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Comedy writer and author Sunburn: https://t.co/Hc2Dz03EvQ 52 Times Britain Was A Bellend: Waterstones: https://t.co/WEinPBVSbx Amazon: https://t.co/83zuzC7LO0

3,585 Following   228,283 Followers   35,970 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/4/14


In which the Home Office and a Political Correspondent argue with pudding. 2020 is a fucking trip. https://t.co/DPQWY3BFjg
Retweeted by James FeltonJames Cleverly slagged off Ben & Jerry’s ‘overpriced’ ice cream – 7 ice cold burns https://t.co/mIV3FnpmlL https://t.co/QAkoFgE8sn
Retweeted by James FeltonSince this is taking off, do you know what *is* great value? Yeah that's right, it's my new book. Check it out, y… https://t.co/qgBTAsmoodIf I'd spent £16 million on coronavirus tests that didn’t work and £12m on a failed app and £150 million buying 50… https://t.co/ImvK1hEfv8You drive a hard bargain, but I’d be willing to accept an end to “you’d be living in a mansion right now if you sto… https://t.co/cSK5zdAQrZ @RosieisaHolt We’ve gone and munched our way into another recession haven’t weI don’t ask for much but once we’ve lived through the deepest recession since the Second World War followed by a pa… https://t.co/JQfe5kKZ16 @M_PaulMcNamara @SeanFionn Lol. I’d imagine it’s just picked up the keyword “history” there, The Algorithm is not smart.Hot days in London: I’d quite like five minutes when I’m not forced to listen to someone else’s music, in my house,… https://t.co/o7e6K1Aa4p
Retweeted by James Felton @Angelsfeartogo @instagram As predicted I trolled people with milk coke then got bored and forgot my login detailsTake your time lads, not like we’ve got anything important going on. Heard Jammy Dodgers have been slagging you off… https://t.co/NPNU7OwcpzThe UK government is currently arguing with ice cream about asylum seekers and Japan about cheese. https://t.co/uNSRY4aNBaYeah but dinghies though. https://t.co/nwSmn17xhg
Retweeted by James FeltonI have to get almost 1000 more "watched hours" to join Youtube's "partner scheme" or something and then I get to ma… https://t.co/2NqTmuwAsv
Retweeted by James Felton
8/12
2020
I suppose in a way, journalists leaving it to an ice cream company to counter dehumanising anti refugee propaganda,… https://t.co/K74NJd2XrH
Retweeted by James FeltonThe Home Secretary is arguing with ice cream because it told the government to be a bit less racist to refugees. 60,000 dead.Cats are just a shit type of dog.I’m going to tweet so many awful opinions now that you can’t ratio me.Found this funny at first but now I’m sad that nobody repliedFirst person to reply gets a free copy of my new book https://t.co/ID6AUR9yNo @NeilUKIP Oh Neil. You have the shit opinions of one of the right wing loud mouths but none of the success. A true… https://t.co/EJG9jPnIn5Just listened to a series of speeches about how open, tolerant and not at all racist we are. Now to take a big sip… https://t.co/wMgFmWljnU @paperghost Getting in a frigate, heading out to get way too close and ask if the journalists are ok.Now Sky News is following migrants in boats across the English Channel – 5 responses that say it all… https://t.co/l5eCeoxIar
Retweeted by James Feltonwhen is ukgov going to do something about the growing number of journalists in the english channel
Retweeted by James FeltonAll these boats are UK journalists at Dover https://t.co/a3NnP35nQd
Retweeted by James Felton @alextomo The media needs to show context, not the shots Farage would love to give to his audience of racists. @alextomo What I’m seeing is people who think their lives shouldn’t be ignored, but they should be treated with res… https://t.co/ushWr3mq4H @E_L_James I assume it’s wet t-shirt for normal birthdays, full frontal for when he hits 30.Forcing my brother to go shower with me in case I ever need to wish him happy birthday in a normal way https://t.co/PX6prwKAXUOh right, so that news boat gawping at refugees risking their lives in order to have a future for their families wa… https://t.co/UdSsC5k9yq
Retweeted by James FeltonQuite distressing watching BBC and Sky News see Farage do a racism and rather than going "we can provide better con… https://t.co/CyFussGcnyImagine being so desperate you're willing to risk death on a rubber dinghy, seeing a big safe ship pull up alongsid… https://t.co/hZ8tlnV2WDJust leaving this here for oh so many people on this hell site https://t.co/5XNMmkR0Mm
