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iTomFoolery™ @iTomFoolery Pillow Fortress of Solitude

nobody/fool/funt Avi and header by @galiamango https://t.co/xjPUTT0ouC

962 Following   5,834 Followers   22,470 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/1/11


This tweet is the equivalent of a turtlehead popping out of my arsehole... *clenches butt cheeks*
11/24
2020
*social media distancing*IT'S STORY TIME TUESDAY WITH @iTomFoolery GO FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE, AND CHECK IT OUT!! 🥳🎉💕❤🥰😍 https://t.co/uETq9br3jJ
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™
10/13
2020
In case you missed it here’s the last episode of Story Time... Go F*ck Yourself Timmy Thank you for watching 💙 In… https://t.co/xE7CyC9nYx
10/9
2020
@indafckitbucket Thank you G! Glad you enjoyed it. Here’s a sexy potato dancing to celebrate 🤗💙 https://t.co/44Eq9nwZ4pStory Time with Tom Foolery Presents... Go F*ck Yourself Timmy Written by Liam Lynch Narrated by Tom Foolery New… https://t.co/ddZxS1sryDAll of the dinosaurs were unreliable apart from one... You could always count on Pythagorus Rex.GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!!! IT'S STORY TIME TUESDAY WITH @iTomFoolery Go check it out! Everybody needs a smile and this is… https://t.co/4pHC3hDdr2
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Nudes are sacred and something that should only be shared with your significant other and anyone willing to pay a monthly subscription fee
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™remains to be seen, not heard - undertakers
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Tom Foolery was born Prince Thomas von Foolhardy the Third in 1568.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™You’re never too old to pretend to learn.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @IamEveryDayPpl https://t.co/gSYu70tgXiIf I ever have a husband and he’s running late I’ll refer to him as my late husband
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™therapist: are you able to recall your first brush with anxiety? me: yes. https://t.co/dEejcO6Q9s
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I am a responsible adult in the same way that soup is a beverage
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @IamEveryDayPpl https://t.co/XL3iaKkDHJWell obviously planet earth wants us dead and I for one don't blame her.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @IamEveryDayPpl https://t.co/0WGTkLbGQ3Some of you have never asked what would Nacho Libre do and it shows.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™If I ever invite you to a corn maze, you should probably get your affairs in order.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I mean, does he *really* need to breathe when I sit on his face?
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Ever been outlined in chalk? ~me flirting
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I love it pink & juicy, I bite into it & it drips down my chin, sometimes my hands get sticky holding it Watermelon is my favourite fruit
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Who do I think I am having feelings and shit? Disgusting.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Isn’t it wild that we are attracted to butts? Like they’re puffy poop machines and we’re all like hell ya that gets me going
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Today has been a wet fart in a wind storm.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I'm going to rename you all Terry.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™All we are is dust in the wind and Billy Joel lyrics.
10/6
2020
Can’t, I’m in the midst of a montage.Always give people the benefit of the doubt for fifty-nine seconds.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Illusions are nothing more than deceptions of the mind and heart.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Hey professor poopypants, how about not being such a poopyhead all the time
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Sometimes I think of a response to someone’s tweet that I think is really clever and funny. Then I just simply don’… https://t.co/32Gg3IuiC5
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Can’t, I’m busy ignoring you
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™You’re nowhere near as clever as you imagine yourself to be.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™[Ghost wife walks in on ghost husband wanking to live porn] My mother always warned me you were a dead beat
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I'm not just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, I also have a crispy outer shell and tangy dipping sauce.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Next time I hear anyone say 2020 could not get any worse, I'm gonna say "Oh yeah? What if vaginas developed a gag reflex?"
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™It’s embarrassing how clever we all think we are.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™All I ask is that you be a non-smoker and look like my favorite porn star
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Can’t, I’m busy being stuck in an endless loop of our princess being in another castle.They said no texting while driving but they never said anything about giving four ferrets a nice bubble bath
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™plastic bags don't even have nervous systems, katy
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Either I really can’t fly or something’s wrong with this broom
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™I use my vision board for cheese.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™A bakery called stud muffins where cute guys serve muffins on Segway’s
