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69 year old father to a bunch of shit goth sons | https://t.co/C5OQxx3Mpm

958 Following   10,595 Followers   44,470 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/1/14


please stop doing your dissertations on twitterevery time you get horny online you have to put a $1 in the Horny Jar; it has $940,000 in it and no one will touch itoh I apologize my content is not what you asked for {^noddijg my head up and down*} Smash my balls with a hammer? Yes sir right away sirthinkin about those two Russian ladies from the band TaTu and what the world would have been like if their hit song… https://t.co/3ReZzh9Yqnfound this in the UP today https://t.co/C2k9QpB113
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš› @Oprah look at this shit https://t.co/7R6uhmjb1Awell well well if it isn’t my own stupid ass coming back to bite me in my own assbroke the shelf off in the fridge again https://t.co/6V7pdytdBXdo British people sext in metric, like β€œehhhhyy girl come get this 15.5cm dick”
10/22
2020
I’m doing pretty fucking badly right now but at least I’m not Fort Bragg https://t.co/9DDVvJ50jQ
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›*Borat has tricked me into pulling my own pants off and putting them on my head* ohhh lordly wowah weeewah Borat:… https://t.co/OaVTU48nIgSeth Rogan voice: eh heh eh heh heh eh heh @CougarWilliams I’m torn, I know I should say Monster Deuce, but Mound of Doody is the clear winner @TerroristSweet @chiweethedog extremely specific online horny there*spinning chair backwards before sitting down* …you know who’s not an β€œimpostor” and yet is still β€œamong” β€œus”? Th… https://t.co/z0Cg0kAaCz @SharksOnCouches {jacking off in a guard tower at al-Assad} I’m gonna get into politics if I make it back to the states aliveexplain wikifeet to your grandpas[a sniper zeroes in directly on my skull, pulling the trigger and dropping me dead right as I google β€œWeird Al Yankovic with short hair”] @pebbut in this economy?? @BackBeastNotme @ArmyStrang fuck I hope so @ArmyStrang just when I thought I was out, the Army pulls me back in @allahliker whichever one the Ghanaian Pallbearers dance on @pixelatedboat things are getting pretty hot and heavy down at the Windsor Heights Dairy Queen (which is good place for u kno what) @clay_png https://t.co/Cuud5DkCQdI’m the worst sexter, one time a lady sent me nudes and I replied β€œwow, thank you” I am not a proud man
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›this is all that’s left in my brain https://t.co/6l4lg2iorB @BackBeastNotme absolutely stunning turn of events here @rodneystubbs https://t.co/f7Oaky5Hvw @rodneystubbs I loudly announce that I intend to Jack off so that all within earshot are on notice and therefore it is not illegalβ€œIt’s ok to jerk off on a work call” is exactly the discourse I expected to see on this websiteok ok ok hear me out, $$$$$ idea: Bolt action dildoare politicians playing video games now someone get me Lincoln Chafee your ass is mine you blond gumby fuck @CougarWilliams holy fuck @mail_whale looking like Peter griffin in real life is my cross to bearSnapchat Moments - Man Spends $100,000 on Surgery to Become β€œThe Chinese Spongebob”. you click on it and it’s jus… https://t.co/NylkWQC1Lz
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš› @ilovetopiss no one who doesn’t already understand this should be near your phone @kendraaaleighh on the payroll of big cranberryProvidence is racist? *extremely Rhode Islander voice* oh mah god whaaat dats crazey you gotta be shittin me @BackBeastNotme how many pocket watches do you think he ownsis there a β€œbest bread” @TheBigAndSexy70 @SlimJim holy shit[re: phenazepam] As for effects i have no idea lol it's like the ocarina from zelda and it teleports you to hospital.
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend w… https://t.co/Yi49ZacE7u
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš› @weedhitter https://t.co/J8e1Dm2XOp
10/21
2020
