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dark comedy, with heart. writing: @mcsweeneys @The_Belladonnas @PointsinCase @SlackjawHumor etc tbi/pcs 🧠 she/they #binders

1,015 Following   962 Followers   1,038 Tweets

Joined Twitter 10/19/17

@MaribethMooney Lol I’m on it 🎶Dreamt I was auditioning for a college production of a musical called “The Heyday of Limewire” about the early 2000s bubble.
Been using the 😂😭 emoji combo a lot these days I wonder why that is 🧐 @itotallyserious 👏
@HarmonicaCave *... as I wondered out loud, “How can such deliciousness be the cause of such agony?”* @jessicadelfino Oh noooo! 😂 😭 😂 😭I Lived It: I Thought I Had Covid But Actually I Had Eaten Too Many Dried Mangos
@sarahkaneissexy @funny_ishdotcom @beaverkairis Such a funny piece! I had fun reading it 🥳 @sarahkaneissexy @funny_ishdotcom @beaverkairis Yessssss!
@NotLloyd That works! Now I just need to write the book and get an agent @JustAVerySmith heard they took away his blockbuster card tooThinking of writing a memoir about my flossing life and calling it “There Will Be Blood” Hope the title’s not already taken! 🤞
@epinborough Lol yes the time-space continuum is constantly warping this past year. Also it's not so much self-cont… @epinborough hi! just an update that i haven't forgotten about this, it is still bookmarked- but i still haven't re…
@jenfreymond Relatable content this pic has some “u just scrolled through hinge for 2 hours and barely anyone left with ur criteria so sorry d…
Retweeted by Kate AndersonThe racists were really upset that Burning Man was canceled last year
Just went by the U.S. Naval Observatory (veep’s residence) and saw moving trucks- unclear if they’re taking stuff b… @ElyKreimendahl Congrats!! @MaribethMooney @SassyMzManassy John Mulaney and the Slack Lunch BunchHit him with the 25th! That was a failed coup. We are not safe! Lord knows how many foreign agents walked into t…
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @rohitak Maybe they did “zip-zap-zop” @SassyMzManassy @MaribethMooney The special is so wonderful! It’s on Netflix @SassyMzManassy @MaribethMooney Have you seen/heard the John Mulaney Plain Plate of Noodles song? It's one of my faves from his special @MaribethMooney Healthy and delicious coping mechanism of going to my medical appt in DC which will probably be cancelled for safety reasons?Sure glad my stimulus check-funded $30 worth of dried mangoes is arriving tmrw so I can stress eat.“this is NOT my America” has the same energy as when I came home from college with a shaved head and a girlfriend a…
Retweeted by Kate AndersonI wonder how many of these are the same speech that was scheduled for this morning and someone looked at it and was…
Retweeted by Kate Anderson
I don’t normally get serious here but I’m angry and got woken up by helicopters, which are louder and busier todayToday is 2 yrs since I lost a friend. We were supposed to a have a masked, distanced graveside gathering in DC but… @ekcstrand @UncommonBee Lol a more accurate name for the website! @sarahkaneissexy @GreenerPastSat This is hilarious @mickeyhadick @mcsweeneys Haha yeah! @UncommonBee thanks <3 @UncommonBee @UncommonBee Omg yessss. It’s crickets.
Pro-tip: Getting 8 hours of sleep can help cut your phone time down to just 16 hours a day
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @elizaisntfunny Last I heard, we are fucked on February 1. (But hopefully they will extend again, kicking the can down the road.) @MaribethMooney @mcsweeneys Aw yay, grateful to be yours! @jennycavallero The 2nd time I’ve used this gif in 2 days, so I think I’m doing alright in life @jennycavallero @MaribethMooney @mcsweeneys Thanks!! 😃 @BrookeKnisley 👏 I love all Camus-related humor 👏 @LindsayMerbaum @mcsweeneys Thanks :)"The Incinerator 850 is set up and ready to roll. All you have to do is write up your request or complaint on a she…
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @beckythehoff @mcsweeneys Haha thanks!Excited to have a new piece with @mcsweeneys ! I wrote this for anybody who’s ever been told “You should bring that… @epinborough 💯 never fails to take me off guard