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™If your man is homophobic just remind him the clit is a baby penis when he’s going down on you. And then dump his ass as you cum. Good day.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™They aren’t “posts” it isn’t a “page” and we aren’t “friends”
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™They’ll always be able to do that thing you like if you already like all of the things.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Seriously, I’d probably marry the first person that promised to take me to Funkytown.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Who called it unboxing videos and not a mail stripper.I firmly believe Rick and Morty are behind the mess that is 2020
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™A milk moustache but instead it’s jizz A jizzstache
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™There's a kind of cat that eats coffee berries, shits them out and then the coffee tastes amazing. My investigation… https://t.co/8MVPoKlwwM
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Which Disney Princess winds up under a bridge doing meth with a hobo? I’m that one.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Welcome to the assumptions club. I'm guessing you all know why you're here.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Trying to seduce Mothman by doing the monster mash, but the more sensual it gets the more awkward he looks. As Moth… https://t.co/52qfUg3WTG
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™god grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change and the courage not to set idiots on fire
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™We play Twister, but it’s more a game of finding out who’s most twisted.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™[1st day as a Superhero] Me*standing in front of mirror & 3 hours late to fight crime*: fr though, is my camel toe showing
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™*A sphincter says what logging in*Maybe fate thought we needed each other
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™
10/5
2020
@myevil2win Butt of course 😏 https://t.co/RpyJszISDO
10/4
2020
If you go in like a ton of bricks don’t be surprised if you hit a wall.I like the ones that don’t try to fit in with the crowd.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™*wears your skin as a suit* I adorn youIf I were in an Exorcism film, I would simply not allow the demon to possess me
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Don't forget to remember me
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Some people make bad things okay and good things even better.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @CusackSara @CrockettForReal https://t.co/tFIMJcALzKI believe in lust at first sight.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™It's just the devil inside of me that wants the devil inside of you
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™A Super Mario Bros movie starring Peter Dinklage as Mario and Sylvester Stallone as Mario when he eats a mushroom.face down ass up thats the way i trampoline
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @myevil2win Well played you pickle loving vixen, well played. @myevil2win I read veg as something else for a second there. @myevil2win That’s between me and my pickle.Morning people shouldn’t be trusted They'll trick you into leaving your bed long before it’s necessary
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Everyone that comes to my funeral gets a kitten
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Do you ever catch yourself using really negative self talk and think, “you need to quit that shit, you dumb cunt” or is it just me?
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @futureKid https://t.co/dkvkDAauNeRoses are red Black Dahlias are dark I did not hit her! It’s not true! It’s bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not! Oh, hi Mark
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Reward yourself with a Twinkie every time you complete a burpee. Follow me for more workout motivation and tips.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @myevil2win Who doesn’t love a pickle... https://t.co/1wBityjffTArguments with time traveling otters is why I don't do absinthe and go to the zoo anymore.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™She doesn’t need a ticket to ride.
10/3
2020
Words that would make nice girls names if they meant literally anything else: - areola - rosacea - chlamydia - labia
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Man can you imagine what the final boss of this year is gonna be like
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™The right one will express the desire to murder you every now and then.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @EmSwallow122 @NoelRedwood @jjhearfornow @WilsonT88312009 @tarankon @SIDtheWHISTLE @thehofflebrock Oh how I do love… https://t.co/DRGpju44zrWe are all brave in our own way. For example, I am not afraid of carbs.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Don’t worry if other people don’t like you. All that matters is that you don’t like you
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™ @CrockettForReal You’re welcome sir!💙Quote Retweetception! If you follow anyone today I highly recommend @CrockettForReal because not only is he hilario… https://t.co/wQmB84DHF8In case you missed it here’s the latest episode of Story Time... Grow a Pear, Timmy! One more cheeky story coming… https://t.co/u1W00D5vI3The most fearless people you’ll meet are those not afraid to be themselves.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Let’s spend the winter at the Overlook Hotel.
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™Just not enough people playing strip croquet anymore
Retweeted by iTomFoolery™
10/2
2020

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