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badly wired

5,919 Following   6,381 Followers   25,180 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/24/08

Be sure to thumbs up your TCs last comment before you call it quits for the night. Everyone loves the thumbs up.
Retweeted by JezThe damn records are blue 😲
Retweeted by Jez @Jussymie @wtf_already It’s just jokes honey. Bless itWhat do you mean you’ve never thought of me sexually? That’s just fucking rude.
Retweeted by JezSo indecisive you only eat waffle fries.
Retweeted by JezI tend to contradict myself often. On second thought, no, I don’t. *Puts on boots with WAFFLE soles, takes them off, puts on FLIP-FLOPS.
Retweeted by JezThe southside hobos killed one of their own, we're going down to rifle through his pockets
Retweeted by JezI'm not going to workout, but if I do, I'll have plenty of calories.
Retweeted by JezKarma has no menu. You are served what you deserve.
Retweeted by Jez[During sex] What color do you want your friendship bracelet to be?
Retweeted by Jez @Dean_LeBouc Virgo: perceptive; control freak; 2 seconds away from homicide @wtf_already Libra: overthinker; shapeshifter; will still end up seducing youI'm only tweeting until I become the next drummer for Weezer
Retweeted by JezA group of weather forecasters are called stormtroopers.
Retweeted by Jez @Ace77ofnocal Capricorn: relentless workaholic; pessimist; will make you get your shit together @misundrstood777 @Ace77ofnocal Aquarius: disguise techniques; laser eyes; will hiss at youMy favorite wine is bourbon.
Retweeted by Jez @GenXCandide Were you in my drafts folder??? got all my followers the old fashioned way; I cut off the head of another account and absorbed all their followers as my own.
Retweeted by JezI just sniffed some bleach to clear my head... anyway see ya on the other side.
Retweeted by JezDeep Thoughts with Paul Westerberg
Retweeted by Jez
I’ve been an idiot ever since my wisdom teeth were pulled
Retweeted by Jez @justmebritlea Beautiful. Like a dollI am going to pick my baby's name from the list of whores in the Bible.
Retweeted by Jezphysical intimacy goes hand in hand with emotional intimacy
Retweeted by JezMy spite paid off today.
Retweeted by JezHate it when I'm screaming with a mouth full of peanut butter and people keep asking if I'm Eddie Vedder
Retweeted by JezSometimes, I just want to be taken seriously. And sometimes, I just want to be taken, seriously.
Retweeted by JezGet a tramp stamp of his @ so he knows it's real
Retweeted by JezAprès moi, le déluge, I murmur as another acquaintance who is fond of the word pretentious tells me to leave Twitter.
Retweeted by JezMan, I hate it when I accidentally get cocaine up my nose
Retweeted by JezDon’t be afraid to make mistakes. Also don’t be afraid to drop your mistakes off in front of a fire station.
Retweeted by JezWhen I fuck up, I'll always make it right while fucking up some more.
Retweeted by JezThe crew on captain Crunch's ship must have had some busted ass teeth.
Retweeted by JezThe Canadian government have offered a formal apology for Canada Dry being wet.
Retweeted by Jezwhy did they call it Canada Dry instead of Ginger Eh'l?
Retweeted by JezFuck me like you’re my employer
Retweeted by Jezif you don’t have 3 song playlists on repeat you can suck it
Retweeted by JezJust letting y'all know if you tell me your name, I will sleep and forget and ask you again tomorrow.
Retweeted by JezI can hear your voice even when we don’t talk
Retweeted by JezI bet this guy driving an El Camino can tell me what schnapps pairs best with domestic assault
Retweeted by JezA group of twitter users is called a fuckery
Retweeted by JezTrue fact: When you're Canadian, Canada makes you delete your Twitter account if you're mean Bye guys it was nice knowing you 🥺
Retweeted by JezWill you be my emergency contact?
Retweeted by JezTrain wrecks actually stop and watch me, if you want to know how things are going.
Retweeted by Jez @meowmeowmia @faultyfrannie Thanks I’m cured 😝just got my incredibly expensive medical bill from my last procedure and they handed me this on my way out, i am so…
Retweeted by JezHey, girl. Are you Eddie Vedder? Because lots of people seem to like you but I don't understand you at all.
