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69 year old father to a bunch of shit goth sons |

958 Following   10,595 Followers   44,470 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/1/14

please stop doing your dissertations on twitterevery time you get horny online you have to put a $1 in the Horny Jar; it has $940,000 in it and no one will touch itoh I apologize my content is not what you asked for {^noddijg my head up and down*} Smash my balls with a hammer? Yes sir right away sirthinkin about those two Russian ladies from the band TaTu and what the world would have been like if their hit song… this in the UP today
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš› @Oprah look at this shit well well if it isn’t my own stupid ass coming back to bite me in my own assbroke the shelf off in the fridge again British people sext in metric, like β€œehhhhyy girl come get this 15.5cm dick”
I’m doing pretty fucking badly right now but at least I’m not Fort Bragg
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›*Borat has tricked me into pulling my own pants off and putting them on my head* ohhh lordly wowah weeewah Borat:… Rogan voice: eh heh eh heh heh eh heh @CougarWilliams I’m torn, I know I should say Monster Deuce, but Mound of Doody is the clear winner @TerroristSweet @chiweethedog extremely specific online horny there*spinning chair backwards before sitting down* …you know who’s not an β€œimpostor” and yet is still β€œamong” β€œus”? Th… @SharksOnCouches {jacking off in a guard tower at al-Assad} I’m gonna get into politics if I make it back to the states aliveexplain wikifeet to your grandpas[a sniper zeroes in directly on my skull, pulling the trigger and dropping me dead right as I google β€œWeird Al Yankovic with short hair”] @pebbut in this economy?? @BackBeastNotme @ArmyStrang fuck I hope so @ArmyStrang just when I thought I was out, the Army pulls me back in @allahliker whichever one the Ghanaian Pallbearers dance on @pixelatedboat things are getting pretty hot and heavy down at the Windsor Heights Dairy Queen (which is good place for u kno what) @clay_png’m the worst sexter, one time a lady sent me nudes and I replied β€œwow, thank you” I am not a proud man
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›this is all that’s left in my brain @BackBeastNotme absolutely stunning turn of events here @rodneystubbs @rodneystubbs I loudly announce that I intend to Jack off so that all within earshot are on notice and therefore it is not illegalβ€œIt’s ok to jerk off on a work call” is exactly the discourse I expected to see on this websiteok ok ok hear me out, $$$$$ idea: Bolt action dildoare politicians playing video games now someone get me Lincoln Chafee your ass is mine you blond gumby fuck @CougarWilliams holy fuck @mail_whale looking like Peter griffin in real life is my cross to bearSnapchat Moments - Man Spends $100,000 on Surgery to Become β€œThe Chinese Spongebob”. you click on it and it’s jus…
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš› @ilovetopiss no one who doesn’t already understand this should be near your phone @kendraaaleighh on the payroll of big cranberryProvidence is racist? *extremely Rhode Islander voice* oh mah god whaaat dats crazey you gotta be shittin me @BackBeastNotme how many pocket watches do you think he ownsis there a β€œbest bread” @TheBigAndSexy70 @SlimJim holy shit[re: phenazepam] As for effects i have no idea lol it's like the ocarina from zelda and it teleports you to hospital.
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend w…
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš› @weedhitter
@ALABSeries wow I guess all bosses are bad too ABAB @parallelbark packin a whopperone of my students said a guy on fortnite told him he couldn’t get coronavirus if he drank hand sanitizer and when… for@work again because I set my calculator for 630 @Scottabus4 a gun @TerroristSweet this mf got an arm dickthe lady at the McDonald’s drive through held my $20 bill up to the light to make sure it’s legit haha ok Lisa… mainline 6 viagra right before falling asleep to see if it makes me lucid dream @chiweethedog best $5600 ever spent @conor64 @poppy_haze you know he was crankin his hog on a work call, right{early 2010’s β€˜my name Jeff’ meme but it’s Jeffrey toobin absolutely destroying his own hog on Zoom} @carterhambley damn riphey check this out *whole Zoom call starts booing me* ok ok ok ok sorey sorrrey in trying to shut it offI spin exactly 600 times in my shitty computer Chair before I tweet;! It’s how my posts become β€œUltimate”thinking about leaving my family and just doing this forever instead if the old philosopher white guys name was Scroterates"join us for a 'virtual 5K' " hah yeah ok yeah yeah yeah let me get up from this chair yeeh hh h h h ok ok ok… about a guy who gets on here and just says shit like "so beautoifl" and "show feet" and to him, this website fucken rules
No wonder Arthur has been in third grade for 22 years. Nobody’s getting any work done with Mr. Ratburn tossing this…
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›*whipping my underwear around my head like a fucken moron* yeeeeehaw yeehaw I love payin taxes and my dick don’t workβ€œUr lifestyle is shit and ur gonna die” my idiot doctor (not a cool guy) @MrPudmansButler I don’t care anymorebooking my own Skull with a Big Old cast iron Pan and whispering β€œVote” @MaraWilson Hel yeah @DFukc *italian hands* ohhh ehhhy you sona bitches get da fuck outta my yard with the claws and ya stupid beaksI’m gonna start a podcast so offensive it makes me $1,000,000,00my neighbor is outside yelling and using italian hands at the birdsSubaru backwards is Urabus I don’t give a shit if this has been posted 400 times I just realized itI have never once left a Red Robin and been like β€œah yeah this was a good choice” @Julian_Epp god damn @callmeshitto Do you watch porn? Instead, how about you FANTASIZE about your COUSIN. Vaping? How about working on a… @ggooooddddoogg β€œLAW DOGS” β€œ D E A D” @ggooooddddoogg chopping a tree from which I am currently suspended, but the 1994 Sealy Posturepedic old man Smitty… I don’t get it Me: it’s a website, where you post β€œtweets” and then get β€œlikes” and β€œretweets” Doctor: *h… it happened again
showing the bears my big assif my account gets suspended you know you can find me on the street corner explaining high-level metaphysics to the… @swanofthedab damn, I am become Kloblmao Kirstie Alley can’t take the heat @lobstadelic four tightly controlled wrenches through the bathroom door thinking she’s a Goombaonline again snapping awake in a cold sweat and blowing Peach away with a wrench gun because of his PTSDlike for dome light retweet for boob light @clay_png ass
hi I’m every single veteran and I love scuba diving, getting an MBA for no reason, and making live edge resin tables on instagram @ArmyStrang *smacking the top of my PT Cruiser* you won’t believe how many divorced militia dads that aren’t allowe… in a circle until I puke so I can eat more Taco Bell without being fullplease ensure all death threats are emailed or mailed to my assistant and not to me, I would never read your messag… one of you sons of bitches put these on my car*undoing my belt* its gamin' time, babeydo you guys think scooby doo paid taxes
{Yakuza about to chop my hand off} haha get a load of this guy with the big sword haha ok sure my guy where did you… @bryandamien_ @stillgray ah that’s really sad @bryandamien_ @stillgray what’s this guys deal, did he get deported from America and now he’s play acting