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Mostly Harmless @krivar somewhere over the rainbow

I used to be weird... not much has changed.

643 Following   413 Followers   4,863 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/11/09


@DevonESawa https://t.co/GIhfXxS7GJI am 💀 https://t.co/RaubZKYrWw
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessMe: why is everyone being so shitty today? Me: maybe it's all in my head. Also me: I'm the one with the problem s… https://t.co/pi43R4wGi9i have 9 friends but the ‘9’ is spelled like nein so, i have no friends
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless
10/19
2020
Found out last week, despite expectations to the contrary, once this little pandemic thing is over I will be expect… https://t.co/gbids47mQKSorry for the horny tweet https://t.co/nEm1n4RSHr
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10/18
2020
@McBeardsy Just realized what it reminded me of... 🤣🤣 https://t.co/zVktafpf7k @McBeardsy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
10/17
2020
@DevonESawa https://t.co/9a9Fi9ca2J @smartass_moms @momsense_ensues I used to be pro corn and anti pumpkin but now I like pumpkins better!https://t.co/8QBFdjsYqq
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessHow do you explain to a 5yo that snitches get stitches? Asking for a friend. And not at all for my kid who defini… https://t.co/jc1Tdz6UdXidk https://t.co/LK9B41oAv7
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @kelly__le https://t.co/it9TZs8LdS @gvldengvddessx https://t.co/8ltesYHGTqThat new stimulus package took a real turn https://t.co/zwXBtvaRPP
Retweeted by Mostly Harmlessdid it work? https://t.co/Bz7WtcSfVE
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @JoshuaLeePwllJr With this ring I ordered a thing for me to do. @McBeardsy https://t.co/Bj5BNW6JrZ @McBeardsy https://t.co/onwbR92bJ4Who did this? 🤣🤣 https://t.co/72L2F3Yr4s @JuliaIsabel_13 @carsonrielley @msguisselle Ours were cops. And my incident was sitting alone at lunch and one of t… https://t.co/l2qepNiCFzNow this is a Halloween display #CLE #Halloween2020 https://t.co/2OcapF8v2y
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessFollow me for more work productivity tips https://t.co/cu5Cd6xSci
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @JuliaIsabel_13 @carsonrielley @msguisselle Due to an incident from which I was unscathed I am pretty sure (at leas… https://t.co/bV20Pfu09Z
10/16
2020
@LoveNLunchmeat @RiotGrlErin My parents legit have a few glass vases or such with faux artichokes in them. 🤣🤣🤣Because of work we had to change our pumpkin picking plans today in favor of a place near home. It was not at all w… https://t.co/axA3kWedSDhamlet: to be, or not to be! schrödinger: this dude fuckin gets it
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessMe: I need to go buy Halloween candy. Him: I thought you bought some last week. Me: *trying to fold 67 little wrapp… https://t.co/KsEayq4BELhow it started: how it's going: https://t.co/P7FZ6TN5Pi
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @TraciGrrl @KaylaChowShow Snow white and the seven pubesIf the @GOP confirms a justice who can't tell you what the first amendment is, I'll openly support and advocate for packing the court.
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @BeardedNancy https://t.co/qzU9grvxR1 @KaylaChowShow Times up! @KaylaChowShow https://t.co/hkFtYij8xtThat time I thought, hey let me lay under a tractor for a picture... https://t.co/SmuUPiz7ss @smartass_moms My sister in law got pregnant almost right away after having it removed. It was like within the first 2 months
10/15
2020
@Bairdt50 @Under1kContest https://t.co/JMHc5PzTMo @Under1kContest Thanks! https://t.co/TmwYufje2b @Mom_Overboard Ok, who thought it was a good idea to post all these pics on Twitter?To whom it may concern: Since the cunt we know of as 2020 will likely prevent my plans for my 40th birthday I refu… https://t.co/v0DE02MFYy @mare_bare https://t.co/whN6eBvRb1You know work is going well when you are tempted to start doing shots while on a video meeting. https://t.co/oeKPEuGica @BeardedNancy My mom was once yelling at dad cause "all he does is watch HGTV but he never fixed anything" and I qu… https://t.co/uVdcCuhqsaSomeone tried to hack my PayPal account today. I came dangerously close to losing tens of dollars.
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @BeardedNancy https://t.co/xLyn6SSUYuTap it and thank me later: https://t.co/MKsXEha8dj
