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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss New York City

Author of Marlon Bundo and The Someone New. Friend to penguins. Friendguin. Formerly @LastWeekTonight. Order "Everyone Gets a Say":

999 Following   21,878 Followers   21,011 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/23/08

@LaughAtlantis Fat bear week comes sooner every year @mileskahn #realbearshavecurvesI AM READY FOR FAT BEAR WEEK
@geoffhaggerty vague pronouns will kill us all @geoffhaggerty did they wink though? because that means you got it @LindseyGrahamSC Your constituents are now left with the horrifying realization that they can't trust you to tell t…
@C_Forrest am the Pillsbury Dough Girl. Do NOT even consider poking me. @Lefty_McBlue i have no La Z Boy but i do have a beanbag that might work @kiddleedivy Oh i hope you love it!! 🐌♥️🗳️ @mollyn1123 I think the brand is "Sparkle" and i got them on amazon fresh @amy_living DO IT @amy_living i have a beanbag for when I want a spa experience @heybonanos safe travels! @heybonanos a slightly different view is not nothing! it is what i do when i get stuck in my writingSometimes I sit on the other couch and call it “going on vacation”On my deathbed I will wish I had scrolled just like three tweets further on twitter @nataliexdean @KertViele This is so helpful. Thank you!!!
@cinerina This is a very dumb question but where are there still paper towel shortages? (I'm in NYC and don't have… @KertViele Right. That makes sense. Is the assumption that the vast majority of vaccine side effects happen within… @KertViele Thanks for this! It's so helpful. I definitely lean toward the "get a vaccine as soon as you can" camp,… @KertViele Sorry if this is a dumb question, but what does "declaring efficacy" mean practically? Do they stop the… @clairelazebnik @votefwd for some reason it's the word "deserve" that doesn't look like a word anymore to me @Contessaprime Please enjoy my pain! Someone has to ; ) @picabelle @votefwd that is SO MANY. Go you!!! @BusiWriter i hope we both got trophies! @amy_living @votefwd they do have directions to get already printed out letters sent to youWriting letters to potential voters while watching the Emmys tribute to those we lost this year is a great way to s… @jjbauerx3 hamsters? @K_Mellifera @Nicole_Cliffe bless you @KunkelTron i was SO excited to order the 19th Amendment Centennial stamps to put on them! @KunkelTron Just did my first 20 as well, and hope to do another 20 while I watch the Emmys
I choose to believe the Emmys are short for the Steve Buscemis
Retweeted by Jill Twiss @Tess_Albs @JoeBiden @iamjohnoliver as long as they're screaming it with you and not at you 🐰❤️🐰 @Nicole_Cliffe It's truly the same vibe as the brief eye contact and head shake to stop you from accidentally sitti…⁦@jilltwiss⁩ picked up my order from ⁦@pagesbooksyyc⁩ today! Thank you for the stickers!
Retweeted by Jill Twiss @MeeganReadCBC @pagesbooksyyc Ahhhhh I'm so glad the stickers made it to Canada! @JoneskjTrina @theames Not nightmares is amazing!!! @samstein Anita Hill @lizcookkc I can't decide if it's feeling the texture of the chocolate that worries me the most or tasting the air afterwardThey have directions on how to eat them @AndyRichter this would be fine if i weren't way more into 440 hz @brainconfetti oh they're beautiful too! @thatsrando oh right that does taste betterJust want you to know that the fancy chocolates that were so graciously given to me as a gift were “infused through… @heysarahsweeney oh god yes @SometimesReese correct @ryanphonic oh this looks amazing
@LizHackett You are such a light on this website, and I am so sorry you have to go through this @KateBoose yeah, it depends on the stuff, but most stuff is good in chocolate! @perchorin totally acceptable. no relationship to chocolate, but still good candyMid-priced chocolates are universally better than super expensive chocolates and that is the crux of platform if I ever run for anything @CWerthmann ooh that sounds amazing. i had never even whipped my own whip cream before @DewaynePerkins @StevenTDennis I think you're misreading "trying to hold someone to the most basic levels of accountability" for "c… @JoneskjTrina @theames oh weird, they must have moved it? See if this works (it's called The Book of Delights)Today is a hard day but it is also light sweatshirt weather, which is inarguably the very best weather @theglobaltrader @senatemajldr oh you mean when he got a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court @MmeDefargeKnits @SenBurr @SenatorBurr thank you! @RonWaxman @RoyBlunt ah good! i don't want to be a monster here! @RonWaxman @RoyBlunt yes. and it's also from four years ago!On @maddow: @NinaTotenberg, who says she visited #RBG today. She brought some food to the justice. "If she cou…
Retweeted by Jill Twiss @ahansondev not all 53 were in office long enough to be this specific kind of hypocrite ;) @KristaVernoff @deereed @senatemajldr ♥️ @MrEmilyHeller @SaraGideon same! @calebsaysthings Read the room, Paper Magazine @megliz369 @Postable ♥️
@amy_living @Nicole_Cliffe This is the best short story writing prompt I've ever heard @lolpert @BenjaminJS @DEADLINE @Racheldoesstuff congratulations!!! This sounds amazing!Look at idiot me back in the year 2015 naively assuming that “wanting fewer people to die” was a widely accepted American value @sadmonsters TOO MANY SHIRTS @MmeDefargeKnits Someone pointed that out, and maybe yes? I was assuming it was a knockoff "Yang Gang" but I guess… @LEBassett what part of "let's tweet as a dead guy to kill more people just like him" makes you think that? @LEBassett Oh, good point! I just assumed they were stealing it from the Yang Gang! But I'm not sure if they want t… @hl_rowe The next one is Hurricane Hatsy, I don't care what anybody says
@BetsyHodges I am so sorry. @ArielDumas @colbertlateshow @JayJurden Oh, and today I got together with a zoom group and wrote letters to unlikel… @ArielDumas @colbertlateshow @JayJurden ooh tell me which pizza place will sell you dough! I want to try @tira_tira_tira OMG what a fantastic group of writers @heidibschreck @constitutionbwy @PrimeVideo this is SUCH good news @snowconvallaria you deserve this @uniquelyboring right? @newyorkperi I read a NY Times story once about a woman named Hatsy and I have never, ever forgotten it @sea77king this would be an HONOR @NeilFennell i have been training for this for YEARS NeilHurricane Tipsy Wickers Hurricane Peapod Buttons Hurricane Quackles McChompers @AlanaCHolmes I think you are the decider if I remember geography (and i do not)Hurricane Bladen Hurricane Temerald Ann Hurricane Gosie-Lou Hurricane Taniel Hurricane HatsyPLEASE LET ME NAME THE HURRICANES @MindyFurano thinking of you. let us know if you need support! @StephaniEmmons @Fiercelove4real oh no!
@michaelpielocik Oh my gosh what a perfect picture and also a perfect curl @michaelpielocik Congratulations! So well deserved @ellewoodsgolfs I hope so. I'd hate to think there are two paper towel companies competing for the inspirational wiping market @itsmedoctorbrie This is incredible. @devomase @joshgondelman he would NEVER @KayeFoley @linoleumsquare So good to see your face, Kaye! @oyofmidmidworld thank you so much!! @mt_head oh this is good advice!