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iTomFoolery™ @iTomFoolery Pillow Fortress of Solitude

nobody/fool/funt Avi and header by @galiamango

962 Following   5,834 Followers   22,470 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/1/11

This tweet is the equivalent of a turtlehead popping out of my arsehole... *clenches butt cheeks*
*social media distancing*IT'S STORY TIME TUESDAY WITH @iTomFoolery GO FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE, AND CHECK IT OUT!! 🥳🎉💕❤🥰😍
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In case you missed it here’s the last episode of Story Time... Go F*ck Yourself Timmy Thank you for watching 💙 In…
@indafckitbucket Thank you G! Glad you enjoyed it. Here’s a sexy potato dancing to celebrate 🤗💙 Time with Tom Foolery Presents... Go F*ck Yourself Timmy Written by Liam Lynch Narrated by Tom Foolery New… of the dinosaurs were unreliable apart from one... You could always count on Pythagorus Rex.GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!!! IT'S STORY TIME TUESDAY WITH @iTomFoolery Go check it out! Everybody needs a smile and this is…
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Nudes are sacred and something that should only be shared with your significant other and anyone willing to pay a monthly subscription fee
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™remains to be seen, not heard - undertakers
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Tom Foolery was born Prince Thomas von Foolhardy the Third in 1568.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™You’re never too old to pretend to learn.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @IamEveryDayPpl I ever have a husband and he’s running late I’ll refer to him as my late husband
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™therapist: are you able to recall your first brush with anxiety? me: yes.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I am a responsible adult in the same way that soup is a beverage
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @IamEveryDayPpl obviously planet earth wants us dead and I for one don't blame her.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @IamEveryDayPpl of you have never asked what would Nacho Libre do and it shows.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™If I ever invite you to a corn maze, you should probably get your affairs in order.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I mean, does he *really* need to breathe when I sit on his face?
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Ever been outlined in chalk? ~me flirting
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I love it pink & juicy, I bite into it & it drips down my chin, sometimes my hands get sticky holding it Watermelon is my favourite fruit
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Who do I think I am having feelings and shit? Disgusting.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Isn’t it wild that we are attracted to butts? Like they’re puffy poop machines and we’re all like hell ya that gets me going
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Today has been a wet fart in a wind storm.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I'm going to rename you all Terry.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™All we are is dust in the wind and Billy Joel lyrics.
Can’t, I’m in the midst of a montage.Always give people the benefit of the doubt for fifty-nine seconds.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Illusions are nothing more than deceptions of the mind and heart.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Hey professor poopypants, how about not being such a poopyhead all the time
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Sometimes I think of a response to someone’s tweet that I think is really clever and funny. Then I just simply don’…
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Can’t, I’m busy ignoring you
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™You’re nowhere near as clever as you imagine yourself to be.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™[Ghost wife walks in on ghost husband wanking to live porn] My mother always warned me you were a dead beat
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I'm not just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, I also have a crispy outer shell and tangy dipping sauce.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Next time I hear anyone say 2020 could not get any worse, I'm gonna say "Oh yeah? What if vaginas developed a gag reflex?"
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™It’s embarrassing how clever we all think we are.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™All I ask is that you be a non-smoker and look like my favorite porn star
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Can’t, I’m busy being stuck in an endless loop of our princess being in another castle.They said no texting while driving but they never said anything about giving four ferrets a nice bubble bath
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™plastic bags don't even have nervous systems, katy
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Either I really can’t fly or something’s wrong with this broom
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I use my vision board for cheese.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™A bakery called stud muffins where cute guys serve muffins on Segway’s
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™If your man is homophobic just remind him the clit is a baby penis when he’s going down on you. And then dump his ass as you cum. Good day.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™They aren’t “posts” it isn’t a “page” and we aren’t “friends”
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™They’ll always be able to do that thing you like if you already like all of the things.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Seriously, I’d probably marry the first person that promised to take me to Funkytown.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Who called it unboxing videos and not a mail stripper.I firmly believe Rick and Morty are behind the mess that is 2020
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™A milk moustache but instead it’s jizz A jizzstache
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™There's a kind of cat that eats coffee berries, shits them out and then the coffee tastes amazing. My investigation…
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Which Disney Princess winds up under a bridge doing meth with a hobo? I’m that one.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Welcome to the assumptions club. I'm guessing you all know why you're here.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Trying to seduce Mothman by doing the monster mash, but the more sensual it gets the more awkward he looks. As Moth…
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™god grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change and the courage not to set idiots on fire
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™We play Twister, but it’s more a game of finding out who’s most twisted.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™[1st day as a Superhero] Me*standing in front of mirror & 3 hours late to fight crime*: fr though, is my camel toe showing
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™*A sphincter says what logging in*Maybe fate thought we needed each other
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@myevil2win Butt of course 😏
If you go in like a ton of bricks don’t be surprised if you hit a wall.I like the ones that don’t try to fit in with the crowd.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™*wears your skin as a suit* I adorn youIf I were in an Exorcism film, I would simply not allow the demon to possess me
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Don't forget to remember me
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Some people make bad things okay and good things even better.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @CusackSara @CrockettForReal believe in lust at first sight.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™It's just the devil inside of me that wants the devil inside of you
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™A Super Mario Bros movie starring Peter Dinklage as Mario and Sylvester Stallone as Mario when he eats a mushroom.face down ass up thats the way i trampoline
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @myevil2win Well played you pickle loving vixen, well played. @myevil2win I read veg as something else for a second there. @myevil2win That’s between me and my pickle.Morning people shouldn’t be trusted They'll trick you into leaving your bed long before it’s necessary
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Everyone that comes to my funeral gets a kitten
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Do you ever catch yourself using really negative self talk and think, “you need to quit that shit, you dumb cunt” or is it just me?
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @futureKid are red Black Dahlias are dark I did not hit her! It’s not true! It’s bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not! Oh, hi Mark
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Reward yourself with a Twinkie every time you complete a burpee. Follow me for more workout motivation and tips.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @myevil2win Who doesn’t love a pickle... with time traveling otters is why I don't do absinthe and go to the zoo anymore.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™She doesn’t need a ticket to ride.
Words that would make nice girls names if they meant literally anything else: - areola - rosacea - chlamydia - labia
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Man can you imagine what the final boss of this year is gonna be like
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™The right one will express the desire to murder you every now and then.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @EmSwallow122 @NoelRedwood @jjhearfornow @WilsonT88312009 @tarankon @SIDtheWHISTLE @thehofflebrock Oh how I do love… are all brave in our own way. For example, I am not afraid of carbs.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Don’t worry if other people don’t like you. All that matters is that you don’t like you
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @CrockettForReal You’re welcome sir!💙Quote Retweetception! If you follow anyone today I highly recommend @CrockettForReal because not only is he hilario… case you missed it here’s the latest episode of Story Time... Grow a Pear, Timmy! One more cheeky story coming… most fearless people you’ll meet are those not afraid to be themselves.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Let’s spend the winter at the Overlook Hotel.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Just not enough people playing strip croquet anymore
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