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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Washington, DC

writer // contributor @ClickHole // gardener // sober //

989 Following   18,023 Followers   57,725 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/29/09

One of my neighbors on Capitol Hill put out a box with copies of this poem by Wendell Berry in it. It struck a chor…
Hi DC, this is next month and I’d love it if you came out. @NStreetVillage does vital, lifesaving work and this is…
Thanks for helping to keep Rock Creek Park beautiful and free of invasives! Join @iamchrisscott in his efforts to r…
Retweeted by Chris Scott
A tremendous morning in Rock Creek Park clearing out invasive porcelain berry, easily identified by its milky white…
@jduffyrice You bet, thanks so much Josie. We love you too. @cd_hooks I have no idea @kat_richards That's incredibly kind. Sending all love your way for a speedy recovery.
The scariest week of my life, and the longest by several centuries. Every ounce of my gratitude to the incredible d…
@floozyesq @pattymo That movie rules. This is my contribution! @natebking :)This was a wonderful moment, in my opinion was a blast and Deerhunter is absolutely the best band in America right now. Not entertaining any other opi… @RVoronaCote Smarts a bit but I’m fine! Sorry for swearing so much. @HowardSchultz It’s truly extraordinary how much you suck, just wanted to say that
Retweet if you’re above petty bullshit like drama and subtweeting and vaccines and fake peopleNothing is funnier than marijuana. A character only needs to mention it and I'll laugh for 15 minutes straight. It is the essence of comedy. @jakebeckman We all make mistakes!!Having a wild Friday night trying to get a photo of my pet rabbit yawningThe oceans are mysterious and terrifying. We need less of them, not more. This is why stopping climate change is so important. @davidgross_man You're welcome @chrisgeidner You're the real deal, Chris. Good luck with your next adventure, and let's meet up for a celebratory ginger ale soon <3Have fun with your Kardashian drama. I'll be over here with the adults listening to Uncle Kracker.
Does anyone have advice on becoming a personal trainer because just showing up at the gym and telling people what t… @summeranne Thanks pal :)He’s just gonna do this shit forever huh but after what he did to Glenn and Abraham I will NEVER eat his broth. Don’t care if it’s organic. am constantly thinking about the guy who accidentally texted a false incoming nuclear missile alert to everyone in Hawaii @CalmTomb Ahhhh I gotta try that @CalmTomb Discovering Lightlife Italian sausage to use for pasta was a big breakthrough for meAs of today, I've not eaten any meat in a whole year! Having grown up in the rural Midwest where meat was the cente… Trump loses reelection but refuses to relinquish the office peacefully, I’ll just go over to the White House and be like “Come on man” @shutupmikeginn Sweet, thank you! @shutupmikeginn This looks amazingRappin’ Granny was the last funny thing. Nothing has been funny since then. @arb You're allowed but you can't look like you're happy to be there and you have to sigh heavily a lot @dceiver I *can* believe itI'm going through some major Howard Schultz withdrawals over here. Why isn't Howard Schultz in the news cycle anymo… @aelaineo <3 @libbycwatson She is. If you cared about her like you say you do, you'd know that. @jakebeckman Yep @MiaThiNguyen Thanks. I know I have a screenshot of those texts somewhere.
I was the first person to like SolangeExcept for Chris Van Allsburg. Just me and him. @Punkaboo :) @Slade You can personally go to hellI will be the last Chris standing. That’s a promise. @imchriskelly SameHey DC friends! Volunteering with the amazing @CmmnGoodCtyFarm was one of my biggest joys in 2018. They do such goo… think I’ve been drinking milk wrong moment: A first grader asked me to open his Capri Sun and I accidentally stabbed it straight through a… @maplecocaine You gotta just keep trying. No negativity 🤠 @jhermann 😎😎😎 @jhermann Happy birthday pal! You rock 😎 @randygdub Billions of people are constantly saying “Trump is a literal piece of shit who’s never done anything rig… @ellesep Ohhhh that explains why I’m not, then. Phew @ellesep Then why is she on a television show? Checkmate @TamikaVST Amen @AuraInBrooklyn Agreed @therealhogan @gowotweets @D_Vandergriff It’s really good!Good morning from two big handsome boys @weldonwk It isn’tI don’t care how busy you are or what else you’ve got going on in your life. If you don’t do laundry this way you’r… @70Ceeks Wow so much for an open minded discourseI’m looking at a photo of Paul Rudd from 1995 and a photo of him in 2019 and it’s *insane* how much he looks like t… @allisongeroi No problem @allisongeroi Already making a list of jokes about this on my phone. Will text you one a day for however long until they run out.
Beto running for President is such a massive mistake. What a dumbass. Ok time to go back and delete my 15,000 “Trum… understand he’s got bigger things going on but it would’ve been nice if Michael Cohen had just once touched on how good Russian Doll is @AryehCW Most people have, in their own way @TRL_Mailorder @ctep Ahhh thank you!Like Michael Cohen I am also a good guy who’s misunderstood in a lot of ways @AndrewRestuccia Everyone gets ruined sooner or later, Andrew. Think you'd know that by now.Hey sorry this has nothing to do with Michael Cohen, just want to say that I've had the "Toot Sweets" song from Chi… @jhermann Exactly. You turned out great.With a gun to my head I couldn't tell you what my SAT score was. I don't even remember what the range was or what i… thought we canceled Michael Cohen. Why is he on television(to the tune of “Everybody Dance Now”) EVERYBODY’S CANCELED
Retweeted by Chris ScottEveryone has worth. Everyone has value. Everyone matters. Except for a few people on this website I don’t like. @danielleiat And 👏 we 👏 are 👏 shook @itsa_talia The second thingI’m sorry why would you be shook by this @itsa_talia Pin it @ctep If it does, he didn’t mention it. But it’s excellent.Tonight I got to see one of my musical heroes William Basinski in a small dark basement performing a new compositio…
@CalmTomb Oh brother 🥴Out on the town with our 16th President! Haha Wohl always seemed like such a well-adjusted guy. Just goes to show you never really know the full story based off social media alone. @bart_smith I suppose I would have no way of knowingI wonder what he dreams about @lucyruth Yesssssss @DanaSchwartzzz Amazing @D_Vandergriff Who was the musical artist you told me to check out last weekend? I should've written it downSelf-care is rescinding your compliment if the compliment isn’t immediately reciprocated by the recipient (handclap emojis)I keep this tweet in my drafts at all times just in case I ever get in trouble for one of my other tweets and need… @bonerhitler Glad to hear it pal. Happy birthday. @thejessgoodwin *throws all my notes in the trash*This really sucks — I’d been looking forward to this one. But if people who haven’t even seen this movie don’t like… @AndrewKirell Really great write up @AryehCW So smartJust gonna go through and retweet all the Oscar tweets like “WHAT” and “uhhhhh” from last night without context