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John Hodgman @hodgman Brooklyn, NY

I am John Hodgman.

4,078 Following   1,072,949 Followers   63,268 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/10/08


@DanAmira @sadmonsters @dankmccoy In the 50s halloumi was advertised as “Chicken of the Cheese”Delivered by raven! https://t.co/uSZWXRvN0D @Kozwald22 @seanoconnz @morninggloria Stole the words from my mouth @LeviFetterman With a ham sandwich. @hodgman Not to bog down, but it’s worth noting the clip extends a little further than this & he gives credence to… https://t.co/OIPON2Q5Q0
Retweeted by John Hodgman @Reuxben Yup @danieljpowell It. Has. To. Stop.I appreciate this gesture truly, no matter how late-better-than-never. But I am concerned about the normalizing of… https://t.co/Lne1B797Wz @davegroooover @JesseThorn @putthison @hodgman While I am not Jesse, it was Ruby Colorful Coffees and I bought some… https://t.co/7oaNlFHoRq
Retweeted by John HodgmanOne thing you can take to the bank, Republicans have always taken a consistent, principled stand against conspiracy… https://t.co/xl0hde8xj7
12/2
2020
@theferocity Point taken. I apologize.Just held a persons hand as they died alone, without their family or loved ones by their side. Glad you enjoyed you… https://t.co/hV3ci4DR5K
Retweeted by John Hodgman @RheaButcher @paulandstorm Ok Paul and Storm I love you too. @zandywithaz @Randazzoj Huh. I feel like my eyes have been opened. Specifically the 8th and 9th eyes on the back of… https://t.co/pkT4Ckyi04Rest In Peace and Power #MiguelAlgarin. https://t.co/Zk9lq9UvWS
Retweeted by John Hodgman @Lana @joshgondelman @jesseraub He’s a mess. He used to be a good writer. Now he’s all id and coke and it’s instead of its. @joshgondelman @StephStradley @Lana @jesseraub Sure. Go home to your enabling sports friends who say things I don’t… https://t.co/oYLirQoPPQ @joshgondelman @Lana @jesseraub Yes. Lana, too. Lana [comma!], too. Learn punctuation, Josh, and then rejoin us her… https://t.co/v52csvlj5R @jesseraub We can begin healing. As soon as @joshgondelman stops doing COKE!!!! He’s holding the nation back. Shameful. @RheaButcher Days late but I always love you. @zandywithaz @Randazzoj I thought you meant Q had gone fully Q @jesseraub I just want Josh to STOP doing the cocaine
12/1
2020
@andrewgurland @Dave_Horwitz Flattering! but I wasn’t really “the star” tho. @susiecubone Don’t worry I have it covered! @Sauce_ I know!Hey it’s your friend the genius ⁦@maevehiggins⁩ !! https://t.co/b2y65CGCaJ📷 Every morning my only regret is that I can’t subscribe to the @portlandpressherald twice. https://t.co/KhL4YRlxVd https://t.co/C6XMBzeD2DEvery morning my only regret is that I can’t subscribe to the @portlandpressherald twice. https://t.co/hPBakAcgKPHey Friends! The Black Friday Sale is on now! Get your merchandise on my website 25% off now until January 1st!… https://t.co/v4ByRAsScS
Retweeted by John Hodgman
11/30
2020
@TheFrankOzJam @MonteBelmonte Thank you for filling us in! A true honor. @LeviFetterman @CharlieCurtisB I agree with the Pennsylvanian dog @urchaoticgf Thanks mom @joshgondelman Glad to hear you are getting “over zoom” (aka cocaine)! I stand with you in your recovery. @karaklenk Oh. Yeah.J GABS GETS IT. https://t.co/tRY27bB8ldLevi is right, so help me Dog or whatever. https://t.co/R32V4oIXSZ @shiralazar I’m so sorry. @tressiemcphd Insofar as it has been a fantasy of mine since childhood to pee into an electric blanket I guess so!Folks who encouraged young ppl to turn out& vote bc “you can work to influence the coming admin” should be encourag… https://t.co/u7cD9PFi1w
Retweeted by John Hodgman @byjoelanderson @tressiemcphd Trust me. Your friends and family may whisper. But twitter will tell you when you’re… https://t.co/veBiYWFsCX @tressiemcphd I felt that I had had a poop or pee accident.I don’t want to revive the Baby It’s Cold Outside discourssssse, but this is adorable: https://t.co/Ua7erQpt7b
Retweeted by John Hodgman @FrostySnownoob It is EVERY DAY @smalltownbofh Thank you!I’m sorry Google is down where you are! Here you go: https://t.co/VC2cPe9rdB (ps just kidding—we’re good) https://t.co/NB52V3ujHCBut damn Satan or whatever for the Spelling Bee stealing my wife from me.On the other hand, god or whatever praise the @nytimes for this hot choc photo shoot CLEARLY cosplaying as a 1979 L… https://t.co/5RQLxx73mKOperation warp speed for food insecurity
Retweeted by John HodgmanDemocrats should set a high standard in office. They should also say STFU to any and all Republicans who have been… https://t.co/VaqYs25VBa
