been working from home the last couple days. and every so often. they let me participate in the video… https://t.co/hARyyqVYq3
Retweeted by dpSince aquariums are shut down, they let penguins wander around the place and it's honestly the news we need to see. https://t.co/XkP8gIJ15R
Retweeted by dpweird times https://t.co/0FDyjQ7KwP
3/16
2020
@almondmilkhunni you deserve love 💕
3/15
2020
@almondmilkhunni 🥳😘they’re social distancing 🐛 🦐 🦕… https://t.co/TqPJw5mGzH
Retweeted by dp @biabonkajohnson shut up 😂gonna go self-quarantine...... in my boyfriend’s bed 😏Me sending my dog out for supplies since he can’t contract COVID-19 https://t.co/4wrTWjqpTv
Retweeted by dpme talking to a friend: yah i should probably spend less time on my phone, it’s not helping [ends call] [immediately opens twitter]fuuuuuck i’m such a sucker for social media 🥵 instagram? love it. pretty pictures and where most my friends are. tw… https://t.co/j759SFOXDu
3/14
2020
@tinderdistrict absolutelycrazy idea... when you're stuck on a project and can't seem to finish it... just skip it! entirely! move onto to the next one!Everything is terrible so it's time for a thread of very round animals. This bun is SO ROUND. https://t.co/nlXhhXbVSv
Retweeted by dpdo i think i’m special? yes, because caroline calloway retweeted me. fuck you
Retweeted by dpnice country you've got there, would be a shame if a pandemic laid bare the cruelty inherent in its very structure
Retweeted by dpare you really friends if you don’t have a private group chat on every possible social media platform??? 🤔i majored in art and am more proud of this than anything i made in schooljust discovered the joy of online meme generators. i am unstoppable https://t.co/wYFtzU2uCSone of the best days in my relationship’s history was not when we made it official, our super cute 6 mo anniversary… https://t.co/gkvUG7qmeTif your dog stretches and you dont say "OH BIG STRETCH" every single time then you are a psychopath and i dont want to know you
Retweeted by dpidk it’s kind of reassuring to look into my dog’s sweet little face and just be like “you have no idea, do you? no… https://t.co/6V915Xb9O1
3/13
2020
filed my taxes a whole month early yeet
3/12
2020
this a real bad time to have a cold 😷i’m going to do absolutely nothing but lie on my couch and stare into the abyss today
3/11
2020
i am really gonna try to have a good day today!!mercury might not be in retrograde anymore... but i sure am
Retweeted by dpmy alt has one follower and one follower ONLY (bc he caught it in the split second between me creating it and me lo… https://t.co/L2MyvSfWmk @uspellCoUrTNey yah count me in @mckennatiland do you also love him??? one time he sang my total at me ($13.41) and it made my whole day 😊how many face masks do i have to buy before i love myselfhow many cups of tea do i have to drink before i stop feeling sad @FrogHomeless i love it
3/10
2020
thinkin ab how i still really miss the light pink sweatshirt i lost in 2016 🥺 💗 even tho at the time i did not care… https://t.co/KfJtCRFm9heveryone's telling me not to "check my 401K," as if i know how
Retweeted by dp @FrogHomeless hello @idkravyn omg 😰lol obviously i go a lot if i have a favorite cashier. his name is asher and i love himi said something about how i go to PCC waaaay too often and my favorite cashier replied “i’m just glad you’re eating” me too bro ME TOO 😋💛i want to spend all day staring at clouds & writing poetry. or frolicking thru the forest with my dog. or cuddling… https://t.co/IWRmwpeLU1ugh sometimes just saying the words "i work as a designer at a tech company in seattle" makes me feel gross. don't hate meeeeee pleeeease @ericandreseric wing is a reference to enneagram. it means like mostly one thing with a lil bit of other thing: mos… https://t.co/FNiKBgTCH4women!!! respect them, listen to them, trust them, believe them, support them, invest in them, follow them, empower… https://t.co/YlgGicVl4d
3/9
2020
i’ve spent my entire life thinking i’m a gryffindor but one of my best friends just told me i’m a ravenclaw wing hu… https://t.co/a0hzknPnSV
3/8
2020
bartender put a lil extra vodka on top of my bloody mary. did not ask for that nor do i want it but i do feel special ☺️ @uhhdamn what colornot to brag or anything but i’m in a new group chat and I AM THRILLED about it 😊😊😊i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again... who will come walk my dog for me plscurrently hungover, lying very very still on the couch & regretting how much tequila i had last night like i’m 19 again @goodbeanaltalt https://t.co/BttN8IZO6T
3/7
2020
@mckennatiland yes! you're doing great. it's no one, that same thing we were talking ab last night 🙄it's 2pm and i am just now gearing up for my first work task of the day. everybody be cool and dont tell my boss k thanksomfg. i am just now discovering caroline calloway. so much to read. to ponder. who is she. is she an artist or is s… https://t.co/blcfKzm91vmmm yep i sure do love doing unreciprocated logistical labor for my friends, it never gets old @yngjcb W 🥳🥂 @unrealizzztic omg yes plsdamn i really love him 🥰you guys ever drink 3 white claws and then go for a run? just because you felt like it? idk man 🤪
3/6
2020

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