Sign in with Twitter

Username:

Comedian & Football Writer. REAL NAME NO GIMMICKS | ★★★★ The Guardian ★★★★ The Times ★★★★ The Scotsman | @unitedagents

807 Following   16,385 Followers   12,775 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/2/08


I deleted Instagram off my phone yesterday and since then I feel for the first time in ages like I can properly dedicate myself to Twitter
7/11
2020
You don’t know me at all https://t.co/MCwstuVvdM
7/10
2020
This is not a drill. https://t.co/dvzNyeHtTU
Retweeted by James McNicholasThis is a very strong contender for my all time favourite tiktok https://t.co/M8FcaoztQ6
Retweeted by James McNicholas(I spent two hours in a box and nearly died)#SaveLiveComedy https://t.co/6N7F06Eg9OHolding’s greatest spell (and that’s saying something) https://t.co/pkXKunHiNj
Retweeted by James McNicholasCartoon Network Orders Long Form ‘The Heroic Quest of the Valiant Prince Ivandoe’ (EXCLUSIVE) https://t.co/VF3tcqYXAj
Retweeted by James McNicholasIncredible precognition by 1980s warhammer writers here https://t.co/S4RvnylDWS
Retweeted by James McNicholasSome of my most magical comedy memories have been at @machcomedyfest. Only 18.8% of festivals / festival venues hav… https://t.co/mpI9nsrtQZ
Retweeted by James McNicholasBritish live comedy is in crisis - let’s #SaveLiveComedy! 1) Sign the open letter to the UK government & arts fun… https://t.co/I2ZSwN81ql
Retweeted by James McNicholas
7/9
2020
Can't believe they didn't go for my suggestion "wank it to bank it" https://t.co/KeIfi69mITThe only thing more tragic than this is the people who turn up to Flog It. "Yes we've had it in the family for 400… https://t.co/yLiRMpoCHwHow do the antiques 'experts' on shows like Bargain Hunt make a living? They're always like "if we buy this clock… https://t.co/0Q9BmkSlNG @KEStorey Conversely I can’t believe everyone is fine with bikinis when people are just wandering around in their pants @natluurtsema The closure of coffee shops hit my productivity hard. Found myself going out to buy takeaway coffees… https://t.co/5oACnTSC7N
7/8
2020
Men in comedy need to make their voices heard about how our industry treats women. For what it’s worth, here is min… https://t.co/IJnYssdQMF
Retweeted by James McNicholas @Eliza Cat with tusksEvery time you post the 😂 emoji I interpret it as someone smiling to mask their tearsJust been sorting through all my clothes. Keeping a lot of the smaller stuff as I’m planning to be a lot leaner an… https://t.co/ccJ4L1Gpl2Dear @SexyFishLondon I am ready for my table https://t.co/Vmx3Bjd6xPWould like to formally announce I have retired ‘hahaha’ and replaced it with 😂 RIP hahaha you are wiv lol nowLooking for a personality trainer
7/7
2020
Next year’s Edinburgh Fringe is undoubtedly going to be a lot smaller, but not nearly as small as it would be if ju… https://t.co/SAdZoOMEZ1
Retweeted by James McNicholas
7/6
2020
I’m a bad babysitter got my boyfriend in the shower And he’s not even a baby
7/5
2020
Didn't get to Wolves but that did mean I could have a glass of champagne at Mikel's press conference https://t.co/x1ZmfADb82
Retweeted by James McNicholasIncredible to think that with a haircut and a trip to the pub, millions of men will today once again get to feel li… https://t.co/Yug8fOhcDxBarbers open again thank god 🙏 https://t.co/GhaC5VG3HY @sankles Fair play @sankles You are pregnant though so your taste has gone mental
7/4
2020
@Ciaran_Dowd The book of the filmI am the first person to do this joke, and anyone who says otherwise must duel meFrom tomorrow all pubs will have corona on tap @BALDOZIL I see, I see. Cut out the middle man. Very clever. It’s not enough for me. I’m talking flakes of sea sal… https://t.co/2Nw794qLQTI’ve started putting butter, jam AND SALT on my toast. Am I a monster, or a genius? @best_gabby What kind of lobes do you recommend? Firm or squidgy?let's just say that these two in America is a bloody accident waiting to happen https://t.co/sX1kDu9afm @_AlexOwen_ Uh-oh, this looks like trouble!!!!11
7/3
2020
This is what I was going for but I overdid it https://t.co/CXAn7cxNQJUh oh! https://t.co/RIEMd2xr2G
Retweeted by James McNicholasNEW CHARACTER: The Man Who Is Very Excited About Having Brunch https://t.co/K4nQOUTPRe
Retweeted by James McNicholasNEW CHARACTER: The Man Who Finds ‘Contactless’ Technology Funny https://t.co/xIasW9mQMi
Retweeted by James McNicholasNever trust anyone with a name that difficult to spell https://t.co/jigod5JEkb
7/2
2020
Honestly got so much on https://t.co/K9J1XnNbgx
7/1
2020
https://t.co/aWQHRfgkbE
