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Fecret Ftone Clearer. Self-playing Snookerist. Publicist for International Men's Day. Photo by Steve Brown.

875 Following   247,265 Followers   140,891 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/14/08

My Chris Evans can’t even afford to eat at Puzza Express so he has no alibi t a couple of hours left if you want to own those Ricicles @ChrisHallas @NadimNaaman Hopefully people donated. I chucked in £20. I find about 2-5% will pat so it’s not nothingEverything is shit but this makes me happy ⁦@Herring1967⁩
Retweeted by Richard K Herring @Herring1967 Audiophiles assemble!
Retweeted by Richard K Herring @MooseAllain @JasonArnopp I love my celebrity lifestyle, though it involves more cleaning arseholes and less glamor… anything bigger than a grain of sand. If you’re going to do something then do it right. @Herring1967 Oh gloriouf day! Ftone clearing for the old guard. Thank you.
Retweeted by Richard K Herring @PaulTonkinson @JimTheRhino I am not really worried about the kids, but the teachers and the other people that the kids will bump into. @PaulTonkinson @JimTheRhino And like I say, I’d rather we’d waited two weeks and significantly reduced that possibility @PaulTonkinson @JimTheRhino Obviously some people were, but the big crowds on the beach etc was not happening. We’r… @PaulTonkinson @JimTheRhino Nope, but is it worth sending 5 year olds back to school (unless the parents are workme… @PaulTonkinson @JimTheRhino Just saying that rushing back may mean we have to do it all again. The reason numbers a… @Jonbaxter @kbu34 We’re all scared. My workplace will probably be the last one back and am facing not being able to… @Jonbaxter @kbu34 But if we go back to work too soon the whole thing will be extended even further. The govt needs to bail people out.It’s been a while, but here’s Chapter Sixty-Four of Stone Clearing podcast
@ChrisFarrelly @DrJaninaRamirez What celebrity? @plantybeth @happychick2013 @DatCatDer @hester_hest Yes and no. I can’t really work while they are both here. So st… @vblock Reception is 5 year olds. That’s my daughters class. Back on 10th @vblock Not sure you’re right if those people are 5 @barnpot Yup that’s my concern @Jonbaxter I don’t think people are worried for the kids, but for whoever your kids bump into after @vblock Sure, if you spend 8 hours in Tesco’sCool. Good for you only caring about yourself. I hope you’re a parody. literally opening fire on the free press.
Retweeted by Richard K HerringMassively appreciate that work and you guys have not had the credit you deserve. But the more kids, the more risk a… schools might be so empty that it could be the safest place for our kids though!I’d rather do two more weeks of total lockdown now, than have to go back in a month or so. Lucky we have the best p…’s going to send their kids back to school? Our return date is June 10th, but even that seems a but unnecessarily risky to me.All right Dominic Cummings someone did ban exercise. You were allowed out once a day, which was a problem as our dog needs 3 walks a day was entertaining the nation with stone clearing so it wouldn’t have worked. Also my dog just jumps up at me if I… dog walk also counted as exercise and we were only allowed one. But I am way too exhausted by 24 hour child care… two live streamed RHLSTPS (two in the same day - it’s never happened before) on Wednesday 3rd June at 8pm and… you come and look after the kids? I am fucking exhausted we have to look after our kids with no help so we can’t get the babysitter round while we do it can’t do it without the incentive of all the other people believe the Romans got it right will the Park Runs return?’t listened back and don’t remember, but glad it still works! everyone. The Gods love to torment me, but they dragged all you into their games this time. The annoying thin… @Herring1967 Just seen a very disappointing tribute act...
Retweeted by Richard K Herring @FutureAcidHouse @ShaunWilliamson I did one with @LesDennis before lockdown. Don’t know when it’s on or how we did.
Everyone missed it. Glad it’s finding a new audience occurs to me any more another one I don’t think to May 2010 (10 years and 12 days ago) for AIOTM series 2, episode 1. Incredibly I predict not only the Corona… again our disability is used for comedy. You mind eye fascists find us very funny don’t you? hoo (did they get it?) @BMHallio @Monsterlander Yes, we sort of need people to watch the intro because we don’t have ads and it’s the only… @Monsterlander @gofasterchrisIn an hour (2pm) I will be hosting a free writing session on zoom. It’s 90 mins long. I have the link if you messag…
Retweeted by Richard K HerringWhat? police arrest CNN reporter and camera crew as they report from protests in Minneapolis…
Retweeted by Richard K Herring Lovely interview at Den Of Geek. After years of Sherlock and Who interviews, it's a novelt…
Retweeted by Richard K HerringNever’t that Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle? from the top for my great and hilarious friend Christina. it’s organic, no need to panic @WastefulSavant Amazing. Nice oneYou must clear stones until ye be dead. Age and infirmity are no excuse. must laugh himself to sleep every night. And still the people that he has duped defend him. It’s extraordinary. doesn’t even explain what he’s doing. How is anyone expected to learn how to clear stones? be furious if he gets offered his own TV show. FF are watching, so can’t give you an exact time, but keep an eye on in next 10 mins or so
Ha! This is fun!🎤🦠 HECKLE THE VIRUS: The THANK YOU Gala! ✨Hosted by Richard Herring✨ with special guests to be announced SOON! •…
Retweeted by Richard K HerringSnooker at 7.30pm. Me 7 vs Me 8. Irish Me vs Northern Me. Oh dear. Arse crack also guaranteed Cummings is allowed to be in a group of 7 (but good luck finding that many people who want to be seen with him)I am quoting his president, Plastic Bertrand plan pour moi, was to have a badger in Belgium vs Me2 snooker heading for TV. See you losers. This is the big time. I don’t need you any more me for a drink first at 7.30pm another very exciting last 16 snooker match between me and me, to find out who will be playing me…, there are other options, but would feel weird to support the workers in this and then move somewhere else whe… promised not to use them again til it was sorted.’s good news. @kickstarter sorted out their issues with unions yet (a while ago I received an email from the people who orga… for the Scarlett Johansson anecdote, stay for the “is it ok to have sex with a human-mouse hybrid?” #RHLSTP
Retweeted by Richard K Herring @WilliamPoskitt @AubreyandGus Try to stop being so. Your life might depend on it. All the best @WilliamPoskitt @AubreyandGus Then you are an extraordinarily gullible individual. @WilliamPoskitt @AubreyandGus All his excuses are utter bullshit and justify you excusing whatever you’re doing with utter bullshit too. @WilliamPoskitt @AubreyandGus Or if they just fancy a drive to a beauty spot on their wife’s birthday?Also for the headline “Human Spider Hybrid Eats Policeman" @WilliamPoskitt @AubreyandGus But they are.This is a lovely RHLSTP chat between @Herring1967 and @greg_jenner
Retweeted by Richard K HerringYou’re arguing with a joke Nuremberg Trials might disagree. they shagging are cost me £500 @Herring1967 Amazing, especially given the exceptional critical thinking demonstrated by so many in recent times!!…
Retweeted by Richard K HerringHow the shag are we getting so stupid? (Is it 5G? It must be the 5G right? Only explanation. Luckily I have an anti… 376 cuts very deep right now @Herring1967 #emergencyquestions
Retweeted by Richard K HerringIf you missed the live RHLSTP with Greg Jenner last night then you can follow link below to see it. Also thank Greg…"The Second Cummings."
Retweeted by Richard K HerringAnthony sent me this link. 43 mins in. A cheeky RHLSTP fan tries to get Dawkings to admit his dog 69ing lie @WastefulSavant Yup definitely. £50 for us both if you switch. I think you can leave any time if you don’t like the…