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Comedy writer and author Sunburn: 52 Times Britain Was A Bellend: Waterstones: Amazon:

3,585 Following   228,283 Followers   35,970 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/4/14

In which the Home Office and a Political Correspondent argue with pudding. 2020 is a fucking trip.
Retweeted by James FeltonJames Cleverly slagged off Ben & Jerry’s ‘overpriced’ ice cream – 7 ice cold burns
Retweeted by James FeltonSince this is taking off, do you know what *is* great value? Yeah that's right, it's my new book. Check it out, y… I'd spent £16 million on coronavirus tests that didn’t work and £12m on a failed app and £150 million buying 50… drive a hard bargain, but I’d be willing to accept an end to “you’d be living in a mansion right now if you sto… @RosieisaHolt We’ve gone and munched our way into another recession haven’t weI don’t ask for much but once we’ve lived through the deepest recession since the Second World War followed by a pa… @M_PaulMcNamara @SeanFionn Lol. I’d imagine it’s just picked up the keyword “history” there, The Algorithm is not smart.Hot days in London: I’d quite like five minutes when I’m not forced to listen to someone else’s music, in my house,…
Retweeted by James Felton @Angelsfeartogo @instagram As predicted I trolled people with milk coke then got bored and forgot my login detailsTake your time lads, not like we’ve got anything important going on. Heard Jammy Dodgers have been slagging you off… UK government is currently arguing with ice cream about asylum seekers and Japan about cheese. but dinghies though.
Retweeted by James FeltonI have to get almost 1000 more "watched hours" to join Youtube's "partner scheme" or something and then I get to ma…
Retweeted by James Felton
I suppose in a way, journalists leaving it to an ice cream company to counter dehumanising anti refugee propaganda,…
Retweeted by James FeltonThe Home Secretary is arguing with ice cream because it told the government to be a bit less racist to refugees. 60,000 dead.Cats are just a shit type of dog.I’m going to tweet so many awful opinions now that you can’t ratio me.Found this funny at first but now I’m sad that nobody repliedFirst person to reply gets a free copy of my new book @NeilUKIP Oh Neil. You have the shit opinions of one of the right wing loud mouths but none of the success. A true… listened to a series of speeches about how open, tolerant and not at all racist we are. Now to take a big sip… @paperghost Getting in a frigate, heading out to get way too close and ask if the journalists are ok.Now Sky News is following migrants in boats across the English Channel – 5 responses that say it all…
Retweeted by James Feltonwhen is ukgov going to do something about the growing number of journalists in the english channel
Retweeted by James FeltonAll these boats are UK journalists at Dover
Retweeted by James Felton @alextomo The media needs to show context, not the shots Farage would love to give to his audience of racists. @alextomo What I’m seeing is people who think their lives shouldn’t be ignored, but they should be treated with res… @E_L_James I assume it’s wet t-shirt for normal birthdays, full frontal for when he hits 30.Forcing my brother to go shower with me in case I ever need to wish him happy birthday in a normal way right, so that news boat gawping at refugees risking their lives in order to have a future for their families wa…
Retweeted by James FeltonQuite distressing watching BBC and Sky News see Farage do a racism and rather than going "we can provide better con… being so desperate you're willing to risk death on a rubber dinghy, seeing a big safe ship pull up alongsid… leaving this here for oh so many people on this hell site
Retweeted by James FeltonIf flag, Dog and football avatar twitter didn’t believe fact checking blogs are part of a leftist conspiracy to des…
Retweeted by James FeltonBrexit status - Liz Truss is hoping for a ‘symbolic Stilton win’
Retweeted by James FeltonA rich white Tory disputed Dawn Butler’s experience of racism and these 9 takedowns were spectacular.…
Retweeted by James Felton
narrator: and the years stopped coming
Retweeted by James FeltonFor 52 other times Britain has been a bellend, my book is currently 99p on Kindle: for centuries: Your country is mine, and your country is mine, I live here now, your country is mine and your… people say "all lives matter" they always, always mean only white lives
Retweeted by James FeltonImagine being in that boat, filling up with water and getting desperately worried and a guy in a massive boat going…'re people in a tiny boat trying to bail it out with tupperware, you don't have to look on from your massive bo… kind of dystopian shit is this @tommyhale91 Guarantee whoever wrote that was hungry @supermathskid Getting big “I’m not leaving coffee morning alive am I” vibesI am here for the dual Brian Cox condemnation of the UK Government today
Retweeted by James FeltonBUT 6 PEOPLE TURNED UP IN A DINGHY
Retweeted by James FeltonOk tolerant UK back to the debate: Foreigners, should we drown them?We interrupt this week long national debate on how to best use warships to stop asylum seekers from making it to th… @Nigel_Farage It’s a dinghy filled with kids, stop shitting yourself.Toby Young’s anti-mask dating forum is all set to go viral – 19 very funny responses.