Retweeted by JezAnd occasionally she would come back into his life like a burp from a bad pickled egg eaten at a church social.
Retweeted by JezReasons I would consider getting married again: 1. To help a friend gain citizenship 2. Money 3. Puppies 4. Tax…
Retweeted by JezChristopher Walken but when there’s music Christopher Waltzen.
Retweeted by Jez“do not taste the dog” and other things I never expected to say: a parenting memoir
Retweeted by JezHey, girl. Wanna get married in this church and then eat all of the guests to absorb their powers to live forever?
Retweeted by Jez @Ali__Livingston Love you Ali 💕One of my superpowers is forgetting whether I took a medication right after I take it and the worrying about it all night.
Retweeted by Jezstranger: have we met me: i’d remember telling you to fuck off
Retweeted by JezSometimes I'm stabby in an adorable way, sometimes I'm stabby in a murdery way. Roll the dice, take your chances.
Retweeted by JezI’m responsible for my own happiness but I’m also super irresponsible so how is this suppose to work out?
Retweeted by JezYou’re not procrastinating if you never intended to do it anyhow.
Retweeted by JezBeing ignored? They're obviously too infatuated to respond
Retweeted by JezThe Galactic Federation interviews Earth for membership
Retweeted by JezThe sun came out in Pittsburgh today. That’s it. That’s the tweet. 🌞
Retweeted by JezLet's go get an ice cream cone and sit and talk about the importance of comfortable shoes.
Retweeted by JezOn Wednesdays, think pink and sink it deep.
Retweeted by JezI have nothing to contribute except for cum, depression, and love of the macabre.
Retweeted by JezThe thing that tears you apart & glues you back together can sometimes be the same damn thing.
Retweeted by Jezit was the fredst of times, it was the durst of times
Retweeted by JezThe technical name is Hooty and the fellatiofish.
Retweeted by JezI'm the most creative man in the world when it comes to freeing up time for doing nothing.
Retweeted by Jez“i’m working from home”
Retweeted by JezI barely want to talk about who I am, let alone who I was
Retweeted by JezWhipped cream is cream that gave up
Retweeted by JezThe only time I feel inspirational is at the bar, when ppl see me with my beer and fries and say “I’ll have what this guy is having”.
Retweeted by Jez @_octo_pie_ Girl I am proud of you 👏🏻 reach out anytime!The forest is my soundtrack. The sky is my witness.
Retweeted by JezI accidentally winked at a guy during a meeting because I agreed with him & he winked back. Anyway, I have a boyfriend now.
Retweeted by JezMy brain is what the French refer to as “le garbage”.
Retweeted by JezI’ve decided I’m going to sort my life out.....Ahahaha jk I’m gonna get worse
Retweeted by JezGood Morning Expendables Of The Essential W W W
Retweeted by JezLarry turned 2 today ❤️
Retweeted by JezI ordered a bok l'hong and he made it without hesitation. Then I thought he surely can't make a celery victor. I do…
Retweeted by Jez"This movie is intended for 18+ viewers." Bro, I don't have 17 friends to watch this with.
Retweeted by JezEach haiku I post Prompts a deluge of replies: “Dude, you counted wrong”
Retweeted by Jez @ItalianBratikus Italian girls = best in the world 🇮🇹 💚🤍❤️So stealing means not paying for something I take it..
Retweeted by JezTonight I’m just gonna go to sleep with my tank top around my waist
Retweeted by JezMy love language is making a collaborative playlist.
Retweeted by JezMy super power is not uttering a word and yet still saying the wrong thing.
Retweeted by JezBelieve it or not I'm super quiet everywhere but here.
Retweeted by Jez @anias_nin Gemini: quick-witted; fueled by caffeine and rageWhat will we argue about today?
Retweeted by JezMe: The famous Rolling Stones “Hot Lips” logo was created by John Pasche, not Andy Warhol as many claim Also me:…
Retweeted by JezI’m a Leo so that means I’m fun but also dead insideNormalize getting busy in a Burger King bathroom.
Retweeted by JezI still have mix tapes from high school when that was real love
Retweeted by JezIf you say “bless you” to dogs when they sneeze, you’re my kind of person.
Retweeted by JezAll my murder tweets are for you
Retweeted by Jez