Retweeted by James McNicholasThe great thing about banana bread is it can serve as a snack or even as breakfast or lunch, it just depends how sad you feel inside! @dovesrise Yes. Completely pointless but a lovely thoughtSo glad the earl of panini had that idea @Flannyballs Or fly Ryanair @RainbowSumwhere Get a P plateDon’t know why they made me have an MRI when they could’ve just got me to lie in a bin while they hit it with a baseball batJust saw Joe Wicks drunk on a park bench, muttering something like, “Hello to the Richardson family in Melbourne”. Sad.
6/30
2020
I thought ‘pandemic potential’ was that bit in week 2 of lockdown where we all thought we could write a book https://t.co/ua5SD0PlECThere speaks a man who doesn’t have his own podcast https://t.co/JbEDtTeGyrI DID IT!!! 25 ACCENTS IN 2 MINUTES!!! incredible!!! https://t.co/xvGV9l6BUb
Retweeted by James McNicholas
6/29
2020
Thanks to my local coffee shop for drawing me this ps. My name is not Richard https://t.co/xLxaCnwtyb @5tevieM To be honest I’d have been so anxious about having plans I’d be mightily relieved
6/28
2020
What it would look like if a bee took a photo of me 🐝 📸 https://t.co/8ix9g2s74lIf Protect Your Bubble haven’t started doing life insurance during coronavirus they are missing a trick @best_gabby @alexkealy Similar texture tooYou can tell I’m edgy because my clothes have skulls on
6/27
2020
I have resorted to a cold bathI’ve written an article about being a black writer in a white TV industry. #Keeptheconversationgoing https://t.co/yJqlPtwKOD
Retweeted by James McNicholas
6/26
2020
Dudes coming back inside after fixing up the yard https://t.co/ieBR2pI2ZS
Retweeted by James McNicholas
6/25
2020
As the kids say: I’m screaming https://t.co/LLrgeAgplL @TheMaeMartin @LisaKudrow @netflix @Channel4 No Mae this is madnessThe daily briefing is being canned, which makes this an absolutely huge day for 'Flog It!'
6/23
2020
@objectivlyfunny @annawaits @JozNorris @alexhardywrites V cool @Envizage I fear you’re probably right @NeconTaxi I love taxi drivers, hence why I always chat to them. A lot of conspiracy theorists though...!https://t.co/qC21sJBost
Retweeted by James McNicholasMaybe they just really love trafficIt’s weird that so many people with top secret inside info decide to become taxi driversA big weekend for me, as I encountered my first taxi driver who doesn’t believe coronavirus is real
6/22
2020
Ok fine https://t.co/DlFKTOFkH3Ps. Follow me for cheeky lols from the whitest male man 😜😜😜Of course the comedy industry is sexist, just like it’s racist. It reflects society - traditionally, it skews even… https://t.co/RGhTe5OKhJ
6/21
2020
I am in a select group of people who did the FaceApp gender swap and decided the results were so awful they could n… https://t.co/8hYGmvlqm4problem solved https://t.co/I1XaW3PO5SJust realised my mask could be deemed in bad taste https://t.co/BkdIiUgIKd
6/20
2020
@ALICE_McCARTHY_ Welcome
6/19
2020
The brilliant @CamilleUcan has written a monologue for @painesplough about being from Reading. It's called ANIMAL a… https://t.co/r1egNTQpQd
6/18
2020
34 years old today and not changed a bit 🎂 https://t.co/bjYpwk1QaJI guess I really began to understand mortality when that rumour went round school that Kel from Kenan & Kel had died
6/16
2020
Listen lads: we’ve all foolishly shaved our heads and put on a few pounds during lockdown, there’s no need to be so angry about itJust checking: ‘supremacists’ is an abbreviation of ‘super massive racists’, right?I see there was a convention for everyone who shaved their head for lockdown in London todayFear for this guy today https://t.co/3ffENFhFYd
6/13
2020
Imagine how they’ll feel when Brexit happens https://t.co/g07ITuY0MK
6/11
2020
@lizzyp Not even closeSince the Covid-19 crisis broke out, i've worked at the front of the hospital assessing & treating Covid-19 patient… https://t.co/jE7a41cTrj
Retweeted by James McNicholas
6/10
2020
Revised rules for musical statues (2020 edition) 🎶 everyone dances round while the music plays. When the music st… https://t.co/wSR8dQxMCwWhile we’re at all this statue business there’s a guy in Covent Garden who sprays himself silver and pretends to fl… https://t.co/dQkAEF6YIf @alexkealy At this rate next week could be really rough for paedosIt's..... rebekah vardy https://t.co/LF4dwh2P3nIs nothing sacred https://t.co/uX89fRGNXeAs society tears down racist monunments, governments everywhere are desperately trying to persuade people to go bac… https://t.co/gBFhCqrd9ZA fun podcast about how @AnnieMcTweet and I are destroying the planet! 🌎 https://t.co/QQitjGDaiI
6/9
2020
Guys is Joe Wicks still going?
Retweeted by James McNicholasCooking tip: Why not try cutting up an apple with a knife you've previously used to chop garlic? Because it's fucking horrible
6/8
2020

0