Sign in with Twitter


Iva-Marie Palmer @ivamarie Los Angeles, California

write books for kids & teens (GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT, B+B, 2020) & tweets for adults. Kind of serious, like a mild heart attack.

3,863 Following   1,325 Followers   1,235 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/16/08

I do not understand when Trump supporters say he’s just joking, or he’s just being funny - when this man has never,…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @jdbank Finally read it. Definitely helped, but will still get more liquor and sandwiches. @onceafatgirl5 My shame @juliebux Oh no. That's dire, especially for a SoCal denizen. @_amykao this looks amazing. God, I love sandwiches.A fortunately distant relation is sharing photos of her Halloween candy packets for Saturday. Each wrapped in a Tru…’re projecting. People are obsessed with the idea of owning businesses because they think that’s the only pathwa…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerThis shows the depth — or really shallowness — of the ignorance people have of socialism; that adopting it means a… excellent @safy piece! @SafyHallanFarah @ShamirBailey @ELLEmagazine You are everywhere and I am thrilled @ebruenig @wesyang Oh, yes.I really need a job where it’s cool to send a mass email with the subject line, “urgently need $60.00” @claudiagabel Would love to trade hilarious moments in speech therapy! @claudiagabel I know. He never holds back! @dmgutierrez I think that was it, exactlySince California (LA specifically) has defeated the state of Florida in the World Series AND the NBA finals this ye…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @vcunningham My mom was 1000 percent terrifying5yo: You should make a copy of my lion drawing to put in my memory book Me, nervous: Oh, for sure. 5yo, reading me… @justinaireland Who is this person?!! @jdbank Bien sûr! @elenaperez It was really good. It’s our lunch date in the post Covid era @jdbank I’m plotting the next six days around acquiring more sandwiches; trying to go into a flow state where I am… @nelsonschmelson It was perfect and too good for this worldguys, I had an excellent ham, butter and cheese sandwich on a baguette from a French bakery and I’m hoping the memo… horoscope says I'm going to be trapped in a state of intensive nausea and sleeplessness punctuated by bad habits…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer
@dmgutierrez don't annual passholders get some? Or just extra turkey legs?overheard 5yo on Zoom speech therapy saying, "Sometimes I make bad decisions." So, he has to work on his "r"s and "… @minyoungleeis I cleaned my closet yesterday and those were what was taking up the most room.Our department manager saw how much I loved the old school heavy-as-a-brick pencil sharpener and gave it to me when…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerMy instinct is to not look at any of my feeds/news but this is likely to be as effective as when I worked at the ma… get lockdown frustration but Disney fans acting like their lives are ruined due to Disneyland's continued closure… @VuhVuhDanessa Resourceful and fashion-forward?Love Safy’s newsletter. If you’re not subscribed, change that! @MaryElMcCoy Ha, yes, I get a ridiculous rush putting a fine fine point on these Ticonderogas!Last year after too many instances of having to help my 10yo sharpen his pencil with one of those cheap plastic sha… @juliebux yeah, and I feel like Justin Turner -- whose diagnosis is as much a league issue as his own -- is getting… @jdbank I kind of agree but am likewise nervous to think so.The crew I hired to put together grab-and-go treat bags absolutely skimmed off the top. 1000 percent looks like he has multiple pet iguanas.THE ELECTION SPAM TEXTS HAVE GOT TO STOP.
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @taffyakner Perfect! And you did it without twice referring in your caption to being humbled. Also, happiest belated.I wrote something about interdependence, front doors, and welcoming the dead and the living on Halloween.
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerWrote on the back of 5yo’s homework: “Are you sure about that, kid?” occured to me yesterday that I sat longer for the bar exam than Barrett sat for her “rigorous” confirmation hearings
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerThis set-up is ideal!! followers, hello! (yes, this is one of those tweets.) you can pick up the most recent issue of @VanityFair to…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerMe rn, because I grouped all my skirts together and sorted by length 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle wit…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerI’m not going to post a pic as I don’t want to deal with some more organized person telling me what I can do now to… most gratifying part though is that my husband was truly surprised I finished since most of my projects involve… 15 years of talking about it, I finally cleaned and organized my closet today and got rid of several bags of…
