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I write fiction about sad midwestern teens (and sometimes other things) Work in @EmbarkJournal, @TheCollapsar, @moonrabbitcandy, and @Wigleaf. (he/him)

1,784 Following   1,615 Followers   9,711 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/31/16


Life is just waking up in the morning and deciding how to give yourself a headache“I can’t listen to your shit anymore”-me, out loud, as I turn off a podcast“Demystifying” is the word I wantI highly recommend writers try to read for literary magazines. It teaches you a lot of stuff, the most important be… https://t.co/SRHaKI5TcU“I’m gonna need you to get your shit together” -me to the butter that fell out of the fridge when I opened the fridgeKids, I shit you not. There used to be a phone number you could call just to find out what time it was.
Retweeted by Derek Heckman @AANDeloucas You didMe and the boys when all this is over ❤️ https://t.co/JGZjdEKuzZThere is nothing in this world to compare with watching a bad movie and making fun of it with your friends
11/25
2020
This is my most cherished gif. If I ever send it to you, it means I am genuinely very grateful for something you’ve… https://t.co/XY7lGa136mA Good Vibe is Hard to Find @Bud_Smith Love and honor and hopelessness and fountains of blood and magical mules and smashing shitFuck. What a good time these guys are having https://t.co/OrcG57VOjo @danbillyc Thank you!!There are no small fictions, only small writersRevelations from @herekdeckman: https://t.co/pVwfzz9m7E
Retweeted by Derek Heckman @rosshowalter Thanks, Ross!We're happy to announce our nominations for Best Small Fictions! Congratulations and good luck to @JoWithers2018,… https://t.co/WUzwuPaOFq
Retweeted by Derek Heckmanhttps://t.co/z32qJbAqhh https://t.co/oGkeyaMLlN @moonrabbitcandy @JoWithers2018 @rudribpatel @desertdwellera3 @SmartRachael Thank you, Cathy!!! This is very exciting!!!*Annihilation sound*Very “not the beginning of a horror movie” vibes indeed https://t.co/m0TmmMLtDmVery good, normal stuff here. Whatever the opposite of ominous is, that’s what’s this shit is FOR SURE. https://t.co/nGbzhm0dsXThey were out of the low sugar oatmeal I usually buy so I had to buy the regular and it’s like eating a bowl of fucking TrixI am “this oatmeal is too sweet” years oldThis is the best one https://t.co/QPC94rABlKBoy I’ll bet https://t.co/b4bVqa3WDMHell yeah fuckin right https://t.co/7yYyyAQHbdAren’t they all https://t.co/4xTqKoodachttps://t.co/siovckzcSmRight. Well. Sure. @tobinaddington Extremely dislike that guy👑 https://t.co/z0vPKh1n1EThis is a film about driver safetyMood https://t.co/nDKfC3OJbYHmm. Indeed https://t.co/XKfBY3YHS7 @rosshowalter It’s a bad face! Hard, hard dislikeDrink every time you say “Nope” out loudNot a fan of this guy. Gonna say it right now https://t.co/P3iBlJ46mHRight on https://t.co/rz0oOEuwTULiking how normal things are so far. Guy plays his music, comes home, talks with his wife. Very niceAnd Gary Busey?!?!?Richard Pryor!?“Doing great there, Couch Potato!” https://t.co/gAfQrGrIHnHear it in the voice, pleaseThe nickname David Lynch would give you is the first thing you think of when you look at this image https://t.co/1zqBcusNNSLet’s see how “lost” this highway really is https://t.co/FRFxw4QRS2
11/24
2020
“Boarded the train there’s no getting off”—haven’t we all, Sylvia?Plath weighing in https://t.co/7Nl8B31AOg @TonyHoWasHere https://t.co/aFF7Obu8Dg @TonyHoWasHere https://t.co/d40Ilb9u1J @rosshowalter https://t.co/yYhBUhGcgphttps://t.co/r5nD4oAdwP @NifMuhammad “New Age Girl” Deadeye Dick“Funky Song” from Sabrina the Teenage Witch https://t.co/LOAYeAkV0KLeave it to Bruce Springsteen to take “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” and make it the horniest song of all time @timunken Just following up https://t.co/Kgg4lXgyTrHate to be trapped by terrorists in the house of a South American diplomat. Love to find moments of grace and conne… https://t.co/U6iVTvfToyMe: *fills a pitcher with water* My body: “Oh thank God” Me *pours the water into my mr coffee* My body: “God fucking damn it”I ❤️* COFFEE!!!!! *am addicted toThe Željko Ivanek “That One Guy” Award https://t.co/Y74GMxiUjMAmy Dunne was the Zodiac Killer
