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Arrested Development, Baskets, Kroll Show, Portlandia, Silicon Valley, and “John Levenstein's Retirement Party”

1,004 Following   28,655 Followers   56,551 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/14/11

@behindyourback Why would you ever think I’d fit in where people agree with me? @Coene_Arts I said the DETAILS of life. The details. Willfully letting them go to hell. I’ve smoked a lot more pot… @RonFunches Some ex stepdads do a great job. @behindyourback “I give them two years.”My annual speech to young potheads... Smoking pot is not a license for the details of your life to fall apart. If y… @taraschustar I have a problem with any comedy where people smoke pot and act crazy. Smoke pot and pay your bills, hotshot.
Retweeted by John LevensteinI received a text message from a pot dispensary I have never been to at 4:20 A.M. I did not think “I should check t… @davidsirota You can contradict someone without Narrator Voice. Keep it fresh!.@RealJamesWoods Tough to think of you writing “best not miss,” then having a crisis of confidence and changing it… Brown sounds like overtime would kill him. It will probably be okay.“I’m fucked” - the President finding out he’s being investigated or me when the car in front of me signals left at… it okay? Was I pacified?Did we ever find an Oscar host? @Katearfin @realDonaldTrump We’d watch. I’d invite Keith.People get furious if you don’t support Elizabeth Warren and watch the latest cult comedy. As of now I plan on voti… @MindyFurano This is good journalism. @franklinhardy A side you’re not used to seeing of the only business you ever see. @franklinhardy You don’t understand. These kids aren’t in private school. They go to charter schools.
How hard would it be to get Criterion Channel on my TV? Don’t lie..@realDonaldTrump I don’t mind answering every stupid fucking question you’ve got. We’ll move through the episode v… You want to come over for Game of Thrones Sunday? @AlexKazLaw @AlexKazLaw Who isn’t?I don’t think they took this possibility into account when they designed the flagship Ralphs in Sherman Oaks.Passover and Good Friday on the same night. This is a fucking avalanche. @bnacker What’s in the fridge?Confided in the dogs that I don’t think the cat is just tolerating us anymore. @TheRachelFisher EXACTLY @kbiegel It will be like a perfect handoff in a relay race. You won’t even have to break stride. @kbiegel What about “slipping it” to you during pick-up or drop-off at school, or something equally convenient? @BrianStack153 @SuzyNakamura @iochicago @DavidKoechner @prettylaura @DPasquesi @TheMitchRouse @WaitressLondon That’… brings the labor action home when you consider it’s my agent’s birthday. @nanglish Great question!Not crazy about the word “solidarity.”.@realDonaldTrump Don’t leave us hanging. NOTHING is more important than completing your morning tweets. Does staff… @mulaney I’ve always assumed they just look like themselves, but maybe it’s full-on Beatlemania. @BigHern Hey. @DesiJed My 64th. It’s the Beatles.If I were elected President, I’d ask my dermatologist’s Beatles cover band to play at the inauguration, featuring h… Dodgers on Channel 5 reminds me how irritating it is that they are not on DirecTV.
@marisaronis @ecareyo Looking forward to Lois vs her daughter. @geofflapid Ugh.@PressSec a “fantastical creature,” for example..@PressSec If you’re going to take public money to spread pure bullshit, could you at least make it a bit more whimsical? @maxsilvestri @gabeliedman @nicolebyer Beyoncé won’t shut up about it.This is surprising. The prospective employer is delighted by the dare game. @mollylambert I ventured!He’s explaining a “dare game” to her. It involves dice. I THINK she’s interviewing him for a job?At the next table a woman asked a younger man, “do you understand?” He said, “probably not as well as you do.” She… a man in a restaurant shout at his date, “I’m not stuck on it! I’m NOT stuck on it.” Looking around for c… @eedrk That’s got to make them feel better. @dave_schilling What the hell happened? @BethyBSQU Long enough to realize there are rats in palm trees..@DonaldJTrumpJr “PRIMARILY.” Good move, dumbshit.Mueller applauded for Trump sarcastically. It’s badass. @alanalevinson “A slit for the water.” Kanye invented the drain. @jackallisonLOL @JKCorden I don’t know about the dynamics of the meeting, but sometimes there is a rigidity to mini… @JKCorden @jackallisonLOL In sketch, there was (as of a few years ago) a “junior writer” rate. It’s more than a wri… @JKCorden @jackallisonLOL Not sure about late night. In sketch there can be a practice of paying writers the same w… My mother had a friend who could not pronounce the word “frustrated.” It came out funny, usually… @KristinaLopez The iron.Why would Barr not start the press conference with his beautiful bagpipe? @franklinhardy Dad was a little too fatalisticWhat do you want Lori Loughlin to do? Hang her head in shame and march into prison like Cersei? Cut her hair off? L… @OnlineAlison @sofifii I’m “nothing in between”If I were Lori Loughlin, I’d definitely stretch this out, go to trial, have my moment in the limelight. You’re all crazy. @sofifii @OnlineAlison Because a killer wouldn’t ask “which am I,” right?Writers support writers! (unless they leave the room) @meganamram You wouldn’t defend this? @frynaomifry Other writers are too accessible and eventually “crack up.”Could we see an option for a headline that isn’t wordplay? of the showrunners offering to read strangers’ scripts have assistants who make sure no one talks to them in t… later, a concerned neighbor reports, “The music is back.”There would have been follow-ups from activated neighbors. “I heard music too. DO YOU THINK IT WAS THE SAME PERSON?”Someone just walked by the house blasting a song and I briefly considered hopping on Nextdoor and posting, “loud mu…
@kateberlant The great warrior Achilles? Seven. @girlwithatail @bristahsouljah If I hurry!The devil following Buttigieg around reminded me of a marionette I had when I was a kid. I hadn’t thought of it in… @blainecapatch @ReelQuinn “How long should a man’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground...of the cellar. 12 fee… @girlwithatail @bristahsouljah I’m hoping for Exactly 60 but you don’t HAVE to Watch, because I’m FINE1946? Looks like the telephone answering service industry has all the job security I’ll ever need. @juliaprescott Why is your shirt starched?? @juliaprescott Loosen up! @infinitesimull “vagina datata”I wish Michelle Obama wouldn’t mock divorced dads, because then I end up agreeing with idiots who don’t like it. @mollylambert Take the ferry. @NekoCase Free? That’s a great deal. @nanglish @infinitesimull Hahahaha @trumpetcake @SarahThyre It mimes itself. @SarahThyre @trumpetcake Fishing a beret out of a ravine with a baguette would be a nice scenario to mime at class.Why bother to have a devil if there’s not an angel for the other shoulder?Buttigieg throws house parties? @jackallisonLOL @brianefallon They are reframing punching as “aggressive,” like they characterize Klobuchar throwing things as “tough.”.@realDonaldTrump Taxes went UP! @stephaniesits @Molly_Kats @michcoll You thought Lois was murdered? @Molly_Kats @michcoll The other housewives’ Lois worship is too boring. @Molly_Kats @michcoll You can’t kill Lois!There is an all-time insane plot point in Taken 3. Liam Neeson is on the run and wants to talk to his daughter. He…