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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss New York City

Writer for @LastWeekTonight. Author of the Better Bundo Book. Order "The Someone New" here: https://t.co/3nzN4lQjGc

937 Following   20,978 Followers   19,695 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/23/08


And this is also something and I cannot pretend that it is not https://t.co/S09jqoJr3hWe live in the future, folks https://t.co/OFXJFVCPaR @mythosopher @avocadoplex I am DELIGHTED @larynjpg You know, I didn't expect it but this is also very good @larynjpg Listen, this is very goodI guess I wouldn't say no to a photoshop of Klobuchar eating Mayor Pete with a comb
2/20
2020
@somm_bitch Fair @somm_bitch Look, i don't disagree but also they sometimes poop on your car so every species has its problems. @somm_bitch they are SUCH GOOD FRIENDS @crawdady21 @TheGoodPlaceNBC @LastWeekTonight look i don't have a lot of free time, Ben. @crawdady21 @TheGoodPlaceNBC i am so specifically glad to be alive in the time that it existed! @Nick_Pettigrew @girlonetrack Will now rewrite it 18 times : ) @WroteCole @ParkerMolloy My writing has an astigmatismWriting is that thing at the eye doctor where they say “Which of these is better?” and you can’t actually tell but… https://t.co/48CJjcyaF8 @TheAndrewNadeau GOOD BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR IT OUT LOUD @TheAndrewNadeau still thinking about this tweetJust remembered this and have high hopes someone adopts it this time around. https://t.co/6QbRiNlOuTI call my abs Elizabeth Warren because I am not giving up hope and neither should you
Retweeted by Jill Twiss
2/19
2020
@jeremyoharris HOLY COW. Amazing how many people "just want to challenge you". @oyofmidmidworld i do. @oyofmidmidworld i literally had the same thought. i THINK i do? but i will find out soon @david_j_roth David McCullough probably has an opinion here. https://t.co/XfyWBeJMwi @daniellenuss "I MADE IT A DIFFERENT WAY"Also this person who, for some reason, I believe unconditionally https://t.co/2EKqpHoO3CBless the people who have the energy to be angry in the comments section of an article on hand-washing. @PattiMurin Oh THIS IS SO GREAT @itsjennylbrown @Remy_Lai @rajanilarocca @KimLongMG @Summer_Rachel_ @be_frank_ @ledelbrock @TheLizWasser @DianaDeBolt @Karahdactyl ❤️♥️ @OnMyPlateBlog @MandahLee_Blue You all have adorable paper clip dogs! @hl_rowe i am afraid that men cannot handle unicorns AND penguins @OnMyPlateBlog @MandahLee_Blue WE HAVE A PERFECT MENAGERIE @crchad because it is attending a saloon thank you for asking @LynnSherr LYNN I CANNOT WAIT!! What a thrilling experience to have @JeannetteLovesU they are perfect and waddle like nobody's business @theinschneider i admire and appreciate your imagination though @itsjennylbrown ahem. @LynnSherr I LOVE THEM @MandahLee_Blue Oh i hope they get together and pick a lock!!! @theinschneider i regret to inform you that it could not @TheNHNerd wouldn't it be cool if it MATED FOR LIFE with another penguin paper clip? @NatheLawver Oh they will triple in value by tomorrow at least!Well I just got a paper clip shaped like a penguin in case you were wondering what is good about today https://t.co/DviYpZCJnx @ambivalentricky @ArielDumas Truly I can't imagine how many hours it took! and all i wanted was a dumb plastic doll… https://t.co/dPIHVMWnLY @ArielDumas @ambivalentricky i did! (i maybe still do...?) I named her Amanda Suzanne in case that is your next question @ambivalentricky My mom did this with a Cabbage Patch kid. It was so kind of her and i was so disappointed
2/18
2020
@JuanMarhl weirdly YES! @sumrthyme @mz_kmoran @Kdmiller4 @EGKellerDraws @DoInkTweets By the way, here is a song that goes with the book "Th… https://t.co/aLYAv1T79V @sumrthyme @mz_kmoran @Kdmiller4 @EGKellerDraws @DoInkTweets I love all of this so much!
2/17
2020
@mariskreizman @leilacohan same! @DifficultMrs I support any and all Faery Unions @TrashPandaFTW that's how you pay them! @5klp471 @MaraWilson BECOME BEST FRIENDS???!!? @DifficultMrs I am afraid they have stated firmly that they will not do this. @dblanch100 @ch of course! you just have to stock the drawer with holiday socks so they know @ch oh yeah, those peanut butter ones with the Hershey's kisses in the middle @3rian_3erk yes. @pinkbunnyr Maybe Etsy, which is also the name of a third elfLIFE HACK: Employ two elves named Buttons and Crouton to live in your sock drawer and make you delicious cookies
