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Comedian. 🏭 @filthfactorylv. Value menu connoisseur. Gamer. Beauty Enthusiast. Immature. Podcast: @metalsucks & @risetooffend

2,061 Following   2,457 Followers   8,234 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/19/11


What have I done to combat the racist systems of the United States? Nothing. The answer, truly is nothing. That’s… https://t.co/tojnwt7tHj
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpArresting reporters for doing their jobs is a mark of tyranny and demands a complete investigation and repercussions.
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpAnyone call their mom and she never answers because she is busier and more successful than you or am I the only black sheep?
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpReminder that Colin Kaepernick repeatedly tried to peacefully tell us every Sunday that we had a major, systemic problem.
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpI’m still stuck on using tear gas in the middle of a pandemic that hits the respiratory system
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpIf you are arrested in Atlanta during these protests, we will represent you pro bono.
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpImagine wanting four more years of this shit.
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpDonald Trump called the coronavirus the “Chinese virus” and called black people “thugs” but y’all still think he’s not racist??
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpY’all ever have those moments where someone you looked up to does or says something and you go “OH NO You actually… https://t.co/82AzbIaRDH*Has panic attack* *Feels asthma attack coming on from panic attack* *Has panic attack about asthma attack*There is no need to see more video. There no need to wait to see how “it plays out”. There is no need to put a knee… https://t.co/TvKZqQx08T
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharpcan’t believe corona blew a 28-3 lead to racism
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpAnyone else call their mom when they have a full fledged panic attack or am I the only one that wears a diaper?
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp @yourbuddygooch I mean...music...yeah...the MUSIC...he makes music?
5/30
2020
@yourbuddygooch We’re not listening cause it’s good, Brandon. And you know it. https://t.co/lpfVplGe4Zlooting target is unamerican. the real american thing to do is loot iraq iran kuwait pakistan yemen somalia syria a… https://t.co/Gs7aDv8H5g
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpI'm a comedian and I'm not even one of the smart ones, but a very smart person told me something once and I'm gonna… https://t.co/mVhUe0eHyE
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
5/29
2020
If you think wearing a mask is stressful, ask a kindergartner how active shooter drills feel.
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpThis makes me very happy. https://t.co/b1oSKAdi9w
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
5/24
2020
If a news anchor says “I think” EVER. Remember that’s not news it’s infotainment and those are not the same thing. @LapsleyBrian They’ll never shrinkThat’s not the way this works. Even if they were infringing on any of your rights, choosing violent outbursts is… https://t.co/05TOHqYEvrThe system you love so much is predicated on consumer choice. You don’t like the politics or policies of an establi… https://t.co/L5nbeM21SCThe same kind of person who will roar against anything that goes against open market capitalism are the same type o… https://t.co/VvyuxJgESZEvery time I have to do a cycle of steroids for my asthma I’m sorely disappointed that I just get shaky and nauseou… https://t.co/K2b7n3Gg1Z
5/22
2020
@Misstabstevens Normally I would say something bitchy but I was having an asthma attack so I was focused elsewhere lol @tomlasusa Thank you! @KilledComedy Thank youI had a bad asthma attack this morning and I’m in the ER. My husband and I are sitting in two chairs and we’re th… https://t.co/bVpAosPrWa
5/21
2020
I don’t wanna brag but a girl on IG once DM’d me and said “OMG you’re the girl that comes to the @DelTaco I work at… https://t.co/2HLZSWwa9O
5/20
2020
@BlackshearComic You misspelled centuriesSupply? Meet demand. https://t.co/oKqqiWiFOa
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpWow imagine if someone, say perhaps women in red states, had to drive this far for a medical procedure because of s… https://t.co/EFrshLaps0
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
5/18
2020
Add me on Call of Duty with my Activision ID: wizardofjoz00#8261364
5/17
2020
The Call of Duty chatter at 4AM sounds haunted. Like last night there was just a random pained groan after a hackin… https://t.co/wZVfIvA4ep @yourbuddygooch Isn’t it so funny and dark and weird and heartwarming?!? @Misstabstevens @ThatEricAlper @AynRandPaulRyan @SHABOOTY @briphelan121212 @entrancetohell @AuthorKimberleyhttps://t.co/IkyQSqb8tfHey we’re LIVE now at https://t.co/nlqUnzoWvX and we’re having a blast, come hang with us! @htpcomedy
5/15
2020
@BreeMixed My response to that is “well then I hope you find the ugly fat bitch for you since that’s your jam ✌🏼”Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets? How about lady in the streets whose value isn’t placed in being hyper se… https://t.co/ZDl5v30hZjThere is a legit problem in our society with the virgin/whore complex. It gets women stalked, loses them their se… https://t.co/HpClPdWBnIYou know who else fragile? Some men, bruh. Like I see so many of my sex worker friends getting HARASSED online by… https://t.co/c0L6CKoEHd @itsmejillkimmel Amazing! Adding insult to injury of course 🤣
5/14
2020
Y'all bitch about going back to "Normal" like there's living wage jobs & healthcare there.
