Sign in with Twitter


Jared Ewy @Jaredewy Colorado, USA

Let's do something about climate change before we die.

1,688 Following   1,434 Followers   26,873 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/30/09

@unicorn Fox would. @unicorn And of course it’s a hunter bidenEvery once in a while I post reasons to have kids
Say what you want about millennials or zentenials or whoever is inheriting our mess, but Im working on the house an…'ve never seen someone hit a softball and score for the other team. @GOP @realDonaldTrump @ProjectLincoln The rare and beautiful gotcha answer. @KyleClark @Bretontheradio I don't know who needs to hear this, but mortgage rates are at an all time low.Local woman up early to share she no longer likes princesses. @IngrahamAngle @CortesSteve right the recent surge in Covid testing, here's a quick tutorial on how easy and freakin wonderful it was. @paulapoundstone The gop leaving the stink in extinction.
BREAKING: My kids and their friends surfed past all the marvel movies to get to Hamilton. @DavidNGilbert Giant Jesus could just tear the top off that building, but that’s not wgjwd. @GOP I think we have a new meme here: *Tunnel to Jupiter *1st manned mission to Sephora *Discover alternative sci… @laura_condi @CPRverlee Seems like he’s trying to tell you something about the tail end of a clip. @AOC Last night I told a little story about the fires in Colorado, @aoc. DRINK HOT WATER NOW i just yelled at no one in particular about my steady decline into a vessel so sensitive it c… @markgelband I love it when they sleep.Weird I’m even partly responsible for any of this. @spuriousanthem Yep. Long-time resident and former employeesLook at me dreamily stare into your eyes so you might listen to my story about the real problem with the… not even trying anymore
@katatwell @utilitybelts @mrjonliu @MelodieEdwards3 @ModernWestPod It’s yours! @DonaldJTrumpJr Do you mean that they had the gall to ask the President of the United States questions about his plans? @petroccoco god is too much to ask for creepy grifting gutter thugs to maybe take a tiny break from skull humping the constituency?I like a governor who is all of us. shit—a Dutch security researcher “ethically” hacked into Trump’s Twitter account by pure dumb luck of typing i…
Retweeted by Jared Ewy @HemiGindrix @mrjonliu it was such an overwhelming majority I felt--albeit wrongly--that it was unanimous. I mean a… We're dealing with an out-of-control pandemic. Also people: And actual flames of hell from unmitigated cli… @jasonlray Indeed. But i have so much stress energy to spare. Like I could plant trees for the rest of my life and… @mrjonliu Sometimes I get a little nuts. @utilitybelts @mrjonliu I wasn't sure. But now I see your face here. And it brings joy.Currently in the market for coworkers who better appreciate my Ball Arena puns (they make jars and cans, btw.) Ther… @Bretontheradio Ocean Gray? @ediedbdbd You know it’s been such a long time coming. it’s all I got left. Outside of wanting to be dropped in th… @paulfeig When my mom died I would have loved to embrace my dad but we didn’t fucking know how.fuck @ignitedenver @katatwell @jwilker That is awesome. Thank you for getting us together. @iHeartSteveB Everything is such beautiful nostalgia @Bretontheradio Ok Christ I was never at Coachella. I’ll delete the tweet.We're live with some of the best of #ignitedenver right now. Link to it from Look for me.…
Need a podcast? @modernwestpod hunkers down with my hometown to see if the old west can make it in modern times. Th… @DomainGang There once was a feared gang That was clear about its domain Either you got it Or you were not it But t… absolutely adore the brevity and elegance of the limerick and here I share one about tonight’s #ignitedenver show… @Greeblehaus I am so down. Not depressed--well yes, of course--but into this drinking date with the OG(iese)s. I'… @realDonaldTrump Nothing like the smell of desperation in the morning.Got my kids 2020 school pictures back ♥️♥️♥️ @JesseAPaul WHATEVER I CAN DO TO HELP, SNOWFLAKE @ProjectLincoln When the monster you helped create gets out of control. @Greeblehaus Englewood TavernIsn't this literally the plot of every vengeance porn movie starring Liam Neeson and we're not supposed to be pisse… @Greeblehaus A warrior has spoken. @denverpost It must be exhausting being a victim all of the time. @pattonoswalt BRING ON THE GERALD FORD OF BILL CLINTONSUpdate: She was working on my hoodie. I saw her work and thought this exact phrase: "sew a little sunshine into y… @ashlyn_racquel oooohh^^^^ thought of a real biblical one: Think of the psalm before your palm. @pug You’re the best at conjuring memories. That hat would eventually fall and crush somebody
Good times, great cause. I'm doing this tomorrow with @katatwell and @jwilker to help support the Bug Theater. @pug Not sure we should say anything about the "koala grooming incident." @IvankaTrump @realDonaldTrump The oncoming sirens say moreSneaking up on my daughter’s quiet time and I’m pretty sure she’s sewing my hoodie to a chair. @MollyJongFast SNL killing it hereReally important work I feel.Now that zoom calls have become more awkward, here are some simple slogans to help. #zoomdick @ProjectLincoln Everything they do has an insane letter to the editor vibe. @kathygriffin Now I have to have the talk with the kids about mastoobating.
@jasonlray @modernwestpod lived my exact. same. childhood. Choc Carlstrom riding a horse into the Elkhorn. Medic Ji… @Bretontheradio amen @jasonlray I am so excited to hear this. @modernwestpod @WYPublicRadio @MelodieEdwards3 @BitterrootMag @highcountrynews @NPR @prx Omg my hometown. @unicorn If anything eating our feelings should be extraordinarily convenient.If you’re looking for a bright side, the salad bar is serving nothing but cake. seems like you’d wanna vote for the party that wants you to vote. @wcdailey Haha a very real phenomena finally gets its place in pop culture @neekolul Amen @wcdailey Or even the election which will likely be decided in time for the next oneIt is weird the empty uselessness of knowing your dad would’ve been the first on the scene of the #CameronPeakFire.… @dbseaton This is the best news I’ve heard in months @CaslerNoel @DonaldJTrumpJr On...Hillary street?
@improbablekate I don’t know if I’m supposed to say this but my boys cheat @VicVela1 Play of the game: By throwing a deep-ball interception, the Broncos offense was able to pin the Patriots… @kayleighmcenany @jack Oh you will have a lot of explaining to doIt’s not 2020’s fault. It’s ours. @GeoffreyTice I’m in a hotel now and can’t figure out why/how hotel TV technology is way behind the rest of the world. @ediedbdbd @PeteButtigieg This guy a well-honed verbal laser cannon. @Bretontheradio Do you normally have cats? @HappyBitchFace The school of hard knockers @DonaldJTrumpJr Hahahahaha cocaine! @cprwarner That is so helpful. I was in radio for years and I loved it—until I’d get off the air and haunt myself with the littlest things.
Killin it with the ladies @DavidNGilbert Oh I remember (mostly the 49,000 years of monthly payments) this turn of events, and that maybe the… @DavidNGilbert Kind of wonder if that forlorn lady who was burning love letters that started that mass disaster in… admit to the air around you that you have time @krupali Sad I can’t vote again. @DavidNGilbert We were so young and foolhardy
@AmyEGardner I don’t mean to be extreme but can he be executed