11/23
2020
You need a sassy sister-type with glasses and a lot of attitude, is she not the first person you call?Biggest mystery of Gone Girl so far: Was Janeane Garofalo unavailable or? https://t.co/gDmrTKAx4kScrewing up my first job working for David Fincher by making the color pallet of every scene blue as a bit @hibadsmh H. Jon Benjamin“I’m sorry” https://t.co/sHA64TDne6“That’s not genius in publishing. You wanna know what’s genius in publishing? ‘New Adult.’ Somebody thought of that… https://t.co/l8AM4LHknKWhen you hate your beautiful and perfect wife https://t.co/kXIRDG6Fw8There’s a scene in the crown this season where the Queen and Prince Phillip discuss Billy Joel and there is no othe… https://t.co/ytHABI0h7u @TravisCravey I’ve heard of getting rejected, but this is ridiculous!There are two kinds of stories: 1) A stranger comes to town 2) Complex interpersonal dramas spanning whole generations of the same familyDon’t want to take too big a risk but I’m considering having it span whole generationsAll right guys, check this as an idea for a new novel: A complex interpersonal drama *whispers* but within a family
11/22
2020
Suckerssss @timunken A fine beverage by all accountsCinematography. It is discussing cinematography https://t.co/i4WHkizPMa @timunken Crisp, some would say @timunken They are!Like the cavemen at Lascaux, I think, reaching out across time and space, making a mark that will outlive them by e… https://t.co/j2ZJjOb7xiTitles at the end of a Crown episode: “William Shea went on to a successful career writing political thrillers”… https://t.co/9zKmiTgKeELike everyone agrees! It is a bitch! We can’t argue!I’m honestly always a little impressed that they managed to say bitch like ten times in a two minute songs and nobody ever caresProducer: “You can’t do it, boys! I run a clean, wholesome record company, and I won’t have it sullied by two long-… https://t.co/z15Gd9SNrx @HBWithers This one’s just for meLEO: “You are referring to Academy Award-Winner Marisa Tomei?” HOYNES: “Yes!” LEO: “Refer to her that way!” @SuperYakiStuff “Academy Award-Winner Marisa Tomei” shirt whenA reminder that if you are ever speaking about Marisa Tomei, it is appropriate to refer to her by her title “Academ… https://t.co/RqetjrqKdSNothing but respect for my queen https://t.co/rFiyn9eCfkNo—Gatsby turned out all right at the end ⓘ This claim is disputedThe word “Trumpian” gets tossed around a lot these days but boy https://t.co/BFJih4wY78Me, seeing that Tim Roth is in this movie: “Ah fuck yeah”Me, seeing the dogs in the opening: “Ah fuck yeah”Relatedly, can anyone recommend a free and easily accessed medium where I can hear between 2 and 4 men discuss film… https://t.co/m11MxwPcZBAll right, boys, the gf is watching a movie with her friends tonight so we ALL know what that means https://t.co/0MZhQkUTnLMe, sitting down again after performing a small task: “I still have to face the hours, don’t I?”
11/21
2020
@DBGerrard I’m always subtweeting everyoneI mean I’m no expert, but it seems to me that when someone comes out with a weird, bad answer for why they did a th… https://t.co/9mlY7NtU7W @SomersErin Where’s THIS novel?"And so in Goodfellas, the scene with my mother—that's my mother in that scene—was totally improvised" https://t.co/YPOi9YFVYF
11/20
2020

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