Retweeted by James FeltonIf flag, Dog and football avatar twitter didn’t believe fact checking blogs are part of a leftist conspiracy to des… https://t.co/0knaDuhvAA
Retweeted by James FeltonBrexit status - Liz Truss is hoping for a ‘symbolic Stilton win’ https://t.co/NgDcFLkpFV
Retweeted by James FeltonA rich white Tory disputed Dawn Butler’s experience of racism and these 9 takedowns were spectacular.… https://t.co/Zvzaow2arD
Retweeted by James Felton
8/11
2020
narrator: and the years stopped coming https://t.co/L2ATHO0mEs
Retweeted by James FeltonFor 52 other times Britain has been a bellend, my book is currently 99p on Kindle: https://t.co/fPcET2J0dl https://t.co/UCY2ymZHulBrits for centuries: Your country is mine, and your country is mine, I live here now, your country is mine and your… https://t.co/d48I05DPbRwhen people say "all lives matter" they always, always mean only white lives https://t.co/N0Dxs0G3dz
Retweeted by James FeltonImagine being in that boat, filling up with water and getting desperately worried and a guy in a massive boat going… https://t.co/q5YzF41LrQThey're people in a tiny boat trying to bail it out with tupperware, you don't have to look on from your massive bo… https://t.co/q2vTD4hx8kWhat kind of dystopian shit is this https://t.co/SCePZZSyZN @tommyhale91 Guarantee whoever wrote that was hungry @supermathskid Getting big “I’m not leaving coffee morning alive am I” vibesI am here for the dual Brian Cox condemnation of the UK Government today https://t.co/GtLlzO8PXm
Retweeted by James FeltonBUT 6 PEOPLE TURNED UP IN A DINGHY https://t.co/YkxEZLn3Cg
Retweeted by James FeltonOk tolerant UK back to the debate: Foreigners, should we drown them?We interrupt this week long national debate on how to best use warships to stop asylum seekers from making it to th… https://t.co/G7EjtivtEH @Nigel_Farage It’s a dinghy filled with kids, stop shitting yourself.Toby Young’s anti-mask dating forum is all set to go viral – 19 very funny responses. https://t.co/F6MOtgOEpa https://t.co/tPJdjnhGk8
Retweeted by James Felton @IAmMardikins Good luck!
8/10
2020
Please join my dating app for people with relaxed attitudes to the spread of super gonorrhoea, where like minded si… https://t.co/PmfwuERtp3 @paperghost @izziefruity @DavidWGWalker @IndiaWilloughby Always amazes me how long people are willing to argue long… https://t.co/NXY2iW4OWx @paperghost @Luiseach @IndiaWilloughby @andraswf I see she thinks that because she’s moved threads to declare victo… https://t.co/oWl96Hf2VtRight, as promised- Why are migrants trying to come to the UK from France? Good morning, folks 😊 https://t.co/THctvnYxeP
Retweeted by James Felton @DmitryOpines @SheRa_Marley @IndiaWilloughby You almost made a joke and asked a rhetorical question which people wo… https://t.co/CZrD6lgknn @SpillerOfTea @paperghost @IndiaWilloughby My imagination made it shitty, that was not a good job at all Max. Partial praise for effort. @paperghost @IndiaWilloughby You answered my visa signal @IndiaWilloughby @JimMFelton the legal route literally allows for you to reach here by any transport method availab… https://t.co/tGhhVOmQig
Retweeted by James Felton @IndiaWilloughby What’s so wrong with taking more refugees and offering them safe passage? Is it only mainland Euro… https://t.co/Yz3eXpPAXk @IndiaWilloughby You are in no way legally obligated to stay in the first country you reach when you’re escaping fr… https://t.co/I2sRiIOcld
Retweeted by James Felton @IndiaWilloughby The obvious answer is I don’t have the kind of life that would lead me to make such a desperate mo… https://t.co/m5UnYUhwoP @IndiaWilloughby Genuine questions generally go in replies, not performative quote tweets. @BrokenTV From reading endless copies of the sun for my book it was about a week for them. Didn’t mean much after t… https://t.co/dFJzKeWKcJRemember when the tabloids spent a week mourning the drowning of a three year old refugee boy before going right ba… https://t.co/3WAKr4IjZ8https://t.co/qEJJuIGaR1https://t.co/yye3r2npLJ https://t.co/4Yr9latRzX[boardroom] Bob: Jesus, Jeff, for the last time. NO CLAMS. WE ARE NOT ADDING CLAMS. Jeff (dressed as clam): I hav… https://t.co/WJ6CjaIdPu
Retweeted by James Felton
8/9
2020
Maybe just stop blaming immigrants for everything when this country’s problems have nothing to do with them.
