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Producer & booking manager of @SpitfireComedy in Chicago and @cabinfvrcomedy on Twitch. Writer for @antiskills. Defund the police.

3,621 Following   78,125 Followers   72,096 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/12/12


Society when you perform essential tasks: 👏👏👏👏👏 Society when you ask to be able to live while performing said essential tasks: 🤯😡🤬😖🤮
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterPeaceful Waters from The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind on Harp https://t.co/1gKIp4e6Qz
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterI like to drink all the liquid in my soup and then eat the rest of it like a regular meal
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter @SamSMullins I look forward to your thoughts on the Irishman when you finish it in 2023. @AtsukoComedy https://t.co/gINxkVA6Wy[famous scene from The Untouchables] Elliott Ness: Can I touch you? Al Capone: No @writeden He felt like blowing some snowKellyanne Conway is a piece of shit and a waste of human existence & so is everyone else from this current administ… https://t.co/dXAVx0m33s @FireBeets @abernothing I don't know what's happening here and I'm concerned @RobbySlowik My old show was even at iO! @RobbySlowik Fixed it for you https://t.co/7RXHkVc7RvImprov couples sexually role-playing must be unbearable
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterReally amazing stuff https://t.co/gurPXEWFTa
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterEvery day on Twitter is like funny joke, funny joke, my dad died in his sleep
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matterfinally figured out why I wasn’t getting any likes or follows! it was driving me crazy! turns out it’s because my content is shit
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matterno they’re not “symptoms of depression.” they’re blues clues
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterIf you don’t want teachers to do sex work pay them enough so they don’t even have to think about it
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matterthe only thing I’m drinking once i get the vaccine: https://t.co/gTqwyUtAfA
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter @EricTrump @TrumpStore You'll never sell enough to pay for your incredibly stupid father's illegal debts ❤Me: Thank god, Joe Biden will be president tomorrow Also me: Ugh, Joe Biden will be president tomorrow @jack_r0420 If they spoke to each other I'd imagine so @realmamamorgan I accept your challengeI like to drink all the liquid in my soup and then eat the rest of it like a regular meal @kieransofar An all-clown reboot of IT Crowd
1/20
2021
@lizastrof 2021 is a nightmare @ArielDumas I'd buy 10Very funny people worth following @CarmenLagala @sonicdork @alex3nglish @benyahr @thesammyhannahhttps://t.co/sOyuueV4JlWhen I listen to a song I haven't heard before https://t.co/9PemjCG7YwOn Wednesday they'll just lay a bucket of KFC on the White House lawn to lure him out.
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter @baseball_cali @SlothSlouch Definitely didn't say Biden wasn't a creep24 hours from now we'll have an adult as president again @Tommytoughstuff Looked into the sun during an eclipseME: What if rivers had penises ANESTHESIOLOGIST: How the hell are you still awake
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter @bigsharkguy Dammit @bigsharkguy I doubt itJanuary 1: I hope 2021 is fairly normal January 18: Sea shanties are the talk of the town and the capital experien… https://t.co/ePArg9MQvu
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterCultural impact: █    █  █  █… https://t.co/YMOpqWrwwE
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter @thesharkstate I definitely knew that @storytellerwes2 @Authoroux Thanks man!Son, this is your new stepmom Denise. She doesn't replace your mother but she is part of the family now. https://t.co/LcWOuUh4ym @bradkovach Ohhhhhh @still_suicidal Is a mouse @thesharkstate He's a mouseCultural impact: █    █  █  █… https://t.co/YMOpqWrwwE
1/19
2021
January 1: I hope 2021 is fairly normal January 18: Sea shanties are the talk of the town and the capital experien… https://t.co/ePArg9MQvuHOWDY. I'M THE SHERIFF OF BIRDS. https://t.co/aOkKEJJnw7
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterBARISTA: I have a latte ready for "Give me all your money?" ROBBER: Oh goodness, this is so embarrassing, I see there's been some confusion
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterCOMEDY FAN: Ugh their set was only 95% new material, lame MUSIC FAN: Oh man I hope they play my favorite song that… https://t.co/4IFsW3eKyF
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterWhen a barista dies coffee beans are placed on each eye before they float down a frappuccino river to forever misspell the names of the dead
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter @TheAndrewNadeau Vaginas don't explode anymore, AndrewWhy was it called "Bebe Neuwirth's salary on Cheers" and not "Lilith Fare"