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @soul_worth @uncalmable https://t.co/FxN1TRCwh2Prof X: you’re a shape changer? Me: yeah I can gain like 10lbs a month Prof X: that’s not- Me: when’s lunch?
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessFun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @simplybenlogica Is Canada accepting American refugees yet?
10/14
2020
Just mixed up my favorite coffee cake recipe with added apples to it. The kids helped. Was so excited until 5 minut… https://t.co/d9zg8omC4i @Cynical_Parent Long story but after my usual dealership dude who knew I knew my shit left a new guy tried to talk… https://t.co/BLI447uGkkphone: are you enjoying yourself? me: *scrolling* i am :) phone: would be a shame if someone- me: wait no phone: -CALLED YOU
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessRepublicans: THE DEMOCRATS ARE GOING TO RIG MAIL-IN VOTING Also Republicans: *install unauthorized illegal ballot… https://t.co/AdsX1DKPj4
Retweeted by Mostly Harmlesshttps://t.co/JJYsE3tz5F
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessSince I started storing chocolate in my closet I have been able to up my closet eating game 1000%. @KaylaChowShow Little NipplesMarshmallows are soft, yet tough enough to be poked with sticks every fall. The Marshmallow Paradox
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @AnnaDoesntWant2 Omg yes! 🤣🤣🤣https://t.co/9x9E4MRPMD
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @KaylaChowShow Edward Nipplehands @KaylaChowShow Nipples in Seattle @KaylaChowShow You've Got Nipples @KaylaChowShow The Fifth NippleCan someone explain to me why in high school my gym teacher was responsible for teaching us about sex education, va… https://t.co/NsEqIJiaSM @nkostelic https://t.co/rxRIPYJO9MWaiting in line for hours to vote should be considered less a story on voter enthusiasm and more a story on voter s… https://t.co/Mx42GiX14S
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessToday in Kindergarten when asked for a word that begins with the letter M. My 5yo said Megalosaurus. Which is from… https://t.co/4trqiwEyfcTOMORROW = the LAST DAY to register to vote 🗳️https://t.co/HCGTLPeHRi https://t.co/Ac0h6Sudvg
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless
10/13
2020
You know you married the right person when the topic of a prehensile cock comes up in casual conversation. 🤣🤣It's only toxic masculinity if you ingest it, otherwise it's venomous masculinity
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Retweeted by Mostly Harmlesshttps://t.co/2TaHgPgVXo
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessDamn I hope Kevin Bacon doesn't get Covid. That contact tracing would be insane..
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessDepression bean https://t.co/sRTG6zw5cJ
Retweeted by Mostly HarmlessTits that won't quit - bird temp agency slogan
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @pro_worrier_ https://t.co/IO1pIAGDEf @DevonESawa Nothing ruined a 13 year olds hopes and dreams of being a slutty french maid than mom making you put a… https://t.co/NOCC3b3euB @_goaskyourdad_ Yup! 🤣🤦 @mare_bare https://t.co/LLsGF7B3Zm @mare_bare I CLEARLY MISSED IT. 🤣🤣🤣 @mare_bare Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh https://t.co/gBq8WZK4ao @_goaskyourdad_ 🤦🤦 https://t.co/fneQ8WPGWFZEPPOLE TIME! https://t.co/OHvQoqF27v
10/12
2020
The gaslighting ends today. https://t.co/I55CUtoxHp https://t.co/xPlxGkq2mz
Retweeted by Mostly Harmlesshttps://t.co/TGKWuZ71Yx
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @SpankieV WoahTurns out I'm not a sagittarius after all... https://t.co/iW9qmFOhxmWhen you spray hand sanitizer on your hands and the wind kicks up and blows everclear right in your face. https://t.co/ROsRCrP1J6 @KaylaChowShow Testicles and Confusedhttps://t.co/erNbhaeXQC
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless @ida_skibenes Their assholes 🤷JERSEY SLANG You good = Are you ok? You good = You are ok. You good = How have you been? You good = Stop talking t… https://t.co/Wym5EN2ETA
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless
10/11
2020
2020: When thinking I might be dying has gone from anxiety triggering to anxiety leveling. @BarCrunchSub @KaylaChowShow I was trying so hard to work jug handle into one 😂😂 @KaylaChowShow Why are there so many people? @threetimedaddy https://t.co/MzxBeMRnL4Special shout-out to anyone whose weekends aren’t relaxing due to family dynamics https://t.co/uos0VJLewD
Retweeted by Mostly Harmless
10/10
2020

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