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Holdin @HoldinCoffeeld Cloud 9, baybay!

Beige is the color of your energy - 311 SpaceChimp Thurs nights MyTWEETS👇🏻

4,043 Following   4,976 Followers   48,861 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/16/18

The monkey gang has several new members.
Retweeted by HoldinDo you keep all your toenail clippings in pickle jars in the refrigerator or do you let the government collect your…
Retweeted by Holdin @celestialheyoka @ThatsMrVillain with more than 5k followers is lukewarm.
Retweeted by HoldinImagine stumbling upon me the first time. You've all done it. I'm jealous.
Retweeted by HoldinO Monolith O Monolith We’re sorry humans stole you
Retweeted by HoldinOne time I thought I saw Rod Stewart at a Pizza Hut but it was just a mop.
Retweeted by HoldinA Big Tree thank you for all you do this bud's for you.
Retweeted by Holdin @nova_Corpse @HoldinCoffeeld I watch this weird middle ages show where everyone keeps talking about Winter and Dragons.
Retweeted by HoldinI guess the police don’t like it when you report missing nuggets.
Retweeted by Holdin @NotOneNotTwo @painting_tlc On dec 25th. The rest of the year he’s a magical, chimney invading, elf army having, un… joked to my kids that chicken nuggets were whole fried dead baby chicks and i think they’ll really find it funny once they stop crying
Retweeted by HoldinWe’ve always told our son that eating vegetables will help him grow big and strong. Tonight he refused them because…
Retweeted by HoldinWhat's your favorite show that no one has ever heard of? Mine is The Office.
Retweeted by HoldinWhich part is the illusion?
Retweeted by HoldinMy eyes say go fuck yourself but my hands type “kind regards”.
Retweeted by HoldinEver want to look up your old psychologists and be like, hey, I'm not dead yet.
Retweeted by Holdin*brings my banjo to an orgy*
Retweeted by Holdinit's easier for me, i live in a fantasy world
Retweeted by Holdinby the grace of the monolith may we all thrive 😌
Retweeted by HoldinIs it wrong to ask Santa for homicide?
Retweeted by HoldinMan, this dick makes my hand look really big!
Retweeted by HoldinIf the new position you want to try with me is called asleep on the couch, then yeah I'm down for that.
Retweeted by Holdin @karaokeballs Apparently when your tweets get too dirty they run you through the wash cycle up there.There are front loading washing machines at the top of my screen. And there a people inside them! What the fuck is…
Retweeted by Holdin @ellentee @six_2_and_even 🙌🏻🙌🏻👍🏻You have a panic room I have a hammock room
Retweeted by Holdin @theregoesrichie @gustaf191 This is a rough website for the illiterate 😂Your soul remembers what your animal body forgot and vice versa.
Retweeted by HoldinSometimes I'm a rational human; other times I think if I could just straighten my hair I'd have a whole different life.
Retweeted by HoldinAs soon as I learn how to be more fire resistant it's over for you witches
Retweeted by HoldinTwitter is the deep dark underbelly of the internet, the gunt as it were.
Retweeted by HoldinI hope everyone except the lady loudly complaining over speakerphone about having to wear a mask has a good day.
Retweeted by HoldinI keep my avi just my face cause I’m the biggest boob of all.
Retweeted by HoldinDad, Wherever you are, I know you're ashamed of the fact I raised the thermostat above 58° last night but glad I wr…
Retweeted by HoldinMy thoughts ate my reality. Mmm-good.night.
Retweeted by HoldinThe idea of a banana phone has appeal.
Retweeted by Holdin“Partridges are members of the pheasant family, like quail.” In that one sentence his contribution to Christmas pla…
Retweeted by HoldinIf I was a Jedi, I'd just be even lazier than I am now.
Retweeted by HoldinThe lady at the car insurance place always tells me not to leave the page with my banking details on it in the glovebox, but I always do.
Retweeted by Holdinevery time you baste the turkey take a bong hit.
Retweeted by Holdinget out there and go for a hike and take pictures of the trees like a normal person.
Retweeted by HoldinYes, I liked 25 of your pictures from three years ago. Is that wrong?
Retweeted by HoldinI shoveled my driveway in June, when it was easy. Now you idiots are doing all this hard work while I kick back and enjoy
Retweeted by HoldinThis robot's NBA dreams have been deleted.
Retweeted by Holdin @ThatSwampWitch1 *Nervously sweating* sure, load it up @ejmichaels1 😂🙌🏻Here’s a picture of an absolutely stunning blue jay, sublimely cerulean against the backdrop of a leafless silver b…