@SafyHallanFarah 🎉🎊🎈 !!! @JulieFalatko @ambernoelle 100 percent. It’s not that I need perfect conditions to work but I do need occasional un… @JulieFalatko @ambernoelle Yep, I would say it's no easier to quiet my mind when just 10yo is around than when it's 5yo. Sigh. @ambernoelle Like, I'm really trying, and it's really, really hard. @ambernoelle I was thinking how 2022-24 will not have nearly as many books written by people with small children.It was an honor to interview @IlhanMN and @israhirsi for the November Teen Vogue cover story. Thank you to my sw…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @minyoungleeis I agree. I mostly let them go soft and weird. I do like sweet potatoes lately, though.Pulled three books out that I’d like to read by year’s end and I sense a theme. #firstnamebasis @CarrieMesrobian It’s been like that for years. Like an especially dehydrated California Raisin.Here’s something weird. My favorite movies as a kid, the ones that seemed to offer secret glimpses into the awful m…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmertruly, deeply, I mean all disrespect when I say fuck the GOPusing the bodily autonomy I enjoy (for now) to drink bourbonThe GOP has become a party of pure shameless hate. Even if I supported your sham unqualified nominee (which I obvio…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer
Congratulations to the Moon for keeping up with her skincare and being noticed for looking moist & juicy🥺🥰
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @imjasondiamond I had so many of these. From the sticker machines where your purchase slid out in a folded cardboard rectangle. @ellorysmith I was feeling tremendously blue until I read these responses and your responses to them, so all I have is a thank you.I am begging schools to teach Americans what a marginal tax rate is
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @ambernoelle A little trophy for thinking, “this is going to be my breakout year,” please?I don’t think we should have to endure awards and “best of” lists this year. Can we just give everyone who publishe…
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @HeatherBarmore @JoeBiden Already been calling! Happy Birthday! @ryanlattanzio Have been waiting for your take. Now I need HBO Max.High winds in Southern California are blowing lost and discarded masks in to our yard, like sprinkles on top of an apocalypse sundae.Really upset this Paul Giamatti-Rory Culkin collaboration is a VW commercial @Srirachachau Comedies get the awards shaft so often, though the best ones yield some of the most iconic performances. It’s maddening @ClaudeBrodesser Really angry about this one.Kershaw’s biggest adversary is Dave Roberts @VuhVuhDanessa take me back? But also don't?Lebron James / Dolly Parton unity ticket would take 70% in any presidential vote
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerSome personal news: I have accomplished nothing
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerLittle kids are either narcs or criminals; there are no exceptions
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer5yo: I have a really good project we can do. Me: Okay, I'm listening. 5yo: We just need some wood, some nails, and a clown.
in self-destructive writer news, just turned in a draft of a thing and rewarded myself by roasting some brussel sprouts.Grant Robards. Grant Holden. Grant Finch. Grant Alexander. Grant Foster. Grant Dunaway of the New Haven Dunaways.… @SafyHallanFarah I think you do, or better. Excellent, defined shape and fullness. @SafyHallanFarah they definitely do. I used to think my lips were pretty full. And now, they look thin by comparison.Getting trapped in a painting forever....not ideal
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmerfuck it illegal hugging fancam
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @SexyIsra Thanks, Israel.This kid is intense keep beating up on myself for writing in staggers and starts rather than finding focus and flow and have to remin… liking my tweets! You’re encouraging me!
Retweeted by Iva-Marie PalmerI like creating problems for myself and giving them as gifts is so vicariously satisfying to watch Mookie Betts make a leaping catchif i were a robot, I wouldn't feel like such a failure because I failed to click one of the squares with a street signmost unrealistic thing about anaconda (1997) is that the snake didn’t take a nice 3-month nap after eating the first guy
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer @molly_knight NO.there needs to be a modern-art installation that's just massively enlarged reviews of gap leggings and sweatpants p… Turner is a PED Playoff Enhancing Dude
Retweeted by Iva-Marie Palmer