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp @BlackshearComic Please stop saying “concert” my cousin died at an orchestra concerto which is Italian for concert @tomlasusa Oh of course and while we’re on The subject please don’t say the word “violin”, a violin murdered my whole family.This is clearly the plan. Good luck ignoring a virus. https://t.co/vbJJ7CEFU5
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpBut what do I know? I spent ten minutes this morning debating in my head on whether you could fill a balloon up wit… https://t.co/PL0EmqjumKLiterally nothing matters except global warming. Without our planet you won’t have anywhere to be triggered or shoo… https://t.co/rgn9SE89kYOne time a lady got mad at me because I said the word “dick” onstage. She walked up to me and said I shouldn’t use… https://t.co/qYqsXpt2PFMe: Women should be in charge for a change! Also me if I was president: Baaaaaaaaaabe! The nuclear launch button… https://t.co/562yyl9JIJI love when people try to come for me because I make fun of other women and say I’m not “for women” And you’re r… https://t.co/gafharFRLL @gorejuss Then you’re now a super cool all powerful animagus witch @ChuckCapp @thistallawkgirl We all do ✌🏼 he was brilliant and didn’t give AF about what people thought @Misstabstevens Amen! Amazing how unfuckable people always want to villainize sex workers and women for living thro… https://t.co/ksYt0tF0ci @tomlasusa @womensmarch It’s a disgusting part of our culture for sure. That’s the exact right word.If adults having fun or being silly on an app like TikTok actually annoys you, you were an ugly child who always ha… https://t.co/VDtJWVkMWLAnd to all of the people who are so fucking tired of quarantine: your life was NOT that interesting before. Stop… https://t.co/mSnvh3WBGg @BigMouthYank @thistallawkgirl Oh it’s easy Mike Pence shows up in your bedroom at adolescence and says “YER A DICK… https://t.co/cMTYfq8evK @alexmakefunny You’re right. People are so sucked onto the teat of the two party system they forgot that life is a… https://t.co/fyYmZ40VMg @SensumC @thistallawkgirl THANK YOU @BigMouthYank @thistallawkgirl Anytime a comedian talks politics they should just say “WHAT?! It’s just locker room… https://t.co/17xqHOCWW5#BreonnaTaylor, a 26-year old EMT, was shot eight times by Louisville police officers in her own home. Breonna risk… https://t.co/AjwFZWzsSB
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpI’d rather comedians were the ONLY people allowed to talk politics. Comedians will “STICK TO COMEDY” the minute y… https://t.co/H62PjGrSX1People are so fragile that when a comedian talks politics they’re all “STICK TO COMEDY”. Most of you don’t have t… https://t.co/f3p9N1tsopJust learned that three of Adolf Hitler's siblings died in infancy. Which means some idiot went back in time and ki… https://t.co/oidO5A7FvJ
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpOne of the most important stories about the dangers of militarized police and the corruption and oppression that co… https://t.co/fLOW2mpPp8
5/13
2020
Black people deserve better celebratory moments than the justice system doing the bare minimum several months later https://t.co/RNdBRMAzZ6
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
5/8
2020
Hey @AppleMusic can we PLEAAAAASE have a “Shuffle All Playlists” option?
