Sign in with Twitter

Username:

Arrested Development, Baskets, Kroll Show, Portlandia, Silicon Valley, and “John Levenstein's Retirement Party”

1,004 Following   28,655 Followers   56,551 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/14/11


@behindyourback Why would you ever think I’d fit in where people agree with me? @Coene_Arts I said the DETAILS of life. The details. Willfully letting them go to hell. I’ve smoked a lot more pot… https://t.co/EuqMvSISdh @RonFunches Some ex stepdads do a great job. @behindyourback “I give them two years.”My annual speech to young potheads... Smoking pot is not a license for the details of your life to fall apart. If y… https://t.co/lOKTQJbztC @taraschustar I have a problem with any comedy where people smoke pot and act crazy. Smoke pot and pay your bills, hotshot.
Retweeted by John LevensteinI received a text message from a pot dispensary I have never been to at 4:20 A.M. I did not think “I should check t… https://t.co/nnotuTZ7w4 @davidsirota You can contradict someone without Narrator Voice. Keep it fresh!.@RealJamesWoods Tough to think of you writing “best not miss,” then having a crisis of confidence and changing it… https://t.co/8Sm4CIXT2hHubie Brown sounds like overtime would kill him. It will probably be okay.“I’m fucked” - the President finding out he’s being investigated or me when the car in front of me signals left at… https://t.co/ssQbNDEGVqWas it okay? Was I pacified?Did we ever find an Oscar host? @Katearfin @realDonaldTrump We’d watch. I’d invite Keith.People get furious if you don’t support Elizabeth Warren and watch the latest cult comedy. As of now I plan on voti… https://t.co/Pat3nD3Ahh @MindyFurano This is good journalism. @franklinhardy A side you’re not used to seeing of the only business you ever see. @franklinhardy You don’t understand. These kids aren’t in private school. They go to charter schools.
4/20
2019
How hard would it be to get Criterion Channel on my TV? Don’t lie..@realDonaldTrump I don’t mind answering every stupid fucking question you’ve got. We’ll move through the episode v… https://t.co/GtRhJMbsFU.@realDonaldTrump You want to come over for Game of Thrones Sunday? @AlexKazLaw https://t.co/SnSxwrddMw @AlexKazLaw Who isn’t?I don’t think they took this possibility into account when they designed the flagship Ralphs in Sherman Oaks.Passover and Good Friday on the same night. This is a fucking avalanche. @bnacker What’s in the fridge?Confided in the dogs that I don’t think the cat is just tolerating us anymore. @TheRachelFisher EXACTLY @kbiegel It will be like a perfect handoff in a relay race. You won’t even have to break stride. @kbiegel What about “slipping it” to you during pick-up or drop-off at school, or something equally convenient? @BrianStack153 @SuzyNakamura @iochicago @DavidKoechner @prettylaura @DPasquesi @TheMitchRouse @WaitressLondon That’… https://t.co/OrWno5ruNmReally brings the labor action home when you consider it’s my agent’s birthday. @nanglish Great question!Not crazy about the word “solidarity.”.@realDonaldTrump Don’t leave us hanging. NOTHING is more important than completing your morning tweets. Does staff… https://t.co/L41ZRQnuUO @mulaney I’ve always assumed they just look like themselves, but maybe it’s full-on Beatlemania. @BigHern Hey. @DesiJed My 64th. It’s the Beatles.If I were elected President, I’d ask my dermatologist’s Beatles cover band to play at the inauguration, featuring h… https://t.co/vWc6KGo9zZThe Dodgers on Channel 5 reminds me how irritating it is that they are not on DirecTV.
4/19
2019
