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English PhD | 17th century English lit/history | Accomplished Yeller

732 Following   1,893 Followers   45,438 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/26/09

Just can’t believe the drumming prodigy from Love Actually ended up becoming a chess prodigy. Never saw it coming.Tim pointed out that the mom from A Nightmare on Elm Street is basically Sexy Squidward and I’m having trouble NOT… @brenface To be fair, Edgar is the most temperamental cat I’ve ever met. @winnerbowzer @caerickson PFF, I don’t care if you reply! Your Taco Bell takes are of paramount importance to me ❤️ @winnerbowzer @caerickson JEALOUS!! @caerickson My Taco Bell orders are almost always just a metric fuck ton of their basic beef hard shell tacos becau… @laurenapolis Overcooking is definitely possible! Stick them in the fridge, then when you’re ready pop them under t…
It’s still patio season. received all my files today. The relief I feel at not having to redo dozens of hours of work is INTENSE. Doesn… had clearly failed to retrieve them from the work laptop on which I'd written them before I was laid off back in… but significant win this week: I finally returned to a chapter I'm supposed to be writing after a long quaran… @Bafflegabs god DAMNIT I didn't see you'd just RTed this! @susie_dent @Bafflegabs.@citypages let me write about @alyankovic not once, not twice, but THREE times in the last five years. They were a… @shayesisneros @timtimtimtimtim @jessiesisneros And this one includes Mayo and ketchup which is basically British ranch dressing. @timtimtimtimtim Somehow this surpasses the chaotic energy of the classic Sisneros Sister Slop: meatloaf, mashed po… @bodicegoddess Oh I am already THERE. I just wish I’d avoided show spoilers in the process of googling :( @RepMattGaetz oof Matt why are you such a fricken dumb asshole
Here I go, only nine episodes into Avatar: The Last Airbender, googling Appa the flying bison like a DAMN FOOL. @llamarock8 And they’re more flavorful soaked in milk! @llamarock8 This is how I feel about Golden Grahams.FWIW my comments about what corporate is going to do about it come from the sick employee and what they were told,… if Nebraska bars and restaurants are even doing any sort of rudimentary contact tracing, I kinda bet not, so ju… of now apparently corporate doesn’t plan to do anything with that information, “waiting to see” what happens, on… I have it on first-hand authority that if you dined at the Old Chicago at Southpointe last weekend (Frida… @bryanische they're the bouncy castle of logos. @joshnorthsouth @punsultant EYYYYY BUDDYYYYYY @joshnorthsouth @punsultant Please don’t google the Truck Driving Song. @punsultant @joshnorthsouth Plus I mean cmon I do love singing “do you recall when the brawl became a total free-fo… @punsultant @joshnorthsouth AGGRESSIVELY problematic. I tell myself it's because Jerry Springer was itself aggressi… @joshnorthsouth Me too except the Weird Al parody of it. @_omgigi_ Can I wear it as like an announcement because I would.
Pssssst I’m hosting this you should sign up!
@ohseanofnoise Sean this movie is ENORMOUSLY important to me.I’d be happy if winter stayed just like this.
@JoshDCarson @PFTompkins What a blessed event that was! Paul is SO LUCKY he got to hang out with us briefly.Our serrano pepper plant didn’t yield much but it was enough for @timtimtimtimtim to whip up a bottle o’ hot sauce! @hellodonavon this a porno?
