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Mostly Harmless @krivar somewhere over the rainbow

I used to be weird... not much has changed.

643 Following   413 Followers   4,863 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/11/09

@DevonESawa am 💀
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessMe: why is everyone being so shitty today? Me: maybe it's all in my head. Also me: I'm the one with the problem s… have 9 friends but the ‘9’ is spelled like nein so, i have no friends
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Found out last week, despite expectations to the contrary, once this little pandemic thing is over I will be expect… for the horny tweet
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@McBeardsy Just realized what it reminded me of... 🤣🤣 @McBeardsy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@DevonESawa @smartass_moms @momsense_ensues I used to be pro corn and anti pumpkin but now I like pumpkins better!
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessHow do you explain to a 5yo that snitches get stitches? Asking for a friend. And not at all for my kid who defini…
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @kelly__le @gvldengvddessx new stimulus package took a real turn
Retweeted by Mostly Harmlessdid it work?
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @JoshuaLeePwllJr With this ring I ordered a thing for me to do. @McBeardsy @McBeardsy did this? 🤣🤣 @JuliaIsabel_13 @carsonrielley @msguisselle Ours were cops. And my incident was sitting alone at lunch and one of t… this is a Halloween display #CLE #Halloween2020
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessFollow me for more work productivity tips
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @JuliaIsabel_13 @carsonrielley @msguisselle Due to an incident from which I was unscathed I am pretty sure (at leas…
@LoveNLunchmeat @RiotGrlErin My parents legit have a few glass vases or such with faux artichokes in them. 🤣🤣🤣Because of work we had to change our pumpkin picking plans today in favor of a place near home. It was not at all w… to be, or not to be! schrödinger: this dude fuckin gets it
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessMe: I need to go buy Halloween candy. Him: I thought you bought some last week. Me: *trying to fold 67 little wrapp… it started: how it's going:
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @TraciGrrl @KaylaChowShow Snow white and the seven pubesIf the @GOP confirms a justice who can't tell you what the first amendment is, I'll openly support and advocate for packing the court.
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @BeardedNancy @KaylaChowShow Times up! @KaylaChowShow time I thought, hey let me lay under a tractor for a picture... @smartass_moms My sister in law got pregnant almost right away after having it removed. It was like within the first 2 months
@Bairdt50 @Under1kContest @Under1kContest Thanks! @Mom_Overboard Ok, who thought it was a good idea to post all these pics on Twitter?To whom it may concern: Since the cunt we know of as 2020 will likely prevent my plans for my 40th birthday I refu… @mare_bare know work is going well when you are tempted to start doing shots while on a video meeting. @BeardedNancy My mom was once yelling at dad cause "all he does is watch HGTV but he never fixed anything" and I qu… tried to hack my PayPal account today. I came dangerously close to losing tens of dollars.
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @BeardedNancy it and thank me later:
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @soul_worth @uncalmable X: you’re a shape changer? Me: yeah I can gain like 10lbs a month Prof X: that’s not- Me: when’s lunch?
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessFun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @simplybenlogica Is Canada accepting American refugees yet?
Just mixed up my favorite coffee cake recipe with added apples to it. The kids helped. Was so excited until 5 minut… @Cynical_Parent Long story but after my usual dealership dude who knew I knew my shit left a new guy tried to talk… are you enjoying yourself? me: *scrolling* i am :) phone: would be a shame if someone- me: wait no phone: -CALLED YOU
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessRepublicans: THE DEMOCRATS ARE GOING TO RIG MAIL-IN VOTING Also Republicans: *install unauthorized illegal ballot…
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Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessSince I started storing chocolate in my closet I have been able to up my closet eating game 1000%. @KaylaChowShow Little NipplesMarshmallows are soft, yet tough enough to be poked with sticks every fall. The Marshmallow Paradox
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @AnnaDoesntWant2 Omg yes! 🤣🤣🤣
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @KaylaChowShow Edward Nipplehands @KaylaChowShow Nipples in Seattle @KaylaChowShow You've Got Nipples @KaylaChowShow The Fifth NippleCan someone explain to me why in high school my gym teacher was responsible for teaching us about sex education, va… @nkostelic in line for hours to vote should be considered less a story on voter enthusiasm and more a story on voter s…
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessToday in Kindergarten when asked for a word that begins with the letter M. My 5yo said Megalosaurus. Which is from… = the LAST DAY to register to vote 🗳️
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You know you married the right person when the topic of a prehensile cock comes up in casual conversation. 🤣🤣It's only toxic masculinity if you ingest it, otherwise it's venomous masculinity
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Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessDamn I hope Kevin Bacon doesn't get Covid. That contact tracing would be insane..
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessDepression bean
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessTits that won't quit - bird temp agency slogan
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @pro_worrier_ @DevonESawa Nothing ruined a 13 year olds hopes and dreams of being a slutty french maid than mom making you put a… @_goaskyourdad_ Yup! 🤣🤦 @mare_bare @mare_bare I CLEARLY MISSED IT. 🤣🤣🤣 @mare_bare Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh @_goaskyourdad_ 🤦🤦 TIME!
The gaslighting ends today.
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Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @SpankieV WoahTurns out I'm not a sagittarius after all... you spray hand sanitizer on your hands and the wind kicks up and blows everclear right in your face. @KaylaChowShow Testicles and Confused
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @ida_skibenes Their assholes 🤷JERSEY SLANG You good = Are you ok? You good = You are ok. You good = How have you been? You good = Stop talking t…
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2020: When thinking I might be dying has gone from anxiety triggering to anxiety leveling. @BarCrunchSub @KaylaChowShow I was trying so hard to work jug handle into one 😂😂 @KaylaChowShow Why are there so many people? @threetimedaddy shout-out to anyone whose weekends aren’t relaxing due to family dynamics
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