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Noted fun sponge. Can dish, cannot take. Retweets are your endorsements now, sorry. Chrissy Teigen followed me for a couple years. He/him.

1,028 Following   2,901 Followers   9,767 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/4/08


Oh cool the power went out @NatPurser @clintw Are we talking about the *r**n**s here?
10/21
2020
@cinatyte This had been in drafts for months @emilymoen Entire careers have been dedicated to solving this puzzle but to date no pattern has been agreed upon.An alt-reality where the '91 Halloween Blizzard was a surprise invasion of dark, horrifying creatures who appeared… https://t.co/pJlU1QOVKP @winnerbowzer @amber_lcarter I watched it again recently for the first time in like 30 years and I was like "this i… https://t.co/3hyaNHhY85 @laurajoh_ always the question @DavidAstinWalsh Puggleshire Flimp Buttercrunch O'Piss Clamfield Gobble Saint Cloud Pasture Ron @clintw sorry, manjust once I want to hear a backstory that says a person grew up in a gentle, sensitive working-class neighborhood @carolineroyce @MrCamW barrel ride down the river! @foyobli time machine @creepygnomes so annoyingEmily in Paris Season 2 https://t.co/Ybkb5AEScs @publicroad James Dobson is the Pat Robertson you seek, secular world @iamgeneoh all of themhttps://t.co/FLYSY2eR9k https://t.co/GKnU2M1xna @StPaulBikeScum thanks. I blame the snow. @khwestlund on a tablet you say!? @kiahloha whenever I see a photo of myself I'm like did I break my nose at some point??I would do anything to hear a crowd start excitedly clapping along to a song but it's too fast and the band gets pissed againthis tweet is brought to you by Squarespace @creepygnomes @bufffysummersss this is why I can't take selfies, I do not recognize the creature I wind up withCrazy that we all just go through life with everyone seeing our faces as backwards from what we see in the mirror @j_saal afraid to choose one of these in case it's a mine!!
10/20
2020
@KristineGrill Kristine, oh nonow this is some spooky halloween decoratin' https://t.co/Ik4Xim1EHasites that require dual-factor authentication but don't text you your code for a half hour when it's no longer good... who needs 'em! @baashkaapi Yes! @JRToe3 that lady was like "oh I was just opening my garage door for no reason" @winnerbowzer ah! @JRToe3 Guess I blocked it from my memory lol lol @neonbabel how did you guess both happened in ah nevermindOMG it's happened twice. While seeking shelter from a tornado-something, the house owner came out to greet us with… https://t.co/MAaPZ7SLcXYeah by my drunk asshole roommate in college who was "just kidding, bro" https://t.co/mudIoy0ALl @elishakruit https://t.co/0kcXBZBJP5 @Baristarlife better log out now Jess @Baristarlife well one is the zoom dick guy, the other are just medium-famous journalist/scholar dudes who kind of resemble him in my head @e_lana I love this more than I can describeTime to come clean that I can never tell Jeffrey Toobin, Barton Gellman, and Bart Ehrman apart @creepygnomes @joeydaniewicz Shore and Song for Our Daughter @bikelaine I am corrupt and a good dad too @trillharris Jesus Christ was a noted fan of keeping a permanent class of the downtrodden @diannaeanderson join the military, a fun hobby @jessicahische @hendrixart They’ve done a lot of coverup on the dangers of children’s exposure to Tyrannosaurs and… https://t.co/u3S8nqk3Wlmake sure you check in with your friends of CIA experience today. agents or agent-adjacent folx out there this morn… https://t.co/RCSUeEenPS
Retweeted by Josh @mikesonn As a camp counselor I had to put on “musicals” that were frighteningly similar to this cc: @emilymoen @RReiten @lyzl didn't know percentages went that high @mikesonn what @bikelaine I've learned a lot from my two Venezuelan friends, both ardent leftists, whose families have been decima… https://t.co/tnxkkvUXuN @bikelaine I rarely get more upset than when the American left uncritically defends Venezuelan chavismo. It's a cla… https://t.co/lHxzkLRx3G @bikelaine Yeah that was some bullshit @bikelaine which name did you mean to say @bikelaine I will argue until the sun fades that they are two vastly different situations and we should cheer Bolivia and lament Venezuela. @jaymboller @carolineroyce https://t.co/9qDuDQSzxE @jackiebateman @Coppertopmpls functionally yes (from what I recall) @_jdhudson can I come @jackiebateman @Coppertopmpls I hope eharmony still exists @jamieleefinch but Jamie, I've never had an abor oooooooooh I get it @jackiebateman @Coppertopmpls Somehow I found the opposite of this problem https://t.co/HC7LlKnfQvhttps://t.co/yWguaUG9kM
Retweeted by Josh @carlydv The only shape I’m in is from holding 10-25 lb children in front of my torso for hours.everything I ate today had cinnamon in it
10/19
2020
@lizzie_b @cinatyte I knew Haredi weddings were large butI find double spaces after periods and I change them to single spaces. https://t.co/hTVDAjoCXhSorry how many guests https://t.co/tDiUicz66kThe instant serotonin that this man gives me https://t.co/yfNTlDkGDy
Retweeted by JoshOne of the most amazingly savage interviews you'll ever watch. She has no chill whatsoever. It's like watching some… https://t.co/z6eoDC0LgY
Retweeted by JoshOmg this thread is actually the best thread ever created on Twitter. Prove me wrong. 🐶❤️❤️ https://t.co/2iYhWT93VA
Retweeted by Josh @winnerbowzer isn't this your son https://t.co/IvR1WBrADl @bozodeluxe @radiok Did they not have DJs?? I feel like it sounded normal when I’ve listened lately. @heather_24 I still only kind of knowMe driving back from Culver’s https://t.co/xGSPlreH9w https://t.co/ZkTIUZgzFx @TweetsByCollin https://t.co/siAGudh5tx
10/18
2020
@webster @dbrauer @mattyost_ Huge opportunity to tweet Fush Yu Mang here, just gone @elongreen It needs an editor @cinatyte A serious jam @awillis @solace @carrie_mpls Someone invite me over to one of these thanksMy favorite comment on this video is "sir, there's a car in your snack" https://t.co/TMSJjPMUv3watching car detailing videos for fun on the weekend, wyd? @cinatyte Bryan White was my first concert!! @winnerbowzer did you know that would happen?Third Eye Blind with Smashmouth opening. https://t.co/fD86WgV8e1 @haymaymj I’m not really much of a professional photographer anymore but I still have my business gallery up so I c… https://t.co/f8BE81yyfN @NatPurser Chicken potstickers here @boop Glad you’re having fun
10/17
2020
@NickKristof Yashar will hear of thisThis time it’ll be about whatever Russell Brand’s deal is https://t.co/C098MOQc04 @NatPurser ok, fine, you were right about sarah cooper @bikelaine lol I was unaware of any general stereotype of people who use metal detectorshttps://t.co/GeGEIeXUO0
Retweeted by Josh @BethanyAllenEbr https://t.co/4RquMPXPT2Eric Dayton rn https://t.co/XEDBPkvyXp @cinatyte which is better for society, thunderstorm twitter or first snow twitter? @Darin_K_ the fuckMoving to the south (Eagan) means that winter arrives 17 minutes later than usualMan Facebook is going to eat up this Babylon Bee thing in a week when they find out @sarahmccammon Well there’s a memory I didn’t know I had stillInfuckingcredible. They said it couldn’t be done, but here we are. https://t.co/o3xHraav3i @dbrauer The “I might’ve missed it” was just artful
10/16
2020

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