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Wife of a guy. Mom to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. On @Huffpost, @Buzzfeed, @TODAY_Parents https://t.co/2tcduAHsOS https://t.co/llaxIFCV9T (she/her) #BLM

5,893 Following   32,464 Followers   44,907 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/22/17


@AmandaRNH And here's one from me https://t.co/XrMRZEr9kd @AmandaRNH Congratulations! Here's a hilarious one from a funny friend. https://t.co/LAvnPnYwXYi busted the button out of my pants at the office and used a binder clip to keep them on the rest of the day, so do… https://t.co/tBmUzJBacd
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈i think my dog is playing twister https://t.co/dedmN1aQIN
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈pandemic start vs. now https://t.co/wDx6CPAR9Z
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Husband: I feel really happy! Me: So you don’t feel in danger right now? H: …....I didn’t
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈back in my day, televisions were whittled straight out of the tree https://t.co/pwaRhV7voe
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈how tf do we explain this pandemic pic to future generations??? https://t.co/TlYlIaYbnI
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈That’s him! That’s the mailman! Get ready to give the signal https://t.co/pPPqkbBuAC
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈If I were an octopus, I’d twirl around and bitch slap you 8 times.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈When someone orders a steak well done. https://t.co/yjiii5XW0d
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Rewatching jersey shore and realizing it might not have been what I needed during my formative years
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Say what you will, but I am impressed the LaCroix people managed to bottle fruit ghosts
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @SandyHughes17 you are my people @soylenttx that's the beauty - if they're not empty yet, you've got a great mini-project on your hands! @wildrainbow2 @reallifemommy3 @notmythirdrodeo @mxmclain @Eithercryingor @IDontSpeakWhine @SnarkyMommy78… https://t.co/3i6LtPmgVzI only drive bad when there’s people in the car so I’m pretty sure y’all r the problem
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈The Riddler: riddle me this: what can you eat all night long, but never get full? Batman: ?
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈My neighbor said β€œI think the earth might be flat, sorry if I’m not politically correct.” no you’re just regular incorrect
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈guys love buying you drinks at bars but it’s like Ok where were you this morning when my oat milk latte cost $8???
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈You should never have to tell a restaurant it’s your birthday, they should know
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈i do not want to have a career. i want to sit on the porch
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @RiotGrlErin sounds like a successful sexual encounter to megot drunk at a bar once and went home with some dude. we ordered wings and as i’m taking my first bite i see dude i… https://t.co/w3aMZNXuE1
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @TheRealPalMal ass of the mornin' to yaAre Australians like β€œBottom of the morning”?
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈It’s Summertime. Kids at a pool near you need you to β€œwatch this.”
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈*sorts recycling one time "god look at me, I am the saviour of this planet"
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈autocorrect: https://t.co/BIm8gAEnIb
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈my four year old telling me she’s hungry while she eats is watching my whole personality come to life
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Husband: Did you cut your hair? Me: Yes... Husband: I knew it! Me: -three months ago. Husband: Shit.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness? Me: Hookers and cocaine…. Oh you mean professionally? I care too much and cocaine.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈today i'm going to show you how to craft your child's school project in 15 minutes using all those empty kleenex bo… https://t.co/1kB4xK7Gzm
6/17
2021
@reallifemommy3 @adamgreattweet @IndecisiveJones @notmythirdrodeo @SvnSxty @ADHDeanASL @sonictyrant @mxmclain… https://t.co/fgeuS7glPPNormalize laundry folding during virtual meetings, we’ve all got shit to do
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @Sara_Ortiz12 i'm gonna be honest - the binder clip is going to be the new button until i get new pants @bobd666 smart! i'm never handy enough to keep safety pins around. @_Bubblish https://t.co/EBE2lSadxT @_Bubblish i mean...i can too @KristopherSnake @Nancy90324264 hahaha too late, idiot. my spawn are all over the place and they're gonna take your… https://t.co/yZ0OIzE2Y3 @derick_kakuru one year of working from home with two kids and that me @BarneyLile i just dropped it in like 20 rooms https://t.co/RNgzIm5JEh"β™« Baybeee sh-" "If you sing that song one more time, I will beat you to death with this orange, so help me God." https://t.co/dK6SShkHbh
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @BarneyLile THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!! MORE LIKES OVER HERE TWITTER. THIS NEEDS MORE LIKES! UNDER APPRECIATED TWEET HERE!i remember when I owned a monkey. *cut to me flipping off a monkey at the zoo* ME: lol owned.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈The Earth must be flat. It’s been like 13 hours and I still haven’t rolled out of bed.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈🎡 I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD https://t.co/E7x1fIW6zB
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Sometimes being 35 without a partner or family can seem sad… Then I see a group vacationing in the Caribbean with a… https://t.co/SMIVSxbiyL
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈i also once covered a stain on my shirt with white out before doing a presentation. follow me for more fashion tips!Can’t wait for my daughter’s wedding when I will run up during the vows, slam a can of Natty Light, and then wait f… https://t.co/OmP4QgQFyl