@marisaronis @ecareyo Looking forward to Lois vs her daughter. @geofflapid Ugh.@PressSec a “fantastical creature,” for example..@PressSec If you’re going to take public money to spread pure bullshit, could you at least make it a bit more whimsical? @maxsilvestri @gabeliedman @nicolebyer Beyoncé won’t shut up about it.This is surprising. The prospective employer is delighted by the dare game. @mollylambert I ventured!He’s explaining a “dare game” to her. It involves dice. I THINK she’s interviewing him for a job?At the next table a woman asked a younger man, “do you understand?” He said, “probably not as well as you do.” She… https://t.co/5GkrFjptuGOverheard a man in a restaurant shout at his date, “I’m not stuck on it! I’m NOT stuck on it.” Looking around for c… https://t.co/YEM9whtLL1 @eedrk That’s got to make them feel better. @dave_schilling What the hell happened? @BethyBSQU Long enough to realize there are rats in palm trees..@DonaldJTrumpJr “PRIMARILY.” Good move, dumbshit.Mueller applauded for Trump sarcastically. It’s badass. @alanalevinson “A slit for the water.” Kanye invented the drain.https://t.co/p2VWSi4oz9 @jackallisonLOL @JKCorden I don’t know about the dynamics of the meeting, but sometimes there is a rigidity to mini… https://t.co/d3Nt8WIRzm @JKCorden @jackallisonLOL In sketch, there was (as of a few years ago) a “junior writer” rate. It’s more than a wri… https://t.co/rKTr4aXIN8 @JKCorden @jackallisonLOL Not sure about late night. In sketch there can be a practice of paying writers the same w… https://t.co/750HRZefVv.@realDonaldTrump My mother had a friend who could not pronounce the word “frustrated.” It came out funny, usually… https://t.co/hBAZYEmgWl @KristinaLopez The iron.Why would Barr not start the press conference with his beautiful bagpipe? @franklinhardy Dad was a little too fatalisticWhat do you want Lori Loughlin to do? Hang her head in shame and march into prison like Cersei? Cut her hair off? L… https://t.co/5Gs2HKInNn @OnlineAlison @sofifii I’m “nothing in between”If I were Lori Loughlin, I’d definitely stretch this out, go to trial, have my moment in the limelight. You’re all crazy. @sofifii @OnlineAlison Because a killer wouldn’t ask “which am I,” right?Writers support writers! (unless they leave the room) @meganamram You wouldn’t defend this? @frynaomifry Other writers are too accessible and eventually “crack up.”Could we see an option for a headline that isn’t wordplay? https://t.co/tnQKNQ9HAJSome of the showrunners offering to read strangers’ scripts have assistants who make sure no one talks to them in t… https://t.co/MCRVe3sZgbAdderall https://t.co/VZaG5vQdlDWeeks later, a concerned neighbor reports, “The music is back.”There would have been follow-ups from activated neighbors. “I heard music too. DO YOU THINK IT WAS THE SAME PERSON?”Someone just walked by the house blasting a song and I briefly considered hopping on Nextdoor and posting, “loud mu… https://t.co/7U8diSCVSt
4/18
2019
@kateberlant The great warrior Achilles? Seven. @girlwithatail @bristahsouljah If I hurry!The devil following Buttigieg around reminded me of a marionette I had when I was a kid. I hadn’t thought of it in… https://t.co/ApEo1KBANP @blainecapatch @ReelQuinn “How long should a man’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground...of the cellar. 12 fee… https://t.co/tjszbDw1Qq @girlwithatail @bristahsouljah I’m hoping for Exactly 60 but you don’t HAVE to Watch, because I’m FINE1946? Looks like the telephone answering service industry has all the job security I’ll ever need. https://t.co/Q9EmeYg6QK @juliaprescott Why is your shirt starched?? @juliaprescott Loosen up! @infinitesimull “vagina datata”I wish Michelle Obama wouldn’t mock divorced dads, because then I end up agreeing with idiots who don’t like it. @mollylambert Take the ferry. @NekoCase Free? That’s a great deal. @nanglish @infinitesimull Hahahaha @trumpetcake @SarahThyre It mimes itself. @SarahThyre @trumpetcake Fishing a beret out of a ravine with a baguette would be a nice scenario to mime at class.Why bother to have a devil if there’s not an angel for the other shoulder?Buttigieg throws house parties? https://t.co/gcgUbGLoT4 @jackallisonLOL @brianefallon They are reframing punching as “aggressive,” like they characterize Klobuchar throwing things as “tough.”.@realDonaldTrump Taxes went UP! @stephaniesits @Molly_Kats @michcoll You thought Lois was murdered? @Molly_Kats @michcoll The other housewives’ Lois worship is too boring. @Molly_Kats @michcoll You can’t kill Lois!There is an all-time insane plot point in Taken 3. Liam Neeson is on the run and wants to talk to his daughter. He… https://t.co/SCfBCGwrgA
4/17
2019

0