5/5
2020
What women have taught me about Body Positivity: -Positive comments about a body they think doesn't look good: Br… https://t.co/ODM7KPwy6P
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
5/3
2020
@BeckyFromAlaska @bigu Hahah me too!And also this man had badly drawn on eyebrows. How you gonna come through my check stand looking like a Drag Race… https://t.co/PWUMFXphHmSo a man just came through my line and said COVID-19 was because God is angry at trans people. So I found the 202… https://t.co/dq7Kk7dYHa
5/1
2020
@BeckyFromAlaska @bigu Or they have become sentient and truly understand their sole purpose is to sell Ray Bans and… https://t.co/FgNwrjwXUEI'm all for protests. But the #MichiganProtest sets an alarming precedent. I'm definitely concerned it will start p… https://t.co/ubPIRANuWF
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpThe fact that my spouse can’t buy anything that vibrates without telling me I’m not allowed to masturbate with it s… https://t.co/n4yoTLgF3eMy husband bought one of those massage guns that looks like a drill and told me I can’t masturbate with it. Whate… https://t.co/zKgt0bkBe6
4/30
2020
@BlackshearComic But for real though 😂😂😂I hope you understand how difficult this situation is for celebrities. Instead of being pampered and flattered by e… https://t.co/s80lcENceU
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp @BlackshearComic Well we know what you’ve been doing in quarantine https://t.co/7pdEZLR6gZ
4/27
2020
Getting offered by our mayor as a human sacrifice to the country https://t.co/s7qVPB2FkW
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
4/26
2020
My hospital bill went from $4,000 to $950 all because I asked them for a receipt and list of everything I was being… https://t.co/TzGZJ0z5JL
Retweeted by Jozalyn SharpRTO 381 Dave Brockie AKA Oderus Urungus Part 1 of 2 LINK BELOW 👇Our #documentary #podcast on #heavymetal #king of… https://t.co/svImUKDu5p
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
4/25
2020
I mean...if you think about it...based on the videos I’m seeing of people at these quarantine protests...I’d probab… https://t.co/oPY7pT0zyr
4/23
2020
Social media simultaneously makes me have hope for humanity and have the want to give up on it.Today #Featured #Comic is always evolving and busy @jozalynsharp Check out her website and join in.… https://t.co/gZDDqLXo1L
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp#DirtyBirds Watch for #Quarantine Laughs @jozalynsharp #ComediansAreEssential https://t.co/sC5GTAEnSi
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
4/20
2020
Government: nothing to worry about! Don’t wear a mask unless you show symptoms or aren’t healthy. My medical indu… https://t.co/xcjPwTeL4T @itsmejillkimmel @mollymcnearney @GinaBrillon @rachaelnobrien @JaclynMarfuggi @allibreen @KateQFunnyhttps://t.co/WZsG7yu3a0 @aburrows44 That goes without saying.
4/17
2020
@LapsleyBrian Oooo! NevermindHEY DID YOU FUCKING GROWN UPS KNOW THAT YOUR FRIENDS CAN HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS, POLITICAL OR OTHERWISE, THAN YOU?… https://t.co/yyaxKisTDy @nicrules I don’t need this propaganda in my face!My husband said he’s so desperate to do something not in the house that he’d go to an open mic right now. These are truly desperate times.Exposing myself for #Quarantine 2020 pt 2: I was very attracted to the beast in Beauty and the Beast and I have not… https://t.co/VaEq6OU8Yd @IanKarmel I’m publicly educated in a dystopian future where my sense of reality was taken from me in quarantine so… https://t.co/k7cWIZIew6I know comics who can now say April 2020 was their highest earning month since they started doing stand-up for a living. #stimuluspayment
Retweeted by Jozalyn Sharp
4/16
2020
@belcourt4442 What do they do with it?
4/13
2020
Nothing makes me angrier than unsolicited dick pic before breakfast. If you’re going to insist on sending me that… https://t.co/IXTdcEC8ZK
4/12
2020
My Taco Tuesday shirts are up for sale on my site now! Use code “WIZARDOFJOZ” for 10% off 😘 https://t.co/23JzofxVwo https://t.co/JgDSdxAp6t
4/11
2020

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