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@MaribethMooney Lol I’m on it 🎶Dreamt I was auditioning for a college production of a musical called “The Heyday of Limewire” about the early 2000s bubble.

Been using the 😂😭 emoji combo a lot these days I wonder why that is 🧐 @itotallyserious 👏

@HarmonicaCave *... as I wondered out loud, “How can such deliciousness be the cause of such agony?”* @jessicadelfino Oh noooo! 😂 😭 😂 😭I Lived It: I Thought I Had Covid But Actually I Had Eaten Too Many Dried Mangos

@sarahkaneissexy @funny_ishdotcom @beaverkairis Such a funny piece! I had fun reading it 🥳 @sarahkaneissexy @funny_ishdotcom @beaverkairis Yessssss!

@NotLloyd That works! Now I just need to write the book and get an agent @JustAVerySmith https://t.co/OUx290N9vqI heard they took away his blockbuster card tooThinking of writing a memoir about my flossing life and calling it “There Will Be Blood” Hope the title’s not already taken! 🤞

@epinborough Lol yes the time-space continuum is constantly warping this past year. Also it's not so much self-cont… https://t.co/H8niQxydqT @epinborough hi! just an update that i haven't forgotten about this, it is still bookmarked- but i still haven't re… https://t.co/aUQ3rOr0yY

@jenfreymond Relatable content https://t.co/nz0szMxDarHee this pic has some “u just scrolled through hinge for 2 hours and barely anyone left with ur criteria so sorry d… https://t.co/lrweOxS1Q2
Retweeted by Kate AndersonThe racists were really upset that Burning Man was canceled last year https://t.co/nt0sTT3r5q

Just went by the U.S. Naval Observatory (veep’s residence) and saw moving trucks- unclear if they’re taking stuff b… https://t.co/QU9nZuP4Jz @ElyKreimendahl Congrats!! @MaribethMooney @SassyMzManassy John Mulaney and the Slack Lunch BunchHit him with the 25th! That was a failed coup. We are not safe! Lord knows how many foreign agents walked into t… https://t.co/eNdPucR4bU
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @rohitak Maybe they did “zip-zap-zop” @SassyMzManassy @MaribethMooney The special is so wonderful! It’s on Netflix @SassyMzManassy @MaribethMooney Have you seen/heard the John Mulaney Plain Plate of Noodles song? It's one of my faves from his special @MaribethMooney Healthy and delicious coping mechanism https://t.co/gf3yfLfNlfInstead of going to my medical appt in DC which will probably be cancelled for safety reasons?Sure glad my stimulus check-funded $30 worth of dried mangoes is arriving tmrw so I can stress eat.“this is NOT my America” has the same energy as when I came home from college with a shaved head and a girlfriend a… https://t.co/mJLCcsLz7U
Retweeted by Kate AndersonI wonder how many of these are the same speech that was scheduled for this morning and someone looked at it and was… https://t.co/QkVlRU0fzH
Retweeted by Kate Anderson

I don’t normally get serious here but I’m angry and got woken up by helicopters, which are louder and busier todayToday is 2 yrs since I lost a friend. We were supposed to a have a masked, distanced graveside gathering in DC but… https://t.co/k3HMtFQ3fv @ekcstrand @UncommonBee Lol a more accurate name for the website! @sarahkaneissexy @GreenerPastSat This is hilarious @mickeyhadick @mcsweeneys Haha yeah! @UncommonBee thanks <3 @UncommonBee https://t.co/YoRDMljT5S @UncommonBee Omg yessss. It’s crickets.

Pro-tip: Getting 8 hours of sleep can help cut your phone time down to just 16 hours a day
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @elizaisntfunny Last I heard, we are fucked on February 1. (But hopefully they will extend again, kicking the can down the road.) @MaribethMooney @mcsweeneys Aw yay, grateful to be yours! @jennycavallero The 2nd time I’ve used this gif in 2 days, so I think I’m doing alright in life @jennycavallero https://t.co/F5A1r7Uvlv @MaribethMooney @mcsweeneys Thanks!! 😃 @BrookeKnisley 👏 I love all Camus-related humor 👏 @LindsayMerbaum @mcsweeneys Thanks :)"The Incinerator 850 is set up and ready to roll. All you have to do is write up your request or complaint on a she… https://t.co/6Lni4CcWnm
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @beckythehoff @mcsweeneys Haha thanks!Excited to have a new piece with @mcsweeneys ! I wrote this for anybody who’s ever been told “You should bring that… https://t.co/nTeAsfPLap @epinborough 💯 never fails to take me off guard

@BrookeKnisley Oh no, you will be missed!! (On the group not twitter in general... if the algorithm isn’t too annoying) @LLcoolscharf https://t.co/YT3edLsNmw @Irene_Tassy @mickeyhadick Thank you!! About to get up-to-date (several hours behind) with the Twitter-verse @Irene_Tassy 🙏 (I still have no idea what it all means, at this point I’m not sure why I’m holding out on looking it up)

