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I am incredibly online | he/him | my top tweets

863 Following   153,078 Followers   33,222 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/27/16

@thualyn @aubviouslynot ... have you seen even one joker @aubviouslynot Normal camera Aubrey don't read this Instagram camera Aubrey: hello @peytonopearson @aubviouslynot Lmao imagine being friends with a Texan @aubviouslynot Seriously, I can't see myself being friends with anyone who got into the salty spitoon @booksellersarah @west_dakota_ @raachcakes Omg I love her so much @SlowPoisonNinja @LlamaInaTux It makes sense to me. Have you tried thinking about it? @ChristianKru Putt Putt saves the zoo is the clear pinnacle of the series @aubviouslynot *talking to Mickey* I'm just saying if any other company only gave me 2.9% of what they promised, th… @wwwwvvvvwwwww I did, thank you @wwwwvvvvwwwww Thanks big normal idiot @aubviouslynot Find a wayward flock of hipsters. They float around Disney all the time[First day as a NASCAR driver] ME: *Driving the entire race with my left blinker on*
Retweeted by Kyle 🌱[first day as a Nascar driver] Let me just open up Waze right quick @aubviouslynot Most people would expect them to be pink, but they're actually brown! @RyanDavidTansey @ZekeyJikki @west_dakota_ Hack hack chop chop @zachnoorman No @itsshortforkay Produce his own serotonin @aubviouslynot Y'all her nipples are SO much @anarchocommie3 @House_Feminist @achoomf1 @dave_cactus Those were the days indeed. You taught me about favstar! @aubviouslynot AHAHAHAHAAHAHA @KylePlantEmoji hi this is so dope, I couldn't resist
Retweeted by Kyle 🌱I'm crying, this makes me so happy, oh my god @booksellersarah @west_dakota_ Who dat @Sir5000 @aubviouslynot @BotPundit @west_dakota_ That was consensual @sivern Eye fulls @achoomf1 Probably either @House_Feminist or @dave_cactus Dave because I had seen multiple of his tweets on reddi… @SophiaVolk @west_dakota_ I feel like "drama club president" portrays the same idea without, you know, being mean to me @ThomasDavidCoe Please don't use that word, even ironically @KyEggPlantEmoji @west_dakota_ @zoeydaphne Incredibly online @allergic_2_sex @aubviouslynot @userjaymes @j_sauv Ok but I've seen both pairs here do the opposite @KyEggPlantEmoji @west_dakota_ @zoeydaphne More or less, sure @koooogz You're far too kind ♥️ @phoebe_harnish I know, I'm here for you no matter what @wonderland449 Same @koooogz Practice! @west_dakota_ @KyEggPlantEmoji @zoeydaphne Nope, it's the sameNo dude, YOU live in a society. I live in a blue world, and all day and all night and everything he sees is just b… @aubviouslynot You fucking better @claire_elise_ @helloitsbrian Prove it @friendoftoads Better not be my girlfriend 😤 @DJSCARPI @west_dakota_ @ChimmyTap Thanks, I love her very much! So how's your Saturday friend? @ChimmyTap Yeah homeslice, I write jokes. It was a light-hearted tweet crafted for the purposes of making people la… @ChimmyTap What's the other option? Saying "actually I don't suck" Like what rebuttal would change your mind? @ChimmyTap Yeah, turns out my followers like more than my non-followers. Weird that they're on my side with this one @kattmadi Also fair @ChimmyTap I'm pretty funny :) @ChimmyTap Writing sentences that don't end in a preposition @LlamaInaTux Friend: they only put the candy at checkout to tempt you Me, with many musketeers now on the conveyor belt: yes and @coenmulller @666bloodrose666 Eh @west_dakota_ You responded equally as quickly to my tweet, you're as online as I am @west_dakota_ I wish I knewGreat question! I have no fucking idea @sav0ytruffle @liminality__ Lmao you were PREPAREDDoctor: by weight, this is mostly ranch, cheese, and bacon Me, gesturing broadly at the one romaine lettuce: and YET @catstronomical love salad because I include enough ingredients to completely negate the nutritional effects of a salad, but I do… @phoebeevans77 rn it's you for saying "fuck you Kyle" @aubviouslynot Idk why people are complaining about fossil fuel emissions when your smile is warm enough to melt the ice caps @phoebeevans77 Look it's not your fault @missus_bigdick Lmaoooo @Emiree123 You can swear on this website @catstronomical Can't believe you stole this tweet from me three years in the future @itsonlyaubrey Today alone I am on my knees begging you to let me choose which part of the picture shows up in the preview window. @xionxtra I love that we came up with two completely disparate setups for the same punchline @kindestgarten @YepperPepper123 @ashlieey__ Punchin life in the taint u know how I b @intjelly @ashlieey__ @kaylasheagg Once or twice @aubviouslynot Omfg @KhanCrispy I wish people wouldn't detail my jokes with serious discussion when I have plenty of other tweets for that @SheHimHolden These are the members of brockhampton @venicebiitchh I think that's exactly why she did itEasy way to remember the order of operations: @FredTaming The Sweatered Eunuch, This Friday on the Hallmark channel @jodieebot DrakeClapping.gif @jonnysun @itsonlyaubrey ur ovaries ♥️ @badspiral @badspiral *ahem* @dre_doubleu You're not thinking in shapes anymore, you're thinking about melodies. You're a rhythm instrument firs…
Ghibeigh @YepperPepper123 Twitter thinks you're gonna like what I have to sayOkay so in this joke it's an episode of Antiques Roadshow but it's the 18th century and the guy is like "you just bought this"
Retweeted by Kyle 🌱 @fowlerism God this is so funnyFuck the name Phoebe spell it better @krisula @kaylasheagg It's not as old as 10 I'll say that much @yaBoiLuca @taintedlilies @joeydg54 Ignore that deleted last replt, wrong thread ♥️ @rhiole The best part about this is that my girlfriend is ex mormon @carkuwu Please don't talk about my deleted tweets on unrelated tweets. Just DM me if you want to talk about it @aubviouslynot Is this why you told me to stop shaving my chest @imadaddyy @rhiole Someone else commented here saying Kyle Fat Emoji and I took it personally @ruleshater Why would I being attention to it?? @goodbeanalt Pushin mad hog @rhiole Depression turned me into fat hozier @aubviouslynot *standing over the baby as it's nursing* ONE MISSISSIPPI TWO MISSISSIPPI THREE MISSISSIPPI DONE @MattyVancouver Shit ur trousersBass never gets enough love, so here's Fly Me To The Moon with just bass/vox (and drums)