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Noted fun sponge. Can dish, cannot take. Retweets are your endorsements now, sorry. Chrissy Teigen followed me for a couple years. He/him.

1,028 Following   2,901 Followers   9,767 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/4/08

Oh cool the power went out @NatPurser @clintw Are we talking about the *r**n**s here?
@cinatyte This had been in drafts for months @emilymoen Entire careers have been dedicated to solving this puzzle but to date no pattern has been agreed upon.An alt-reality where the '91 Halloween Blizzard was a surprise invasion of dark, horrifying creatures who appeared… @winnerbowzer @amber_lcarter I watched it again recently for the first time in like 30 years and I was like "this i… @laurajoh_ always the question @DavidAstinWalsh Puggleshire Flimp Buttercrunch O'Piss Clamfield Gobble Saint Cloud Pasture Ron @clintw sorry, manjust once I want to hear a backstory that says a person grew up in a gentle, sensitive working-class neighborhood @carolineroyce @MrCamW barrel ride down the river! @foyobli time machine @creepygnomes so annoyingEmily in Paris Season 2 @publicroad James Dobson is the Pat Robertson you seek, secular world @iamgeneoh all of them @StPaulBikeScum thanks. I blame the snow. @khwestlund on a tablet you say!? @kiahloha whenever I see a photo of myself I'm like did I break my nose at some point??I would do anything to hear a crowd start excitedly clapping along to a song but it's too fast and the band gets pissed againthis tweet is brought to you by Squarespace @creepygnomes @bufffysummersss this is why I can't take selfies, I do not recognize the creature I wind up withCrazy that we all just go through life with everyone seeing our faces as backwards from what we see in the mirror @j_saal afraid to choose one of these in case it's a mine!!
@KristineGrill Kristine, oh nonow this is some spooky halloween decoratin' that require dual-factor authentication but don't text you your code for a half hour when it's no longer good... who needs 'em! @baashkaapi Yes! @JRToe3 that lady was like "oh I was just opening my garage door for no reason" @winnerbowzer ah! @JRToe3 Guess I blocked it from my memory lol lol @neonbabel how did you guess both happened in ah nevermindOMG it's happened twice. While seeking shelter from a tornado-something, the house owner came out to greet us with… by my drunk asshole roommate in college who was "just kidding, bro" @elishakruit @Baristarlife better log out now Jess @Baristarlife well one is the zoom dick guy, the other are just medium-famous journalist/scholar dudes who kind of resemble him in my head @e_lana I love this more than I can describeTime to come clean that I can never tell Jeffrey Toobin, Barton Gellman, and Bart Ehrman apart @creepygnomes @joeydaniewicz Shore and Song for Our Daughter @bikelaine I am corrupt and a good dad too @trillharris Jesus Christ was a noted fan of keeping a permanent class of the downtrodden @diannaeanderson join the military, a fun hobby @jessicahische @hendrixart They’ve done a lot of coverup on the dangers of children’s exposure to Tyrannosaurs and… sure you check in with your friends of CIA experience today. agents or agent-adjacent folx out there this morn…
Retweeted by Josh @mikesonn As a camp counselor I had to put on “musicals” that were frighteningly similar to this cc: @emilymoen @RReiten @lyzl didn't know percentages went that high @mikesonn what @bikelaine I've learned a lot from my two Venezuelan friends, both ardent leftists, whose families have been decima… @bikelaine I rarely get more upset than when the American left uncritically defends Venezuelan chavismo. It's a cla… @bikelaine Yeah that was some bullshit @bikelaine which name did you mean to say @bikelaine I will argue until the sun fades that they are two vastly different situations and we should cheer Bolivia and lament Venezuela. @jaymboller @carolineroyce @jackiebateman @Coppertopmpls functionally yes (from what I recall) @_jdhudson can I come @jackiebateman @Coppertopmpls I hope eharmony still exists @jamieleefinch but Jamie, I've never had an abor oooooooooh I get it @jackiebateman @Coppertopmpls Somehow I found the opposite of this problem
Retweeted by Josh @carlydv The only shape I’m in is from holding 10-25 lb children in front of my torso for hours.everything I ate today had cinnamon in it
@lizzie_b @cinatyte I knew Haredi weddings were large butI find double spaces after periods and I change them to single spaces. how many guests instant serotonin that this man gives me
Retweeted by JoshOne of the most amazingly savage interviews you'll ever watch. She has no chill whatsoever. It's like watching some…
Retweeted by JoshOmg this thread is actually the best thread ever created on Twitter. Prove me wrong. 🐶❤️❤️
Retweeted by Josh @winnerbowzer isn't this your son @bozodeluxe @radiok Did they not have DJs?? I feel like it sounded normal when I’ve listened lately. @heather_24 I still only kind of knowMe driving back from Culver’s @TweetsByCollin
@webster @dbrauer @mattyost_ Huge opportunity to tweet Fush Yu Mang here, just gone @elongreen It needs an editor @cinatyte A serious jam @awillis @solace @carrie_mpls Someone invite me over to one of these thanksMy favorite comment on this video is "sir, there's a car in your snack" car detailing videos for fun on the weekend, wyd? @cinatyte Bryan White was my first concert!! @winnerbowzer did you know that would happen?Third Eye Blind with Smashmouth opening. @haymaymj I’m not really much of a professional photographer anymore but I still have my business gallery up so I c… @NatPurser Chicken potstickers here @boop Glad you’re having fun
@NickKristof Yashar will hear of thisThis time it’ll be about whatever Russell Brand’s deal is @NatPurser ok, fine, you were right about sarah cooper @bikelaine lol I was unaware of any general stereotype of people who use metal detectors
Retweeted by Josh @BethanyAllenEbr Dayton rn @cinatyte which is better for society, thunderstorm twitter or first snow twitter? @Darin_K_ the fuckMoving to the south (Eagan) means that winter arrives 17 minutes later than usualMan Facebook is going to eat up this Babylon Bee thing in a week when they find out @sarahmccammon Well there’s a memory I didn’t know I had stillInfuckingcredible. They said it couldn’t be done, but here we are. @dbrauer The “I might’ve missed it” was just artful