@BrookeKnisley Oh no, you will be missed!! (On the group not twitter in general... if the algorithm isn’t too annoying) @LLcoolscharf @Irene_Tassy @mickeyhadick Thank you!! About to get up-to-date (several hours behind) with the Twitter-verse @Irene_Tassy 🙏 (I still have no idea what it all means, at this point I’m not sure why I’m holding out on looking it up)
@epinborough Easy peasy bean squeezy (will keep you posted tho)Taking bets for how long I can go without reading or understanding the bean references @UncommonBee I prefer the kids book “Everybody Poops” to the YouTube ad “How to Empty Your Bowels” but maybe that’s just me 💩 @UncommonBee Wow, I set that intention but got exhausted and scared about 4 tabs in
New piece on @PointsinCase ! Maybe just don’t travel at all rn? But sometimes it’s fun to fantasize, and to crush t… bad you aren’t welcome there! Argentina’s government, unlike the U.S., actually listens to scientists, so it cl…
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @LindsayHameroff
@omgskr in my addiction to Facebook for my addiction to Twitter #NewYearNewMe @UncommonBee @mickeyhadick @ingridiswriting Yes!!!! 🦙🙏Thank you @ingridiswriting !! Here’s to more letting go of pride and inviting in #Llamaste vibes in 2021 🦙 🧘‍♀️ 🙏✨ @ingridiswriting Yayyyy thanks! #Llamaste
@1AbbyRoad special shoutout to all our fab writers who were part of our inaugural year woot!! @illuministchris
Retweeted by Kate AndersonIf I’ve learned anything in 2020, it’s to not wait until last minute to do things you care about, because you never…
@2hohohos out @kateabbreviated hilarious costume designer advice! Wow look at those innovative outfits below, me likey…
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @jessicadelfino I used to live in Lyon, France where piles of dogshit (“crottes“) were EVERYWHERE and yet somehow I… this for @2hohohos ! This Hallmark costume designer is not f**king around.
@trishpham_ Probably bc we’re so relieved not to be in our 20s anymore @JustAVerySmith Literally dreamt that I did musical improv with some ppl last night (no bonus points for me- it was…
@BrookeKnisley I will if they accept bail in the form of empty boxes?Happy Boxing Day! Celebrating today by acknowledging that I’m slowly but surely turning into a box hoarder like my…
@HarmonicaCave I love this!!!!
On the bright side, the satire piece I wrote for @PointsinCase is relevant again (from February 2020, the before ti… needs therapy when you have the "Why are you unsubscribing?" comments section?
@JustAVerySmith @LLcoolscharf Lol literally me rnJust bought new shoes for the first time in forever and subsequently just stepped in dog poo for the first time in… is so (unfortunately) spot on 😂
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @katelizabee Writing it made me feel (slightly) better about it being our daily reality! 😂 😭 😱 @mickeyhadick @ExtraNewsfeed Thanks!! Available for all helicopter design requests
Thanks @ExtraNewsfeed for publishing this satire! Also my first published illustration 😂 DC-centric piece with some… @jennycavallero My indirect way of saying I think Sofia Coppola should make a movie about you, like in a good way?… @jennycavallero “Let them eat Mango Sours Altoids”- you are a modern day Marie Antoinette! @mickeyhadick You’re so welcome!! “To give is to receive” #blessedTen years ago I was applying to be a health educator with Peace Corps. Today I educate people about my mental healt…
@bklyncullie Group texts give me more social anxiety than irl group interactions!Edith Piaf sings about a dude showing her his tattoos during a one-night stand in her song “Mon Legionnaire” so she… retweeted bc I was thinking about this again.When I was a kid my family went to a Pizza Hut restaurant and the server waited until she’d seated us to let us kno…
Retweeted by Kate Anderson @itsdannyneary I was born in the 80’s and I’m on TikTok
I changed my iPhone home screen wallpaper and now everything is better.