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Kristen @Kica333 North Carolina, USA


6,161 Following   28,667 Followers   9,151 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/10/10

RIP to all the hours of sleep I’ve lost while binge watching tv shows.You ever get the urge to go stand in a field and scream?Me as a kid: I can’t wait to grow up. Me now: How do I go back?Can the astronauts that just left earth swing back around and come get me? I don’t wanna be on this planet right now.You know what’s scarier than a spider? A spider you see one minute and then don’t the next.I miss being able to go sit in a movie at a theater and escaping reality for a few hours.
Why did I want to grow up so badly? It’s mostly paying bills and being tired.For future reference everyone can stay 6 ft away from me forever.Who do I speak to about canceling my 2020 subscription? I’m straight up not having a good time.I have no idea what’s happening right now
Remember when you thought you’d have your whole life figured out by the time you became an adult? Let’s all laugh together.Nap dates should be a thing.I would stop eating this family sized bag of Doritos but I’m no quitter.Am I actually mad or am I just hungry?If your voice doesn’t get higher while talking to a dog what are you even doing?
If overthinking created electricity I could power the entire worldYou ever feel like your body needs a system update?Before you have children watch the same kids show a million times in a row. If you don’t go insane you might be ready.Hey I just saw your text do you still want to hang out 2 weeks ago?But I don’t want to wear real clothes againI spend the first 20 minutes when I get up in the morning being irritated that I’m awake.
Does anyone else restart the dryer so that you don’t have to fold the clothes yet?Things I’m not doing: 1. Having a good time @emmerz08 😂😂😂😂Children come in two volumes: Loud and louderCaptain Crunch: Hate the roof of your mouth? Then we have a cereal for you!I don’t tolerate racism so if you think it’s acceptable to treat someone differently based on the color of their sk… you ever see a name pop up on your phone and think wtf do you want?Guess who’s having a great year so far? Not me, but congrats to whoever you are.If I’m ever stranded on a deserted island I can just use my pale legs to signal a plane
Before you try to talk to me first thing in the morning don’t.I could really go for a 3 day napGonna go sit in rice and hope it fixes my problems.I don’t care what anyone says the best way to sleep is with a fan on, a giant blanket, and one foot sticking out.Me: I’m so tired of this Friend: Tired of what? Me: *Gestures at everything*
Becoming an adult was the dumbest decision I ever madeIf you hold the door for someone and they don’t say “thank you” you should be allowed to push them back through the doorFriend: I’ve been working out everyday and eating better. What have you been doing? Me: I don’t like your tone.How to do a sit up: 1. Lie down on the floor 2. Give up and take a nap insteadHow do I unsubscribe from 2020?
Is it too early to change out of my day pajamas into my night pajamas?Has anyone ever made the correct amount of pasta?My toxic trait is eating a snack while making a meal and then being too full to eat itWelcome to adulthood. You now have a favorite stove burner.If there are aliens I need them to come get me. I’m over this place.If you’re a vegan with a gluten allergy that does CrossFit what do you tell people about first?
One of my hobbies is thinking about what I want to eat for dinner while I’m eating lunchI run on coffee and sarcasmSorry I never texted you back. I didn’t want to.
Me before quarantine: I don’t want to leave the house Me after quarantine: I don’t want to leave the houseOnce you put subtitles on your tv there’s no going backMost of being an adult is paying bills and never getting enough sleep.Remember when Friday night’s were fun?Walking to the front door to get all your Amazon packages counts as exercising
To be honest I wouldn’t mind if people stayed 6 ft away from me foreverToday I bought two cookies. One for me, and the other one also for me. @BetterFills 😂😂Imagine meeting someone, falling in love, and then finding out their family wears matching shirts on vacations. @PatriotMilitant She’s too busy complaining to a manager to notice me. @nasrimaj Not even close but ok lolIt could always be worse. At least I’m not a Karen.I cut chips out of my diet 3 days ago and the only thing I’ve lost so far is the will to keep goingAnyone else slowly turning into one of those old people that tells kids to get off their lawn?If you’ve never eaten your kids candy and then pretended you didn’t know what happened to it are you even a parent?
Welcome to adulthood. Your gift is back pain.If anxiety burned calories I would never need to exercise againSometimes for fun I like to pretend I actually have my life figured outI think we all just need to go out to an empty field and scream for a whileReaching to grab your snacks counts as exercise
My level of motivation is dropping daily. Today I watched a show I hate for 30 minutes because I didn’t feel like g… forgot to do anything productive today and also the last 2 monthsFor a change of scenery today I switched from the left side of the couch to the right.Apparently it’s considered “inappropriate “ to say you don’t care during a Zoom work meetingWhen I was a kid I thought adults knew what they were doing. I was very very wrong.There’s no rule that says you have to have kids to rent a bouncy house
How many days in a row can I wear the same outfit if nobody sees it?Current life motto: Live everyday like it’s the same because it isPerson: You look really unapproachable when you don’t smile Me: That’s the whole point
Just checked Facebook. I was right. It’s still a horrible place.A good relationship is built on a solid foundation of sarcasm and disliking the same peopleJust checked my symptoms on WebMd. Either I have allergies or I died three days ago.
Do you ever think about all the dumb stuff you did when you were younger and wonder how you’re still alive?My mind: You should get up and be productive My body: Why though?Dating after 30 is like trying to find the least damaged thing that doesn’t smell at the thrift storeToday is May 378th in case anyone is wonderingHey quick question. How do adults not have constant mental breakdowns?Don’t forget to pick out your sitting around the house outfit for tomorrowImagine not being exhausted all the timeGoing to the grocery store counts as an adventure now
If you see my son vacuuming the grass mind your own business. We ran out of chores to do inside the house.Shredded cheese tastes better when you eat it directly out of the bag while standing in front of the fridge.This is not what I meant when I said I wished the weekends would last longerFriday nights used to be a lot more excitingI finally understand why dogs get so excited when they get to go outsideHey you know what rhymes with weekend? AlcoholYou know you’re getting old when you think 10pm is late*Adds survived the apocalypse to resume
My current morning commute consist of walking from my bed to the couch and I still can’t make it on timeFriend: I went running today! Me: I ate a whole bag of chips!Do you ever sit in your car when you get home because you don’t feel like going inside yet?