Retweeted by James FeltonYou read article like this and then you read the comments devoid of empathy below and honestly I don’t get people s… https://t.co/oGSXYmeJJt
Retweeted by James Feltonmy new favourite genre is people in medieval manuscripts who’ve been stabbed but simply do not care https://t.co/w9MC3fN7fJ
Retweeted by James Felton @paradhise Thank you! Not insulting at all, appreciate it and hope you like it :)Really is impressive how quickly the people who think a virus that’s killed tens of thousands is a big fuss over no… https://t.co/Tr98gS9CfF2 months till my new book is out and I am excited and proud. If you liked my first book, you’re going to love it.… https://t.co/uhfXhlUdXe @ShappiKhorsandi @jasminedotiwala I’m in (the corner, looking awkward)I’ve wasted a perfectly good opening line for a novel on a tweetFor you it’s just an ordinary day, for that naked guy that chased that pig it’s the first day of the rest of his li… https://t.co/A8gWSUcoml
8/8
2020
@BehindtheProsc @andrewkeates Ah thank you, appreciate it! @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @almostconverge @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Do I need to explain… https://t.co/daJ0VIWdiN @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @almostconverge @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Yet again you fail to… https://t.co/5XwKv9WqZZ @Luiseach @BridgerColin @paperghost @almostconverge @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically I demand that he deno… https://t.co/S78Oj0sqnx @DanielBarclay79 @KateNicholl Ah cheers Daniel! Reduced to 99p on kindle if you do want it, Kate! @paperghost @almostconverge @Luiseach @BridgerColin @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically As someone who's been… https://t.co/WWjaxbGQos @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Have a mute you massive weirdo. https://t.co/Q16H3maZxc @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Why are you demanding responses on a… https://t.co/pnImAWlphh @DMayLovell Well at least I lost to my own meme @DineshDSouza https://t.co/Cdh8S81Ldghttps://t.co/eHqlECD8TXThis guy insisted Trump was right to say ‘Thighland’ and the takedowns came thick and fast https://t.co/Dzbra93GFU https://t.co/yTXUheDXsL
Retweeted by James FeltonAlexa, show me the current state of UK track and trace. https://t.co/nnB0eFUPLiMe trying to enjoy the hot weather without thinking about climate change https://t.co/btj693ozUe“How was your day dear?” “Without incident” “What did you get up to-“ “I SAID IT WAS WITHOUT INCIDENT, SHARON, JESUS CHRIST”Lord give me the quiet dignity of a butt-naked man chasing a pig for his packed lunch https://t.co/qTHGWovUWV @TeamRage_MMA @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Craig I told you to shut up then muted you. That’s not being triggered.… https://t.co/2vHajgFSrkSmug cunts on here always going on about what other people tweet and don’t tweet. Fuck off and mind your own boring business.
Retweeted by James Felton @paperghost @Luiseach @BridgerColin @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically I barely take responsibility for my o… https://t.co/9JMvA2PyEO @Luiseach @BridgerColin @paperghost @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Can’t I just disown all my followers’… https://t.co/3jYf1pYHgNTop 10 funny takes on the coronavirus crisis. https://t.co/BOh7NCISIc https://t.co/NeFjOZqgan
Retweeted by James Felton
8/7
2020

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