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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Washington, DC

writer // contributor @ClickHole // gardener // sober //

996 Following   18,162 Followers   58,370 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/29/09

My students have done a far better job of growing lettuce and spinach than I ever have. This is breathtaking. @becagrimm Eh, strengthens your immune system @becagrimm Nice!I really like the new Tyler the Creator album @kenklippenstein This always looks like a still from a Saw movieRemember "that awkward moment"? When everyone could not get enough of talking about "that awkward moment"? Remember that? @hjonesanderson :)
Someone on the bus just inaccurately called the U.S. Botanic Garden the National Arboretum and I’ve broken into a c… the deadline to register to vote in the June 11 primaries is TODAY. EMILY’s List has endorsed 34 pro-cho…
Retweeted by Chris Scott @anamariecox @erinruberry Honestly that’s really up to Waldo @pajamawitch You mustn’t, for you will surely startle himShut the fuck up everyone.
Retweeted by Chris Scott @dalykyle At first I thought you meant rocket like what British people call arugula. Either works! Rabbits are amazing. @dalykyle I wonder what they dream aboutEvery time he passes out like this my heart stops and I have to rush to make sure he’s still breathingEveryone please be quiet, Waldo is sleeping is never ok to not like me @MikeOdenthal Not the Democratic Party that’s for fucking sureWhat about those of us that shower before and after work and also several times during work. What about us keep getting my ass kicked by nerds and I don’t like itAnd that’s a wrap. See you next season!We all know who the real king is.
Retweeted by Chris ScottMy timeline right now: “I love this” “This is everything I ever wanted” “I’m glad I invested time in this show” “I love this so much” @gray_cious He was a misunderstood mad genius. Very tragic.God I would’ve been such a nightmare if I’d had access to this website when LOST was on @Nicole_Cliffe Me tooA little cruel and unnecessary to insert 5 minutes of footage into the middle of the finale of Kit Harington findin… I’m ready
A palpable suspense as millions of Game of Thrones fans tune in tonight to see if their beloved show can even come… @LouisPeitzman :) @LouisPeitzman We had dinner together, Louis @michaelpielocik @nytopinion Whoa fella check your spelling on the last name there @aelaineo Love you too, pal. Always cheering you on from afar. @MalakaGharib Maybe run to the record store and buy some new music! Just kidding @nytopinion Phyliss Dalmatian @EdKrassen @krassenstein Ed and Brian I’m pretty sure I speak for everyone when I say thank you for this @RVoronaCote Remember last weekend when I brought your party to a standstill so everyone could explain Game of Thro… @diwili Just how it goes sometimes. There will be other shows!Wow, HBO just canceled Game of Thrones hours before the finale was about to air. Fans will be devastated, always le… @charles_kinbote God this album rulesI never thought I’d say this but my yoga instructor’s playlist today could’ve used a little less Train @jmartNYT For sure manI have been banned a number of times from editing Wikipedia or I’d do it myself, rest assured.I have made a horrifying discovery. The 2005 film “Hide and Seek” starring Robert De Niro has been omitted from his…’m sure my haters will be happy to hear I put my little bell pepper plant in the ground slightly crooked yesterday… @shawnsty1es Thanks Shawn!Nothing to worry about? Uh, how about a little something called climate change??? I’m running out of patience with… night, feeling alright @cd_hooks Yes
@toomuchnick AbsolutelyThis is what it’s all about. Retweet if you agree. Continuity Error: HBO Is Apologizing In Advance For A Scene In The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Finale Where Jon Snow’s…
Retweeted by Chris Scott @MikeOdenthal And 👏 I’m 👏 one 👏 of 👏 them @Arpwel Easy there, IcarusTwitter is friendship @jaimelcomunista And another 20 minutes to send it to my friends first to make sure it was good, so 40 minutes tota… of course knows Democrats are angry but his speech is geared toward Independents and Republicans because he t… @aelaineo I was surprised to learn this in your piece! @libbycwatson I bet when the dog needs to be fed she says “I’ve got a plan for that” (joke I’m workshopping) @benkling I rememberMy garden is out of control right now and I am loving every minute of it @jaimelcomunista It took me 20 minutes to put this tweet together and it was the best 20 minutes of my life. So joke’s on you pal.How does anyone have the energy for this review of the new The National album: That's The National alright. @SaraKateW It's a wonderful place, one of my favorite spots in the city. You gotta go!
@aud_bowler I never said I didn’t respect him. I said I’m tired and I’m going home. @SaraKateW A lovely afternoon in Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens! A jewel of DCOk I don’t want to do this anymore just keeps getting better and better. Where shall you lead me Mrs. Deer? geese led me to this turtle. I will follow him now. @sheplo He did, about 3 seconds after I took this photoFollowing this family of geese around for as long as it takes, wherever it leads me @ianfletcher1994 What an amazing country cat was so grumpy @CalmTomb Crowdsourcing is the futureProbably what's going to happen is HBO will see how many people signed that petition and then agree to redo an enti… @Arpwel Never shut up about it man. I didn't know we were supposed to be washing ANYTHING in the shower, much less… crossed the new Batman movie finally tackles his origin storyBeen thinking a lot about trees
Been feeling anxious and irritable lately. Gonna try tripling my screen time and see if that helps. @jhermann Beyond excited for you both! @WGladstone What’s your letter grade for the series so far? I grew up on Twilight Zone and I’m bummed people seem o…’m the one voter who isn’t satisfied with any of my 1,500 choices for president so far and am holding out hope the… @tedcruz @jack Shut up dudePresidential candidates shouldn't be allowed to get haircuts. If they want the job so bad they should have to let t… really wish Trish Keenan was still with us
Two weeks ago, seven Onion Inc. union members were laid off by our new owners, Great Hill Partners. Each were talen…
Retweeted by Chris Scott @1followernodad It’s literally every single tweetAlso what is the law? Something we simply created, like a bridge or a book. Rocks and trees, however, those are tru… @BrandyLJensen Like being on another planet, truly. I’m envious.Amazingly enough the answer to all of these questions is “Because nature is incredible, don’t litter.”This morning I taught a group of kindergartners about the life cycle of a butterfly but I did struggle with some of…, this is fun. The last text you sent and the name of the city you were born in is the title of your you died in…
If the millions of people planning to watch the Game of Thrones finale this weekend instead used that time to solve… @joeyalison I can. Other people can't, but I can.Today I was telling a first grader about Parmesan cheese and he thought I was saying Papa John’s cheese, and we had… @danCLYNE Damn straightI know I’ll catch some heat for this but I actually think Elizabeth Warren should do the Fox News town hall and ref… @becagrimm Why do you want to eat a ton of book stores? Just kidding. Just joking around.