@epinborough Easy peasy bean squeezy (will keep you posted tho)Taking bets for how long I can go without reading or understanding the bean references @UncommonBee https://t.co/Rd5KvmbqzqTbh I prefer the kids book “Everybody Poops” to the YouTube ad “How to Empty Your Bowels” but maybe that’s just me 💩 @UncommonBee Wow, I set that intention but got exhausted and scared about 4 tabs in

New piece on @PointsinCase ! Maybe just don’t travel at all rn? But sometimes it’s fun to fantasize, and to crush t… https://t.co/BJ033wgVT2Too bad you aren’t welcome there! Argentina’s government, unlike the U.S., actually listens to scientists, so it cl… https://t.co/FmPgdI1kgs
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @LindsayHameroff https://t.co/Woa5i938v5

@omgskr https://t.co/EJOe4ZgFH1Trading in my addiction to Facebook for my addiction to Twitter #NewYearNewMe https://t.co/uRIanDfZWi @UncommonBee https://t.co/03qy8s9xex @mickeyhadick @ingridiswriting Yes!!!! 🦙🙏Thank you @ingridiswriting !! Here’s to more letting go of pride and inviting in #Llamaste vibes in 2021 🦙 🧘‍♀️ 🙏✨ https://t.co/z6I4AUuWPl @ingridiswriting Yayyyy thanks! #Llamaste

@1AbbyRoad https://t.co/Yr4OPT8Unjyes special shoutout to all our fab writers who were part of our inaugural year woot!! @illuministchris… https://t.co/HKv6udltW9
Retweeted by Kate AndersonIf I’ve learned anything in 2020, it’s to not wait until last minute to do things you care about, because you never… https://t.co/JTKknbJT3F

@2hohohos https://t.co/TnD7Kh9BgkCheck out @kateabbreviated hilarious costume designer advice! Wow look at those innovative outfits below, me likey… https://t.co/bdWV1RyNMa
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @jessicadelfino I used to live in Lyon, France where piles of dogshit (“crottes“) were EVERYWHERE and yet somehow I… https://t.co/7Dod48eqmiWrote this for @2hohohos ! This Hallmark costume designer is not f**king around. https://t.co/qnPc5yGcMk

@trishpham_ Probably bc we’re so relieved not to be in our 20s anymore @JustAVerySmith Literally dreamt that I did musical improv with some ppl last night (no bonus points for me- it was… https://t.co/ROgyqhOzu3

@BrookeKnisley I will if they accept bail in the form of empty boxes?Happy Boxing Day! Celebrating today by acknowledging that I’m slowly but surely turning into a box hoarder like my… https://t.co/0JjHE61Ny5

@UncommonBee https://t.co/ZFp3rRh7di

@HarmonicaCave I love this!!!!

On the bright side, the satire piece I wrote for @PointsinCase is relevant again (from February 2020, the before ti… https://t.co/GWANG3xlnkWho needs therapy when you have the "Why are you unsubscribing?" comments section?

@JustAVerySmith https://t.co/72mVxQyUto @LLcoolscharf Lol literally me rnJust bought new shoes for the first time in forever and subsequently just stepped in dog poo for the first time in… https://t.co/uZ3tTR8mdfThis is so (unfortunately) spot on 😂 https://t.co/7rkSmzffwU
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @katelizabee Writing it made me feel (slightly) better about it being our daily reality! 😂 😭 😱 @mickeyhadick @ExtraNewsfeed Thanks!! Available for all helicopter design requests

Thanks @ExtraNewsfeed for publishing this satire! Also my first published illustration 😂 DC-centric piece with some… https://t.co/WZQ3HZPghi @jennycavallero My indirect way of saying I think Sofia Coppola should make a movie about you, like in a good way?… https://t.co/jV8n7oGaej @jennycavallero “Let them eat Mango Sours Altoids”- you are a modern day Marie Antoinette! @mickeyhadick You’re so welcome!! “To give is to receive” #blessedTen years ago I was applying to be a health educator with Peace Corps. Today I educate people about my mental healt… https://t.co/EYw8VKRDz9

@bklyncullie Group texts give me more social anxiety than irl group interactions!Edith Piaf sings about a dude showing her his tattoos during a one-night stand in her song “Mon Legionnaire” so she… https://t.co/OAvAh4adJsI retweeted bc I was thinking about this again.When I was a kid my family went to a Pizza Hut restaurant and the server waited until she’d seated us to let us kno… https://t.co/COkT2PhDTI
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @itsdannyneary I was born in the 80’s and I’m on TikTok

I changed my iPhone home screen wallpaper and now everything is better.