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Lock Wilford @LockWilford middle of nowhere

If you are looking for the other Lock Wilford you did not find him. My Art: T-Shirts:

3,014 Following   3,769 Followers   77,563 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/28/16

Her: *screaming* Pinhead: Damn, women do go crazy for a sharp dressed man
Retweeted by Lock Wilford
I wanna burn my dick in this Donald trump has been banned from Jurassic Park
Retweeted by Lock WilfordTwitter is a community which brings together every mother’s least favorite child
Retweeted by Lock WilfordIf you are a sperm king I'll give you a respite if you promise to feed me first when you are rested.
@PoodleSnarf Oh they spark joy alright!I would let a man watch me do all kinds of embarrassing things, both naked and clothed, but I don't think I'll ever…
Retweeted by Lock WilfordAfter a week away, there's something special about getting to see your dildos again.
Therapist: And what did we learn this year? Me: Sometimes you need to get black out drunk and tell everyone how you feel. Therapist: no
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God gave us dildos because he knew there's a cum button up our ass.
@suecorvette @Superabsorb This is fantastic! *grabs a dildo*Kids will be like "How do you think you're gonna die" and then do a cartwheel
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Might screw around and eat double of everything today.
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @NaomiSeu 🤣🤣🤣
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @NaomiSeu Et mon goût a raisonHello I have been made aware via text messages and a phone call that I am loved but please also remember Wonder Wom…
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @NaomiSeu Good gin is the epitome of an oxymoron.Me: I didn't know if you are a gin or vodka guy so I got you both. 5 yo Nephew: What's gin? Me: Undrinkable.“my child is fine” your child is a literal monster hidden in a giant underground maze
Retweeted by Lock WilfordPeople in montages: • Tour a city • Shopping spree makeover • Cure cancer • Fall in love People in real life: •…
Retweeted by Lock Wilford
Me: He'll love it! Producer: You realize Gordon Ramsay Uncharted is about actual food don't you? Me: FOOD! Cum is food!The cold awakens the need for change, Breathing in the air ready to show I care
Retweeted by Lock WilfordHalf priced Hickory Farms summer sausage is the real magic of Christmas
Retweeted by Lock WilfordWhy is Christmas shortened to X-mas? Jesus was crucified (✝) not flayed (X)
Retweeted by Lock WilfordI had a dream that I peed next to a lady at a urinal and she looked down and said "that's way too big for my butt"…
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @ObiWanPunobi Not many willpotty training a unicorn ain’t easy
Retweeted by Lock Wilfordcan’t believe insta called me out like this
Retweeted by Lock WilfordThese dildos are 28,000 years old which one are you? I’m an even stumpier #5
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @Hudibrastic It's good for the environmentI had a great poo this morning, it tasted like Christmas dinner.Me: Ready or not, here I come. 👀 The cookies in the oven:
Retweeted by Lock WilfordThese Cavewomen dildos were found during a cave excavation in Germany. At 28,000 years old, they are believed to be…
Retweeted by Lock WilfordMen shouldn’t wear leggings. Their butts are too perfect we don’t need the competition
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @nyquills My soul was already doomed @nyquills And it's free!I love this app
Retweeted by Lock WilfordDate: Would you like another candy cane? Me: I don't think I can fit another. *finishes putting third candy cane in my urethra* @WetMascara Those poor candy canesTomorrow all of Santa's little helpers go into relaxation mode. It's called elf care.
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @iamwhudson Exactly!I don’t care what anyone says. Truck nuts on a Christmas tree are festive — testive, if you will.
Retweeted by Lock WilfordGod does make mistakes.
Retweeted by Lock WilfordChristmas Dinner Farts > Thanksgiving Dinner FartsSANTA LEFT CUM IN MY STOCKING! this dude is just slaying both the culture & the english language:
Retweeted by Lock WilfordBoxing Day began when Muhammad Ali accidentally threw a Christmas Party a day late.“Why are you “Like what?” dressed like that?”
Retweeted by Lock Wilfordi could be a chess prodigy easy. all id need are a bunch of people to intentionally lose to me at chess
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @featuringJANE @Royal_Stein @cellapaz @dadthatwrites @DarkInjustices You really don't wanna @Royal_Stein @cellapaz @featuringJANE @dadthatwrites Followed @DarkInjustices I worked hard to get this angry gorillaA fuck lot of you need to do something about the pubes on your face. I SAID WHAT I SAID.
Retweeted by Lock Wilford @ln0217 @ChristianLament @Gtrain62 I wanted a bigger oneCracker Barrel be like "choose 2 vegetables" and then the vegetables are corn bread and beef bread
Retweeted by Lock Wilfordthe one time i got in trouble in high school
Retweeted by Lock WilfordMaybe it’s the wine talking, but I used to be grapes.
Retweeted by Lock Wilfordyou, an imbecile: happy new year me, a brain genius: fuck the old year
Retweeted by Lock WilfordDo you like when I tweet gross stuff sometimes?
Retweeted by Lock WilfordI hope you got those balls on your chin that you were hoping for.
Retweeted by Lock WilfordAlot of people think they are too young to get poop in their mouths at a fair but turns out there is rarely an ideal time.
Retweeted by Lock Wilfordi showed my mom the sims and how my sim died in the pool and haunted every other sim that lived there after and she…
Retweeted by Lock WilfordWhen will we get a new york peppermint patty?
Retweeted by Lock WilfordMe: *snuggles under electric blanket* Husband, from the other room: Are you cooking? I smell butter or grease or s…
Retweeted by Lock WilfordI got a std test the other day and they don't do the q tip up the urethra anymore. No matter how much I begged.
Retweeted by Lock WilfordIt takes a lot but sometimes I am even too much for @kidnapped_jesus @cellapaz Yeah basicallyme flirting: let's turn this giant inflatable bouncy castle into a giant inflatable bouncy home
Retweeted by Lock Wilfordcoach: shoot for the stars, bc even if you miss- me, an american: [aiming my sniper rifle at the sun] I never miss
Retweeted by Lock Wilford[first day at work] me: circumcised or all natural? manager: for the last time we sell convertibles and hatchbacks
Retweeted by Lock WilfordChild: Is Santa Clause real? Shakira’s hips: Oh shit! Shit shit shit!
Retweeted by Lock WilfordInterviewer: Now this delivery route can sometimes have up to 300 stops. Think you can handle that? Santa, nervou…
Retweeted by Lock WilfordChristmas shopping dilemma. What do you get for the Monolith that has everything?
Retweeted by Lock WilfordEggnog? I think eggnot. Jk. Pass me that festive shit.
Retweeted by Lock WilfordYou strike me as the type that has names for all your toes
Retweeted by Lock WilfordDon't forget to swallow tonight, afterall it's still Christmas. @PopeAwesomeXIII It could be if it takes weeks to achieveWhen I text my new weed dealer who I’ve never met
Retweeted by Lock WilfordI asked Santa for an ejaculating dildo and he gave me a cucumber with a hole in it. @henchbeaver @filmswithcora I prefer it plainIf y'all like this tweet don't follow @adamgreattweet his tweets are much more wholesomeinternet so fast u cum before u even load the porn
Retweeted by Lock WilfordI had diarrhea once today, it tasted like it had gone bad alreadywho called it a remote control flying sex toy and not a dildrone?Is bukkake gluttony? @rasm69 Merry Christmas Rachelle @_Hamiltron_ Freezer vodka is the best for straight up. Otherwise mix itThey should have mall Santa's after Christmas so we can go bitch about that crappy gift we will never use. @rn_murse No it wasn't! That's the entire purpose of the tweet. He didn't give me his pointTwenty degrees is cold enough goddamn it.I guess what I'm saying is Santa can suck his own dickI have managed to kill a bottle of vodka today and I still feel like I need more @rn_murse I wanted *HIS* cum Brian, why TF would I leave him mine @henchbeaver @BuckUpBits That's one I'd love to see