Retweeted by HoldinMeanwhile, in Australia.
Retweeted by HoldinThat lean-to is where I kept my aplomb
Retweeted by HoldinI'm a triple threat: easily upset, needy, and financially unreliable.
Retweeted by HoldinAnother month being strong and handsome in the books
Retweeted by HoldinI may not be the smartest girl on Twitter but I almost understand some of the literary references, so there’s that.
Retweeted by Holdinin an alternate dimension, Sa'moth & t'Tam stared quizzically into the scrying mirror, seeing figures with weird na…
Retweeted by HoldinA lifesize chocolate sculpture of Jason Momoa is probably the only acceptable gift that isn't jewelry, but I'm sure…
Retweeted by HoldinBest thing about this hangover are the chainsaws running at the house next door
Retweeted by HoldinI’m glad we got a Ring so we can see how much time our dogs spend on the porch
Retweeted by HoldinMy 4yo niece: “You’re fat” Me: “Santa died”
Retweeted by HoldinCan the Mythbusters find out if food really tastes better when it’s made with love?
Retweeted by HoldinThe Culinary Institute of America came into being because an actual CIA agent forgot that he was pretending to be a chef one day.
Retweeted by HoldinThose festive lights you put up around the holly tree when the kids were still tooling around in their Heelys and w…
Retweeted by HoldinMe to me: Say less
Retweeted by Holdin @theregoesrichie Thoughts: Theseus was a classical hero doing great and morally ambiguous deeds whereas Lycurgus was the gu…
Retweeted by Holdin @ThatSwampWitch1 I enjoy a good But I Specifically Asked You To Save Me A Piece Of Pie Beige.Opening a paint store where I mix the paint based on my mood - High Anxiety Red, Can't Leave My Bed for Days Navy B…
Retweeted by HoldinEverytime I go to a mall I wonder "what the fuck am I doing?" Instantly.
Retweeted by Holdin“Hold me closer tiny Danson.” - me constantly if I was friends with Ted Danson’s kids
Retweeted by HoldinTom Hanks made an anti Dungeons & Dragons TV movie in the early 80s called “Mazes and Monsters” and it’s so bad it’s bad.
Retweeted by Holdin @OfHella had an erotic dream about Yukon Cornelius licking his pickaxe, how's the lockdown going for you.
Retweeted by HoldinIf you do something and say you’re sorry and then do it again, you’re not sorry. It’s science
Retweeted by Holdinim a falling volleyball hmu
Retweeted by HoldinI don't normally post sketches but I love this Zangief bear toss and will likely never ink and color it.
Retweeted by HoldinI overheard her say "things couldn't get any worse" and took it as my cue to arrive.
Retweeted by HoldinIs martial law the one with karate?
Retweeted by Holdini'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if i do you won't learn anything
Retweeted by HoldinIf you call Alexa Siri she refuses to speak to you.
Retweeted by HoldinI was a gas station cashier for 4 years. In that time I was beat up by a drunk customer, robbed at gun point twice,…
Retweeted by Holdin @writeden I could maybe handle that during a movie I’ve already seen 😂 @capnwatsisname 😂The Headless Horseman sadly exiting Space Mountain after being told, no, he can’t hold his head in his lap, and als…
Retweeted by Holdin @writeden JO, NOTrust me, you don’t want to date me. I talk during movies. The ENTIRE TIME
Retweeted by Holdin @writeden JO“Sell your IROC-Z, pawn your 3 fuzz busters, and cut your mullet.” -Me, as a dating coach
Retweeted by HoldinNEVER trust anyone who doesn’t have a coexist bumper sticker on their Prius.
Retweeted by Holdin“Santa’s watching!” -Me, EVERY goddamn day
Retweeted by HoldinGoody, yes, another sunrise.
Retweeted by HoldinThis guy is really trying to compare me to Andy from Toy Story as if I wasn’t the inspiration for Sid Phillips.
Retweeted by Holdin[wakes up in physics lecture, yells: “Life is just the universe trying to create a perpetual motion machine,” goes back to sleep]
Retweeted by HoldinA video game where you play you, playing a video game. You win by entering the core of your existential self and co…
Retweeted by HoldinMe: *playing Mario* Mario: Stop that.
Retweeted by HoldinIf twitter dies I’ll have to go back my old job of setting bad poetry to old hymn tunes.
Retweeted by HoldinObliviousness is a gift I wish I had it maybe I do I’m not sure.
Retweeted by HoldinYou can never say enough. Unless you enunciate it with your mouth, tongue, and voice box somehow.
Retweeted by Holdin @BobBishiding 🙌🏻🙌🏻🔥
@geowizzacist @damnfinetweet Made me laugh! 🙌🏻When it's good it's good. Shut the front door! @HoldinCoffeeld picked you, @geowizzacist. That's some tweet!
Retweeted by Holdin