@ALABSeries wow I guess all bosses are bad too ABAB @parallelbark packin a whopperone of my students said a guy on fortnite told him he couldn’t get coronavirus if he drank hand sanitizer and when… https://t.co/TpbE47DE5Hlate for@work again because I set my calculator for 630 @Scottabus4 a gun @TerroristSweet this mf got an arm dickthe lady at the McDonald’s drive through held my $20 bill up to the light to make sure it’s legit haha ok Lisa… https://t.co/rzJbUca0Uegonna mainline 6 viagra right before falling asleep to see if it makes me lucid dream @chiweethedog best $5600 ever spent @conor64 @poppy_haze you know he was crankin his hog on a work call, right{early 2010’s β€˜my name Jeff’ meme but it’s Jeffrey toobin absolutely destroying his own hog on Zoom} @carterhambley damn riphey check this out *whole Zoom call starts booing me* ok ok ok ok sorey sorrrey in trying to shut it offI spin exactly 600 times in my shitty computer Chair before I tweet;! It’s how my posts become β€œUltimate”thinking about leaving my family and just doing this forever instead https://t.co/PVqw8wzRKLimagine if the old philosopher white guys name was Scroterates"join us for a 'virtual 5K' " hah yeah ok yeah yeah yeah let me get up from this chair yeeh hh h h h ok ok ok… https://t.co/T4RyfxJFCothinkin about a guy who gets on here and just says shit like "so beautoifl" and "show feet" and to him, this website fucken rules
10/20
2020
No wonder Arthur has been in third grade for 22 years. Nobody’s getting any work done with Mr. Ratburn tossing this… https://t.co/EcGePn8kzN
Retweeted by πš”πšŽπš—πšπš›πš’πšŒπš” πš•πš˜πš‹πšœπšπšŠπš›*whipping my underwear around my head like a fucken moron* yeeeeehaw yeehaw I love payin taxes and my dick don’t workβ€œUr lifestyle is shit and ur gonna die” my idiot doctor (not a cool guy) @MrPudmansButler I don’t care anymorebooking my own Skull with a Big Old cast iron Pan and whispering β€œVote” @MaraWilson Hel yeah @DFukc *italian hands* ohhh ehhhy you sona bitches get da fuck outta my yard with the claws and ya stupid beaksI’m gonna start a podcast so offensive it makes me $1,000,000,00my neighbor is outside yelling and using italian hands at the birdsSubaru backwards is Urabus I don’t give a shit if this has been posted 400 times I just realized itI have never once left a Red Robin and been like β€œah yeah this was a good choice” @Julian_Epp god damnhttps://t.co/6iY91nenSP https://t.co/ZkUuaLRISy @callmeshitto Do you watch porn? Instead, how about you FANTASIZE about your COUSIN. Vaping? How about working on a… https://t.co/aYaoWDs31d @ggooooddddoogg β€œLAW DOGS” β€œ D E A D” @ggooooddddoogg chopping a tree from which I am currently suspended, but the 1994 Sealy Posturepedic old man Smitty… https://t.co/Pn6BwxL3pHhttps://t.co/nG4uRQHcvHDoctor: I don’t get it Me: it’s a website, where you post β€œtweets” and then get β€œlikes” and β€œretweets” Doctor: *h… https://t.co/uWe8xSgQevhelp it happened again https://t.co/S1WEWf8llZ
10/19
2020
showing the bears my big assif my account gets suspended you know you can find me on the street corner explaining high-level metaphysics to the… https://t.co/kyKheYRlVD @swanofthedab damn, I am become Kloblmao Kirstie Alley can’t take the heat https://t.co/gEEgRkyynl https://t.co/r5517podAS @lobstadelic four tightly controlled wrenches through the bathroom door thinking she’s a Goombaonline again https://t.co/hsMvZhysiuMario snapping awake in a cold sweat and blowing Peach away with a wrench gun because of his PTSDlike for dome light retweet for boob light https://t.co/jldRB6FHyN @clay_png ass
10/18
2020
hi I’m every single veteran and I love scuba diving, getting an MBA for no reason, and making live edge resin tables on instagram @ArmyStrang *smacking the top of my PT Cruiser* you won’t believe how many divorced militia dads that aren’t allowe… https://t.co/rpVxdeiZKaspinning in a circle until I puke so I can eat more Taco Bell without being fullplease ensure all death threats are emailed or mailed to my assistant and not to me, I would never read your messag… https://t.co/TNZ7r0koRRwhich one of you sons of bitches put these on my car https://t.co/wHTNaLpkCS*undoing my belt* its gamin' time, babeydo you guys think scooby doo paid taxes
10/17
2020
{Yakuza about to chop my hand off} haha get a load of this guy with the big sword haha ok sure my guy where did you… https://t.co/6pDqgBBsgG @bryandamien_ @stillgray ah that’s really sad @bryandamien_ @stillgray what’s this guys deal, did he get deported from America and now he’s play acting
10/16
2020

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