2/16
2020
@itsdlevy this is very comforting. and i am absolutely up for being library-friends! @itsdlevy Will i get lost and not be able to find anything i actually want to read or see because I am too scared t… https://t.co/wcXpPBMhNQ @itsdlevy David I am very intimidated by the performing arts library even though I live nearby. Can you give me a pep talk as such?
2/15
2020
@mz_kmoran @EGKellerDraws @DoInkTweets Oh this is WONDERFUL
2/14
2020
@iguessmegan i will concede that but only because she is obviously a perfect kitty @WytKat https://t.co/yDZC90QHhE @soundofaspark @ShaunEliComedy it was a delightp.s. I do have a picture book with some FANTASTIC animals coming out in June, and boy is it now available for pre-o… https://t.co/zVeNvgpp99EUDORA BEAN HAS WON IT ALL FOLKS https://t.co/49VbEXdAoJ @soundofaspark I CANNOT HELP IT WE ALL KNOWThe Right Honorable Eudora Bean https://t.co/cH0WPleK5aLady Deborah Pickles will sweep your floor whether you need it or not https://t.co/3CLkl4koF4 @jamiemacqueen Hello and good day to His Eminence Douglas P. Barklesbury III, Esq. @lintstorm i can tell you that it DID NOT ESCAPE ME @ShaunEliComedy It is an honor and a privilegeThis is Liberace Elvis Cumberbund and he is a GODDAMN STAR https://t.co/UWSj8n4DpPLieutenant Colonel Tucker McFritter is fearless in battle but very scared of the vacuum cleaner https://t.co/sOELEoZsx3 @NotJoeCreighton hahahaah. staying private for a while, but i bet this won't be the last time i name some dogsDame Mabel Batsywiddle doesn't mind if you don't curtsey as long as she can chew on your shoe https://t.co/exgjF31YQq @SnarkySteff this is VERY good inside informationFriends this is Tipsy Bootles. She is a doggy lounge singer and hides treats in her piano https://t.co/aO6NpfBrEpThis dog's actual name is Dazzle and I actually think that is a pretty good name, which is a thing I've never said… https://t.co/G52k1lBl7NWell this is Gunner https://t.co/OtDDAHjuv8Might I present Postmaster General Puddles T. Bitsyfeet at your service https://t.co/uPX9uttEVUOh Mr. Wadsworth Diesel Huckleberry, may your life be filled with treats and very fast squirrels https://t.co/DSXsHVWmP3I need you to meet Dr. Eloise Taco, who discovered the vaccine to my heart https://t.co/7JowAjdR9JThis is Lord High Constable Macaroni McDigger and he has a long and storied digging lineage https://t.co/Hsr0LLesiZDue to popular demand (one person) I am watching the last few minutes of the Westminster Dog Show and renaming the… https://t.co/Tt0tFOSbBH @soundofaspark ok i have lied to you. But next dog show i am at your service. @soundofaspark I don't have cable BUT AM GETTING A LOGIN FOR AMERICA
2/12
2020
@DaveysBig The Nantucket thing made me laugh way more than it should haveThis interview with Julia Louis Dreyfus was a real bright spot in my day. https://t.co/q7iXRoj4eR
2/11
2020
@LaughAtlantis I think it is the only reason whyI just remembered that Cynthia Erivo ran a half-marathon before performing a TWO-SHOW DAY at The Color Purple. She… https://t.co/hdK7cWqIh1 @louisvirtel I thought it sounded just like the chord structure of "sugar pie honey bunch" @berkson0 If she hasn't listened to Greta on the Scriptnotes podcast, I highly recommend it. It was fascinating and… https://t.co/bGY5Ieu2Ie @TorielliJosie JOSIE I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE THRILLED. River is a dignified General and a leader among dogs
2/10
2020
@joannarothkopf Oh Joanna that is maybe the only good reason to cry
2/9
2020
@robyoon Will consider for all future fish @GabrielTigerman when i was about her age I had a Beta fish I named VHS that also died. So i feel a real kinship wi… https://t.co/1FfRjT1HOT
2/8
2020
@somm_bitch WELL NOW I HAVE
2/6
2020
@AnneK94 @StoryTimewithM1 @Flint4Pete @__Laura_VB @PeteButtigieg @Chas10Buttigieg @LastWeekTonight @TrevorProject T… https://t.co/bOlahPBdcr
2/5
2020
@JamesWise5 what else would that man put in a Hershey's syrup bottle?
2/4
2020

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