Retweeted by John Hodgman7 meanwhile, to my colleague-employers at @NYTmag, I love you. You’ve been family for 17 years since I write that B… https://t.co/iXYZ1Qj28T6 so have at it thinkers! Good luck to all thinks! I’ll keep up with @staceyabrams and @fairfight and my friends in… https://t.co/bDhs9ccjK95 I am glad to have learned through my volunteering and phone banking that tweets, op-eds, bad framing, think piece… https://t.co/8VFwMFotEy4 The story in the same newspaper lionizing them today really makes the weird, alternate timeline case that we ACTU… https://t.co/Xk53dibqmq3 Meanwhile, I’m legit grateful to the few state GOP officials who have refused to go along with the conspiracy whe… https://t.co/XaaxhBxLwA2 That’s a huge, glib, destructive get out of jail free card for the party that is bringing us all to the ruination… https://t.co/PrXg4neQGTThe whole “what democrats did wrong in 2020” op-Ed in the @nytimes today has some bitter pills that are definitely… https://t.co/dRbhhk7Dcs
11/29
2020
Octavius McKool gets the Key to the City of https://t.co/suHpoln3WO https://t.co/gMC79QWkAxWhat the Nobel Prize fails to mention here, and fails to mention every year, is that both Burnell and Hulse were 24… https://t.co/TQtN93rJ5O
Retweeted by John Hodgman @NellSco I was workshopping a joke about the Venus de Milo but it didn’t come together.
Retweeted by John Hodgman @NellSco I was going to make a joke about Georgia O’Keefe but then I remembered women aren’t funny.
Retweeted by John Hodgman @NellSco I was about to do a joke about Thomas Kinkade, The Painter of Light, but then I realized it was hack.
Retweeted by John Hodgman @NellSco I was only inspired to get into this racket by you: a) your good jokes. b) your schooling that one guy on… https://t.co/TygM1KpZ24 @NellSco I was about to do a joke about Thomas Kinkade, The Painter of Light, but then I realized it was hack.Joe Biden patted his chest pocket. There were his Debate Real Good pills. He always had them on his person now. The… https://t.co/2OhbOgc2A4
Retweeted by John HodgmanBarack Hussein Obama looked to the blue sky, where his enemy, God, resides, and smiled. He clasped his bony fingers… https://t.co/deUPJJeoP0
Retweeted by John HodgmanAs usual, @SeanCBaker gets it. https://t.co/OzoWh8j4jS https://t.co/fK3HHjNu4tWhat’s weird is I don’t actually have a joke about an artist but I do have two oil paintings of @toddbarry. He hand… https://t.co/IgAiZO50wR @NellSco I was going to make a joke about Georgia O’Keefe but then I remembered women aren’t funny.Thanks for the tech support, humans of twitter. Fixed! https://t.co/pGrcrfRhgAI have a joke. Pay me.
Retweeted by John Hodgman @NellSco I was workshopping a joke about the Venus de Milo but it didn’t come together.PS the lower left photo is Mr Butch. If you know then you know. @shuckyducky7 Had to rewrite itFor some reason @twitter thinks that these are the only photos on my camera roll. While this is a fair assessment o… https://t.co/tH5FV0Opg6PSA: Saturdays are for cartoons. https://t.co/suHpoln3WOCeci n’est pas une blague sur MagrittePlease remember that Saturday mornings exist for cartoons: https://t.co/suHpoln3WO @paulandstorm You’re a religious bigot, Paul. @MonteBelmonte Henson really loved showing off his puppet piano playing. Two characters! @naanking Oh. Uh. Cool. But there’s still some smiting?Cut is deep https://t.co/TGR6ejZ2GN @naanking I will travel across the country to join the new faith.This and a ham sandwich helps. (Or any kind of sandwich.) https://t.co/EcpQIYAlZvI mean seriously. How hard would it be to CGI Rowlf into Down By Law? I DO NOT WANT TO ERASE TOM WAITS! I just also… https://t.co/jeFIVqaEiU @NellSco @ChrisRRegan Amazing punch up. SHOW HIMWhen we can all get back together again, I want to see my friend @JeanGreasy and sing Muppet songs again. Including… https://t.co/xzl0MLlmME @pattyotool My whole family was just laughing about this beautiful joke ten minutes ago. Thank you for the synchronicity. @jenniferw613 Precisely my journey as well.If you call them essential workers, pay them essential wages.
Retweeted by John HodgmanToday many are buying gifts or donations for the holiday season. Right now, small businesses & food aids across th… https://t.co/BBsUqdzwLu
Retweeted by John HodgmanI’m sure I’m not the first to note that there’s a lot of overlap between my heroes Tom Waits and Rowlf the Dog. @BebeNeuwirth @hoochbox Hemingway joke. For sale. Never told.
11/28
2020
@KennethWReid Also @joshgondelmanA contradictory Black Friday reminder: Capitalism is bad, but also you should buy books from your local indie bookstore.
Retweeted by John HodgmanMy friend Chuck Bryant invited me on his show Movie Crush to talk about A Thousand Clowns, a movie about a sad dad… https://t.co/TkE7sTk19A
Retweeted by John HodgmanIf you're starting your holiday shopping this Black Friday, online or socially-distanced, here are some resources f… https://t.co/ic1Fc7uDfJ
Retweeted by John Hodgman @capnjoy It’s a pain to store, especially since it has but one use. But it makes a tremendous diff. @joshgondelman That’s the sound of your teeth grinding.Nice but feels more USS Reliant to me. Hey @BenjaminAhr and Adam Pranica—what do you say? https://t.co/eDgjWVJsvK @AngryBlackLady Each season is pretty much it’s own show. Mixing up old and new characters/themes/settings. Love th… https://t.co/tYnIjeNw03
11/27
2020

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