Everybody take a time out for a hot sec and wish my fave @alyankovic a happy birthday! ❤️🎂🙌🏻 @PFTompkins @ScottAukerman @laurenlapkus @earwolf Paul it kinda looks like you just finished a KFC Famous Bowl. @pattonoswalt @EarthAcolytes @IlhanMN Excellent sleuthing Nancy Drew you sure got ‘em I mean how could we ever forget that unforg… @EarthAcolytes @IlhanMN He’s not getting dementia please for the love of All Fucks On High stop regurgitating fake… @EarthAcolytes @IlhanMN Read about his stutter you fucking pudding cup brain, sutterers work for years to train the… @EarthAcolytes @BigPert3 @IlhanMN Ah yes excellent let’s compare trump’s single-neuron brain to Biden’s actual real… @__MoBlack @EarthAcolytes @IlhanMN I also love this one from the Atlantic. Great story. @EarthAcolytes @IlhanMN Biden was born in 1942 ya dingus how likely do you think it is there’s ample home video of a kid born during WWII @bendhicks @EarthAcolytes @IlhanMN Interesting stupid theory but no it isn’t. @EarthAcolytes @IlhanMN But it is tho, you dumb butthole..@brenface captured a tender dog-owner moment on Zoom wherein I appear to be about to eat Henry with my gaping chin… @absolutbottom I mean you literally can't fuck it up cuz you're gonna hand blend it all, it's just a matter of gett… @absolutbottom It was my first time doing it, no clue if I did it "right," all it said was to make the chunks small… @absolutbottom cook all that stuff in there covered for, idk, 45 mins or so? til the tates are soft. Oh salt those… @absolutbottom I whipped up a super easy leek and potato soup the other day that was dope. Wad of leeks, chop those… @john_overholt I...I always thought they were saying "howdy in the street," as in they're saying howdy to everybody… @benshapiro Performed like what, a petulant moron? Gosh idk. Hard to say.“I am the least racist person in this room.” - Trump, in the bathroom, talking to the massive Big Mac shit he just… @mikefotis He’s playing an extremely intense game of invisible cat’s cradle with himself. @BigBrainzCreate Lol EXACTLY. @govkristinoem Aahhh yes right because as we all know, common courtesy is among the COVID viruses weaknesses.
TOME*. I’m not deleting it.I’m 57 pages into @AllieBrosh’s new book and I’m already sobbing laughing at a drawing of a horse, thank GOD there’…’s on you jerks, I haven’t even *seen* the sky today. @leckybang Barely. @leckybang I once iced my sister a few yrs ago Xmas by wrapping a bottle in the biggest box we had in the house and… @kennethbayliss Um, THOSE are brilliant. Wow. What a beautiful set!
@_omgigi_ @TeenageStepdad @timtimtimtimtim this is amazing. @parabasis GODDAMNIT. @brenface I am infinitely more inclined to believe in an afterlife multiplex than a benevolent omnipotent deity. @brenface True, in which case I will refrain from reminding you that god doesn’t exist! 🙃 @brenface Surely that’s not too much to ask :) @brenface OoOooOOoooh!!! I like! @darkingsrock This checks out. @iamadot DIA THE HAM!! 🥪I hope when I die God will crunch the numbers for me on how many hours I spent staring at my dog and sighing contentedly. @jgfagerberg Problem is now I can’t NOT see her as that precocious little neighbor kid! @jgfagerberg Couldn’t place why I recognized her for the longest time then it hit me smack in the face that she was… @ramoss Hahaha. Yeah, it’s already begun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@brenface @jerbacher Yesssssss. @WilliamBitzenho Good thing I’m not doing that! @jerbacher Prettyyyy! Go jump in it!I think it’s pretty. @wallacefoto Excellent idea! Mosses looks so nice! @johnmoe Oh my god, The Cheat. @andreawaves Love that idea! @lizzie_b sure can, Rochester, Bemidji, Milwaukee, Iowa, Mordor, Smallville, McDonaldland, Mexico City, Tatooine, P. Sher… ok I did it I can lay down now. @llamarock8 I mean, if the purpose is security then I suppose the weirder the better!Clearly I was closer to the 11 hour than the 12 hour when I began standing here next to my bed without clothes on,… @ForkKnifeSpoon Currently ordering weird plant light thingies and aromatherapy candles and new towel sets because I… an eensy weensy bit concerned that my coping mechanism this winter is going to be buying myself things on the internet. @nickcostduh @brenface Bren just wanted to force us to give her good spooky pun names, which was an absolutely bril… @cterhark @ForkKnifeSpoon “If you like it you should do it.” -Chuck, a guy who just bought a pair of crocs. @cterhark @ForkKnifeSpoon Question: are you adorning your crocs with charms? I hear that’s a thing. @ForkKnifeSpoon Yeeeeah, I know but our sunlight is so bad and I wonder if just having some fakey succulents might… @iamadot I’d love to get that from you this week! Maybe Wednesday depending on how bad the snow gets tomorrow. I ca… @iamadot Should I get a pot for it first?! How big a pot does it need?? Does it get big enough to be a floor plant?… @iamadot I’d love some monstera! Apparently it’s pretty good in medium to low light too. I’m not greeeeeeat at plan… @iamadot I have been researching plant lights too!