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter @IHateMattDrufke @wherestrist @stealthygeek @LaurenVino @DoctorPissPants Hey thanks manI scream You scream We all scream Reality is hellOn Wednesday they'll just lay a bucket of KFC on the White House lawn to lure him out.If you can donate to help out Andy Bustillos with Cancer recovery treatments. He is one of the funniest most talent… https://t.co/LXMtRxsE0H
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterThis is as good as my jokes get. You may unfollowWhy was it called "Bebe Neuwirth's salary on Cheers" and not "Lilith Fare" @carobini Zero. Nothing emasculating about this. He's rightfully proud of his wife because he doesn't have a paper maché male ego.Oh really, you're a fan of 90s kids movies? Name 3 Ninjas @mangiotto I worked there for 4 years. Probably brought home or donated over 1,000 sandwiches and pastries over the… https://t.co/vlgqtqm2up
1/18
2021
@michaelianblack Just being on here makes me face part of it, oddly enough.Sure would be nice if I wasn't so broken so my son could have a stronger dadToo smart to think being on Twitter is a good idea, too stupid to leave it for good @RollingStone Note to self, Rolling Stone thinks Phil Spector was falsely accused of something he definitely didGood people. Must follows. @mynameisntdave @writeden @GroovyTasia @boombabybrown @myqkaplan @blainecapatchhttps://t.co/VxY4b7hJAA @KristySwansonXO Who are you again?Part of me has been crippled with severe depression for 20 years and it keeps insisting on winning.I hope this email finds you in the club, bottle full of bub look, mami, I got the X, if you into takin' drugs I'm i… https://t.co/tT9MN87rsFGrateful this did well. Follow some very funny people. @itsnashflynn @TheAndrewNadeau @lincnotfound @shrimpJAJhttps://t.co/ks31PkCewf
1/17
2021
Why is daisy the only flower that we whoopsie? Is this exclusive? What if I want to whoopsie violet or whoopsie chr… https://t.co/Z1mm1atF7X
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterInterviewer: Can you explain this 15 year gap in your resume? Me: I was unemployed in 2020 Interviewer [leaning f… https://t.co/0w01jvVEEh
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterCaptain Hook refuses to sign up for TikTok because it terrifies him
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterA day in the life of my brain: 8:31pm: Had a pretty good day today 8:39pm: I am buried in complex layers of sadness
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterMe: *lets the days go by* Gavin Rossdale: Motherfucker what did I just say"I'm not going to buy a pillow from that bigoted treason supporter" is a thing we get to say now"No more Mr. Nice guy" - Man who moved to another city in France
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterImagine an email actually finding you well
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterYou're only as old as you feel. I'm 312.
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterPre-2020: Ugh I hate when I have to go anywhere 2020: Okay, let me clarify
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterTrump should be impeached a third time just for being Eric Trump's dad
1/16
2021
[First day as a CIA agent] Agent: Shooter approaching at 11 o'clock Me: *looks at watch* Oh nice, we have some time then
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterPeople who are darn funny. @roobeekeane @SlothSlouch @Rachele_F @truegritrumble @BitzOfFitz @FireBeetshttps://t.co/y9Znqun0twAlright ok https://t.co/0rtERHtaho
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterIn your fucking face, Ratatouille https://t.co/9SSxHa6cneWhen my doctor first told me I had to go on a journey to deliver charged atoms, I had a lot of quest ions.
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives MatterWhen I die, I want to be only half-cremated. I don't care which half. @EmPaigeComedy https://t.co/KHEp6k04y3 @SenTedCruz https://t.co/IniKmhGDEk"No more Mr. Nice guy" - Man who moved to another city in France"Dry January!" - My skinSorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter"I'm a big Twitter account" Good for you champ, that's like being the best chef at a Domino's
1/15
2021
"sTuDeNt LoAnS sHoUlD nOt Be FoRgIvEn" we have $1.6 trillion in student debt thanks to the Wall Street crash, high… https://t.co/v9LngNCkTc @_justwinnie @tropicanapussy @desukidesu @okiecorri @heyjaredhey @adamgreattweet @NILES100 @jaynooch @dearsandwichhttps://t.co/4zjW28INQDFunny people very much worth following @tropicanapussy @desukidesu @okiecorri @_justwinnie @heyjaredheyhttps://t.co/JqoFDFmVev @gscFR_BR @LlamaInaTux YepMe: I need help finding a job. I'm broke and out of luck Career Coach: We can help you Me: Perfect Career Coach:… https://t.co/O8h0A7RqcfMy student loans will never be forgiven. Not after what they've done.
Retweeted by Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter
1/14
2021
[First day as a CIA agent] Agent: Shooter approaching at 11 o'clock Me: *looks at watch* Oh nice, we have some time then @drankturpentine @Ygrene Oh, phew
1/13
2021

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