Retweeted by James Felton @IAmMardikins Good luck!
Please join my dating app for people with relaxed attitudes to the spread of super gonorrhoea, where like minded si… @paperghost @izziefruity @DavidWGWalker @IndiaWilloughby Always amazes me how long people are willing to argue long… @paperghost @Luiseach @IndiaWilloughby @andraswf I see she thinks that because she’s moved threads to declare victo…, as promised- Why are migrants trying to come to the UK from France? Good morning, folks 😊
Retweeted by James Felton @DmitryOpines @SheRa_Marley @IndiaWilloughby You almost made a joke and asked a rhetorical question which people wo… @SpillerOfTea @paperghost @IndiaWilloughby My imagination made it shitty, that was not a good job at all Max. Partial praise for effort. @paperghost @IndiaWilloughby You answered my visa signal @IndiaWilloughby @JimMFelton the legal route literally allows for you to reach here by any transport method availab…
Retweeted by James Felton @IndiaWilloughby What’s so wrong with taking more refugees and offering them safe passage? Is it only mainland Euro… @IndiaWilloughby You are in no way legally obligated to stay in the first country you reach when you’re escaping fr…
Retweeted by James Felton @IndiaWilloughby The obvious answer is I don’t have the kind of life that would lead me to make such a desperate mo… @IndiaWilloughby Genuine questions generally go in replies, not performative quote tweets. @BrokenTV From reading endless copies of the sun for my book it was about a week for them. Didn’t mean much after t… when the tabloids spent a week mourning the drowning of a three year old refugee boy before going right ba…[boardroom] Bob: Jesus, Jeff, for the last time. NO CLAMS. WE ARE NOT ADDING CLAMS. Jeff (dressed as clam): I hav…
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Maybe just stop blaming immigrants for everything when this country’s problems have nothing to do with them.
Retweeted by James FeltonYou read article like this and then you read the comments devoid of empathy below and honestly I don’t get people s…
Retweeted by James Feltonmy new favourite genre is people in medieval manuscripts who’ve been stabbed but simply do not care
Retweeted by James Felton @paradhise Thank you! Not insulting at all, appreciate it and hope you like it :)Really is impressive how quickly the people who think a virus that’s killed tens of thousands is a big fuss over no… months till my new book is out and I am excited and proud. If you liked my first book, you’re going to love it.… @ShappiKhorsandi @jasminedotiwala I’m in (the corner, looking awkward)I’ve wasted a perfectly good opening line for a novel on a tweetFor you it’s just an ordinary day, for that naked guy that chased that pig it’s the first day of the rest of his li…
@BehindtheProsc @andrewkeates Ah thank you, appreciate it! @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @almostconverge @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Do I need to explain… @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @almostconverge @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Yet again you fail to… @Luiseach @BridgerColin @paperghost @almostconverge @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically I demand that he deno… @DanielBarclay79 @KateNicholl Ah cheers Daniel! Reduced to 99p on kindle if you do want it, Kate! @paperghost @almostconverge @Luiseach @BridgerColin @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically As someone who's been… @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Have a mute you massive weirdo. @BridgerColin @Luiseach @paperghost @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Why are you demanding responses on a… @DMayLovell Well at least I lost to my own meme @DineshDSouza guy insisted Trump was right to say ‘Thighland’ and the takedowns came thick and fast
Retweeted by James FeltonAlexa, show me the current state of UK track and trace. trying to enjoy the hot weather without thinking about climate change“How was your day dear?” “Without incident” “What did you get up to-“ “I SAID IT WAS WITHOUT INCIDENT, SHARON, JESUS CHRIST”Lord give me the quiet dignity of a butt-naked man chasing a pig for his packed lunch @TeamRage_MMA @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Craig I told you to shut up then muted you. That’s not being triggered.… cunts on here always going on about what other people tweet and don’t tweet. Fuck off and mind your own boring business.
Retweeted by James Felton @paperghost @Luiseach @BridgerColin @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically I barely take responsibility for my o… @Luiseach @BridgerColin @paperghost @CeleryVase @DineshDSouza @Polymathically Can’t I just disown all my followers’… 10 funny takes on the coronavirus crisis.
Retweeted by James Felton