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈My wife: Your eating hasn’t annoyed me in a long time!
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Word problem: 1 family of 4 has 277 shoes blocking the front door. How long until daddy's head explodes?
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Legend has it, if Dakota Fanning and Dakota Johnson join hands on the border of North and South Dakota, the four wi… https://t.co/quoV4uERiA
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈her: are you even listening to me? me: what a weird conversation starter
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈luke: YOU KILLED MY FATHER darth vader, sitting backwards in a chair: i am your father luke: NO
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈basketball implies the existence of shopping cart ball
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Spending money is as easy as paying bills is difficult
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈*getting nervous that everyone at this garden party will discover i bought this distressed raspberry beret brand ne… https://t.co/om7QBQq1A0
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @reallifemommy3 wait, you're getting PAID?!After a year of virtual school, I can tell you with 100% certainty that teachers don’t get paid enough, but then again, neither do parents
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! [within the scope of the office supplies available to you]pandemic start vs. now https://t.co/wDx6CPAR9Z @CarbonatedCB @cellapaz @Vhalechark @SandwichGhoul @poutinesmoothie @CCRuns @luvleelyd @perlhack @HexStatic27… https://t.co/6hvEBzUNtE"hey wanna feel old?" ~ the grim reaper
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Whenever I feel like I want to procrastinate, I just stop and do something else for the next twelve hours. Wait.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Seeing a cow and pointing it out, but it’s me yelling THAT HOUSE IS DEFINITELY HAUNTED when I pass a sketchy house
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈a book of small penis pick up lines for the subtly hung gentleman
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Please don’t expect much of my 5 yo. He told me he has the following commitments: 1- preschool is ending. 2- he has… https://t.co/R6Qipb99ZW
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈i busted the button out of my pants at the office and used a binder clip to keep them on the rest of the day, so do… https://t.co/tBmUzJBacd[Nightclub] Me: *shouting at the bartender over the music* CAN I SEE YOUR WINE LIST
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈For my lower body, I do 30 squats and 30 lunges. For my upper body, I put on and take off my sports bra.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈[biting a wheel of cheese] I'm okay now
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈5:00 pm: birds are amazing, I wish I had more time to enjoy nature 5:00 am: I want to murder every living bird
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈"I'm not your typical therapist," I say as I poke your shiny boot buckle with my beak.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Me: *making incessant crow noises* Therapist: I’m really starting to get therapissed
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @KimberCanada49 @portmanteauface Girl - Miss Bea Arthur @Klovar she is very horse-likei think my dog is playing twister https://t.co/dedmN1aQINI'm not saying "What to Expect When You're Expecting" isn't a great book. I'm just saying it could benefit from a f… https://t.co/0eL26nQmK5
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Me: [getting ready for work] Teen [stumbling out of bedroom]: Can you keep it down? I'm on vacation. Me: [starts… https://t.co/lW2AsQJTxr
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Recruiter: What are your salary expectations? Candidate: What’s the salary range for this role? https://t.co/AiYcd7NouJ
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈"food gives u energy" me after eating: https://t.co/k2hzaNYeOC
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈if we on the zoom call and my "lemonade" got a salt rim mind your business
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈buy the deodorant with the aluminum. it’s too hot for y’all to be experimenting this summer.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈went on a date with a guy years ago and told him i might have narcolepsy to which he look at me weirdly, changed th… https://t.co/FiPPDIluqa
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Soup of the day implies another, possibly even seductive, soup of the night.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈did a wolf write this https://t.co/a04cayyGbH
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈another beautiful day without using sin cos or tan
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of little chris https://t.co/BvwOM0t50J
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @DazedIammine @lmprovetheday @electricalvides omg how adorable!!!Trying to find out how my husband can say he’s tired when I’m the one who’s been up with the baby all night https://t.co/1I8BvH39co
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈One half of my brain is bees, the other half is allergic to bees.
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @JohnJokewriter @Marlebean @mom_tho @difficultpatty @mommajessiec @sarcasticmommy4 @reallifemommy3 @spicydisaster27… https://t.co/1D6OYmztFiGot an email with the subject "You're owed money for your Testosterone related injury" Are women finally getting r… https://t.co/8PE7YzCrin
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈 @roastmalone_ @maxoupial @ashhhhhhole @memetazaa @MILFWEEED @bb_apes @DrakeGatsby @WinningByARose @IndecisiveJones… https://t.co/ay520HUYn7
6/16
2021
@mommeh_dearest @reallifemommy3 @Wordesse @notmythirdrodeo @EmSlyce @MomentarilyMatt @IDontSpeakWhine… https://t.co/vn9Ftjhkvb @phillippaonline This is gonna get dragged out for months"ToupΓ©e Wins First Place In Dog Competition" https://t.co/TFsFE9eZkp"who do you think you are" buddy I have no idea
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈Polly Wog’s sister, Tuna, chomping a grape like a freaking apple. I promise more sweet lil sugar glider bb content… https://t.co/VYE3oEQlNy
Retweeted by Lil Bit 🌈
6/15
2021

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